Lost my mojo - will it come back?

[cookiecat]

Not sure if this should be here or in Talk.

I've lost my sex mojo!

Have you ever been in a weird sex rut? What did you do to get it back??

 

[PuckIt]

Well, I guess the first question would be if you've changed brands of glitter...




Ok, ok. I'll be serious. Or at least try.


But, seriously, the first question you should ask since you say you feel like you've lost your mojo is what has changed between now and when you last felt like you had it. There's a reason when we lost stuff and couldn't find it anywhere that Mom and Dad told us to go back to the last place we knew we had it.

Another question would be just how long it has been since you felt like you had it. If it's less than three months, I probably wouldn't be overly concerned. But, if it's been between three and six, it may be time to consider hitting up a Quack Shack if you haven't in recent memory.

In the meantime, there are three things I tend to check first; body, mind, and heart.

Having been a sometime student of the martial arts, I've personally tended towards a philosophy of the mind should rule the heart and together control the body. However, it doesn't always work out that way...

Any road, so some minor checkups...

Physio;

Cut the red meat.
Cut the simple sugars.
Replace anything carbonated (sodas) and alcohol with pure H20.
Cut back or stop the nicotine.
Read the fine print on any meds you've picked up in between.
Get some exercise. Out in the sun, by preference.
Get some sleep. If you have to set an alarm, you aren't getting enough.​

Mind and Emotion;

Do a little meditation. Check your stress. What is the monkey brain swinging from the bars of its cage about? Money? Politics? What keeps you up at night? Um, and if it's sex, that's actually a problem. Worrying about sex mojo is the fastest way to lose it that I know. Sex should be play time. It should be fun, or what's the point? If you're stressing about it, you need to back up a beat and ask yourself just why. Sexy play time is supposed to be just that; play.​

Any road, I'm probably not really saying anything helpful. And I'm exhausted. Not to mention I promised someone I was going to be hanging out in her dreams as soon as I got the discount therapy pup settled. And that was two hours ago! (Shh! Don't tell her I'm up!) So, I'm gonna shut the fuck up and let wiser heads than mine fix anything I fucked up.

But, best of luck on your mojo quest, young adventurer!

 

[twister947]

It ebbs and flows. Make some cookies, and be patient. <3

 

[gracie920101]

I went through almost 10 years of a dry spell due to hormonal imbalance. J was wonderful about it after the first year. I felt like someone had slammed the bedroom door closed then nailed it shut and he definitely couldn't understand. But I am loved enough that he did his due diligence with research and cut me slack after that first horrible year of tears and me trying to explain it wasn't him.

Then just as suddenly, one day, the door was opened, and I pretty much tried to rape him so he wanted to know WTF was going on? Again! We don't really know what caused the surge back to normal but we certainly aren't looking a gift horse in the.mouth. If anything, my libido is stronger than it ever was.

I would suspect it may have something to do with your grieving process but please check with your doctor too. It never hurts to check.

I think Twister is right...It ebbs and flows.

I wish you peace with this.

 

[TheleHun]

When I've had periods of low sex drive some time on the treadmill or exercise bike and even light use of the weights bring it back within a week of regular use.

 

[midwestyankee]

First, what exactly do you mean by “sex mojo?” Are we talking loss of libido, lack of creativity in sexual situations, or a favorite vibe named Mojo?

Also, just a gentle reminder that your life has been in a series ofextreme states for a couple of years, and surely it’s reasonable to think that one possible outcome is that your sexuality might get messed up.

 

[cookiecat]

Well, I guess the first question would be if you've changed brands of glitter...




Ok, ok. I'll be serious. Or at least try.


But, seriously, the first question you should ask since you say you feel like you've lost your mojo is what has changed between now and when you last felt like you had it. There's a reason when we lost stuff and couldn't find it anywhere that Mom and Dad told us to go back to the last place we knew we had it.

Another question would be just how long it has been since you felt like you had it. If it's less than three months, I probably wouldn't be overly concerned. But, if it's been between three and six, it may be time to consider hitting up a Quack Shack if you haven't in recent memory.

In the meantime, there are three things I tend to check first; body, mind, and heart.

Having been a sometime student of the martial arts, I've personally tended towards a philosophy of the mind should rule the heart and together control the body. However, it doesn't always work out that way...

Any road, so some minor checkups...

Physio;

Cut the red meat.
Cut the simple sugars.
Replace anything carbonated (sodas) and alcohol with pure H20.
Cut back or stop the nicotine.
Read the fine print on any meds you've picked up in between.
Get some exercise. Out in the sun, by preference.
Get some sleep. If you have to set an alarm, you aren't getting enough.​

Mind and Emotion;

Do a little meditation. Check your stress. What is the monkey brain swinging from the bars of its cage about? Money? Politics? What keeps you up at night? Um, and if it's sex, that's actually a problem. Worrying about sex mojo is the fastest way to lose it that I know. Sex should be play time. It should be fun, or what's the point? If you're stressing about it, you need to back up a beat and ask yourself just why. Sexy play time is supposed to be just that; play.​

Any road, I'm probably not really saying anything helpful. And I'm exhausted. Not to mention I promised someone I was going to be hanging out in her dreams as soon as I got the discount therapy pup settled. And that was two hours ago! (Shh! Don't tell her I'm up!) So, I'm gonna shut the fuck up and let wiser heads than mine fix anything I fucked up.

But, best of luck on your mojo quest, young adventurer!

omg - you mean I might have to work at it?? CUT OUT RED MEAT!? I feel like there's a euphemism in there somewhere...

It's definitely more mental. I worry about everything.

Good suggestions - thank you!

 

[Jada59]

Meditation. Self love. Live in the here and now. Let go of the past. And remember, the future is still a day away.

 

[cookiecat]

It ebbs and flows. Make some cookies, and be patient. <3

I guess I'm asking because I'm in the flow stage. I've started feeling a little "mo" come bank but not the "jo". I want it back. Maybe not with another person. I'm pretty content being my own no strings attached partner.

I went through almost 10 years of a dry spell due to hormonal imbalance. J was wonderful about it after the first year. I felt like someone had slammed the bedroom door closed then nailed it shut and he definitely couldn't understand. But I am loved enough that he did his due diligence with research and cut me slack after that first horrible year of tears and me trying to explain it wasn't him.

Then just as suddenly, one day, the door was opened, and I pretty much tried to rape him so he wanted to know WTF was going on? Again! We don't really know what caused the surge back to normal but we certainly aren't looking a gift horse in the.mouth. If anything, my libido is stronger than it ever was.

I would suspect it may have something to do with your grieving process but please check with your doctor too. It never hurts to check.

I think Twister is right...It ebbs and flows.

I wish you peace with this.

Thanks for sharing your story. F'ing hormones! Yay for your libido coming back!

I know 93% of this is grief. Weirdly, a lot of it is thinking about all the gross things a body does. Like the thought of bodily fluids isn't a happy thought. A bunch of people tell me time should help. Fingers crossed.

 

[cookiecat]

First, what exactly do you mean by “sex mojo?” Are we talking loss of libido, lack of creativity in sexual situations, or a favorite vibe named Mojo?

Also, just a gentle reminder that your life has been in a series ofextreme states for a couple of years, and surely it’s reasonable to think that one possible outcome is that your sexuality might get messed up.

It's the last sentence.

A part of me wants to jump back in, feet (or pussy) first. I think that will happen. Eventually. I'm bringing it up because I'm thinking about sex more. Or atleast my lady parts are. And that feels good.

Baby steps, I guess.

 

[cookiecat]

Meditation. Self love. Live in the here and now. Let go of the past. And remember, the future is still a day away.

Letting go of the past is difficult. I do understand living in the moment. I'm trying.

 

[cookiecat]

When I've had periods of low sex drive some time on the treadmill or exercise bike and even light use of the weights bring it back within a week of regular use.

exercise!?

I know you're right, though.

 

[Farawyn]

What MWY said. To the 100th power.

 

[cookiecat]

What MWY said. To the 100th power.

So this time thing has me a bit shook up. I've been in limbo for so long and now, I'm still in limbo. Mostly due to taking things slow (which is the wise thing, right?).

This is all just a big 'ole ramble. Talking out loud to the three people still reading this vanity thread.

My curious question today: is a no-strings-attached, one (or three) night stand worth it? Has anyone jumped in to this scenario successfully? No regrets?

I'm not quite sure thats what I want - but something about it feels clean. Hahaha. In a dirty way. But no emotional junk. Just genital junk.

Anyways. Enough pondering.

 

[midwestyankee]

So this time thing has me a bit shook up. I've been in limbo for so long and now, I'm still in limbo. Mostly due to taking things slow (which is the wise thing, right?).

This is all just a big 'ole ramble. Talking out loud to the three people still reading this vanity thread.

My curious question today: is a no-strings-attached, one (or three) night stand worth it? Has anyone jumped in to this scenario successfully? No regrets?

I'm not quite sure thats what I want - but something about it feels clean. Hahaha. In a dirty way. But no emotional junk. Just genital junk.

Anyways. Enough pondering.

Fair warning: There's no such thing as completely no strings attached sex. Your brain will build strings whether you ask for them or not, and especially if you insist that it doesn't. Just as the brain is teeming with unconscious mechanisms that drive our hunger (for food) so the species won't perish, it also teems with unconscious mechanisms driving sexual desire and mating desires to keep the species in business. You can't fight mother nature in this regard.

 

[PuckIt]

Doh! *thud* *thud* *thud*

I think I knew you'd had a loss, but forgot briefly. Not sure whether that was from being awake for too damn long or because my grey matter is turning to tapioca.

All right, for what it's worth, from my perspective time is irrelevant to the grieving process. It takes as long as it takes. No point putting a timer, or even a calendar on it.

However, I think just the fact that you are asking the questions here means that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Um... as far as if a "no strings one (or three) night stand" would be the way to break the drought...

Ok, so keep in mind that I'm demonstrably male... (*pause for a quick glance down*) Yup, still there.

Any road, so my (male) thinking is that if the magic happens, and you are both consenting, sane, and (somewhat) safe, go with the flow. Just remember some protection, and to make your safe call.

 

[gracie920101]

So this time thing has me a bit shook up. I've been in limbo for so long and now, I'm still in limbo. Mostly due to taking things slow (which is the wise thing, right?).

This is all just a big 'ole ramble. Talking out loud to the three people still reading this vanity thread.

My curious question today: is a no-strings-attached, one (or three) night stand worth it? Has anyone jumped in to this scenario successfully? No regrets?

I'm not quite sure thats what I want - but something about it feels clean. Hahaha. In a dirty way. But no emotional junk. Just genital junk.

Anyways. Enough pondering.

*Alarm bells ringing!*

IMO I think that's scary in this day and age. Yet, if there is a way you can guarantee your safety, then...maybe...

Devils advocate says: good way to get your feet wet or how will you ever get started again?

 

[SalvDali]

I have had a no strings attached fling. It does depend on the people involved. So yes it is possible but everyone can react differently. For me it wasn't very complicated. We were good friends, neither had any romantic interest in each other but one thing led to another and sex happened. It never got weird, we never even told our other friends about it. So if you think that's what you need for a kick start in the mojo, I'd say go for it (assuming it is someone you at least know is clean).

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

Not sure if this should be here or in Talk.

I've lost my sex mojo!

Have you ever been in a weird sex rut? What did you do to get it back??

I'm not an expert on these matters, but I think you'll get your mojo back naturally, over time. Interacting with Lit people can't hurt in that process!

 

[Farawyn]

So this time thing has me a bit shook up. I've been in limbo for so long and now, I'm still in limbo. Mostly due to taking things slow (which is the wise thing, right?).

This is all just a big 'ole ramble. Talking out loud to the three people still reading this vanity thread.

My curious question today: is a no-strings-attached, one (or three) night stand worth it? Has anyone jumped in to this scenario successfully? No regrets?

I'm not quite sure thats what I want - but something about it feels clean. Hahaha. In a dirty way. But no emotional junk. Just genital junk.

Anyways. Enough pondering.

I can’t do no strings.

Why would you want to do no strings? (I know the answer, but I want to see what you say...)

 

[BSwett060]

I can’t do no strings.

Why would you want to do no strings? (I know the answer, but I want to see what you say...)

I agree with Fara. No strings makes it just another bodily function, like sleeping, eating, farting, IMHO. Feelings make it more than that.

Good luck to you.

 

[twister947]

"No strings", for me, translates to unmoored. If I was already in an emotionally vulnerable state, it would be a no go.

Take care of yourself, Cookie.

 

[SalvDali]

If I was already in an emotionally vulnerable state, it would be a no go.

Take care of yourself, Cookie.

I have to agree here. Of course no one knows you like you but if i was "emotionally vulnerable" or however you would choose to describe it, I don't think i could trust myself to have a "no strings" encounter. there could be unexpected feelings. I think you know what you can handle. There are so many variables here that come into play on top of the fact that every one emotionalizes things differently. I hope you get your mojo back. You will have to figure out how you are capable of compartmentalizing feelings/sex.

 

[Bramblethorn]

My curious question today: is a no-strings-attached, one (or three) night stand worth it? Has anyone jumped in to this scenario successfully? No regrets?

Sort of? Different circumstances though.

I've been with my partner for longer than some of the posters on these boards have been alive. It's working pretty well - not perfect, the usual challenges you get when you live with somebody forever, relationships take work and we've had our ups and downs. But all in all, mutual support looking to grow old(er) together.

We're poly and I also had a long-distance relationship for about ten years. We didn't see one another much but it was an important part of my life and it ended badly. I'll skip the messy details but it was painful and left me feeling very sad for a long time. I think you and I talked about grief a while back, and a lot of what I was saying in that discussion came out of that. My partner was great and supportive through all this, but it still left me low for... years, I guess.

A couple of years later, I had a work trip to Europe. I had an email friend over there and we'd been flirting for a while, and we (with my partner's blessing) agreed to meet up for a couple of days and see what happened.



It didn't magically fix everything, nothing does that. But it was fun, and helpful for a bruised ego. Two bruised egos really, since my friend was also recovering from a broken relationship. Call it one step in a long journey of moving on. And then I went home again.

I don't know how much of that translates to your situation, but, well, that's the experience I had.

 

[cookiecat]

I can’t do no strings.

Why would you want to do no strings? (I know the answer, but I want to see what you say...)

Because I want to get fucked. Or spanked. Or flogged or whatever. But I don't really want to go to dinner or necessarily call the person the next day and say, "how's your day?"