Looking for Constructive Criticism for Multi-Part Pirate Fantasy Story

[ReGats]

Hey all. I'm working on a multi-part pirate fantasy story. I've just posted the 2nd part of it (out of 3 total) and, while it's been slow going, I've enjoyed it quite a lot. Before I move on to the 3rd and Final part, I'm going to ask for some constructive feedback. I do want the 3rd bit to be the best, after all.

The story, as follows, takes place in a 'Pirate Fantasy', basically the Pirates of the Caribbean movies' world but with a lot more magic going on, though many common people may not know about it. The story is both lesbian and interracial (because some people get all into a tither over that). The main character, Shella, is something not-quite-human, but is fairly self-determined about who she is. Her love interest is Lily, who is of a mysterious origin but has powers over ships she is in contact with. The antagonist is, of course, Davy Jones, who seeks power over the seas and claims dominion over all supernatural ocean-related going-ons.

The links are here:
https://www.literotica.com/s/cursed-seas-pt-01-the-wishing-stone
https://www.literotica.com/s/cursed-seas-pt-02-the-witch-eye

By the way, I'm accepting constructive criticism for everything, including the tags and hooks to attract people. These are not popular stories even though I love them. Suggestions will be at least taken into consideration.

 

[8letters]

The #1 piece of advice I give to writers is to start with an interesting scene. You start with a description of Stella. She's gorgeous. So what. Then you have a scene where...I'm not sure what's happening.

And then she's having sex with Lily. I think in a good erotic story, I should want the characters to have sex before they do have sex. To me, this sex scene is way too early. I don't know much about Stella or Lily, certainly not enough to care if they have sex. I'd say give me some piratey action, make me care about Stella and Lilly, and then give me a hot sex scene.

 

[Gamina]

was the feedback I provided previously helpful?

 

[ReGats]

was the feedback I provided previously helpful?

Yeah, it was. It helped get rid of a number of plot trip-ups, like I had with "The Tower's Treasure". But I'm looking at this as a larger picture, where I goof up with story-telling conventions, ideas, flow, etc. that I can fix when writing the third story.