Looking for feedback on my first story - Yoni

[sametti]

Looking for feedback on my first story - Yoni (Erotic Coupling)

Hello,

I've published my first story a few days ago, please let me know what you think about it.

https://www.literotica.com/s/yoni

 

[Bramblethorn]

You'll get more feedback if you tell people the genre (Erotic Coupling).

My thoughts:

This feels a bit like an IM chat transcript, with the "<3"s and the first person ("I") talking to second person ("you").

That can be really sexy when playing with somebody you know, but it doesn't work as well when you're sharing a story with thousands of strangers. If you tell a stranger "then you start moving and grinding on me" a lot of people will react with "no I don't, stop telling me what I'm doing".

It's also very short. I'm not really the best person to comment on this one since my personal preference is for long stories with a lot of characterisation, but even for the readers who are here purely for sex scenes, I wonder if this might be a little too fast.

 

[sametti]

Thanks for the feedback!

What does telling the genre have to do with getting more feedback? I'll put it somewhere.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Thanks for the feedback!

What does telling the genre have to do with getting more feedback? I'll put it somewhere.

Not everybody likes to read all categories. I probably won't read Incest/Taboo or Celebrity, for instance. If you tell people what sort of story you have, then it's easier for them to know whether they want to click on it.