Looking for editing advice on personal ad

[SteveBo]

My ad is in the literotica classifieds located here

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=68090767#post68090767

It feels cumbersome to me. Something is wrong with it.

It does get alot of responses on other sites, but I would like it to be smoother.

Feel free to cut, paste, change, edit or advise on what you feel is wrong with it.

Thanks
Steve

*************
Title:
Is something missing in your life?

Body:
Are you married but feeling neglected? Miss being touched softly and caressed? Do you miss the make-out sessions on the couch that used to you take back to when you were a teenager and making out was exciting and adventurous? Do you miss the goose bumps you used to get from a man nibbling on you neck? Do you miss slowly removeing your clothes while a man is engaging you in a long kiss?

Do you miss the intence forplay before love making, that you used to have with your partner? Back when everything was new and exciteing not stagnant and boring. Is he boring in bed and missing a lack of imagination. You love him but need more.

Remainder deleted by Mod. Post exceeded length allowed on the forum

 

[_Lynn_]

Posting the entire ad in the EF isn't the right way to go about asking for help. You included the link. People can check the ad there if they are interested.

 

[SteveBo]

I had no idea there was a length limit. Where do I find such information on length of posts?

I just figured it would make it easier.

 

[_Lynn_]

I had no idea there was a length limit. Where do I find such information on length of posts?

I just figured it would make it easier.

Easier, yes, but imagine if everyone posted whatever they wanted help with on the forums.

 

[_Lynn_]

I had no idea there was a length limit. Where do I find such information on length of posts?

I just figured it would make it easier.

Here, in this thread, is the mention of posting . . .

 

[JLCC]

Did you ever watch "Friends"? During one of the times Ross and Rachel were together, they were experimenting with living their own lives. Ross had set up a play date for his son with a woman and her daughter.

Rachel was trying to be trusting but her mate guarding instincts kicked in. Before he went to the play date, she gives him a lusty, sexy kiss. After he left befuddled, she declares, " he's not gonna forget about that!"

Another male character declared, "You just turned him on and sent him to see a stripper" (the other mom was an attractive dancer).

Without reading the whole thing (I ended up doing that, though), just what is still posted, this is what I think you are doing so far. You are creating a desire for the outcome, not the desire for the outcome *with you*. Going back to the Friends example, one potential response is, "yeah! I want that. Oh, look at that cute bartender!"

I am not a master at it, but you want to create mystery. If I was doing it, knowing what I know now, I would start reading pickup artist/game blogs. There is a lot of interesting advice for creating online profiles that cut through the hundreds of other guys you are competing with.