Looking for feedback on my first story - Yoni

You'll get more feedback if you tell people the genre (Erotic Coupling).

My thoughts:

This feels a bit like an IM chat transcript, with the "<3"s and the first person ("I") talking to second person ("you").

That can be really sexy when playing with somebody you know, but it doesn't work as well when you're sharing a story with thousands of strangers. If you tell a stranger "then you start moving and grinding on me" a lot of people will react with "no I don't, stop telling me what I'm doing".

It's also very short. I'm not really the best person to comment on this one since my personal preference is for long stories with a lot of characterisation, but even for the readers who are here purely for sex scenes, I wonder if this might be a little too fast.
 
Thanks for the feedback!

What does telling the genre have to do with getting more feedback? I'll put it somewhere.
 
Thanks for the feedback!

What does telling the genre have to do with getting more feedback? I'll put it somewhere.

Not everybody likes to read all categories. I probably won't read Incest/Taboo or Celebrity, for instance. If you tell people what sort of story you have, then it's easier for them to know whether they want to click on it.
 
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