Looking for insight on the lifestyle

[VanessaCarolyn]

I am working on a series of postings for my Literotica page. What I have planned is a 14-15 chapter story; but honestly, I am so sheltered that I know very little about this lifestyle, other than the stereotype.

I would prefer to be educated and present the most fair and accurate representation possible. It is not my intent to come off as arrogant or pompous; other than education, all I request is patience with my inexperience.

Respectfully,
Miss V
note: it is 10:25pm where I am.

 

[graceanne]

I am working on a series of postings for my Literotica page. What I have planned is a 14-15 chapter story; but honestly, I am so sheltered that I know very little about this lifestyle, other than the stereotype.

I would prefer to be educated and present the most fair and accurate representation possible. It is not my intent to come off as arrogant or pompous; other than education, all I request is patience with my inexperience.

Respectfully,
Miss V
note: it is 10:25pm where I am.

You might wanna check out the library thread at the top. It's got a lot of links and information in it. Good luck.

 

[rosco rathbone]

That's how it starts....next thing you know, you are " bdsm curious but married to the most loving, wonderful, sweet vanilla man in the world"...and the slippery slope slides from there.

 

[catalina_francisco]

That's how it starts....next thing you know, you are " bdsm curious but married to the most loving, wonderful, sweet vanilla man in the world"...and the slippery slope slides from there.

LOL, you getting cynical on us RR?!!

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

LOL, you getting cynical on us RR?!!

Catalina

Getting?

 

[BeachGurl2]

Getting?

Yeah, there's some quote about great minds . . . thought exactly the same thing.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yeah, there's some quote about great minds . . . thought exactly the same thing.

LOL, well he's not always cynical, often not at all.

Catalina

 

[Caitlynne]

That's how it starts....next thing you know, you are " bdsm curious but married to the most loving, wonderful, sweet vanilla man in the world"...and the slippery slope slides from there.

And so it goes.........

 

[Richard49]

LOL, you getting cynical on us RR?!!

Catalina

nope
he is making an honest observation

 

[Richard49]

I am working on a series of postings for my Literotica page. What I have planned is a 14-15 chapter story; but honestly, I am so sheltered that I know very little about this lifestyle, other than the stereotype.

I would prefer to be educated and present the most fair and accurate representation possible. It is not my intent to come off as arrogant or pompous; other than education, all I request is patience with my inexperience.

Respectfully,
Miss V
note: it is 10:25pm where I am.

Let me share I hate the trm lifestyle applied to who I am
Here are some general info pieces of my mind
[please I dod not type or spell well so if that is an issue
just keep going and ignor this post]

In general those of us that particpate in certain behavors fall into three general catgories....

1) D/s
2) bdsm
3) sensualists

D/s is about metal and emotional power exchange
it might
just might
include bdsm

bdsm is about physical power exchange
it can
(I hope you get his part that it can but does not have to)
it include one or more of the following
bondage
discipline
sadism
maschism

Those that particpate in bdsm are know as tops or bottoms. A D or s can be either a top or bottom if they are particpating in in bdsm. Yes a Dom can be a bottom.

Than there is that large group of vanilla folks that particpate in some bdsm behavor i nthe bedroom but the power exchange is just part of some kind of role play. This group is sensulalist. They do what they do for just the sensation.

 

[VanessaCarolyn]

That's how it starts....next thing you know, you are " bdsm curious but married to the most loving, wonderful, sweet vanilla man in the world"...and the slippery slope slides from there.

LMAO - My "sweet vanilla man" said the exact same thing...but he's not interested in experimenting.

 

[VanessaCarolyn]

I tried so hard to sound respectful, which is why I refered to it as a lifestyle. I mean no disrespect. I consider myself open-minded and want mainly to be fair but also accurate in my portrayal. All I'm stuck with are the stereotypes which I'd prefer to dispell straight from the horses mouth.

Richard49--if not a lifestyle, how would you refer to it?

 

[BeachGurl2]

I tried so hard to sound respectful, which is why I refered to it as a lifestyle. I mean no disrespect. I consider myself open-minded and want mainly to be fair but also accurate in my portrayal. All I'm stuck with are the stereotypes which I'd prefer to dispell straight from the horses mouth.

Richard49--if not a lifestyle, how would you refer to it?

I think you came off very respectfully, so just ignore anyone who sounds offended by your question.

One thing you'll learn very quickly is that "my BDSM may not be your BDSM". Everyone here has a different opinion on almost everything. And each person here considers themselves something different. I'm sure you've noticed that in some threads, the original question often asks people to list their gender, orientation, flavor, or whatever. While you can ask your questions and maybe get a serious discussion going, more than likely you'll get a few serious responses and a bunch of fun chit chat. I would recommend that you make use of the library here, and read some of the threads that look interesting to you. And many people here don't mind a PM if you have a specific question to ask. Don't let the naysayers scare you away.

 

[Richard49]

I tried so hard to sound respectful, which is why I refered to it as a lifestyle. I mean no disrespect. I consider myself open-minded and want mainly to be fair but also accurate in my portrayal. All I'm stuck with are the stereotypes which I'd prefer to dispell straight from the horses mouth.

Richard49--if not a lifestyle, how would you refer to it?

I did not think of you as disrespectful
I just hear that term applies and it is not correct
period

"We" have been overwhlemed by sensulalists and cyber being
who have adulteriated the language and especially the langauage
of who we are

I am a Dom. dominate is a verb...for many of us not a nice one.
I do not want to be compared to a top or bottom or sensulaist
and especially do not want to be place in the same "community" because "WE"
might behave sometimes in simlar ways. I am what I am...it is not what I do.

I think many have never owned or at lest read a dictionary.

to use the arguement that my bdsm is not your bdsm is to ignor
1) 100s of years of people being what they are
2) the language of the "community" that has existed for .... well at lest the 4 plus decades I have been awear
3) to say that there is some damn big umbralla that encompases ALL kinky sex when in fact D/s is about being not doing

The term/word lifestyle is elatively new to the "community" and has been pressed on us by people who
1) do not know any better
2) those that do not care
3) those that like piegon holes
4) those that want legitmacy to there behavores

 

[graceanne]

LOL, well he's not always cynical, often not at all.

Catalina

Actualy - I thought the same thing. He just posted it.

 

[FurryFury]

I am working on a series of postings for my Literotica page. What I have planned is a 14-15 chapter story; but honestly, I am so sheltered that I know very little about this lifestyle, other than the stereotype.

I would prefer to be educated and present the most fair and accurate representation possible. It is not my intent to come off as arrogant or pompous; other than education, all I request is patience with my inexperience.

Respectfully,
Miss V
note: it is 10:25pm where I am.

Good luck with your story! Anytime you would like to contact me feel free. I may not have the most experience with all this but I believe I probably can be helpful to you in writing your story.

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

One definition of BDSM is:

Bondage & Discipline, Domination/submission, Sadism/Masochism

Which is why the triskelion "BDSM symbol" is in 3 parts, to represent the 3 facets of our relationships - B&D, D/s, SM.

Like Richard, I am who I am. Unlike Richard, I consider this a lifestyle because it's the way I live my life and live in my relationships. That doesn't make it right, or wrong, nor do I think anyone else ought to be living it this way. We must each find our own path.

I do like to share ideas, consider other paths, look at different ways of doing things. I may find things I want to try, that will work better than what I am currently doing, that will be of benefit me and mine in our journey. I try to keep an open mind and heart, and I've grown so much with each step I've taken along the way.

Enjoy your own journey of discovery. Allow others to share their thoughts and feelings, and you will find a kaliedoscope of possibilities await you. And remember: At the bottom of that slippery slope Roscoe mentioned, there is a pool full of jello...

The wrestling begins at midnight! *LOL*

 

[Richard49]

One definition of BDSM is:

Bondage & Discipline, Domination/submission, Sadism/Masochism

I edit this to take out my true thoughts
and also my anger

I will just say that evil is dead wrong that Domination and submissin was ever part of the defintion of BDSM ... but than he thinks he knows everything and enjoys misleading people ...

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I edit this to take out my true thoughts
and also my anger

I will just say that evil is dead wrong that Domination and submissin was ever part of the defintion of BDSM ... but than he thinks he knows everything and enjoys misleading people ...

Actually Richard, with all due respect, according to the Deviant's Dictionary the definition is...

"BDSM
Sometimes BD/SM. Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Catch-all term much used in North America to lump together those perves who play with physical pain and those who don't, reflecting a concern that the term SM, with its associations with pain, is not always appropriate. See also BD, SM. "

 

[jadefirefly]

Actually, I get rather annoyed with people who offer assistance in one post, then turn around in another and claim that someone else is "wrong".

Plain and simple, no single person on this site is the end all, be all of information and fact. Just because one person chooses to define themselves, what they do or who they are, or how they live, in a certain way... it does not mean everyone else does.

Frankly, I -do- consider BDSM, in all it's varying acronym-ish breakdowns, to be a lifestyle. Because, as EvilGeoff said, it's how one lives their life.

How a person lives their life does not mean that their playtime habits are something that is involved in every aspect of their life -- it just means it is something they do, with the life they are living. To deny that BDSM is part of your life, if you are part of it, is just plain silly.

I will also point out that Geoff specifically stated "one definition". As in, not all people have the same viewpoint -- as I think is apparent, at this point. He is NOT saying that "This is how it is, and you'd best accept it as such".

In short, BDSM itself is a very vague term, that encompasses a great deal of things. There are also a number of things that sort of sit on the outskirts -- I am not certain if I would consider sensualism to be 'part' of BDSM, per se, but it is certainly influenced by it, and has it's similarities.

In summary, never, no matter who says it, assume that a statement made about BDSM is 100% accurate across the board. There will always be someone out there with a different idea about it -- and who, really, has the cajones to say that someone else's version of BDSM is wrong? That'd be like me coming into your bedroom and telling you you're having sex all wrong. It's rude, it's narrow-minded, and it's just plain not right.

 

[jadefirefly]

Oh, and one more thing -- this is just my opinion, but I tend not to give too much credit to people who'll give me shit for trying to learn, especially when the questions are well-thought out, not insulting, and well-meant.

If they're not willing to respond with the same level of respect the question was posed with, I don't want to learn anything from them anyway.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I confess I never understand the loathing some have for others referring to it as a lifestyle. You read about people having a jetstyle lifestyle and understand it means they are on and off planes like changing their underwear in many cases, definately travel a lot on a regular basis. For us, BDSM in our form is how we live our life 24/7 so it is a lifestyle choice on a fulltime scale.

Catalina

 

[alice_underneath]

I edit this to take out my true thoughts
and also my anger

I will just say that evil is dead wrong that Domination and submissin was ever part of the defintion of BDSM ... but than he thinks he knows everything and enjoys misleading people ...

I understand that definitions are important to you, Richard, and I invite you to join me in a discussion of the term "gentleman", as applied to a dominant male. I notice that you describe yourself as "The Gentleman Dom", so I assume the term has particular meaning for you.

My American Heritage Dictionary contains the following definition of the word gentleman:

"a well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior"

Of course, since the concepts of "good" manners and "proper" behavior are quite subjective, this definition leaves the concept of a gentleman open for individual interpretation.

To me, a gentleman is someone who is considerate and polite to those around him. He tries to make others feel welcome and at ease, and generally avoids insulting or rude behavior. He is not arrogant, obnoxious, or nasty. Instead, he is gracious and kind.

To me, this concept has nothing to do with a man's clothes or his car or his living room.

In other words, as my mother always told us: "Remember, girls. The manners make the man. Not the suit."

Therefore, by my personal definition of the word, there is no Dom on this board who is more of a gentleman than Evil Geoff. He welcomes newcomers graciously. He is respectful toward those with differing points of view. He is exceedingly kind, never insulting, and never obnoxious.

In short, he puts others at ease. He makes them feel comfortable. That is the essence and the goal of "good manners", according to my personal definition of the phrase.

Of course, Mr. Geoff is not the only dominant male here whom I would describe as a "gentleman". Andante and RJMasters, for example, seem to fit my definition too.

But I am curious to hear your opinion, Richard. As applied to a dominant male, what does the word "gentleman" mean to you?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have to agree with you Alice that defining a gentleman Dom is subjective, and yet there are some qualities that seem to always shine through. LOL, even my mother who has a loathing of men describes Francisco as a gentleman, as have others who meet him. IMHO it is those things you mention and an indefineable sense of class about them....from online words I have also seen it in Andante. I also see it a lot more in Europe than I ever did in Australia or the US....hard to describe it though except perhaps to compare it to old world character and style which perhaps is why I see it more here. One thing I did notice on my last visit home was I was repeatedly shocked by people's behaviour (men and women) where once I wouldn't have blinked at or thought another thing of it.

Catalina

Edited to add: Giving it more thought, one quality I would define as existing in gentlemen, and especially gentlemen Dom's, is a sense of honour which is ever present even when they are being their most sadistic.

 

[Richard49]

Actually Richard, with all due respect, according to the Deviant's Dictionary the definition is...

"BDSM
Sometimes BD/SM. Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Catch-all term much used in North America to lump together those perves who play with physical pain and those who don't, reflecting a concern that the term SM, with its associations with pain, is not always appropriate. See also BD, SM. "

I want to thank you dixie for posting about the Deviants Dictionary
It actually proves my point

Evil talked about the emblam
the Dictionary says it was created by a single individual in the 1990s
I would be willingto beat the mid to late 90s
when there was a large # of people that came to the internet

also the embalm can be correct if you look at the D/s as a seperate term that "can" be reflected in the BDSM community.

as to the defintion you posted for BDSM

first the dictionary is one persons work
second if the distionary is relatively new and has in fact been updated recently
third it is a dictionary that does NOT have the history of the word or term

now if you look closely at the defintion as you posted it says that BDSM has become a catch all term and that even in it's catch all staus it may be unfair to all

I have posted before about how when I found the community it was suggested that if oen thought one was a Dom that one apprentice a submissive to a Dom for a year ..... which I did but it was to a Dom/Domme couple...

I am and have been suggesting that we use terms to losly
that because we do
for whatever reason we do
we end up hurting people
if I am looking for a submissive
and end up with sensualiatist or a bottom
and I end up with such because people have been mislead by terms/titles/beings than we both get hurt ... also we now have vlecro collars because people are presenting themsleves as D/s when in fact they are either sensulist or top/bottoms .....

Words have power
when they are applied to a persons being they have even more power
and when they are misused either delpertly or out of ignorence
they (words) have even more power to hurt