Love & domination.

[Gil_T2]

Does love weaken a M/s relationship?

I/we have been together for 3 years (today is anniversary of our first meet in R/L) & was thinking how much more I demanded from other subs I've had, she does all ask & accepts her punishment & serves me well but I do find I hold back.
we are looking for another with switch,top, Domme lady to join us & have a Bi lady who is after a Daddy "care for her tech her the errors of her ways", she is looking forward to playing with both of us & both of us with her.

Has any others had or have this?

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Lessee... This topic was brought up recently in THIS THREAD... My personal contrbution (rather than re-inventing the wheel) is HERE

*grins*

 

[JMohegan]

Does love weaken a M/s relationship?

I/we have been together for 3 years (today is anniversary of our first meet in R/L) & was thinking how much more I demanded from other subs I've had, she does all ask & accepts her punishment & serves me well but I do find I hold back.

Hey, Gil. Congratulations on your anniversary, and your upcoming wedding as well.

I have never been interested in M/s. Just D/s. (The partner as property thing just never appealed me.) So I'm not sure I'm the right guy to answer your question, but I'll give it a shot.

From my own experience, I'd say that love strengthens a D/s relationship, but can make the D/s itself more challenging. (Note: challenging isn't necessarily bad. )

Love makes you vulnerable. That's a fact. When you fall in love with someone, you give them a power that has the potential to alter the P/E dynamic considerably.

It always helped me to think of myself as a Dominant in terms of my behavior, but a Switch at heart. By making a conscious effort to stay focused and firm on tangible expressions of control - the ones that helped love spring up in the first place - I have found that helps keep both partners happy.

One thing I do not find helpful is comparing any current relationship to those that came before. Each is different, and if you love your current lady more deeply than the others then maybe you simply don't have a need to be as "demanding" as you were before.

My apologies if I am not expressing myself well here. The abstract is not my strong suit, in thought or expression.

 

[Gil_T2]

Lessee... This topic was brought up recently in THIS THREAD... My personal contrbution (rather than re-inventing the wheel) is HERE

*grins*

Thanks Geoff will read through.

 

[Gil_T2]

Hey, Gil. Congratulations on your anniversary, and your upcoming wedding as well.

I have never been interested in M/s. Just D/s. (The partner as property thing just never appealed me.) So I'm not sure I'm the right guy to answer your question, but I'll give it a shot.

From my own experience, I'd say that love strengthens a D/s relationship, but can make the D/s itself more challenging. (Note: challenging isn't necessarily bad. )

Love makes you vulnerable. That's a fact. When you fall in love with someone, you give them a power that has the potential to alter the P/E dynamic considerably.

It always helped me to think of myself as a Dominant in terms of my behavior, but a Switch at heart. By making a conscious effort to stay focused and firm on tangible expressions of control - the ones that helped love spring up in the first place - I have found that helps keep both partners happy.

One thing I do not find helpful is comparing any current relationship to those that came before. Each is different, and if you love your current lady more deeply than the others then maybe you simply don't have a need to be as "demanding" as you were before.

My apologies if I am not expressing myself well here. The abstract is not my strong suit, in thought or expression.

BANDIT was virgin to the lifestyle & we fell in love before she had any experience but it is Me who has the problem with her punishment because of it (wonder what Dr Phil would say PML).

 

[JMohegan]

BANDIT was virgin to the lifestyle & we fell in love before she had any experience but it is Me who has the problem with her punishment because of it (wonder what Dr Phil would say PML).

Love or no love, I'm not a guy who believes in punishing someone who's trying her level best to follow my instructions and please me.

I have only punished on *very* rare occasions, and would say that it's 100% normal in a close relationship (of any flavor) for both partners to feel the pain when one disappoints the other.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Joe is right about hurt & disappointment for both parties in a close relationship.

What you have now is a love match which incorporates your D/s needs, rather than a superficial concentration on only one aspect of your lives. It might have brought you together, but now it's not the only thing you share. Enjoy what you now have, rather than dissecting it.

We were married 2/9/2006 & I do understand your thoughts. Love does change the relationship, but it still seems to be what everyone is really looking for, if they are to be truthful about it.

We don't do the punishment thing either, because I don't need to be punished for anything. I always try my best, as does Bandit. If Incubus feels the need or the desire to whip me, then he can & does, but we don't bother to pretend it's a punishment of any kind. What would be the point of that?

 

[Netzach]

I'm very confused by M/s and romantic love, but my marriage is an example of a D/s relationship with a romantic basis, and I feel very much like Incubus' sub does about it.

I tried corporal punisment once on my husband for smoking (we both want him to quit) and it felt more "off" and worse to me than lighting up a smoke and telling him to smoke it. We filed that in the "let's not try THAT again" file.

He has quit on and off again, usually with me holding the cigarettes or keeping them out of his control and giving him one when he asks for it for a few days leading in, so that at least he's only smoking 3 or 4 a day instead of a half pack. I've got control in some measure, he's got disincentive to smoke without being "punished" for failure, just with more awareness of his behavior.

This is just a small example, I'm not sure it's helpful. But it's true, I also can't just flip around from owner and queen and judge and jury to "hi honey" and I'm not sure I want to with him.