Losing your faith

[morninggirl5]

In the past three days, i feel like i've lost something very important to me. This board, this community has been my safe haven for the past year, since the beginning of the M thread on the How-to board.

I've been the "girl in the corner," quietly watching, listening, absorbing everything that was said. Processing it and then allowing myself to being to grow strong. This place has helped me be strong enough to actually search for what i need.

Now, i'm reeling. I don't know if i can feel safe here, anymore. I don't know if the community i grew to trust even exists anymore.

Yes, i'm acting pretty selfish here, i know it. But these are questions i need to ask.

Is this the same community that decided together what our standards of behavior would be? If you weren't here for that discussion, please read this link http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=79591 Do you agree with the community standards or not?

Is this the same thoughtful, intense community that values real-life interactions, thoughtful posting, and honest discussions? Or are we going to become just one more chatroom overrun with online play, velcro collars, and subbie couches?



Am i safe here? Can i trust that what i say here, will remain here? Do i now have to censor myself because what i say here might be used against me elsewhere?



I am asking all of you who consider yourselves members of this community to read and respond. If we cannot come together as a community and determine our direction once again, i believe that what was once so wonderful is already lost. If i'm wrong and this isn't important to anyone else, i'll have the information i need, as well.

 

[Marxist]

I'm not sure that the link that you supplied is pertinent to your point.

Although I did enjoy seeing Scarlett Rose get nasty.

 

[morninggirl5]

oooops


i fixed it

 

[mskittykatt]

this echo's what's been on my mind too - although i haven't been around as long. it's going to take some time to sort out my thoughts before i can say anything besides a general
*ouch*

 

[Shadowsdream]

This is a valuable forum and one worth saving as it was.

I hope We will not all sit back in the *wait and see* position but continue to broach new subjects to forward the learning and teaching process.

As all know it is next to impossible to find a safe haven such as the one we have known here. Though I belong to many lists this is the only one I have believed in enough to post and not just lurk.

As in all of life there are bumps and grinds. I am the optimistic one that hopes it is the summer blues that will disappear if new threads of reality continue that go past the personal pains of Lit and back to the personal pains and joys of BDSM.

Good post mg

 

[SexyChele]

mg - I haven't posted to this forum as much as a lot of other perople here. But I've seen this happen in other forums as well. I put it down to growing pains. Yes, there is unrest on the forum right now. But this can be a good thing - it gives folks a chance to air out their feelings.

A lot of times people think that if everything is "kissy-kissy" and "hugggy-hugggy" then all is well. Not true. It's when some of the crap surfaces that you learn to stick together, support one another, depend on those who have earned your trust, and fight for what you want.

Don't give up the faith, mg. I have a feeling all will turn out well in the end. This place was founded with a good concept in mind. It will be good once again. Have patience, pick your battles wisely, have faith in those you've come to know.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

ho hum. here we go again.

 

[Lancecastor]

Isn't Snivel Fest Over Yet?

ho hum. here we go again.

What He/She/It said!

Isn't Snivel-Fest over yet?

This nonsense has been overwrought, overblown and is just plain boring.

Get a life! Get a whip! Wear a collar! But Do Something!

But PLEASE just.....make..... the.... whining ......go...... away.....head.....starting.....to.....feel......tight......might...just...talk....like.....Captain......KIrk.....forever. Aaaaargrh!

 

[MissTaken]

If something bores you, or isn't interesting or fun to post to, don't post to it.

Lance, I couldnt' quote your post, for some silly reason.

However, the entire mess got over blown because of people, myself included, posting to things that were distasteful or better left untouched.

However I could use a little touching myself....

mg5? This will resolve and well.
I know it.
I have faith in the mods and in the community, new folks and old.

It reminds me of my brother's bantom hockey team. They lacked a goalie one year. My brother volunteered and did a great job. Well, the team was playing in a tournament and our star player chipped in a goal over my brother's stick. The team started shouting at my brother. He came out of the net and popped one of his own players. NO...I was NOT proud of this nor was he. But, at 13 yrs old, worser things could have happened.

Anyway, it was an embarrassing moment for all.
Tempers flared.
They finished the game and won, barely.

NOw, the point is, goalies take a lot fo pressure and are team leaders. However, after that gruesome day, the team pulled together.

Why? The communication that ensued.
My brother took a breather and regrouped, as cym is doing.
The team had to learn to rely upon themselves, as we are doing.
Some apologies were shared, gracefully and well.
The team mates had to look at the entire situation and put things into perspective.

And the team took the state championship that year.

All I can say, is "Go Team!"

 

[cellis]

I have been at Lit for well over a year now, I just did not register for the discussion board because I did not know it exsisted for the longest. I just like erotica.

When I found the board, I was going through a really hard time in my life. Like so many of us, I was looking for that skin-to-skin experience. I did not find that here, but what I did find was a community of non-judgemental people who were here to answer my every stupid question.

I was taken aback by the recent turn of events and heartsickened to see grown adults behaving in such an inappropriate manner in public. I stepped back and just let the pieces fall where they would. I was not going to participate in that behavior.

Things like flame wars do no one any good and as has been apparent here recently cause rifts in the community. But as I said, stepping back and looking at the overview, I find that we are pretty much the same people here. We are going, as Chele said, and I think that sometimes it hurts to grow.

Presonally, I hated it when we closed the mother thread... I still wish that decision had not been made. It was out of my hands. I got over it and like our new forum. I still miss the mother thread, though.

I have a saying that I try to keep in mind when things get difficult in my life..

The only constant in life is change.

So pretty much keeping that in mind, I have to think that what happened was a long time in coming and rather inevitable. We will survive, because that is many of us do. We survive. And this forum will survive because people do care about it and what happens to it.

Actually, artful had an excellent idea in his recent thread. He stated that rather than one mod feeling that they had to bear the weight of the forum by themselves, that they run in committee. They decide which threads are not appropriate for this forum. I like that. I like the idea of balance. I have stated that before. While I feel that not every decision can be made by committee, there are some that can.

However, I still say "NO PERSONAL ADS!" We as a group decided that along time ago. Basically, I think we need to go with the sticky. It took us a while to come up with that and it is good. It works.

As far as this being a safe haven, I still feel that it is. It is not the old mother board. It is not as comfortable. But the possibilities are endless for exchange and growth. And I do think that is a good thing.

Some of us need to move in and help Risia in the meantime. If you feel so moved, welcome the new people and direct them to the sticky. If you see something that does not belong in this forum, report it to Risia and Laurel. If we work together, we can continue the integrity that others have sought and worked hard to bring to this forum

Now that's just my 2 cents for what it is worth.

 

[MissTaken]

Cellis?

Your two cents is worth about a hundred bucks in my book

 

[CarolineOh]

It would be niave to think that everyone is always going to get along and play nice, but I do share your concerns, MG. There is a center of gravity to any community and of late, ours seems to be tipping to the negative.
But Shadowsdream is right, the only solution is active, positive, participation. There are very few disrupters, and many people who want to keep this board the supportive forum it has been. The only way they can ruin this board is by discouraging us and quieting our voices.
I am still the same person I was a month ago, and so are Miss T and Shadowsdream, and Chele and Foxy and you and Kitty. It's only if we allow ourselves to accept negative change that we will lose what we have here.

 

[cellis]

Cellis?

Your two cents is worth about a hundred bucks in my book

Thanks Miss T.

I just think we need to be responsible for ourselves for a change and not put that off on one or two people....

 

[Titania1616]

It would be niave to think that everyone is always going to get along and play nice, but I do share your concerns, MG. There is a center of gravity to any community and of late, ours seems to be tipping to the negative.
But Shadowsdream is right, the only solution is active, positive, participation. There are very few disrupters, and many people who want to keep this board the supportive forum it has been. The only way they can ruin this board is by discouraging us and quieting our voices.
I am still the same person I was a month ago, and so are Miss T and Shadowsdream, and Chele and Foxy and you and Kitty. It's only if we allow ourselves to accept negative change that we will lose what we have here.

i absolutely agree, the main point is that we all stay supportive of each other and not start lashing out when difficult issues arise.

and i would send a rebuke to unreg, but seeing what i just wrote, i dont think i'll be a hypocrite.

its hard not to lash back when someone you've grown to know and trust is being attacked, but thats what we have to do. i know that i am not excluded from the others who need to learn this, guess i'll just have to try harder.

 

[WillowPuss]

I understand fully what you are saying mg5.

When all this started a few days ago I read in horror, shock and more than a little dispair. I went about trying hard to push the post down the page - alas, it never worked for very long. I am not going to add my views on what happened and what I feel about it - they would serve no purpose.

I agree with much that has been said above.
This forum will survive. There are too many good people here to allow it to die. Celis is right in saying that those who wish to ruin this forum will only do so if we allow them to by keeping quiet and not discussing things we want to discuss.

I feel I must echo what Shadowsdream said ... "This is a valuable forum and one worth saving as it was." Whilst it will never quite be as it was, it is certainly worth fighting for, and it will take each of us working together to get it back to the calm place of growth and learning it was and can still be.

The only way to beat the negative posters is to ignore them and thus deprive them of the attention they so obviously crave.


(sorry for long post ... ran out of small change so you got a bit more than tuppence worth)

 

[cymbidia]

Actually, artful had an excellent idea in his recent thread. He stated that rather than one mod feeling that they had to bear the weight of the forum by themselves, that they run in committee. They decide which threads are not appropriate for this forum. I like that. I like the idea of balance. I have stated that before. While I feel that not every decision can be made by committee, there are some that can.
<snip>
Some of us need to move in and help Risia in the meantime. If you feel so moved, welcome the new people and direct them to the sticky. If you see something that does not belong in this forum, report it to Risia and Laurel.

mg5 and i spoke for a long time on the phone yesterday, as did R and i. The only reason i've popped back in is to see how much and what kind of support mg is getting on this thread. I haven't read any other threads, nor will i. I have sent a pm or two in response to this thread, however, and i'm cheered and pleased to see people regrouping and and shaking off the dust from the recent train wreck.

I, however, need a Lit break and i'm taking it. R has convinced me to come back after the weekend, and so i will.

With regard to the above, Cellis, the mods here cannot do this job in committee fashion. Sorry. That's impossible. Not gonna happen. This isn't a communist system of government and we do a good a job with things as they are. Being a mod here is a 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' kind of thing, to be honest, and lately, there's always someone mad about something.

Additionally, Laurel isn't a mod here at all and won't be.
Risia isn't the only mod here, and won't be.
I am, however, a mod, just like always, and will continue to be.

Any questions?
Take it to email, if so, because i'm taking the weekend off.
If you don't already have it, and if you want it, mg5 and R have my permission to give my web-based email addy to any known and non-hostile-to-me members of this community who ask for it.

cymbidia
BDSM Forum Moderator

 

[tassie]

mg5,

s'ok. it will be, promise.

i'm a lurker, I know these things.

it will die, and we will be ok, and i've got faith in you, dont lose it in me (and us!)

you're cool you are. all of you.

well. nearly.


oh, mg? check your pms. xxx

 

[MotorCitySam]

There is an old expression that goes "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem". This is how I view my participation in any endeavor, that I am either a force for positive change, or I am holding that change back through my indifference or inaction.
So it is here. I can not control the postings of others, but I am in charge of my own words, and I will use them to try to keep this board the helpful place it has been for me, for the benefit of all, those here and still to come.
Cym, I am very pleased that you wil return.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

There is an old expression that goes "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem". This is how I view my participation in any endeavor, that I am either a force for positive change, or I am holding that change back through my indifference or inaction.
So it is here. I can not control the postings of others, but I am in charge of my own words, and I will use them to try to keep this board the helpful place it has been for me, for the benefit of all, those here and still to come.
Cym, I am very pleased that you wil return.

As a newbie, I wish to respond to all that has gone on. I became a "virgin" (Gee and I never thought I'd EVER have that title again after all of these years; ) only a few short weeks ago. I had lurked here for some months, since MY-Sir had suggested for me to check the forums out, so that I could learn and grow. I have found valuable knowledge in a lifestyle I had always wished for, but never had the opportunity to experience until MY-Sir came into my life.
Now; much to everyone's distress; there seems to be some inner-conflict going on that is casting a dark cloud on the entire board. I'm not taking sides, this is between those parties involved and the differences are deeply rooted.
What I am askng is for everyone involved to put their differences aside; at least on the board, and continue to advise, support and get to know one another. If there is discord, Please for the sake of the rest of us; PM one another. We as a whole, don't need to see the dirty laundry brought out in the open for all to examine.
I realize that there is two sides to every story (which I respect.)I'm NOT pointing any fingers. Only asking for all concerned to make peace and let's get back to the business of fun! BDSM!!!
I hope that I've NOT offended anyone, I only wish to return to some form of normalcy.
Thank you to all who have helped in "my continuing education."
Peace be with you, and guide you to your highest good!

 

[RisiaSkye]

I've seen it too, mg. Sometimes, it seems like this place will become just another Playground, full of the endless one-line "oh yes, you're so hot! Smack my ass again" flirt posts. Sometimes, it feels like there's no room for real life and real people here.

However, that's only sometimes.

I agree with the guidelines of this community, and I've made an effort to always follow them, at least as often as is possible for just one more fallible human.

I think you're safe here, at least as safe as you ever were. Trolls are like bees; they sting, but they squash easily and don't amount to much. I think there's little chance of your personal sharing getting turned around--at least, no more chance than there was before.

I think we can be whatever community we decide to be. But I think, personally, that I value the discussion cym started so long ago far too much to just let it fade into the sunset. I won't go without a fight, but if this place becomes a haven for make-believe, I'm gone. There's no judgement in that, just a statement of my personal preferences, desires, and contingency plan.

There is an old expression that goes "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem". This is how I view my participation in any endeavor, that I am either a force for positive change, or I am holding that change back through my indifference or inaction.
So it is here. I can not control the postings of others, but I am in charge of my own words, and I will use them to try to keep this board the helpful place it has been for me, for the benefit of all, those here and still to come.
Cym, I am very pleased that you wil return.

I agree with you on all counts, Sam.

It was incredibly difficult (for me) not to lash out at the haters and cym-bashing, but I didn't want to either be a hypocrite by sinking to that level or be a force for negativity. Sometimes, I can't be a person, a real one with thoughts and feelings and friends and opinions and even bad days where I yell. Sometimes, I have to be a "role model" and a "Moderator." And, even when I do that as well as I possibly can in keeping with my own conscience, someone is always unhappy with the choices I make, or that Mods make in general.

In deciding to take the high (some would say "high horse") road, I alienated and hurt a friend who really needed to feel the support of this community--or at least of her close friends--because she was being attacked, and hurt, by others. Sometimes, there's no right answer no matter what you do, and that's why I've decided to take a step back from this place for a while.

I'll still be here to take out the trash and check in, but it's going to be a while before I read many of the threads again. Maybe, as the dust settles, there'll be room for Moderators to be just people, even ones with real and strong and informed opinions and emotions and human frailties, again. Perhaps, and here's hoping. Until then, I offer you this:

RisiaSkye
BDSM Forum Moderator & Participant

 

[tassie]

RisiaSkye
BDSM Forum Moderator & Participant

that is really important to a lot of us Risia. we nearly lost ebony, cym's gone for a while, please dont let them drive you out. those of us who dont want a GB2 need you to participate, not just take out the trash.

your feelings and emotions are as valid as anyone elses. being a mod doesnt mean you have to be a robot.

 

[Titania1616]

exactly! your and cym's humanity is what makes you such good mods in the first place. but i can definately understand the need for a break, espescially right now.

 

[cellis]

mg5 and i spoke for a long time on the phone yesterday, as did R and i. The only reason i've popped back in is to see how much and what kind of support mg is getting on this thread. I haven't read any other threads, nor will i. I have sent a pm or two in response to this thread, however, and i'm cheered and pleased to see people regrouping and and shaking off the dust from the recent train wreck.

I, however, need a Lit break and i'm taking it. R has convinced me to come back after the weekend, and so i will.

With regard to the above, Cellis, the mods here cannot do this job in committee fashion. Sorry. That's impossible. Not gonna happen. This isn't a communist system of government and we do a good a job with things as they are. Being a mod here is a 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' kind of thing, to be honest, and lately, there's always someone mad about something.

Additionally, Laurel isn't a mod here at all and won't be.
Risia isn't the only mod here, and won't be.
I am, however, a mod, just like always, and will continue to be.

Any questions?
Take it to email, if so, because i'm taking the weekend off.
If you don't already have it, and if you want it, mg5 and R have my permission to give my web-based email addy to any known and non-hostile-to-me members of this community who ask for it.

cymbidia
BDSM Forum Moderator

How nice that I am personally singled out for my response!

 

[WillowPuss]

Sometimes, there's no right answer no matter what you do, and that's why I've decided to take a step back from this place for a while.

I'll still be here to take out the trash and check in, but it's going to be a while before I read many of the threads again. Maybe, as the dust settles, there'll be room for Moderators to be just people, even ones with real and strong and informed opinions and emotions and human frailties, again. Perhaps, and here's hoping. Until then, I offer you this:

RisiaSkye
BDSM Forum Moderator & Participant

Risia, you are so right in say that there is no right answer.
Being a moderator (and I speak from experience here) is a case of not being able to please all the people all of the time.


I truly believe that there certainly is a place for moderators to be "just people".
Without the moderators input this forum will be a poorer place.

That is not saying that every other participant here has views that are less valued, it is saying that without people like yourself and cym the picture will not be complete. It will be like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces missing. Whilst you can still see the picture, it is clearly lacking something.

You say it will be a while before you read many of the threads and participate in a manner other than a housekeeping role. I, for one, hope that the 'while' will not be a long one. To heal, this forum, in my opinion only, need for all participants to act in a calm and thoughful manner. As Sam said, so much better than I am saying ... each of us is part of the solution.