Looking for my Master

[newexperience]

Why is it so hard to find a true Master? I am fairly new to this lifestyle but know without a doubt that this is what I have been missing in my life. I was meant to be a complete submissive. What I have found though is that most people are just playing a game. Where do I go to find a true Dominate Master?

 

[MissTaken]

Welcome to the forum, newexperience.

It is difficult whether in real life, on line, BDSM or vanilla to find the right partner.

You could try posting an ad at bondage.com or alt.com.

IN any event, you wont' find the right Master for yourself unless you are very clear about who you are and what you need.

Read some threads.
Check out the stickies.

We gots lots of good info on the topic!

 

[Ricckk]

Like most things, the best things in life are worth waiting for. This would apply no matter what lifestyle you participated in. Many people, dominants and submissives alike, rush into a relationship based on momentary passion. This can be especially dangerous if you practice BDSM; first and foremost KNOW your partner. A honorable dominant will not object to questions and will be open and forthcoming about him or herself.

That's my 2 centavos on the subject. On the other hand, what the hell do I know?

 

[MissTaken]

That's my 2 centavos on the subject. On the other hand, what the hell do I know?

Lots!

Based on that post

 

[Goddess Helena]

Ricckk, I agree with you.
I had a friendship with my boy before we tried for more. I think that being careful and mindful of what you are looking for are good things to remember for any way of life.

Welcome to both of you, btw.


Helena

 

[artful]

WELCOME to the Forum

Like most things, the best things in life are worth waiting for. This would apply no matter what lifestyle you participated in. Many people, dominants and submissives alike, rush into a relationship based on momentary passion. This can be especially dangerous if you practice BDSM; first and foremost KNOW your partner. A honorable dominant will not object to questions and will be open and forthcoming about him or herself.

Great Post Ricckk! I would only add,...communicate your desires in an honest, open manner, proceed with caution, gain knowledge, ask questions, and use patience,...time will be on YOUR side if you let it. HURRY is almost a catalyst in becoming OVERLY involved with someone, then finding out TOO late,..."Uh Oh,...I am in trouble here."-

 

[Desdemona]

As Lance has posted before, you don't necessarily need to limit yourself to BDSM type personals. Dominants and subs advertise on a variety of sites.

Again, though, you must be very clear about what you are looking for and what you have to offer the relationship. Take your time. It is worth the wait.

 

[serijules]

Why is it so hard to find a true Master?

Perhaps you are looking too hard.

You state you are new to the lifestyle...I'm sure there are many Dominants out there that are new to the lifestyle as well. We all have wants and expectations of those we form relationships with...but if we set them too high, there is always the chance of missing what is right before our eyes at some point.

I am still learning and growing, and know what it's like to feel that you will never find someone whom you can trust with your newfound desires, or someone that fits that definition of a 'true' Master. Maybe the only true Masters out there are the ones that feel just as honestly as you probably do about how suited the role is for them. The rest comes with experience, and in time. Don't pass up the chance of getting to know those people because they don't fit some pre-defined definition of true Dominance.

Where do I go to find a true Dominate Master?

Unfortuantly, Dominants don't come from Family Foods with nutrition information on the sides of their boxes. (price check on Dominant Master, isle four...price check....)

Sarcasm aside, part of finding someone that you can truely 'click' with and trust with the deepest part of your desires is KNOWING those desires first, rather than assuming them. Knowing who you are, taking the time to experiment and explore and look around and get a solid sense of the person you are as a submissive. Somewhere along that journey you will likely meet someone that will seemingly know you better than you know yourself and help you grow even further in your submission. That's when the real definition of a true Dominant will suddenly be clearly defined.

In the mean time, enjoy the search, cuz sometimes what you learn and where you go and who you meet in that journey is more important, than where you end up.

Welcome to the forum

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Looking for my Master

Perhaps you are looking too hard.

You state you are new to the lifestyle...I'm sure there are many Dominants out there that are new to the lifestyle as well. We all have wants and expectations of those we form relationships with...but if we set them too high, there is always the chance of missing what is right before our eyes at some point.

I am still learning and growing, and know what it's like to feel that you will never find someone whom you can trust with your newfound desires, or someone that fits that definition of a 'true' Master. Maybe the only true Masters out there are the ones that feel just as honestly as you probably do about how suited the role is for them. The rest comes with experience, and in time. Don't pass up the chance of getting to know those people because they don't fit some pre-defined definition of true Dominance.



Unfortuantly, Dominants don't come from Family Foods with nutrition information on the sides of their boxes. (price check on Dominant Master, isle four...price check....)

Sarcasm aside, part of finding someone that you can truely 'click' with and trust with the deepest part of your desires is KNOWING those desires first, rather than assuming them. Knowing who you are, taking the time to experiment and explore and look around and get a solid sense of the person you are as a submissive. Somewhere along that journey you will likely meet someone that will seemingly know you better than you know yourself and help you grow even further in your submission. That's when the real definition of a true Dominant will suddenly be clearly defined.

In the mean time, enjoy the search, cuz sometimes what you learn and where you go and who you meet in that journey is more important, than where you end up.

Welcome to the forum

Really good points. I love your sense of humor!

 

[Red Menace]

Originally posted by newexperience
Why is it so hard to find a true Master?

Because there are so few out there. There's a huge difference between someone who can wield a flogger and wants a little kink in the bedroom and someone who knows what it is to Master not only themselves but also another person.

[/B]I am fairly new to this lifestyle but know without a doubt that this is what I have been missing in my life. I was meant to be a complete submissive. What I have found though is that most people are just playing a game. Where do I go to find a true Dominate Master? [/B]

Out of about 200 replies on alt and bondage, I found one. Well, one that fit my criteria of young but experienced, sexy, local and a smoker. Talk about finding a needle in a haystack. My advice is to meet IRL asap to avoid building expectations only to have them crushed by reality, be very upfront about what you want but watch out for predators who mirror your desires so they can push your bottons and be patient and wait until someone just clicks. The "leather gods" will supply your Master when you both are ready for each other.

 

[~Dream~]

I agree with Both Red & serijules

I met My Master Artful on THIS website however and got to know Him over talking in the playground forum and through various lit pm's and yahoo messenger ..

from there we talked on the phone ,I expressed more and more Desire to learn and HE Says it was my sher willingness to learn ,my Serious attitude and "persistance that "got to Him'..
My friend,Angelofsex,who just ended up being a good friend to Both of us as it was and still is,introduced us...I feel that was a KEY part to us being together today,We BOTH HAD Trust and Faith in her wanting us BOTH to be happy..

After only3 mos talking online I ,mYSELF made the decision and felt it was necessary to go to Arkansas to meet Artful ..in person
Luckily for me,after seeing my sincerity and really feeling my Need for the meeting ,He agreed..However we had Grat Communication going on and alot of openness and honesty & respect was built up before my travel..

Turned out to be the BEST choice I could've made.. rarely do 2 people find what we did ,,"we "clicked' ,we 'FIT" ,we were the missing 'pieces' to each other's puzzle.. I had absolutely No problem 'submitting to Him for the 5 days and nights I was there. It cane EASY for me and He made it easy...He made me feel so 'Comfortable,so accepted... so Loved.. as He still does today to this very minute..we have our ups and downs and alot moreso lately ,because being online LDR is hard as hell..but Master understands it and while He does NOT actually FEEL the pain from it that I do,He accepts the FACT that I have it and He does the Best He can to make it better for me..not many men would acknowledge publicly for instance ,that they are 'in love' with their slave ,however Artful did.. that made me feel closer than ever to HIM...

What worked out for *US* may very well Not work for you or anybody else ,thats true,however I just wanted to give ya a little *spark* of hope..to let ya know that sometimes lol "Dreams Do Come True"... mine are well on their way... I hope yours are too..

 

[newexperience]

I really appreciate everyone's response to my post. It have given me a lot of insight, a lot to think about and most of all a sense that what I need is not just a dream but can be a reality. My awe of discovering submission and understanding that it is what I have missed from my life for so long. I truly thank every one for their input.
debbie

 

[MissTaken]

I think that once we find D/s, we find ourselves so drawn to it, needing it , longing to experience it that we want to move forward with a steam roller.

Patience is key.
As with any relationship, any kind of relationship, it takes time and energy to find the right partner, whether in D/s , vanilla, business or friendship.

Castlrealm has a great article on patience.

I would suggest anyone looking for a Dom/me or sub:

A) YOU must know yourself first. What are your needs and desires? What do you bring ot a potential partner? This requires questions and answers, research into the lifestyle. Making friends in the lifestyle who can help guide you can be most helpful. This forum has been great for htat for many.

B) YOu must trust yourself FIRST. Too many stories, my own included, have hit on the issue of misplaced trust. I realize now it was my judgment that was skewed and can't blame the fools who stepped on my trust.

C) Be real. What are the parameters to your search? Are you looking for on line relationships? Real time? If real time, can you relocate? What abotu things like employment and kids? Consider the whole picture, not just your drive to have that special someone, but can it work in the real multi dimensional world?

D) Peruse ads. Get comfie with a personals site or forum. When you feel you can recognize the players from the serious seekers, then stick a TOE in ! Dont' jump in head first.

E) Patience!!!!!

All good things happen to those who wait.
Or as with Dream, they just happen!

Trying to place that longing on the back burner while you conduct a responsible search into yourself and then your search for a partner will pay off a hundred fold!

 

[P. B. Walker]

Very well put MissTaken... some great advice for us novice BDSM'ers

PBW