Looking For Feedback

[Priscilla_June]

Hey all!

I suppose I am still relatively new to this site, having joined in April. Thus its been an adjustment getting used to how feedback is given as a standard here (ratings and favorites vs any real commentary). Most comments are either all good or all bad, but Id love an opinion or thought that has more substance.

I posted a story for a competition recently, the Summer Lovin. I was actually quite happy with the story, some would say that is all that matters. But i do love affirmation that others enjoy it as well. That being said once it went live it did really well for a few hours and then got bombarded with low ratings.

Which leaves me with the question… why? My suspicion is that the theme of it (cheating wife and interracial) didn’t sit with viewers sensibilities despite the fact it was posted in Exhibitionism/Voyeur. Given the nature of the competition That does not show the category I wonder if folks who do not like those kinks found me and did not move on without leaving a star rating.

But I don't wanna live in a vacuum, Id love another author(s) opinion on what they thought. Im not looking for a full on proofread, just want to hear peoples thoughts and whether my suspicions are founded or there is something I am missing, OR if you enjoyed it. Of course no one likes to take a lot of time writing just to get low ratings, so I want to improve

Here is the story: Not Her Only Fan

https://literotica.com/s/not-her-only-fan

Thanks all in advance!

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Hi, I have read your story, and I will try to give you some hopefully constructive criticism. It is well written and I liked the idea of the story. I am not really a big fan of the categories your story touches, but still, I can say that objectively your story idea was interesting. Some observations:

1. Your story starts in a sweet and cute way, so the turn that story took surprised me somewhat. It is not a bad thing, it was just surprising.

2. A few things I didn't like are here. The lingo is a bit over the top to my ears. There is too much of it for my taste. The second thing that I felt could have been done differently is the talk between your two characters. There is too much of it during the sex part in my opinion. It breaks the flow kinda, and the fact that they announce almost every action with words first, breaks the spontaneity of it. I felt it distracted me from imagining the scene somewhat. I had to be honest here, but also keep in mind that this might just be me. It might feel completely right to other readers

Also, I think readers of this section expected a little stronger exhibitionists content. Maybe more spectators on the beach itself, their cheering, their reactions etc.

Now about ratings. My impression is that readers mostly like the stories that cover their particular kinks, and it is way more important to them than the actual quality of the story. I myself have read some terribly written stories, stories that felt like you were reading a report, that were rated pretty high, but they did cover some particular kinks. Don't read too much into ratings, I don't think they are an objective measure of the story quality, just a measure if someone liked it or not.

Yours is a well written story in my opinion. You have a main protagonist explained, we know her thoughts , what motivates her, her doubts and fears. One could argue the turn the story took was maybe not perfectly consistent, but it is a story, not a scientific theory

 

[Priscilla_June]

Thanks so much for taking time to provide me great feedback! I really appreciate it! I do have a few questions if you do have time:

1) so the turn meaning the stranger? Hm I can see that I suppose, its funny you call it a turn because it was so ingrained in my head that is how the story was to go I guess I didn't even consider it a turn.

2) I deff see what youre saying with the dialog. It’s probably a bad habit or maybe even a kink of mine that the verbal commanding nature of the characters is something I write often. But you are right its distracting so note taken!

Yeah this is my first delve into thus category maybe there is a few wickets left I need to cover to really compete in that category.

But thank you a high compliment that you find it well written. I dont think Im quite used to the whole rating system on this site. Its much more impersonal than Ive been exposed to so you are probably right that its not a good measure to go off of. Maybe ill just be content with how many favs haha

Thanks again for reading!

 

[AwkwardlySet]

1) so the turn meaning the stranger? Hm I can see that I suppose, its funny you call it a turn because it was so ingrained in my head that is how the story was to go I guess I didn't even consider it a turn.

Not the stranger itself so much as the fact that she ended up having sex with him. I would say that Christina just rubbing herself off in front of him would have been a lot more realistic. In my experience people don't really cheat on their partners out of the blue. Christina's thoughts never said that she had desires to cheat on her husband, just desires of exhibitionism. If she was drunk, I'd understand it, but the way she gives in to the stranger feels a bit inconsistent with the character you presented at the start.

 

[Priscilla_June]

Not the stranger itself so much as the fact that she ended up having sex with him. I would say that Christina just rubbing herself off in front of him would have been a lot more realistic. In my experience people don't really cheat on their partners out of the blue. Christina's thoughts never said that she had desires to cheat on her husband, just desires of exhibitionism. If she was drunk, I'd understand it, but the way she gives in to the stranger feels a bit inconsistent with the character you presented at the start.

Ohhhhh I understand your point. I think maybe I sometimes just slip into porn logic and go with what feels good, maybe I do need to step back and consider more those base motivations. Very good feedback thanks!

 

[AlinaX]

I was enjoying it at first - the writing's good - but started to lose interest when the stranger become increasingly involved. I think AwkwardlySet has a point: it starts out as exhibitionist but strays into something else. What I wanted and half expected to happen was for a stranger to take her clothes and camera, forcing her to take much greater risks.

 

[Priscilla_June]

I was enjoying it at first - the writing's good - but started to lose interest when the stranger become increasingly involved. I think AwkwardlySet has a point: it starts out as exhibitionist but strays into something else. What I wanted and half expected to happen was for a stranger to take her clothes and camera, forcing her to take much greater risks.

Is that moreso what the E/V category looks for? I guess I havnt really considered a sexless story, so ultimately the deed happens in the story, but maybe thats not how E/V always goes?

 

[AlinaX]

Of course not always, but the start is such a perfect setup for the exhibitionism to get out of control, and naked woman forced to find her way home without getting caught is an entertaining trope.

You clearly establish that her kink is in being seen, and that there's a thrill in having some interaction, so I understand her getting a thrill out of him being there and talking to her. If you'd spent more time earlier building up her frustration with her husband's shyness about public sex, and describing her fantasies of not merely being caught but then used against her will, then sex with a stranger would be a more welcome addition to the plot.

Just my feeling. (I quite like porn vids of public exhibitionism and public sex, but they only really work for me when they don't seem like controlled environments and when there's a high likelihood of being seen. Knowing that people will be shocked, or at least surprised.)

 

[Priscilla_June]

Of course not always, but the start is such a perfect setup for the exhibitionism to get out of control, and naked woman forced to find her way home without getting caught is an entertaining trope.

You clearly establish that her kink is in being seen, and that there's a thrill in having some interaction, so I understand her getting a thrill out of him being there and talking to her. If you'd spent more time earlier building up her frustration with her husband's shyness about public sex, and describing her fantasies of not merely being caught but then used against her will, then sex with a stranger would be a more welcome addition to the plot.

Just my feeling. (I quite like porn vids of public exhibitionism and public sex, but they only really work for me when they don't seem like controlled environments and when there's a high likelihood of being seen. Knowing that people will be shocked, or at least surprised.)

That makes a lot of sense thanks for the feedback. So it sounds like I sort of teased the E/V crowd with the story setup. Did I maybe post to the wrong category?

 

[AlinaX]

No... but what starts out as clearly solo E/V becomes infidelity E/V, and maybe those are two different mindsets. I'm really guessing here. I just know I felt unhappy and even unsafe about the stranger being there.

 

[Priscilla_June]

No... but what starts out as clearly solo E/V becomes infidelity E/V, and maybe those are two different mindsets. I'm really guessing here. I just know I felt unhappy and even unsafe about the stranger being there.

Even if the watching part was apart of her fetish?

 

[Bazzle]

The "problem" with writing for any fetish/kink is that each person has a different idea/turn on within that particular spectrum?

You could by accident write something that you enjoy, yet the majority don't?

Which is why I write for myself, on the hope and prayer that a few of the thousands who visit this site there are a few others that like it too?

Anyway I digress. So if you are writing that your protagonist has a certain kink, you are adding another paradigm for the reader to go through?

The readers actual enjoyment of a certain theme, and then squished through the protagonists enjoyment of it?

Unless they are aligned it may be like reentry into earth on a space ship...if the angle is wrong you bounce off?

B

 

[Lifestyle66]

Hey all!

I suppose I am still relatively new to this site, having joined in April. Thus its been an adjustment getting used to how feedback is given as a standard here (ratings and favorites vs any real commentary). Most comments are either all good or all bad, but Id love an opinion or thought that has more substance.

I posted a story for a competition recently, the Summer Lovin. I was actually quite happy with the story, some would say that is all that matters. But i do love affirmation that others enjoy it as well. That being said once it went live it did really well for a few hours and then got bombarded with low ratings.

Which leaves me with the question… why? My suspicion is that the theme of it (cheating wife and interracial) didn’t sit with viewers sensibilities despite the fact it was posted in Exhibitionism/Voyeur. Given the nature of the competition That does not show the category I wonder if folks who do not like those kinks found me and did not move on without leaving a star rating.

But I don't wanna live in a vacuum, Id love another author(s) opinion on what they thought. Im not looking for a full on proofread, just want to hear peoples thoughts and whether my suspicions are founded or there is something I am missing, OR if you enjoyed it. Of course no one likes to take a lot of time writing just to get low ratings, so I want to improve

Here is the story: Not Her Only Fan

https://literotica.com/s/not-her-only-fan

Thanks all in advance!

Even though you posted the story to E/V, the Loving Wives trolls would find this one and 1-bomb it.

The wife's husband is at work and her kids in school. She goes out to the beach to finally fuck a stranger who says he's going to put a baby in her (husbands going to be a cuckhold). And you left it at the end with her merely enjoying it, with no other resolution.

In my experience with Loving Wives trolls, they seek any story even in other categories with a cheating wife. And unless the husband gets revenge, you're going to get 1-bombed.

And you adding the description "stranger helps wife" with tags "BBC", "Hot wife", and "breeding", so you just got the score and attention you were seeking.

 

[Priscilla_June]

Even though you posted the story to E/V, the Loving Wives trolls would find this one and 1-bomb it.

The wife's husband is at work and her kids in school. She goes out to the beach to finally fuck a stranger who says he's going to put a baby in her (husbands going to be a cuckhold). And you left it at the end with her merely enjoying it, with no other resolution.

In my experience with Loving Wives trolls, they seek any story even in other categories with a cheating wife. And unless the husband gets revenge, you're going to get 1-bombed.

And you adding the description "stranger helps wife" with tags "BBC", "Hot wife", and "breeding", so you just got the score and attention you were seeking.

Not sure I was seeking that score or attention, just adding the relevant tags. Again I’m new here so LW trolls branching out to other categories is only a sneaking suspicion vice something I'm keenly aware of. But I guess thanks for confirming it for me. I suppose there is no avoiding it with stories like that so Ill have to live with it.

 

[Priscilla_June]

The "problem" with writing for any fetish/kink is that each person has a different idea/turn on within that particular spectrum?

You could by accident write something that you enjoy, yet the majority don't?

Which is why I write for myself, on the hope and prayer that a few of the thousands who visit this site there are a few others that like it too?

Anyway I digress. So if you are writing that your protagonist has a certain kink, you are adding another paradigm for the reader to go through?

The readers actual enjoyment of a certain theme, and then squished through the protagonists enjoyment of it?

Unless they are aligned it may be like reentry into earth on a space ship...if the angle is wrong you bounce off?

B

Yeah that makes sense, im sure this is why all the experienced folks say just write for yourself. If i had to cater it to specific cliches I guess it wouldnt be as fun.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Not sure I was seeking that score or attention, just adding the relevant tags. Again I’m new here so LW trolls branching out to other categories is only a sneaking suspicion vice something I'm keenly aware of. But I guess thanks for confirming it for me. I suppose there is no avoiding it with stories like that so Ill have to live with it.

But you wrote a story of an extra-marital affair with interracial. It would have more appropriately been put in LW or IR.

The LW trolls probably do look for tags like "hot wife", and that alone would have attracted them for the 1-bombs.

 

[Priscilla_June]

But you wrote a story of an extra-marital affair with interracial. It would have more appropriately been put in LW or IR.

The LW trolls probably do look for tags like "hot wife", and that alone would have attracted them for the 1-bombs.

Yea but knowing everything about LW why would I want to put it there? And in fact I made a thread to ask the question of whether it should be in IR or E/V and it was a resounding suggestion it should go in E/V because thats the main them.

But are you saying that any story with extra material action is “asking” for bad ratings? I dont have much free time so I certainly dont write just to be trolled. The reason I added the tags I did is because they are the sub themes of the story beyond E/v.

 

[AlinaX]

Extramarital action will attract some trolls, inevitably, but infidelity will put off many non-trolls. My earlier point is that if you're going to have a strong infidelity theme, it should be telegraphed early on. E/V as a category is fine, but you establish her as happily and faithfully married with kids, and she practically throws herself at another man.

 

[Priscilla_June]

Point taken so stronger warnings up front for infidelity.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Yea but knowing everything about LW why would I want to put it there? And in fact I made a thread to ask the question of whether it should be in IR or E/V and it was a resounding suggestion it should go in E/V because thats the main them.

But are you saying that any story with extra material action is “asking” for bad ratings? I dont have much free time so I certainly dont write just to be trolled. The reason I added the tags I did is because they are the sub themes of the story beyond E/v.

The tags help people find stories of a particular fetish or type.

Unfortunately, tags help trolls find the stories they hate. Terms like "hot wife" or "swinger" attract those who seek to 1-bomb infidelity stories.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Point taken so stronger warnings up front for infidelity.

Taking Lifestyle's comments about LW and that category's predilections to wander elsewhere via tags into account, what you could do, If infidelity is not a major theme in your story, is go very low key on the infidelity and certainly don't highlight it.

A reference in passing to a ring on her finger might be all you need. Folk won't throw their hands up in horror, and the fucktards won't find it.

It's a shame writers have to take a hostile category audience into account when promoting their erotica, but it seems some rabid readers won't keep within their own borders (like all other hard core category fans seem to do), so you have to choose your tags carefully. I can't imagine incest readers, for example, wandering off into another category and saying, "Gee, mom's not here, I'll down vote and scum comment this story because this writer didn't accommodate my kink." They've got the courtesy not to do that.

Don't advertise jelly wrestling, and the jelly wrestling fans will pass right on by.

 

[Priscilla_June]

Taking Lifestyle's comments about LW and that category's predilections to wander elsewhere via tags into account, what you could do, If infidelity is not a major theme in your story, is go very low key on the infidelity and certainly don't highlight it.

A reference in passing to a ring on her finger might be all you need. Folk won't throw their hands up in horror, and the fucktards won't find it.

It's a shame writers have to take a hostile category audience into account when promoting their erotica, but it seems some rabid readers won't keep within their own borders (like all other hard core category fans seem to do), so you have to choose your tags carefully. I can't imagine incest readers, for example, wandering off into another category and saying, "Gee, mom's not here, I'll down vote and scum comment this story because this writer didn't accommodate my kink." They've got the courtesy not to do that.

Don't advertise jelly wrestling, and the jelly wrestling fans will pass right on

Very well put, it is a shame we even have to plan for this, but yes a careful consideration of what I think my themes are is a good point.

“Gee moms not here” had me rolling haha

 

[Lifestyle66]

Very well put, it is a shame we even have to plan for this, but yes a careful consideration of what I think my themes are is a good point.

“Gee moms not here” had me rolling haha

I'll spell out what I was trying to get across in my previous post:
With about fifty words out of over 7,000, you made this a cheating wife cuckholding her husband by trying to get pregnant with a Black guy story.

The majority of your story is about an overstressed woman having a day to enjoy her hobby of exhibitionism on the beach, and she gets a stranger (Black guy) to fuck and video her while doing it. Three of your ten tags were aimed at those few words (MILF, breeding, hot wife).

The story might as easily been written of an overstress single female businesswoman taking a vacation day off to do the same thing. But you chose to make this a bored housewife to attract and inflame trolls, who will eventually find and 1-bomb it.

Your current rating of over 4.2 shows that they rate stories told from the female POV differently than one told by a husband. If you write another story of this same wife from her husband's POV watching her OnlyFans video, be prepared to get slammed with a rating of less than 3.

 

[Priscilla_June]

mkay I’ll spell out what I was saying to you. You’re entitled to your opinion, but just because people write about topics you don’t like doesn’t mean they are out looking to attract trolls. Writing about a cheating wife is not about making people angry, perhaps take a step back and consider other perspectives.

But thanks anyways, its clear to me there is a subset of people who can’t look beyond their own myopic viewpoint.