Looking for some feedback...

[The Plagiarist]

I've been working on a little poem that I'm quite proud of that I'd like to share with those of you who might be interested. It's not finished yet, but I'd still welcome a bit of feedback. Tell me what you think.

MISS INDEPENDENT

Miss Independent
Miss Self-sufficient
Miss Keep-your-distance
Miss Unafraid
Miss out-of-my-way
Miss don't-let-a-man-interfere
No...
Miss on-her-own
Miss almost-grown
Miss never-let-a-man-help-her-off-her-throne
So by keeping her heart protected
She'd never, ever feel rejected
Little Miss Apprehensive
Said oooo... she fell in love

What is the feelin' taken over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise... it's time
To feel... what's real...
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need for me to miss him
Good-bye... on you
Real love... it's true...

OK, that's all I've got so far. What do you think? Is it good? Do you like it?

 

[thenry]

Hm.

 

[HomerPindar]

I'm officially coming out against ellipses, so don't take my dislike of the use of such personally They are defined by our buddy Webster as "ommission from an expression of a word clearly implied." There's no implication in their uses as I see it in your poem, you got the point right there for us to read.

I like the switch on the use of "Miss" as a line starter, it might come a bit earlier even, but you do it, and I like that. It adds emphisis while changing up the rhythm of the piece.

HomerPindar

 

[WickedEve]

http://www.anysonglyrics.com/lyrics/k/kellyclarkson/missindependant.htm

Yes, you are the Plagiarist. lol

Poets, don't you recognize this song?

 

[Kansas]

Miss Wicked

Yes, I most certainly am The Plagiarist.

So, what do you think of my poem so far? Do you like it? Do you think I have talent?

I've got many more, you know!

 

[Angeline]

Re: Miss Wicked

Yes, I most certainly am The Plagiarist.

So, what do you think of my poem so far? Do you like it? Do you think I have talent?

I've got many more, you know!

I think you're wasting our time. I read your profile and figured you for a little Web gremlin, which is why I didn't respond to "your poem." I'd be careful about posting lyrics--or anything someone else wrote that you don't attribute: It's copyright infringement and this site doesn't condone it.

I'll critique a lyric by someone else or a poem, whatever, but you need to id your sources or take your biz elsewhere.

 

[The Plagiarist]

Angeline

Why must you label me and accuse me just because of my name? I can't help who I am. I am The Plagiarist, damn it!

Ask not what your country can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your country.

 

[Angeline]

Re: Angeline

Why must you label me and accuse me just because of my name? I can't help who I am. I am The Plagiarist, damn it!

Ask not what your country can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your country.

be who you can be
call yourself whatever
you may please
but let the poets poet
at their ease
and no
copyright
infringies
please


Yes you seem to be the plagiarist (and thank you for good spelling. I like that). You're kind of cute in a silly way, but be good and write your own poems or we won't respect you in the morning.

 

[Guest]

Re: Angeline

Ask not what your country can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your country.

That's really good, well done. Let's have more!

 

[Angeline]

Re: Re: Angeline

That's really good, well done. Let's have more!

Hey, channeling dead presidents is a rare talent.
(look on the bright side--coulda been Nixon)

 

[The Plagiarist]

Angeline

I am not a crook.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Angeline

Hey, channeling dead presidents is a rare talent.
(look on the bright side--coulda been Nixon)

Too late!

 

[grumpymann]

MISS INDEPENDENT

Miss Independent
Miss Self-sufficient
Miss Keep-your-distance
Miss Unafraid
Miss out-of-my-way
Miss don't-let-a-man-interfere
No...
Miss on-her-own
Miss almost-grown
Miss never-let-a-man-help-her-off-her-throne
So by keeping her heart protected
She'd never, ever feel rejected
Little Miss Apprehensive
Said oooo... she fell in love

What is the feelin' taken over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise... it's time
To feel... what's real...
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need for me to miss him
Good-bye... on you
Real love... it's true...

Now why didn't I think of that!
.....Pop music!