Bubblegum *sugarless*
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 12, 2001
- Posts
- 650
You are the hippest. Now you must tell funny, gut-splitting jokes to keep me amused. NOW!
LordMagicMan
- Thread starter Bubblegum *sugarless*
- Start date
LordMagicMan
Lord of the Morning
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2001
- Posts
- 4,788
The pressure the pressue....
Once at band camp I shoved a flute in my pussy... er wait that didnt happen to me.
Once at band camp I shoved a flute in my pussy... er wait that didnt happen to me.
Bubblegum *sugarless*
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 12, 2001
- Posts
- 650
Shhhhh....it wasn't me either. 
LordMagicMan
Lord of the Morning
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2001
- Posts
- 4,788
Now wheres my joke? HMmmmmm... Make me laugh 
Bubblegum *sugarless*
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 12, 2001
- Posts
- 650
Medieval Pick-Up Lines
*Hey, Princess, you wouldn`t happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you? --
*Been there, slain that. --
*Your hovel or mine? --
*Pestilence makes the heart go wander. --
*Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my longsword in action?
*Every second of every hour of every day is like a thousand knives of fire stabbing me in the heart. I long for thee incessantly, so much that mine sorrow seems without surcease. My alliteration is small comfort next to the warm gaze of thine azure eyes. I crave the comfort of thine embrace like some lost child cold and alone in the dark....So, you wanna !@£$% ???--
*You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail? --
*I like the cut of your jib. --
*If I were that horse, I`d rather you mounted me without the saddle. --
*Wizard: You know, my hat isn`t the only thing that`s pointed. --
*Thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I attempt to light thy fire? --
*Dost thou practice safe hex? --
*Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor. --
*I had to swim the moat to get to you fair maiden. So, would you like to see my breaststroke? --
*Wench: what`s that sound?
Knight: that`s just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding.--
*Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague! --
*Why don`t we go back to my place and re-enact "The Miller`s Tale?" --
*You won`t believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!!
--
*Ever see a passion play? Would you like to? --
*Don`t believe the rumors you heard about me . . . the Bubonic plague didn`t affect the important parts. --
*Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours. --
*How, you ask, did I get up here to your balcony? Well, I espied you from yonder garden. In an instant my er, heart was swelled with lus.. er, love. I had to meet you! So I ranneth over but tripped on a stone thusly pole-vaulting into your arms. --
*I`ve been VERY NAUGHTY. You`ll have to put me in the stocks and...er...
PUNISH me, now won`t you? --
*C`mon, sweetie...Didn`t your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away. --
*I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I`m walking on! --
*Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes disappear? -
*I`m really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex with frogs? --
*My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it. --
*What a fine gown you wear, my lady. Perchance couldst I talk you out of it? --
*I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit? --
*You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Repunnzel.
Only it wasn`t my hair that the queen asked me to let down. --
*A day just wouldn`t be complete without a Knight. --
*I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m`lady. --
*What say ye we have our own Norman conquest, lass? --
*Come up to my chamber and I`ll show you the largest treasure in the land.
--
*You can place your greeves under my pallet anytime. --
*Hey, big boy, how would you like to help this maiden out of dis-dress?
--
*Wanna polish my pike? --
*Ello, milady, thou art under siege. I shall scale thy battlements with mine grappling hook! --
*My Lady, dost thou possess a looking glass in thine bodice? For I may surely see myself within their folds. --
*Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely wimple? --
*May I show you a fascinating Saracaen ritual I learned while hiding in a harem after Hattin? --
*A world without day is gloomy indeed, but a world without Knight would be pure misery. --
*Milady, it`s not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within.
--
*I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart.
*Mayest I hose down your doublet?
*Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your
drawbridge and let me cross.
*You should be glad I`m not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.
*What`s a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?
*You can scale my battlements any day, madam.
*You scratch my boils and I`ll scratch yours.
*They don`t call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know.
*My that`s a fine set of chalices you have there.
*Ssh, I don`t want everyone to know I`m on a secret holy quest.
*When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren`t the only
thing they stretched.
*Hey, Princess, you wouldn`t happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you? --
*Been there, slain that. --
*Your hovel or mine? --
*Pestilence makes the heart go wander. --
*Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my longsword in action?
*Every second of every hour of every day is like a thousand knives of fire stabbing me in the heart. I long for thee incessantly, so much that mine sorrow seems without surcease. My alliteration is small comfort next to the warm gaze of thine azure eyes. I crave the comfort of thine embrace like some lost child cold and alone in the dark....So, you wanna !@£$% ???--
*You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail? --
*I like the cut of your jib. --
*If I were that horse, I`d rather you mounted me without the saddle. --
*Wizard: You know, my hat isn`t the only thing that`s pointed. --
*Thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I attempt to light thy fire? --
*Dost thou practice safe hex? --
*Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor. --
*I had to swim the moat to get to you fair maiden. So, would you like to see my breaststroke? --
*Wench: what`s that sound?
Knight: that`s just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding.--
*Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague! --
*Why don`t we go back to my place and re-enact "The Miller`s Tale?" --
*You won`t believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!!
--
*Ever see a passion play? Would you like to? --
*Don`t believe the rumors you heard about me . . . the Bubonic plague didn`t affect the important parts. --
*Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours. --
*How, you ask, did I get up here to your balcony? Well, I espied you from yonder garden. In an instant my er, heart was swelled with lus.. er, love. I had to meet you! So I ranneth over but tripped on a stone thusly pole-vaulting into your arms. --
*I`ve been VERY NAUGHTY. You`ll have to put me in the stocks and...er...
PUNISH me, now won`t you? --
*C`mon, sweetie...Didn`t your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away. --
*I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I`m walking on! --
*Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes disappear? -
*I`m really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex with frogs? --
*My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it. --
*What a fine gown you wear, my lady. Perchance couldst I talk you out of it? --
*I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit? --
*You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Repunnzel.
Only it wasn`t my hair that the queen asked me to let down. --
*A day just wouldn`t be complete without a Knight. --
*I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m`lady. --
*What say ye we have our own Norman conquest, lass? --
*Come up to my chamber and I`ll show you the largest treasure in the land.
--
*You can place your greeves under my pallet anytime. --
*Hey, big boy, how would you like to help this maiden out of dis-dress?
--
*Wanna polish my pike? --
*Ello, milady, thou art under siege. I shall scale thy battlements with mine grappling hook! --
*My Lady, dost thou possess a looking glass in thine bodice? For I may surely see myself within their folds. --
*Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely wimple? --
*May I show you a fascinating Saracaen ritual I learned while hiding in a harem after Hattin? --
*A world without day is gloomy indeed, but a world without Knight would be pure misery. --
*Milady, it`s not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within.
--
*I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart.
*Mayest I hose down your doublet?
*Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your
drawbridge and let me cross.
*You should be glad I`m not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.
*What`s a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?
*You can scale my battlements any day, madam.
*You scratch my boils and I`ll scratch yours.
*They don`t call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know.
*My that`s a fine set of chalices you have there.
*Ssh, I don`t want everyone to know I`m on a secret holy quest.
*When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren`t the only
thing they stretched.
LordMagicMan
Lord of the Morning
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2001
- Posts
- 4,788
Tooooo funny
Bubblegum *sugarless*
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 12, 2001
- Posts
- 650
*Ahem* LMM (hope you don't mind if I call you that for short)...I believe you owe me a funny now.
LordMagicMan
Lord of the Morning
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2001
- Posts
- 4,788
Tommorrow. Add me to your MSN
