Looking for instruction on being a sub male
- Thread starter tc2002
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Sorry. Im a straight sub male, new to the BDSM scene. I have an off and on girlfriend that is introducing me to the sceene but while its fun, she doenst teach me... she justs commands, and we have little interaction. I am into alot of fantasy and roleplaying... daddy/daughter, mother/son, watersports, light pain (scratching, spanking, nothing heavy) sex in public... all within the relm of having a 24/7 dom/mistress
I wana learn more about becoming a better sub for my partner, and reading more on the dom/sub relationship. Also get tips from sub males, or dom feamales on what they want/expect out of a sub male.
I wana learn more about becoming a better sub for my partner, and reading more on the dom/sub relationship. Also get tips from sub males, or dom feamales on what they want/expect out of a sub male.
AAkasha
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tc2002 said:
I've gotten a lot of positive feed back from my Good Girl's Guide to Domination. - http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html
Other articles on my site give some insight into the mind of a femdom (at least this one!). If you have any more specific questions, toss them out. I'd love to know what your challenges are.
Akasha
Maximumtest
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I have a Q for you Akasha... do you think guys should ever resort to paying to visit a "Professional Domme"?
AAkasha
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Maximumtest said:
You say "resort" as if to insinuate it's a "last effort" and all other methods have been exhausted. Sure, I think that's fine. I think professional femdoms provide an excellent service, and some subs PREFER to enter into a professional relationship rather than a personal one.
If a submissive is looking for more of an emotional, connection-based experience(s) with a femdom, though, seeing a pro is often an experience that leaves him flat, unfulfilled and more discouraged.
If "professional male subs" existed in the quantity that pro femdoms did, with the tools, the talents, the play space and the 'no strings attached' outlet for an hour or two of fetish-play, I'd love it.
Akasha
bronntanas
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Have you tried looking for a bdsm club local in your area? I know of one that has several kink discussion groups and one of them is all subs. I mean, the discussion group. I get a lot out of dropping by there, and just listening. Other than that, I've heard that Castlerealm here on line is good for reference, and no-one's pointed you to the library threads here. So you might want to check out the library.
A lot of what makes a good sub is in the eyes of their partner, so keep your lover in mind as you read. A lot it is also not gender specific. That is, aside from the obvious parts, like cbt is hard to do on females. But the attitudes and behaviors are similar; they seem to vary more by personality type and not by gender.
A lot of what makes a good sub is in the eyes of their partner, so keep your lover in mind as you read. A lot it is also not gender specific. That is, aside from the obvious parts, like cbt is hard to do on females. But the attitudes and behaviors are similar; they seem to vary more by personality type and not by gender.
Thank you very much for that link Akasha, it made me realize a few things!
More and more i read, the more and more i seem like im pushing her. Im the type of person that needs and craves interaction from my mistress to know that i have truly pleased her, and my mistress is the type of person who will say two or three words to you, then dissapear. I dont think she is too interested in me. In the begining we would play chastity games and stuff, but now, she wont even ask that stuff of me anymore, chastity is now a punishment. Chastity for her includes, "you have been bad, you will not cum for three days" and thats it, if i wish to play chastity games, i have to do so myself by masturbating(but not cumming) to her pictures or the chats we have had and tell her about it. I know from reading your site, i am a "nagger" but if i dont nag my mistress, i would not get any interaction out of her. She herself is a switch, and is pretty much sub, but with me, she likes me as sub and has told me that she wants me to be sub.
More and more i read, the more and more i seem like im pushing her. Im the type of person that needs and craves interaction from my mistress to know that i have truly pleased her, and my mistress is the type of person who will say two or three words to you, then dissapear. I dont think she is too interested in me. In the begining we would play chastity games and stuff, but now, she wont even ask that stuff of me anymore, chastity is now a punishment. Chastity for her includes, "you have been bad, you will not cum for three days" and thats it, if i wish to play chastity games, i have to do so myself by masturbating(but not cumming) to her pictures or the chats we have had and tell her about it. I know from reading your site, i am a "nagger" but if i dont nag my mistress, i would not get any interaction out of her. She herself is a switch, and is pretty much sub, but with me, she likes me as sub and has told me that she wants me to be sub.
AAkasha
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tc2002 said:
You say that you think she is not too interested in you. Do you mean interested in you overall? Then later you say she wants you as a sub. I guess my first question is-- is your relationship healthy? Are you both into each other? That's always the first thing to sort out, because layering kink on top when one or both people are new just complicates things.
Perhaps you can have her read what I wrote about submissives needing attention. Chastity is a key one. It's not "teasing and denial" if there's no teasing. The question is-- does she get anything out of it? Why would she want to tease you? She should have some delight in seeing your frustration and discomfort, and turn it into a game of seeing how much she can make it uncomfortable.
However, if you are nagging her, she might be shutting down as a reaction. It's a chicken and egg thing. I know that the last thing I feel like doing is dominating a man that's nagging me to do it, or hinting. She might not be doing it because she's expected to do it.
As always, some clear communication (as a couple, not as Mistress and sub) can clear up expectations. You can tell her you will stop nagging, but try to have her realize that some acknowledgement of your submission is what makes it "feel real" to you.
I hope that makes sense!
Akasha
Well, ive been with her for almost 2 years now off and on... we live across the contry from each other. The D/s stuff just began to come up heavily around december when i found out she was really into it. At first i knew she liked the general things associated with it, but i didnt know how much she was into it. She is a true submissive in all of her past relationships and her marriage (yes she is married, but that does not bother me) so she wants me to be her sub, or her outlet. A thing with us IS getting her to communicate, and thats not just when we are in dom/sub mode.
I just started talking with her less than a month ago after one of our off periods, and she said she really wanted me to be "sub" for her. Her daily tasks for me are to write 3 emails. One worshiping her for when she wakes up, one with an erotic story either wirtten by me or found, and one telling her of my day before i go to work. I am not allowed to please myself unless she says i may, and when she tells me i may, there is no interaction... just her telling me to cum.
The problem is... i get almost nothing in return, no teasing, no nothing, sometimes she doesnt even reply to my emails. That is why i began to get naggy, so i know her shutting down is not because of me getting naggy... her shutting down came first. Another thing is the time diffrence. She is on the east coast, and works during the time i sleep, and by the time i wake up, ive got to work, so the only time i really spend with her is if i stay up untill 230 am my time when she wakes up. That is when she will tease me, or play games with me occasionaly, but it is hard for me to be up at that time always. I like her alot, but im starting to finaly realize it probably wont work out
I just started talking with her less than a month ago after one of our off periods, and she said she really wanted me to be "sub" for her. Her daily tasks for me are to write 3 emails. One worshiping her for when she wakes up, one with an erotic story either wirtten by me or found, and one telling her of my day before i go to work. I am not allowed to please myself unless she says i may, and when she tells me i may, there is no interaction... just her telling me to cum.
The problem is... i get almost nothing in return, no teasing, no nothing, sometimes she doesnt even reply to my emails. That is why i began to get naggy, so i know her shutting down is not because of me getting naggy... her shutting down came first. Another thing is the time diffrence. She is on the east coast, and works during the time i sleep, and by the time i wake up, ive got to work, so the only time i really spend with her is if i stay up untill 230 am my time when she wakes up. That is when she will tease me, or play games with me occasionaly, but it is hard for me to be up at that time always. I like her alot, but im starting to finaly realize it probably wont work out
Last edited:
onceburned
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tc2002 said:
Online relationships are very hard. And if she is married, then that real world relationship will tend to get in the way.
Its a frustrating situation to be in, and right now she is your only outlet for D/s. Have you considered joining your local BDSM group? You will be able to meet like-minded people, learn a great deal, and maybe even meet a nice woman in your area. At the very least it will help relieve some of the pressure on your friend to 'perform' when she isn't in the mood.
chris9
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tc2002 said:I cannot find one... i know there is probably one around here... but this is a smallish town.... 100k people, but we grew fast, 10 years ago we were only around 80k ish.
And also... its over between her and I... she finaly released me
Sorry to hear, I hope you feel better soon!
I also hope that you will find someone to connect with somewhere near you!
onceburned
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TC, I am sorry that your online relationship ended. Losing a friend and partner is not easy. Be good to yourself for the next few days.
As for finding a local group, I would be surprised if a town of over 80,000 didn't have one. You can google the name of your town, along with the letters BDSM and you might find it. Or you can use Caryl's Page which I described in this thread.
As for finding a local group, I would be surprised if a town of over 80,000 didn't have one. You can google the name of your town, along with the letters BDSM and you might find it. Or you can use Caryl's Page which I described in this thread.
roosterado9
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AAkasha said:
As a man who has acted submissive in all his past emotional based relationships I cannot see myself doing online or Pro.Its only been a few weeks I have realized that past behavior is my sub? I am now wondering how to date in a Vanilla city?Did not date for yrs I was so mixed up/fustrated !
onceburned
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roosterado9 said:
I am not sure where in Minnesota you live, but Minneapolis (from what I hear) has quite an active scene. You might want to check out http://ties-bdsm.org/ which has a listing of Minnesota groups and a calendar of activities.
As someone who lives in that rural state just south of Minnesota, I can attest that it is easier to meet dominant women of our age than you might think.
SweetDommes
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Her sissy slave
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a bit off topic
I've gotten a lot of positive feed back from my Good Girl's Guide to Domination. - http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html
what does bother me about this, it would ''seem'' there is a lot of sterotyping here.
i see a lot about men whining and pushing to have their way....
this must be either those young boys 20 something or i am just too damn ridgid.
i myself have never.....asked........for anything from anyone in this lifestyle.
i cannot personally, grasp......why anyone would?
but as i said before,......
A<
i like Your stories
B<
i must be the exception to the case again?
thank You Ma'am
a sissy
I've gotten a lot of positive feed back from my Good Girl's Guide to Domination. - http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html
what does bother me about this, it would ''seem'' there is a lot of sterotyping here.
i see a lot about men whining and pushing to have their way....
this must be either those young boys 20 something or i am just too damn ridgid.
i myself have never.....asked........for anything from anyone in this lifestyle.
i cannot personally, grasp......why anyone would?
but as i said before,......
A<
i like Your stories
B<
i must be the exception to the case again?
thank You Ma'am
a sissy
Her sissy slave
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Akasha
i used Your quote because You put it in the msg......i figured it was part of helping out here.......SO------i went to the site and i find it has too much sterotyping.....at least as "i" see it.
sorry if no one else did.
a slave
i used Your quote because You put it in the msg......i figured it was part of helping out here.......SO------i went to the site and i find it has too much sterotyping.....at least as "i" see it.
sorry if no one else did.
a slave
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What she meant was - quote what someone else has written..... look above, see the little window in my post saying Quote: ?Her sissy slave said:
I didnt include your words in my text but separated them and you can see "Originally Posted by Her sissy slave" cant you?
Her sissy slave
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specialized quotes now?
i have no idea how to make those little boxed in frames and didnt know ya had to be so particular about how ya write to people.
be nice someone handed out manuals..
so much for being nice and trying to help, huh?
i'm sorry. i see again a good deed never goes unpunished......
its too bad....and i had hope for people being nice?
ok
i quit
i';m sorry
i have no idea how to make those little boxed in frames and didnt know ya had to be so particular about how ya write to people.
be nice someone handed out manuals..
so much for being nice and trying to help, huh?
i'm sorry. i see again a good deed never goes unpunished......
its too bad....and i had hope for people being nice?
ok
i quit
i';m sorry
SweetDommes
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Her sissy slave said:
They were trying to help you make your post clearer. I was rather confused myself. When you are posting, you can either type [ quote ] and [ / quote ] (without the spaces, of course) or you can type whatever, highlight it, and then hit the button above the text box that looks like a cartoon speech bubble.
No one said that you had to quit, no one said anything about punishing, or being mad at you ... they were simply trying to help you make yourself more understandable in your posting.
