lost and need help, please.

[juliaa801]

Salwar kameez , I guess you are from India

no. they are just comfortable, and a lot of them are made of silk. they are beautiful and easy to wear, and quit beautiful.

 

[juliaa801]

i am suffocating on my own thoughts. i am the hand over my mouth, holding back the scream and the tears and the pain are searing my soul. burn my heart to nothing... scatter the ashes to the dry desert wind and send my seeking soul to find and put it back together again. the pain of missing him is killing me right now. the self doubt and negative thoughts are knives digging into my brain. the physicality of this agony is more than i can hmm anything.fuck me, idont want to feelanymore.i don't want this pain

 

[Bramblethorn]

*hugs*

Ever burned yourself picking up something hot? Hurts like a motherfucker and there's not a lot you can do to stop it hurting. But it gets better eventually.

In the meantime, I recommend listening to loud angry music and spending time with friends.

 

[juliaa801]

i left my usual abode and headed south to help my elderly parents. thanking heaven my brother has medicinal mj and stopped by today. and they have a lot of good wine.

 

[elocin13]

hugs to you, and take good care of yourself

 

[juliaa801]

bramblethorn, if you are a Mallory heart surgeon, please come remove mine. i don't want it anymore

 

[Bramblethorn]

bramblethorn, if you are a Mallory heart surgeon, please come remove mine. i don't want it anymore

Not actually that kind of doctor, I'm afraid It's a Gary Numan reference.

 

[All_4_Love]

*hugs*

Wishing I could help you not to feel so sad

Take care of yourself. The sun always shines again; I promise

 

[juliaa801]

sweet All_4_Love, i hope you are right.
don't believe the sun will ever shine again in my life.
the sadness that floods me is so all consuming. but thank you.
i tried to get angry, i tried to feel rage. i tried to feel self righteous indignation, but all i get is pain and a deep feeling of rejection. don't know what to do or say. but thank you.
namaste.

 

[vibes]

sweet All_4_Love, i hope you are right.
don't believe the sun will ever shine again in my life.
the sadness that floods me is so all consuming. but thank you.
i tried to get angry, i tried to feel rage. i tried to feel self righteous indignation, but all i get is pain and a deep feeling of rejection. don't know what to do or say. but thank you.
namaste.

Time heals everything ... like it or not

 

[All_4_Love]

sweet All_4_Love, i hope you are right.
don't believe the sun will ever shine again in my life.
the sadness that floods me is so all consuming. but thank you.
i tried to get angry, i tried to feel rage. i tried to feel self righteous indignation, but all i get is pain and a deep feeling of rejection. don't know what to do or say. but thank you.
namaste.

I know it’s hard to see the light now. You know how some people go through life and it seems they are almost untouched by pain and loss, and then others lives seem to be filled with it? Well, I’m the latter, and I’ve faced a lot of pain and loss. If there is one thing I can say with the utmost of certainty, it is that you will get through this.

I have faith in you.

It has been said that when we are in pain, to be our own best friend and to take good care of ourselves. That’s exactly what you’re doing, so be proud of you.

Three years is a long time to spend loving and trusting and anticipating only to have your heart stomped on in the end.

I have no doubt that your heart is completely shattered. I can feel your pain when you share your feelings. Give yourself credit for not being angry and bitter and full of rage. If you’re feeling deep sadness and rejection, it just means that your heart is open and that your feelings are authentic and sincere. That’s a really great quality…hold on to that; don’t ever let that go.

Namaste, dear Julia

And on a lighter note, did you get completely stoned out of your mind the other night? Good!

 

[shy slave]

Time heals everything ... like it or not

I admit I disagree with this, I don't think it heals; sometimes you learn to live without that person in your life. Not the same at all

 

[DVS]

I admit I disagree with this, I don't think it heals; sometimes you learn to live without that person in your life. Not the same at all

Time heals all wounds, but there's always a scar.

 

[StrayKat]

Time heals all wounds, but there's always a scar.

I think it depends on how subjectively serious the wound is and how sensitive the tissue.
There were things in my life I thought I would die over at some point, I remember now with genuine wonder how could I ever feel the way I did.

 

[All_4_Love]

I admit I disagree with this, I don't think it heals; sometimes you learn to live without that person in your life. Not the same at all

*hugs shy slave*

Maybe it is the same? Learning to live without them in our life. We can't continue to just let the wound bleed. We would never survive. We have to bandage it up, fix it good enough to carry on, let the heart heal, so we can love again. We humans are amazing like that.

 

[Bramblethorn]

sweet All_4_Love, i hope you are right.
don't believe the sun will ever shine again in my life.

It always feels like that after a bad breakup, but time's a great healer. You'll get there, even if you can't see it from where you are now

 

[DVS]

I think it depends on how subjectively serious the wound is and how sensitive the tissue.
There were things in my life I thought I would die over at some point, I remember now with genuine wonder how could I ever feel the way I did.

It's just an analogy. Everyone is unique, with different experiences and a varied amount of toughness, when it comes to emotional pain and the wounds it can cause. Wounds will vary with each person and their ability to cope and accept the pain, as well as live through the healing process and move on with their lives.

 

[juliaa801]

between being stoned (thanks for asking, All_4_Love, should share) , some good angry music (thanks, Bramblethorn), some girl " fuck you" music ( Xtina Aguilera and Kelly Clarkson) and some gin, DAMN. the sun came up! yeah, scar tissue, but i think, thanks to all your encouragement and being here, i think i'll live. feeling like going out and getting some so the physical energy worked out, finally. and not in a psycho way. i appreciate you all so much. THIS has been my daily bread.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

This is really great advice.

Yes. It really is.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

There will come a day when your perspective and your world shifts and you will say... wow... so glad I did not waste a bigger portion of my life tangled up with THAT dude. God's honest truth

 

[All_4_Love]

There will come a day when your perspective and your world shifts and you will say... wow... so glad I did not waste a bigger portion of my life tangled up with THAT dude. God's honest truth

lol, oh yes, I'm afraid I may have spent a lot of years with "that dude"

 

[All_4_Love]

between being stoned (thanks for asking, All_4_Love, should share) , some good angry music (thanks, Bramblethorn), some girl " fuck you" music ( Xtina Aguilera and Kelly Clarkson) and some gin, DAMN. the sun came up! yeah, scar tissue, but i think, thanks to all your encouragement and being here, i think i'll live. feeling like going out and getting some so the physical energy worked out, finally. and not in a psycho way. i appreciate you all so much. THIS has been my daily bread.

Oh! I just saw this post! I am happy! So happy that you're happy, or at least getting there.

Give us this day our daily bread...
No, wait, I probably don't need to go there, considering that we're drinking and getting stoned and wishing for accidents to happen with zippers

 

[juliaa801]

i am not sure i'm happy, but i'm not choking on my tears for the first night in 3 weeks. wow. progress. i'm not wishing for my existence to end. the zipper... that's kinda just desserts. if it gets infected or something, well , a little bit of whipped cream.... i think i'm owed that much. hahahahahhahahaha

 

[All_4_Love]

if it gets infected or something, well , a little bit of whipped cream.... i think i'm owed that much. hahahahahhahahaha

lol... Indeed!

Hope you're having another "better day" today...

Namaste

 

[DVS]

Oh boy, my turn! Granted, I was really young-- in HS during all this.

So I met a guy online one day, and we hit it off pretty well. Started off as chat buddies, nothing really intense. Eventually we started getting romantically involved ("romantically" in my case because I'm on the aromantic spectrum and most romance is coercive to me, and at this age I didn't know better one bit), and then about a year after we started talking, he dropped the L bomb and proclaimed his love for me. I was what, 16? I took him at his word and just assumed that I felt the same.

Things did get more serious as time went on. We started calling almost every day, and chatting at every opportunity. To be quite honest, I don't remember too many of the good moments, so I'm gonna start with my list of red flags that took me years to process and acknowledge:

- He claimed he didn't have a cell phone and only ever gave me his house phone to call, despite having an active social life. He maintained that he didn't have a cell phone, even while away at college.
- I sent him mail at least half a dozen times over the course of our correspondence; he managed one.
- He barely acknowledged me on Facebook.
- He deleted his Facebook after I discovered pictures of him kissing another girl at a party.
- He continually made plans to visit me (he lived across the country), and talked at length about those plans, but they always managed to fall through.
- He talked at length about visiting while I was vacationing with family in the neighboring state, which I did several times over those 4 years, but those plans always managed to fall through.
- He played a part in pressuring me to attend a college on the east coast so that we could be closer, but expressed little enthusiasm when I got accepted into my school of choice there.
- He'd make up lies that were, in retrospect, pretty outrageous. Like a failing grade he got in a class that, if he'd failed, he'd have to enlist because suddenly he wouldn't be able to attend college anymore?? which he turned around with a little clever fraud. Or that time that he claimed to have gotten a big tattoo after his 18th birthday and then much later told me I was silly for mistakenly thinking that he'd had any tattoos. Or the time that he claimed that he was so broke that he was starving and got mad at me for not doing anything about it. And so on.
- He was the first one out of the two of us to liberally drop L bombs, but over the next year or so he stopped telling me that he loved me almost completely unless I got on my hands and knees about it and doted on his ego.
- He would stop talking to me after petty arguments for weeks at a time and then pretend that nothing happened afterward.

Eventually I found myself so lukewarm about him that one day I just broke it off. He pleaded with me to still be friends, to which I relented, but literally once that long chat conversation was over I never heard from him again.

But yes, I know all too well about how these things can so easily be played down and explained away in the moment, taking years of unlearning and analysis to uncover them. It's shitty, but those moments of realization don't always happen when it's best for them to.

Good luck, OP, and don't feel obligated to tone down the rage one bit.

That's a really crappy guy. I really wonder about my gender, sometimes. But, being 16, you probably were head over heels about him, at least for a while. He had that advantage over you. Then saying he loved you first, he probably caught you off guard and you really were confused about your own feelings. I know I would be. I don't know if I really knew how "love" felt, at 16. Shit, I wonder if I know how it even feels for sure, now.

But, stories like this are good to have written down. We've all had our version of it, but this one sure has some red flags in it. Unfortunately, you usually don't see these red flags until later, seeing things through different eyes. That helps a lot...when you're not a 16 year old with confused feelings.

There are others out there that might be experiencing their own asshole situation. Maybe not the exact thing as this, but there could be parts of it that are similar enough that the red flags should start popping up after they read your post.