Looking for feedback on my first story

[iwannadobadthingswithyou]

Hi all!

I've just published my first story here: https://www.literotica.com/s/my-sisters-big-day

I'd love to hear some feedback from other writers, both good and bad. I'm thick skinned, don't worry about making me feel bad if the feedback is bad

Thanks.

 

[HaralLuhhan]

Great story!

 

[f8fpilot]

Hi all!

I've just published my first story here: https://www.literotica.com/s/my-sisters-big-day

I'd love to hear some feedback from other writers, both good and bad. I'm thick skinned, don't worry about making me feel bad if the feedback is bad

Thanks.

It is good that you have thick skin, but it will not be needed. That was fantastic. Very hard to believe it is your first.

 

[Baztrachian]

Hi all!

I've just published my first story here: https://www.literotica.com/s/my-sisters-big-day

I'd love to hear some feedback from other writers, both good and bad. I'm thick skinned, don't worry about making me feel bad if the feedback is bad

Thanks.

A suggestion:

Say your dialogue out loud. See if it works for you. If so then