Looking for constructive criticism

[hyperthread1]

Can some of you please read my stories, and poems and give me some feedback? I'm open to constructive criticism, and ideas. Thanks.

http://www.literotica.com/s/from-fantasy-to-reality-3

http://www.literotica.com/s/hot-black-coffee

http://www.literotica.com/s/judys-tan

http://www.literotica.com/s/judys-conscience

http://www.literotica.com/s/matts-18th-birthday

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-first-kiss-2

 

[olivemarie]

Hi! Hope I'm doing this right. About to go to bed, but I just finished that first story you posted and I wanted to give you a bit of feedback.

There's more than a few cases of quotation errors. Simple things really, like a lack of punctuation marks at the end of dialogue...that can be fixed with an editor who has an eye for punctuation.

With the last sex scenes, I thought more dirty talk might have added a lot more 'umph!' to the story...not just because of my personal preference for dirty talk, but because Judy and Randy themselves love it. Maybe the gangbang crew dishes out some dialogue while fucking Judy, and Randy can chime in as well, to make it all a lot more personal and even sexier.

Overall, I enjoyed the story. I really liked the specifics of how Randy initially set up the gangbang crew, with flickr and everything. Is that really possible to do? lol! Better start looking up some hidden flickr groups... I also liked the casual narrative. It echoed the casual time Randy & Judy were having!

Anyway, good luck and I hope to read your additional stories, soon! Hope this helps.