love hurts

[7875]

i hope that some of the great people here can help me with this. i have been with my wife for little over 2 years and love her very much. the other week i ran in to my first love and we talked some about old times and how eachother was doing. it dug up alot of old feelings that i had and still have for her. when we broke up it was on good terms. now what i'm getting to here is that i would like to talk to her and be friends with her once more. i know that my wife will never let me do this. do i tell my wife that i ran into her, or just talk to her behind my wifes back. i'm between a rock and a hard spot here. i love both of them with all of my heart. any help or words of wisdom would be alot of help.


thanks

 

[Guest]

Well, I would say that if you cannot tell your wife and have your wife be supportive of your friendship with the ex then you should just let it go. Your loyalty is with your wife - or at least it should be... and if talking to the ex brings up old feelings then it seems like a bad idea to be friends, in my opinion.

 

[Amfig]

The first three of the Buddha's Four Noble Truths come to mind:

Life is suffering.
The cause of sufffering is desire.
Give up desire and you give up suffering.

 

[Mr.G]

I know half the population is out screwing around on each other but if you are actually married you made a promise and a commitment to your wife. I know you CAN love two but you have committed so accept that your feeling for one person will likely wreck your marriage and do the RIGHT thing. Tell your old g/f that you still have feelings for her but that it just isn't right seeing her behind your wife's back and the temptation would be too much. Tell her to let you know where she is but leave it at that. She'll respect you for being loyal and if anything happens to your wife or your marrigae in the future and by some weird twist of fate you get another chance with her, she'll know she can trust you completely.

My 2¢

 

[I_Edwards]

Not to shit on Buddha, but if you give up suffering, then don't you give up life?

 

[crazybbwgirl]

BINGO!

Not to shit on Buddha, but if you give up suffering, then don't you give up life?

Vicious cycle isn't it? Ahhhh That's why life is so grand.....

 

[BTK51]

I agree with all theposts here. If she finds out, & she will, the damage could be ireparable. You made a vow and now is the time to prove it's not just words.

Talk it over with your wife. If it's just friendship then maybe all 3 can get together. If it's more then it's also decision time for you. Depends on your relationship. Ask yourself how you would feel about your wife dating outside your marriage.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Not to shit on Buddha, but if you give up suffering, then don't you give up life?

I think what Amfig is trying to get across is that if one gives up desires that aren't for that person's greatest good, then there is no suffering. And I will also say that life isn't about suffering and trouble. Unfortunetly we've been programmed from early childhood to accept this negative idea; when in truth we can live happy and productive lives if we believe that life is good and accept the gifts given in each situation. In other words; live with an attitude of gratitude.


-kym- Carpe Diem

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I think Buddah is saying that a life without some struggle isn't worth living.......

 

[peachykeen]

To get back on point -

As has already been pointed out here, you are meant to be in a partnership with your wife, and that means making what is best for you BOTH ahead of what you want only for yourself.

You made your bed and now you lie in it. You ended the relationship with the other woman, for whatever reasons, and now you are comitted to someone else. These are the choices you have made. Grow up.

 

[SexyChele]

I'm curious as to how a person can love two different people with all their heart. Seems to me it would be that you love a person with half your heart? Oh well....on to what I was going to say...

You say you have "feelings" for this other woman. What type of feelings? Romantic? Sexual? Friendly? If you were not married, would you want to fuck her? Or do you just want to be able to sit down and have a cup of coffee with her on occasion?

To me, if you cannot share with your wife that you would like to kindle a friendship (and that is friendship only) with this woman, and would like your wife to be involved in that friendship as well, then you need to put this in perspective. She is a wonderful person, but you've met another wonderful person who you've committed yourself to. If your wife is totally against the idea of this other woman being in your life as just a friend, then, well, you need to respect that.

 

[DuckLover]

Rebuilding the relationship (whether as friends or otherwise) behind your wife's back is guaranteed to eventually explode in your face. If you really are interested in being friends with this ex, and she's interested too, than you should definitely talk to you wife. Explain why you want to be friends with this woman, offer to all 3 meet, find out what concerns your wife has. If everything is on the up and up, than being friends should not be a big problem. (I'm actually going to be a groomsman in my ex's wedding soon; my current gf is totally fine even though she won't be there.)

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

ITA with Tania

 

[Amfig]

Not to shit on Buddha, but if you give up suffering, then don't you give up life?

To quote Ghostbusters :

Are you a god?