love and disability

[farida]

Hi

I am a paraplegic (lower limbs paralyzed because of spinal cord injury) because of a vehicular accident. I have overcome my injury and have mustered to face life with optimism and enthusiasm, with the help of my family and friends.

I am from Asia. Seemingly, the opposite gender looks at people with disability differently. With my exposure to those with disability as well as with the able-bodied, I have realized that men with disablities are more open with their affections for me, whereas the "normal" guys seem to have so many apprehensions. Nonetheless, I am hoping to be in a relationship with an able-bodied because I deem that life with somebody who is also injured will be very hard and truly challenging.

This was my perception until I met this guy who is also a parplegic and was once a motocross champion in our place. He too is a paraplegic now. He is a very good buddy, very supportive and consistent in many ways. He frequently invites me out, treats me and spends time with me. A couple of weeks ago, the inevitable transpired. We were in a situation that prodded us both to kiss. We both agreed that we should have not allowed ourselves to be swayed with our feelings because of the pragmatic side of being in a relationship and being disabled.

I feel that he feels for me just like I do for him. However, when I tried discussing the possiblity of a relatonship with him, I felt so bad because he repeatedly told me that life will be harder for us, that he cannot literally help me when I might need him, that an able-bodied individual is better for me, and so on.

Despite his honest sentiments regarding the matter, he continues to be the consistent person I know when I first met him and I am starting to hate him for being such because I feel that he tremendously likes me but is not able to express it.

As much as I would want to try to have a relationship with him, I also would like my feelings for him to dissipate. I feel that he is not worthy of my love, of the time I spend with him. What to do? He is on my mind every moment.

 

[EJFan]

at the very least it sounds like you've found a close friend with whom you can go through life and share thoughts about things (like your injury) that only each of you can really understand. i hope that continues for you both... good friends are so important in life.

as far as a relationship is concerned, i wouldn't discount it. i don't think you should work so hard at imagining what's practical and worrying about all sorts of possible situations where your disabilities might get in the way of one another. i think the best thing you can do is to continue to spend time with one another and see where it leads. the way i look at it, there's no bad outcome here.

i hope you don't rule anything out because of fear though. i hope you both move forward with an open mind and an open heart.

 

[vivual]

I was on a flight to las vegas a few years ago, flying southwest, so the flight had open seating. I saw an open bulkhead window and I took it. After I sat down, I smiled at the two people in the seats next to me.

They were both disabled, I suppose cerebral palsy, but they were together and they were headed for las vegas. he could talk a bit. she couldn't. they were happy together.

Good luck to you and your friend. Take it where it leads you.

bill

 

[Cathleen]

Welcome to Lit Farida and to vivual as well.

No matter our physical abilities we all have hearts that can break. I'm sorry for your pain. I don't know any special cures for heartache other than time and distraction. Well, to be honest there is one thing that can help -- finding someone else. I'm not sure if rebounding is emotionally healthy or not but it does ease the pain, in my opinion.

I understand the 'able bodied' issue. It truly is a factor, like it or not. In fact EJ has a thread here about love and practicalty that is interesting. Sometimes love isn't enough. Both sides of the equation have difficult things to consider. When we love someone we want to be able to help our love in many ways, physcially, emotionally and spirituality. Sometimes we're not able to do that. I totally understand your friend's argument, he wouldn't be able to physically help you, nor you for him. That can cause some tough feelings that get in the way of love. There are many things that can get in the way even if all things are 'perfect'.

I was in a relationship and my health issue was something that caused him angst. His feelings then caused me to feel badly because I didn't want him to feel badly... see where that is going huh? Resentment can build silently and then it becomes a monster. He hated knowing I was in pain, and I tried to hide it from him but reality happens.

I wish it was easy.


There are a few other threads about disabilities that have some good sharing in these threads:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=338222

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=434790

 

[SesameStreet]

INstead of making a relationship harder I would think that both of you having disabilites would make it easier in many ways. Each of you would understand the needs and problems of the other far better than anyone would who had never been a paraplegic. However, there has to be sexual chemistry in your case just the same as in any other relationship. Perhaps your friend does not feel that chemistry. Perhaps he wants to remain good friends. Only you can decide if that would be enough for you. I wish you the very best how ever it turns out.

 

[farida]

To EJFan, vivual, Cathleen, and SesameStreet:

Thank you for your invaluable inputs and the time you spent to read my story. I'm taking things as they come, enjoying the wonderful friendship I have with this special person and prayerfully hoping for what is truly best for us.

Cheers!

 

[bobsgirl]

You want your feelings for him to dissipate because you feel he's not worthy of your love. Is that what I'm hearing? If so, I would think your decision about this particular man is already made.

As to the question of disability and love, and would it work for two disabled people to be in a relationship, it can work and does work, as long as both people are aware of potential obstacles. I'm not going to tell you that love conquers all, but if you're creative and honest, most hurdles can be cleared. If you're in a wheelchair, and you fall in love with someone in a wheelchair, there are going to be things that will have to be worked out, even down to the logistics of fitting two wheelchairs into one car.

I've used a wheelchair since I was in college, and I have multiple health issues. I've also been married for almost 29 years to a man who is able-bodied, or whatever politically correct term they have for it these days. If your relationship's important enough to you, you make compromises and figure out strategies to make it work. And that's true of all relationships, disabled or not.

It seems to me, first and foremost, we love the spirit of our life partner. And disabiliitiy has nothing to do with that.

 

[jerseyman1963]

Sometimes, you can't help who you "fall" for. Sometimes it's the least likely candidate, or it's not the "type" you expected or thought you were looking for. Life is too short to see obstacles. I've spent a long time seeing obstacles for my own reasons. It's tiring, and you cut yourself off from the best potential parts of life. The biggest obstacle of all is finding someone you "click" with in a serious, long term way. If you're into this guy and he's into you, and if he's as good and decent a potential life companion as he sounds so far, isn't that what really matters? Everything else is just a minor set back to be swatted away. Think about all the lonely people in the world who would gladly trade places with you if part of the deal was that they got to possibly meet their true love. I say go with your instinct and your heart. Throw caution to the wind and see what happens.

 

[raynmakr]

I am disabled myself, but I have Fibromyalgia, which doesn't have me confined to a wheelchair yet. For those who don't know what it is, it is a chronic pain disorder that causes pain all over your body. some days, I'm well enough to make love, but on others, I am so sore and tired that I want nothing more than a pain pill and sleep. At first, my husband didn't know much about this disability, relying on what info or mis info his Mom and sister had. It does get challenging when I am in the mood but my body won't cooperate. He just holds me and loves me. I have days where I can barely walk to the bathroom 5 feet away, but none of this has stopped me from being sexual. I hope that you find someone who can love you no matter what, and you have a long, happy life together! Amazon has some books on disability and sex, as does toysinbabeland.com and goodvibrations.com. Both if these places are great for learning about sex. Good luck!