Hi,
I'm looking for an editor for a story that has strong male humiliation and femdom elements to it. Actually I'm looking for an editor for several stories but this is the one that really needs attention right now.
My stories usually feature femdom, humiliation and other fetish elements so obviously I'm looking for someone who can appreciate that aspect (or at least isn't bothered by it).
The story has been spell checked and I believe that the grammar is at least passable (not my strongest point, but I know the basics). I would appreciate a proofread as I'm sure I've missed a few things in a story this length. But I'd also be interested in some feedback on the story flow, atmosphere and characters. I like the plot but I think it's falling a little flat somewhere. Or perhaps I'm just too close to it, I'm not sure.
Anyone interested? Below is the beginning of the story and you can also check my sig for a story I already have published on Literotica if you want a better idea of the sort of stuff I write.
Thanks,
Paying For It
By David73
Brian's heart began to pound in his chest as he drew close to the door. Walk past or go in? It was decision time. He paused for just a moment, staring at the black door just ahead of him. Nothing about it indicated what went on behind the door, but everyone knew. He wiped the sweaty palm of his hand on his jeans, walking forwards again. Everyone on the street knew what was behind that door, if he stopped for too long they'd know why.
There was still time to walk past. He didn't have to go in. But he wanted to. His steps faltered and he suppressed a shiver as he pictured again what would happen when he entered. Turning slightly he started down the steps to door. His shoulders hunched as he drew closer to his destination. Brian didn't dare look, but he was sure that people were looking at him, judging him. He jabbed at the buzzer and waited impatiently, shifting from foot to foot, feeling more and more exposed by the second.
How many people were looking at him now, knowing exactly what he was. He closed his eyes briefly, a shudder running through his body as his cock stirred in his pants. He couldn't quite believe that it had come to this, but he needed it so badly. A harsh buzzing noise made him start and he opened his eyes again. A loud click followed and he hurriedly pulled the door open so that he could step inside.
* * *
The overweight man behind the counter smiled at Brian as he entered. It was a smile that never reached his disinterested eyes, and expression that spoke of boredom and nothing more. Brian felt some of the tension in his body ease as he stood in the gloomy entranceway. Straightening up, he looked at the fat man, trying to hide his revulsion at the greasy hair and tattoos He licked his lips uncertainly, not sure what to do next. The fat man studied Brian for just a moment and evidently decided that he was no sort of threat to anyone.
“Through the door on the right.” The man, nodded his head towards a battered looking door. “Make yourself comfortable. Theres a few girls available this afternoon.” His face contorted in a crude leer.
Brian felt his cheeks begin to heat at this blatant statement, finding himself glad for the gloominess of the entranceway. Not entirely trusting his voice, he simply nodded towards the fat man and shuffled over to the battered looking door. It creaked loudly as he pushed it open and he winced. The room he stepped into was warmly light, though not bright and he glanced around nervously.
I'm looking for an editor for a story that has strong male humiliation and femdom elements to it. Actually I'm looking for an editor for several stories but this is the one that really needs attention right now.
My stories usually feature femdom, humiliation and other fetish elements so obviously I'm looking for someone who can appreciate that aspect (or at least isn't bothered by it).
The story has been spell checked and I believe that the grammar is at least passable (not my strongest point, but I know the basics). I would appreciate a proofread as I'm sure I've missed a few things in a story this length. But I'd also be interested in some feedback on the story flow, atmosphere and characters. I like the plot but I think it's falling a little flat somewhere. Or perhaps I'm just too close to it, I'm not sure.
Anyone interested? Below is the beginning of the story and you can also check my sig for a story I already have published on Literotica if you want a better idea of the sort of stuff I write.
Thanks,
Paying For It
By David73
Brian's heart began to pound in his chest as he drew close to the door. Walk past or go in? It was decision time. He paused for just a moment, staring at the black door just ahead of him. Nothing about it indicated what went on behind the door, but everyone knew. He wiped the sweaty palm of his hand on his jeans, walking forwards again. Everyone on the street knew what was behind that door, if he stopped for too long they'd know why.
There was still time to walk past. He didn't have to go in. But he wanted to. His steps faltered and he suppressed a shiver as he pictured again what would happen when he entered. Turning slightly he started down the steps to door. His shoulders hunched as he drew closer to his destination. Brian didn't dare look, but he was sure that people were looking at him, judging him. He jabbed at the buzzer and waited impatiently, shifting from foot to foot, feeling more and more exposed by the second.
How many people were looking at him now, knowing exactly what he was. He closed his eyes briefly, a shudder running through his body as his cock stirred in his pants. He couldn't quite believe that it had come to this, but he needed it so badly. A harsh buzzing noise made him start and he opened his eyes again. A loud click followed and he hurriedly pulled the door open so that he could step inside.
* * *
The overweight man behind the counter smiled at Brian as he entered. It was a smile that never reached his disinterested eyes, and expression that spoke of boredom and nothing more. Brian felt some of the tension in his body ease as he stood in the gloomy entranceway. Straightening up, he looked at the fat man, trying to hide his revulsion at the greasy hair and tattoos He licked his lips uncertainly, not sure what to do next. The fat man studied Brian for just a moment and evidently decided that he was no sort of threat to anyone.
“Through the door on the right.” The man, nodded his head towards a battered looking door. “Make yourself comfortable. Theres a few girls available this afternoon.” His face contorted in a crude leer.
Brian felt his cheeks begin to heat at this blatant statement, finding himself glad for the gloominess of the entranceway. Not entirely trusting his voice, he simply nodded towards the fat man and shuffled over to the battered looking door. It creaked loudly as he pushed it open and he winced. The room he stepped into was warmly light, though not bright and he glanced around nervously.
