Lost......

[MsDeanne]

i started a relationship with an online Dom and Sir has decided that He will not be the one to be a wedge on my marriage.
i agree though selfishly would have done anything to keep Him ,had He asked it.
And now i am adrift and lost without Him.
Taking no pleasure in things that once did and find myself trying to put on a facade and that too failing.
i place this in personals hoping for guidance.
please....

 

[9to5]

no wedge should be put in your marriage.
but if its that little thing like this thats missing and need to be filled. online just might do the trick. I understand as Im the same way

 

[MsDeanne]

It is a need..
i feel so empty and lost now that i need something..
i don't know if i'll find something but i have to try as i have been given no other option.
online obviously did not work...my husband still jealous.
i don't know how to keep him happy and still fill my need..
or if i can...
"cry"

 

[9to5]

he doesnt want to take control over you? Or just not into it?
maybe if your on your knees and giving him some pleasure. When he close to cumming then stop and tell him what you need, His need may just give you what you want.

I know online is hard to do

 

[sombrablanca]

Tell him to man the fuck up. Tell him you crave the control, punishment, humiliation or whatever it is you need. beg him for it. Let him know you don't want to displease him, don't want to make him jealous, but you need to find it somewhere, and if he wont/cant...what does he expect?

 

[RoxyChick69]

i feel your pain, lost...

i too have a husband that is not into it and will not and cannot fulfill my sub needs, no matter how many times i have begged, pleaded, asked, etc. He's just not into it.
So i have filled that need online so far, but seek the real deal, but as of yet, it alludes me. It is tough to balance, yes, especially if hubby is jealous, but won't fill that need for you. i think my point is, if he ain't into it, he ain't into it, and no amount of telling him to man up is going to do it.

i too, had what i thought was the perfect Master that i did everything for in hopes of making our relationship move from virtual to real time, but alas....i too have been put away, only so he can pursue another. Yes, it hurts. So, "lost"...i feel your pain, sweety. Just want you to know you're not alone.

roxy:rose

 

[Crescent_Kit]

i started a relationship with an online Dom and Sir has decided that He will not be the one to be a wedge on my marriage.
i agree though selfishly would have done anything to keep Him ,had He asked it.
And now i am adrift and lost without Him.
Taking no pleasure in things that once did and find myself trying to put on a facade and that too failing.
i place this in personals hoping for guidance.
please....

I'm just curious... I thought you only capitalized Him when you were talking about God. Is he a god to you?

 

[SummerStar]

I'm just curious... I thought you only capitalized Him when you were talking about God. Is he a god to you?

I believe simultaneously a sign of respect and 'I am not worthy'. Capitalizing god is done on a personal level...most who believe in god do capitalize the word for similar reasons to the ones above.

 

[DarkGrayStar]

I understand

Just a few months ago, I would not have understood your need, nor your loss. But like you, and some of the other comments above, I too, have met someone online who fills that void. He also feels uncomfortable about the fact that I am married. It feels like an addiction, and I am struggling to find balance.

I feel for you, and hope that there is a way to find a solution. Perhaps we should start a support group for unfulfilled desires. I know I'm not much help except to say that I get it, and I hope you can perhaps work it out with your husband.

 

[MsDeanne]

he doesnt want to take control over you? Or just not into it?
maybe if your on your knees and giving him some pleasure. When he close to cumming then stop and tell him what you need, His need may just give you what you want.

I know online is hard to do

It is and unrealistic..to expect a Dom to preform so restricted when it is His nature to control as it is for a sub to surrender..and no wiles or trickery will satisfy me.

Tell him to man the fuck up. Tell him you crave the control, punishment, humiliation or whatever it is you need. beg him for it. Let him know you don't want to displease him, don't want to make him jealous, but you need to find it somewhere, and if he wont/cant...what does he expect?

I agree and disagree...
we have talked and we are trying to come to terms and he is in his very true self trying to accommodate me need...but yes it is something i can NOT deny in the end.

 

[MsDeanne]

i too have a husband that is not into it and will not and cannot fulfill my sub needs, no matter how many times i have begged, pleaded, asked, etc. He's just not into it.
So i have filled that need online so far, but seek the real deal, but as of yet, it alludes me. It is tough to balance, yes, especially if hubby is jealous, but won't fill that need for you. i think my point is, if he ain't into it, he ain't into it, and no amount of telling him to man up is going to do it.

i too, had what i thought was the perfect Master that i did everything for in hopes of making our relationship move from virtual to real time, but alas....i too have been put away, only so he can pursue another. Yes, it hurts. So, "lost"...i feel your pain, sweety. Just want you to know you're not alone.

roxy:rose

Thank you Roxy...
Its was totally surprising the amount of vacant hurt i felt...
but as i have said He did what was best for me and was not selfish in what he wanted for me.
Happiness and a loving marriage..

I'm just curious... I thought you only capitalized Him when you were talking about God. Is he a god to you?

I don't believe in god....lol..so the fact i show Him the respect He is due by capitalizing is to me...off topic though if you are a god worshiper then i suppose in the scheme of things yes He is godlike in my eyes

 

[MsDeanne]

i fully intend to work things out with my husband...but the road to hell and all that..lmao
no one told me life would get easier...for one good reason...it doesn't...so we will adapt and try and love eachother as we are able until/if things change.
my husband...is trying his VERY best to understand and not be jealous...and accomodate..but when i do foolish things...lol..and break his trust..how is he to react?
if anything he is willing to try and i cannot ask more until i can give that same respect to him.

Just a few months ago, I would not have understood your need, nor your loss. But like you, and some of the other comments above, I too, have met someone online who fills that void. He also feels uncomfortable about the fact that I am married. It feels like an addiction, and I am struggling to find balance.

I feel for you, and hope that there is a way to find a solution. Perhaps we should start a support group for unfulfilled desires. I know I'm not much help except to say that I get it, and I hope you can perhaps work it out with your husband.

 

[millhouseBob]

I know this won't help much, but you are not alone, many of us feel something missing in our lives and come online looking. It seems there are those lucky few who find and marry someone who does fill all their needs. Maybe for many of us marriage came before we really knew ourselves, but now how do we make it work? I manage with online friends, they really keep me sane.


But as you are feeling, online relationships are real, and the hurt of losing someone is real.

Best wishes in working it out with your hubby! Maybe you're past the hardest part, getting the dialog started?

 

[sombrablanca]

Did you go to him first? Told him what you needed? If so you didnt break his trust. You tried. If he still said he can't, or won't... That's like not being able to feed yourself. He refuses to feed you. So you find someone else to. Completely rational. Must be my Switchness. I'd have no qualms telling the dude to put up or shut up on the matter. If you cant provide something I need, dont be bitchy and jealous if I'm forced to try to find it elsewhere. Have yall tried to find it elsewhere? I know MsD n I talked a lil bit but then she seemed to lose interest. Theres tons o experienced Doms on the site, mebbe some IRL too. Then guys like me who dont have much exp., but some interest. Just gotta keep looking for a good fit. Nothing is forever, but yall should do like I am. Keep looking. You might find, as I hope to, something close enough.

 

[MasterGremag]

marriage

If you have the need to submit and you husband doesnt want to control you then you have a choice to make either stick it out and make your marriage work or leave him to find out if this lifestyle is what you truly want.I wouldnt want to become a wedge in a marriage either and any anyone that would isnt being honest or doesnt care so what does that say about the relationship anyway.

 

[bcbigbadwolf]

i fully intend to work things out with my husband...but the road to hell and all that..lmao
no one told me life would get easier...for one good reason...it doesn't...so we will adapt and try and love eachother as we are able until/if things change.
my husband...is trying his VERY best to understand and not be jealous...and accomodate..but when i do foolish things...lol..and break his trust..how is he to react?
if anything he is willing to try and i cannot ask more until i can give that same respect to him.

I really do hope you work things out with your husband. I know that relationships are a very difficult thing, especially when you want different things. I think you just have to be very honest with each other and in the end if you do not see eye to eye on a large number of issues it may be time to talk about what you each want instead.

 

[MsDeanne]

Better Days – Colin James

What's good about a good thing
That turns it's back and walks away.
What's the point in a good love.
That never has the time to stay.

Well it has to be a cruel mind
To have the time to make up this game
Oh I'll put on a brave face
But inside I'm really not the same

So if You're callin' to see how I'm doing
You're rubbing salt into my wound
But if you really want to know the truth
I've had better days
But nobody's gotta better you
Well I might have had a better love
But I really don't remember who

It's not unusual to hope for things you ain't gunna get
It's not a crime to keep on wishin' for more again
I've been waiting for the sweet words from lips
Ah, you know the sound of your voice is something that i can't resist.

So if you're callin' to see how I'm doing
you're rubbin salt into my wounds
But if you really wanna know the truth
It ain't easy getting over you
I've had better, but nobody's gotta better you
Well I might have had a better love
But i really don't remember who.

So if you're callin' to see how I'm doing
you're rubbin salt into my wounds
But if you really wanna know the truth
I've had better days, but nobody's gotta better you
Well I might have had a better love
But i really don't remember who.

my song for today..

 

[Primalex]

All Doms live with restrictions one way or the other, it's also called having a real life. BDSM does not fix all the mundane things in life.

Being a sub doesn't mean being without any kind of responsibility, so there is no "wedge" without your consent. And if there is your consent, why should I worry about your marriage? The bigger problem might be that the Dom can NOT be the wedge - if he feels, there is no progress and this relationship is bound to the virtual world for eternity. I can understand that he goes for the safety brake then.

 

[MsDeanne]

I don't blame Him..
at all..
it does make me wish things were different....whole heartedly..
but circumstances are what they are...
and i am bound...so do i blame a dom for withdrawing from that before things went any further,,,no i don't..
but tell that to my emotions...they need a slap up side the head.

 

[Primalex]

but tell that to my emotions...they need a slap up side the head.

Ha! Then you would sue me for domestic violence for sure..

 

[MsDeanne]

Ha! Then you would sue me for domestic violence for sure..

why's that....?..
lol

 

[rekane]

*******

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

((((HUGS))) Ms. Deanne and others ..... wow, i could have written many of these posts. I understand completely about a hubby who isn't able to help fill that need. My hubby is loving and wonderful .... and he thinks i am a deviant for the needs that i have. *sigh and shakes head* hubby can't be the dominant, controlling, sadistic force i need. i will not "cheat" on him and have given him my lit login and password so he can see what i am doing here (if he wanted to, which he doesn't), but he doesn't like the idea of me submitting to someone else (especially a man!) so it is like walking a tightrope.

 

[rekane]

********

*******

 

[BehaviorMod]

I wonder if this little one has found her soft, gentle, yet firm and controlling guiding hand yet? Someone who knows what she craves on the inside and isn't afraid to tell her what her place is....what she's good for, and teach her how to embrace all those things that she is while still making sure you give the husband all the attention he needs.

Has the lost girl been found? Has the whole been patched up?