Losing Your Virginity

[Mmmore]

My boyfriend and I are seriously considering having sex. We've discussed everything there is to expect, and how we feel about it. He's had sex before and I'm a virgin. I made him get tested and everything is perfectly fine. I'm just scared that it's going to hurt a lot. I've never had anything inserted into me and I'm not sure what to really expect. I know there will most likely be some blood, but does most of the pain come from the walls of your vagina being stretched? What is the most comfortable way to go about having sex for the first time?

I've read up a lot on contraception and everything you can imagine, but I don't really find a lot of things written about how it feels when you have sex for the time. I know it varies from woman to woman, but I would like some sort of perspective.

Thaanks.

 

[bisexplicit]

It was very painful for me. In fact, it was very painful for the next few months every time I had intercourse.
My only advice is make sure you take everything slow. And be sure hes the kindof guy who will be willing to let you take a little while to get used to it - and also be willing to let you say "no, this is too painful, I want to stop."
However, I'm small/tight and probably experienced more pain than your average woman.
Best of luck - don't be too scared, it will be okay, especially since you seem like you've talked and planned this all out.

 

[Eilan]

I'm just scared that it's going to hurt a lot.

One thing that I learned about sex and pain is that if you expect it to hurt, it probably will.

I've never had anything inserted into me and I'm not sure what to really expect. I know there will most likely be some blood, but does most of the pain come from the walls of your vagina being stretched? What is the most comfortable way to go about having sex for the first time?

I think that the pain during first intercourse usually comes from the hymen being broken, assuming that it hasn't already been broken through some other activity. The vagina itself is really elastic--after all, it's meant to stretch enough to allow a baby to pass through, and a penis is nowhere NEAR that big (sorry, guys)! Though, as bi pointed out, some women are tighter than others.

I've read up a lot on contraception and everything you can imagine, but I don't really find a lot of things written about how it feels when you have sex for the time. I know it varies from woman to woman, but I would like some sort of perspective.

Every woman who posts to this thread will have a different "first time" experience to share, and there's a wide range of what's considered "normal" in terms of bleeding/discomfort, as well as many exceptions. I had a lot of pain (my ex is much wider than average--didn't realize that at the time) and some bleeding, but not a lot of bleeding.

If you're really worried, you may want to consider having some lube on hand to make things a bit easier.

Good luck!

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

For me it hurt when my hymen was initially broken, for maybe a minute, then after that it didn't hurt. (Didn't feel particularly good either. Just ho hum.) I believe that will likely be the painful part, not having the walls stretched. Remember, you can fit a baby through there!

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

I think that the pain during first intercourse usually comes from the hymen being broken, assuming that it hasn't already been broken through some other activity. The vagina itself is really elastic--after all, it's meant to stretch enough to allow a baby to pass through, and a penis is nowhere NEAR that big (sorry, guys)! Though, as bi pointed out, some women are tighter than others.

Thunder stealer!

 

[lizaveta]

My first time was...okay. It was a little uncomfortable at first, although my hymen was long gone due to tampons and other activities. Once we got through the initial "stretching" things seemed to even out, although it never did feel all that earth-shattering or anything.

Most of the soreness I had was the next day.

AND, to make things really happy, that's when I found out I was allergic to most spermicides. Didn't pee right for a week! (If you aren't sure about this, it wouldn't hurt to "test-drive" whatever product(s) you may use that first time, to make sure you aren't using anything that doesn't agree with you.)

But that was it. Nothing awful, nothing spectacular. Kinda like the guy I was with.

 

[Eilan]

Thunder stealer!

Um, great minds think alike?

 

[Mmmore]

Thank you everyone who responded so far. I was talking to my friend's sister and she said the first time she had sex was probably the worst sex she's ever had, and it continued hurting for a while after that. Why does everything hurt for women?!?! Gosh, not fair.

Would it help if before we had sex he used his fingers on me? Or would that do nothing?

 

[christian1971]

Male's point of view.

I know you mite not want info from a male's point of view, but maybe any info mite help? My Ex G/F was very tight and and she was not a virgin when we made love actually to be honest I was. It was just normal for her to be tight, since I am about 6 1/2 to 7 inches I am very thick. Thicker then she was use too, so to make it more fun we would tease and play.
But I do know what help us when we made love is we did do a lot of fore play. I loved giving her oral also just kicky play sucking on her nipples, softly sucking them and biting them. Really the playing before the sex sometimes was more of a turn on for the both of us and made it more enjoyable, then when it was for sex she was more relax.
Maybe even some oils will help we sometimes just used them and it was just as easy, just test it to make sure you enjoy it too and not just him.

 

[M's girl]

Thought I'd post a somewhat more positive response.... For me it did not hurt the first time. I have always been very relaxed about sex and was not afraid. Before the first time I had intercourse I had sex in other ways, but nothing inserted inside me. I did not bleed the first time. Like others said already you need not be afraid about pain of your vagina being stretched; the tissue is flexible enough. The only thing that could hurt a bit (and cause the bleeding) is your hymen being torn. But it's not a solid thing that needs to be broken for him to come through; it's a ring-shaped thing that has a natural hole already (otherwise for instance menstruation blood could not come through) that with some women is already wide enough to let the penis go through without further stretching, torning or bleeding, which was probably the case with me.

As others have stated before also: the most important thing is to take it slow and both pay attention to what it's doing to you. Do lots of foreplay for you to be relaxed and yes, playing around with his (or your) fingers inside you may also prepare and relax you a bit. Make sure you are plenty wet. At any point, if it doesn't feel right... just stop. There's nothing worse than a bad first-time experience so there's always a second (or third or fourth time and so on) change the next time(s).

I think it's pretty special that you and your man have talked about it and are preparing yourselves in this manner. It sounds to me like you're ready and that is also very important. Take a piece of everyones advice here with you and make it special!

 

[phoenix1224]

Another guy's opinion...

Would it help if before we had sex he used his fingers on me? Or would that do nothing?

That would definitely help you get used to having something in there. But what might be better is if you get yourself a dildo... Something as close to the size and shape of your guy's penis as possible.

Some of the ladies here have described that it not only hurt the initial time, but also for a while after that. I believe that this may have been the case because, although the vagina is very elastic in nature, it wasn't used to being stretched that much... So, if you get yourself a dildo and practice on your own for a while, you may be able to get your vagina used to stretching the way that it needs to for intercourse.

But what do I know? I'm just a guy...

 

[Qina]

Wow! These responses must be scaring you! It was nothing for me. It hurt a little bit and my BF was more scared than me. As I pushed (I would suggest being on top so that you can control it if it gets painful.) down, he asked me if it hurt. I replied yes, but it's going to happen sometime so we might as well get it over with. (Romantic huh? ) He wanted to stop so it wouldn't hurt me but I made him keep going. It wasn't that bad. It only hurt for the first few moments right on the outside. Then it was fine. Later I noticed a little bit of blood on my panties, but nothing I couldn't explain away to my Mom as a tampon leak.

I guess this goes to show that we are all different. I didn't hurt at all after the first few moments, yet others hurt for days after... M's Girl didn't hurt at all. It seems most likely you'll fall somewhere inbetween

 

[kkoozz]

Ur lucky. I'm 21 and wanting to give it up.

 

[WsabrielW]

First time

My first time I was on top. It was my b/f's suggestion. That way I had control. If it hurt I could stop. I had the ability to choose how fast I wanted things to go.

It also helped that before got to that point there was a lot of foreplay involved. He lit some candles. We kissed and our hands explored each other as we slowly undressed each other. After we were undressed he gave me one of the most amazing full body massaged I had ever had. It helped me to relax and let me feel comfortable with the situation. He started with my back and my arms and then moved to my legs slowly working his way up. He did finger me before I finally got on top. It was gentle and slow. It did hurt a little initially, but the pain just kind of slowly dissipated. There wasn't a mind bending orgasm or anything. Actually there wasn't really and pleasure of that kind the first couple of times. It take a few times to get the hang of it and find out what you like.

But my first time I felt relaxed and I was with someone who I loved and cared for. That is what made it so wonderful.

Just remember to relax.

 

[SweetErika]

He's had sex before and I'm a virgin. I made him get tested and everything is perfectly fine. I'm just scared that it's going to hurt a lot.

I'm not sure which tests he had, but often the "comprehensive panel" doesn't include HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus)-1 and -2 testing, and males aren't tested for HPV. Both are so prevalent and rapidly spreading because most people never know they carry the viruses, so make sure he was tested for HSV specifically and you still use condoms.

As for fear of the pain, if you think it will hurt, it most certainly will. I had a little discomfort that quickly turned into pleasure, but I'm sure even that was just caused by nerves. Lots and lots of foreplay, feeling emotionally ready, taking it slow, and condoms+the pill made for a very positive experience.

 

[Marcus2]

I'm just scared that it's going to hurt a lot.

All I can really sugest is that you get really horny, so that your pussy get soaked so much that he should slip in, but don't lt him take your cherry just yet, make him fuck you without breaking it and when u feel an orgasm coming on, tell him to do it. That's what me and my girlfriend did, and she said it didn't hurt as bad as many people said, that's really the only advice I could give to you, other than that I imagine you could use some lube.

 

[HotKittySpank]

Go for it!!!

So for me, it didn't hurt and I didn't bleed. We used KY and I'm sure that it helped. I agree that you should just relax. Your working yourself up to the point that you won't be able to relax and enjoy yourself. Definately have lots of foreplay so that you just don't care if he pokes you or not!

Your going to have fun because you trust him and you have both planned this out. Just don't overplan. It will be more fun that way.

-HKS

 

[LadyJeanne]

It didn't hurt me very much, and there wasn't much blood.

Best advice I can give you is to come first so you'll be plenty relaxed and very wet when he penetrates. Have him finger you or lick you to an orgasm, and then go on to the sex. Keep some lube handy in case you need more after he's pushed through. He probably won't last that long inside you, so you're not likely to be sore from the thrusting.

 

[fr34k_n45ty]

Thats scary most people had a painful experience. I had no pain at all with mine, i think thats because I wasn't scare at all (he was way more scare... if he goes soft make use that you don't baby him.. just kiss his neck and stuff like that) My hymen was broke when he was playing with me... it was more of an annoying sting feeling then really anything, i also never saw any blood. some top hints i have are to make sure that when the condom goes on his dick isn't all wet.. for some reason every time (when i was with him) it broke. make sure you relaxed and very wet and go slow.. i was on the bottom cause i have no clue what i should be doing lol. good luck and just enjoy it.

 

[christian1971]

So what happeneD????

Sorry I know it's really none of my business but was just wondering if they went through with it?

 

[Mmmore]

Sorry I know it's really none of my business but was just wondering if they went through with it?

Nope, not yet. I've been so busy packing for school and everything we haven't had time for that. Maybe in a few weeks, we'll see.

 

[BHill93]

My GF said that it hurt her when she lost her virginity to me and a few times after that but she eventually got used to it and just enjoyed it.

 

[devils_daughter]

I'm not sure which tests he had, but often the "comprehensive panel" doesn't include HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus)-1 and -2 testing, and males aren't tested for HPV. Both are so prevalent and rapidly spreading because most people never know they carry the viruses, so make sure he was tested for HSV specifically and you still use condoms.

While I totally agree with this, neither type of Herpes can be caught without skin contact to a sore on your partners' body. If you ever notice an ulcer like mark on ur partner...DON'T touch it, this INCLUDES mouth ulcers. As little as it's publicised, mouth ulcers on a partner during oral can be one way of transferring the disease.

 

[phoenix1224]

While I totally agree with this, neither type of Herpes can be caught without skin contact to a sore on your partners' body.

That's not true.

Granted, the chances of contracting herpes increases drastically when there are visible sores but, a person CAN contract herpes even when there AREN'T any visible signs of outbreak. In fact, a great deal of people have contracted herpes when their partner showed absolutely NO signs of outbreak.

 

[devils_daughter]

Then I have to go talk to my doctor, because when I was diagnosed with it, this is what they told me.