Looking for some feedback

[Scootypuff]

I'm a true Literotica virgin in the flesh, and I was hoping to get some feedback on my first story that I've recently posted.

Here's a link: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=470499

This piece marks my first real foray into erotic writing. I'm a wordsmith at heart, and through these types of pieces I hope to not only improve my erotic writing, but my style as a whole as well. I hear Literotica is top-notch when it comes to constructive criticism and community, so here I am!

Anyway, I'd appreciate any type of feedback that you guys could provide. Thanks so much in advance!

 

[Mrtouf]

The 'it was all a dream' plot is a little old. Not that you couldn't do it well, but some readers might feel put off by it. If on the other hand the dreaming were something particular to this island and poor Jason keeps having dreams for a reason - like surviving on that island - then it gets interesting.

Of course, I will say that since I favour novels over short stories.

Your paragraphs are good but tend to be on the long side for the story archive, which has tight linespacing and has a fairly short word wrap for people reading in low resolution. If you have plain text on hand, the preview button is useful for seeing how your text looks before you submit.

 

[DeParjure]

Scootypuff:

You've got a slow start. I've heard you should never start with the weather.

Jackie