Looking for positive feedback

[lance gt]

As a novice writer, I have written 45 stories in several genres, but feel I am lacking the talent to really bring out the best in my stories. I'd like to improve the quality of my writing to a point where it stands out against others and maybe to the point of publishing them. I enjoy writing and any subject is open to me. Please let me know what you think will help and how to incorporate them into my writing. Many thanks, Lance

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

As a novice writer, I have written 45 stories in several genres, but feel I am lacking the talent to really bring out the best in my stories. I'd like to improve the quality of my writing to a point where it stands out against others and maybe to the point of publishing them. I enjoy writing and any subject is open to me. Please let me know what you think will help and how to incorporate them into my writing. Many thanks, Lance

Why don't you try putting a link in your post so we don't have to hunt for them?

 

[lance gt]

you know

that's a good idea. how do I do that?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

that's a good idea. how do I do that?

Your story page --> http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=650225&page=submissions

Just go to the page, copy the URL and paste it to your post

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Dances with Pusseys - four is more

First person pov is always tough. I would suggest you see by by counting the number ot paragraphs that begin with the word "I" on th e first page. You should see the redundancy. That takes some skill and experience to get around. Third person works better. That give the point of view of a fly on the wall watching the action and is much easier to write.

In just the first paragraph you used "I" six times, not counting the sentences that begin with "I" in dialogue. In third person you can substitue her, he, him, we, Mildred, Robert and so on.

Also, you should let the characters tell the story through dialogue. What you've done in this story is tell the story through the main charicter's thoughs and actions, with little dialogue until the 18th paragraph, then you begin to do a better job of letting your characters talk.

I'll look at more stories later and tell you what I think.

 

[lance gt]

This is my latest story I'm looking for critique on

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=435774
I am trying to improve the range and scope of my writing. I feel I did okay with this, but it is very juvenille in terms of writing structure. I am working on vocabulary and sentencing as my primary goals to improve on

 

[lance gt]

Okay, good food for thought. If I am writing in first person POV, how would I relate the story without the redundancy of the word I? Is there a way to show the character's thoughts or their description of the events that transpire?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Okay, good food for thought. If I am writing in first person POV, how would I relate the story without the redundancy of the word I? Is there a way to show the character's thoughts or their description of the events that transpire?

Well... the cheapest way is to say something like -

"I'm going to fuck that asshole if it's the last thing I ever do," Gwendolin thought to herself.

You do it just like dialogue except the dialogue is with the character's head.

 

[lance gt]

Thanks Jenny, I'll keep that one in mind. The "Dances" series was done quite awhile ago and I'm looking to get feedback on The Bonding of LanceGT and LittleMissJen. Again, it was done in the first person POV, but using the thoughts from two characters, as well as narration and 'live' event broadcasting. I felt it came across okay, but the way I wrote it using different font values was difficult to get posted and it wasn't used. I at least described who is who in the preface of the story, so that helped. Is that style worth using?

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Thanks Jenny, I'll keep that one in mind. The "Dances" series was done quite awhile ago and I'm looking to get feedback on The Bonding of LanceGT and LittleMissJen. Again, it was done in the first person POV, but using the thoughts from two characters, as well as narration and 'live' event broadcasting. I felt it came across okay, but the way I wrote it using different font values was difficult to get posted and it wasn't used. I at least described who is who in the preface of the story, so that helped. Is that style worth using?

Using Font Styles on Lit is like trying to fly like Superman. According tot he FAQS you have to email the story with the font and formatting arranged correctly, noted and explained and it still doesn't come out right. You are better off just not using Fonts or Formatting.

 

[sr71plt]

First person POV isn't any tougher to write than third person is--and they both have their advantages and pitfalls. It's just which one is more comfortable for the writer and which one seems more natural for the specific story. In fact, being more intimate, first person is probably more appropriate to erotica than third person is.

 

[slyc_willie]

First person POV isn't any tougher to write than third person is--and they both have their advantages and pitfalls. It's just which one is more comfortable for the writer and which one seems more natural for the specific story. In fact, being more intimate, first person is probably more appropriate to erotica than third person is.

I have to agree. Nothing wrong with writing in first person. I have several stories posted written from the main character's point of view. More than a few readers have sent me feedback stating that the way I wrote really put them into the character's place.

Every writing style has its advantages. Third person omniscient allows you to get into every character's head, but that can be daunting in some stories, in that the writer might feel compelled to give every character equal time. First person allows you to see the world through one character's eyes, giving you the ability to indulge in their particular preferences and prejudices. First person can potentially be more intimate.

 

[lance gt]

Okay, so the idea of writing in first person POV is good, I just have to be aware of how I start the dialogue each time. I've read other writer's stories and they too get caught up in using I as well. I'll have to get a feel for relating the events from a FP POV and find the magic use of possessives in a constructive manner

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Okay, so the idea of writing in first person POV is good, I just have to be aware of how I start the dialogue each time. I've read other writer's stories and they too get caught up in using I as well. I'll have to get a feel for relating the events from a FP POV and find the magic use of possessives in a constructive manner

The dialogue and the non-dialogue. Go back and look at your story, count the number of paragraphs that begin with "I" and you will see what I was talking about.
SR and Dark are correct. They do write in first person. But they have been writting a long time. I've written in first person. Third is much easier for a new writer.

 

[lance gt]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=435774
Here's a link to the story I was looking for feedback on. I tried to write this in the FP POV from two characters as well as a narrator and 'live' event telling

 

[lance gt]

I'm still not sure after reading my story again, how I could relate FP thoughts without the use of "I". The only thing I can see is to change the entire structure of the story. If a FP POV in relating the story is how it is told, what method of breaking up the use of "I" is best suited to keep the tense correct and relate the characters thoughts.

 

[lance gt]

Okay, did a re-think and believe I have the concept of what you're getting at. Sort of had to get my head in an entirely different space from where I was coming from. It's starting to make sense now. Thanks again

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Okay, did a re-think and believe I have the concept of what you're getting at. Sort of had to get my head in an entirely different space from where I was coming from. It's starting to make sense now. Thanks again

It's a learning experience, Lance. I could pound on you until you write the same way I do - or Willy or SR or any of the others. But cloning any of us wouldn't make you a better writer. Good to see your head coming around to looking at your work in another light. Keep at it. You'll get there.

 

[lance gt]

So your consensus is that that the story is okay, just my use of "I" was overdone, is that right? Or do you have any other critiques you feel might improve my writing? Just looking for all the help I can get.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

So your consensus is that that the story is okay, just my use of "I" was overdone, is that right? Or do you have any other critiques you feel might improve my writing? Just looking for all the help I can get.

Ha... that was about 20 stories ago. But yeah. The story was fine. At some point we will talk about tension and build and all that. But get the basics of readability down first. The last thing you want is "Back Clicks" because the reader is bored. All that gives you is a huge number of views and no votes.

Your premise and plot were pretty good. The logical way you told the story was lovely. That puts you about 3 jumps ahead of most.

 

[lance gt]

Thanks Jenny, I'll look forward to hearing about readability. I noticed exactly that scenario when I look at my stories and see the number of views compared to the number of votes. Puzzled me why, till you mentioned it. I'm ready to learn