Looking for some 1950s dialog help for a 750-word story!

[PennyThompson]

(I wasn't sure which forum to post this in, maybe Author's Hangout would be better? I'll start here in Feedback!)

Heya, I'm working on a silly little piece for the 750-Word Challenge, a monologue from a 1950s door-to-door lingerie salesman

I'm aiming for stereotypical fast-talking cold war salesman speak, which I find very funny, but only really know from far-removed sources like Fallout and Futurama and a handful of old movies Would anyone with a stronger grasp of the era be willing to take a look at a draft for me, and help me punch up the dialog?

I'm aiming for comedy not realism, but I'm sure I could benefit from some lingo assistance! P

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

The play, "Death of a Salesman", came out in 1949. The movie version is available on YouTube. The date of the play is close enough to the 50s, and you might be able to get some 1950s dialog ideas from that.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

https://archive.org/search?query=mediatype:(movies) AND date:[1950-01-01 TO 1960-01-01]

That will return a list of downloadable movies published between 1950 and 1960. You could change the media type to get radio shows, or texts.

-Annie

 

[PennyThompson]

Here's a little snippet to show what I'm aiming for:

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Frank Fellows, and this is my lovely sales assistant Molly, isn’t she a dish? We represent the Acme Suburban Venus Lingerie Company of Rancho Cucamonga California.

Ma'am, may I ask you a question? How's the health of the marital bed in your household? Does your man still come home every night full of spunk and moxie?

(Why are you giggling Molly, cheese it!)

Let's face it, he's no spring chicken. If you want him to show the vim and vigor he had when you first married and bought a house straight out of high school, you'll have to provide a little more inspiration!

(Molly, lift that skirt and show her the goods.)

I'd love for someone with a little era content knowledge to take a look at my draft and suggest some vocabulary here and there

 

[ElectricBlue]

Go find a bunch of Here's Lucy clips

The problem you've got, I reckon, is that if you don't know the era jargon yourself, it will show, especially in a 750 word story. Nothing worse than an inadvertent anachronism, but that might be better than corny dialogue.

People will spot when you're faking it, quicker than seeing collagen lips or silicon tits.

 

[PennyThompson]

Nothing worse than an inadvertent anachronism, but that might be better than corny dialogue.

Hmm, but what if I like both of those things

I'm not looking to do a period piece because I want to write something with perfect historical accuracy...

I want to do a period piece because the idea of an oblivious salesman hawking lingerie to housewives while his lovely assistant takes them into the bedroom for a "private fitting" is hot and funny to me

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

Here's a little snippet to show what I'm aiming for:



I'd love for someone with a little era content knowledge to take a look at my draft and suggest some vocabulary here and there

A misogynistic approach might be one way to do it, but you would have to put a negative slant to the character using that approach in order to avoid offending the reader.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Hmm, but what if I like both of those things

I'm not looking to do a period piece because I want to write something with perfect historical accuracy...

I want to do a period piece because the idea of an oblivious salesman hawking lingerie to housewives while his lovely assistant takes them into the bedroom for a "private fitting" is hot and funny to me

You've given yourself a challenge, then!

You're looking for someone born in the thirties so they'd be in their twenties during the fifties, which means they'd be pushing ninety now. Just as well it's only 750 words, coz it might be too much excitement for some old codger .

 

[PennyThompson]

You're looking for someone born in the thirties so they'd be in their twenties during the fifties, which means they'd be pushing ninety now.

Fair enough, I'd be happy enough with a boomer who watches a lot of I Love Lucy, they'll still have the advantage over me

 

[lovecraft68]

Funny, the e-book I just finished takes place as a flashback in 1984. I was 16 then so I lived that era, the slang, popular music and shows, etc, and I caught myself slipping into more modern expressions several times. Example saying "sexy as fuck" was not said back then and I had to remove it. Being a foot fetish piece I worked in the sexy little ankle socks and of course aquanet hairspray was mentioned along with the denim jacket with all the band pins. I mentioned the brother looking at his cell once....nope, not back then...

Its tricky enough when you're going back years in your own life, really hard if it 'was never yours.' Good luck

 

[grey228]

Were there door to door salesmen hawking lingerie in 1950? I would hope they were saleswomen in addition to men; remember the time period.

IIRC, Harlan Ellison and Phillip K. Dick had plenty of short stories with dialogue around that time (esp. with the latter's short story, 'We Can Remember It For You Wholesale,' which was rewritten as the movie Total Rekall, twice).

 

[PennyThompson]

Were there door to door salesmen hawking lingerie in 1950? I would hope they were saleswomen in addition to men; remember the time period.

I have no idea, though in my little piece there will be a female assistant

Harlan Ellison and Phillip K. Dick had plenty of short stories with dialogue around that time (esp. with the latter's short story, 'We Can Remember It For You Wholesale,'

Ooh there's a good idea, I've read a little bit of PKD, I might have that in a short story collection ebook!

 

[grey228]

If you need sales copy (advertisement blurbs, etc), check some of the older department store catalogs.

The Sears & Roebuck 1890 catalog is fantastic. Archaic, sure. But without the internet, the language of how things were written didn't change much over time (until the era of color TV).

I also distinctly remember a short story (by either Dick or Ellison, but the latter was the editor in a collection, so it may not have been Harlan), where someone tries to murder their spouse with a DIY Murder Kit . The sales lines there are pretty good.

 

[PennyThompson]

I also distinctly remember a short story (by either Dick or Ellison, but the latter was the editor in a collection, so it may not have been Harlan), where someone tries to murder their spouse with a DIY Murder Kit . The sales lines there are pretty good.

Ohh if you can remember the title and author that sounds amazing

 

[AlexBailey]

The original versions of the Twilight Zone started in 1959

Season 1, episode 2 is “One For The Angels”.

About a street salesman making one last deal with death. It’s full of classic salesman prattle.

 

[PennyThompson]

You could always just take the direct approach, and do some background research by visiting the very cosmopolitan Rancho Cucamonga dressed in a Sexy Road Runner outfit. I'm not sure if Spirit stores are open this time of year, but a local Spencer's Gifts can always assist with just the right fit. Bonus points if you offer up assistance at a wildlife refuge in that area as a cover to your moonlighting, and work exclusively with Coyote rescue.

This seems to have taken a distinctly fursuit-y turn in your mind... Meep Meep

 

[grey228]

This seems to have taken a distinctly fursuit-y turn in your mind... Meep Meep

FYI, suits designed for that activity are apparently referred to as murrsuits.

I need to stop my internet.

 

[PennyThompson]

For anyone that might be interested, this just published, Acme Suburban Lingerie

 

[Audiflex]

(I wasn't sure which forum to post this in, maybe Author's Hangout would be better? I'll start here in Feedback!)

Heya, I'm working on a silly little piece for the 750-Word Challenge, a monologue from a 1950s door-to-door lingerie salesman

I'm aiming for stereotypical fast-talking cold war salesman speak, which I find very funny, but only really know from far-removed sources like Fallout and Futurama and a handful of old movies Would anyone with a stronger grasp of the era be willing to take a look at a draft for me, and help me punch up the dialog?

I'm aiming for comedy not realism, but I'm sure I could benefit from some lingo assistance! P

This sounds so fun! A 1950s lingerie salesman monologue is such a unique and hilarious idea, definitely leaning into that fast-talking, over-the-top vibe is perfect for comedy. I’m not an expert on the era, but I’d suggest checking out some old ads or *Mad Men* clips for inspiration. Posting in the Author’s Hangout is a great call too, someone there might have the perfect lingo tips for you. Can’t wait to see how it turns out!

 

[Milo9012]

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