looking for advice....

[timaea]

how do i go about finding an experienced submissive woman to ask questions, give advice, etc...?
i'm a 30 year old submissive woman who is inexperienced.....master and i are having some communication problems, and i've been allowed to ask questions to another submissive woman....i think it might help me to serve master better....i understand that all relationships are different...i'm just trying to learn....i know i can ask questions in this forum, but would prefer someone to maybe have some private correspondance with, as well....

 

[WantToBeMounted]

Hi there, I ma.y be able to help. What do you need to know? Or PM me

 

[CutieMouse]

"Communication problems" is a really broad statement, and it's impossible to know what advice to offer without direct questions/examples.

 

[timaea]

"Communication problems" is a really broad statement, and it's impossible to know what advice to offer without direct questions/examples.

lol...i guess that's very true....just wanted to see if anyone responded, at all...
ok, first....i may have crossed a line in our relationship....i wrote master an email complaining about lack of communication, guidance, etc.....probably wasn't as respectfull about this as i should have been and i regret that, but now it's done....
i notice that when i'm not happy about something, i fall into an old role of bitching....something that should never take place now....or...at least i feel like i should try harder....first question is therefore....does anyone here have good advice on how to control their temper....i mean....i'm probably a bit too rebellious....

 

[timaea]

also, for those of you who are not in physical touch, how do you handle the seperation..?...i crave attention...something i really need to work on...at least how much i grab attention and whine about not getting it...

i don't know if any of this is making sense.....let's just see where this thread will take me...

 

[timaea]

i would be very interested in hearing about limits of discussion....or complaining... are you allowed to discuss/complain about everything, or is something off limits for you..?...and if something is off limits, how do you cope with it without exploding in his face one day....?...do you have other ways of getting your frustrations out..?

 

[catalina_francisco]

For us, I am always allowed to voice my concerns, dissatisfactions, feelings....it is then up to him whether he takes them into consideration. They are usually discussed at least, if not straight away, when he feels ready to approach the discussion. Fortunately he is aware he is human and not perfect (damn, did I admit a PYL can be anything but perfect?!!), so will often admit that even if what I have said has upset him, it needed to be said and raised as a discussion point.

As to the distance thing, I didn't suffer so much from lack of attention as much as frequent misunderstandings. We both had different first languages and cultural backgrounds which did not help, but we learned we needed to take a dep breath and talk at those times, and most of all, take differences into account and try and look at it from the others' perspective and understanding.

Catalina

 

[timaea]

For us, I am always allowed to voice my concerns, dissatisfactions, feelings....it is then up to him whether he takes them into consideration. They are usually discussed at least, if not straight away, when he feels ready to approach the discussion. Fortunately he is aware he is human and not perfect (damn, did I admit a PYL can be anything but perfect?!!), so will often admit that even if what I have said has upset him, it needed to be said and raised as a discussion point.

As to the distance thing, I didn't suffer so much from lack of attention as much as frequent misunderstandings. We both had different first languages and cultural backgrounds which did not help, but we learned we needed to take a dep breath and talk at those times, and most of all, take differences into account and try and look at it from the others' perspective and understanding.

Catalina

very honored to see your post in my thread, catalina...we, too, have different first languages and very different backgrounds....however, my english is, obviously, not too bad, so i can't really excuse myself with that... ...but there is expressions sometimes i don't get...master is a good teacher, though...

 

[timaea]

another question....

shyness....what to do...?...i get really shy talking about sex...i was never much of a talker... it's almost as if the words just can't come out of my mouth....it's not that i don't have a lot of thoughts in my head... just can't seem to get them out...
i know it bothers master.....i know he needs it from me....anyone else with this problem?

 

[HottieMama]

another question....

shyness....what to do...?...i get really shy talking about sex...i was never much of a talker... it's almost as if the words just can't come out of my mouth....it's not that i don't have a lot of thoughts in my head... just can't seem to get them out...
i know it bothers master.....i know he needs it from me....anyone else with this problem?

**raises hand...** If i can find it, i'll bump a thread i started a while ago about shyness/embarrassment. i have gotten better with it, but it has taken a very concentrated effort on my part, and patience on the part of my Dom. i also know that for me, writing it down is much easier than saying it out loud, so keeping a journal/talking on IM is helpful for me to voice my desires/fantasies..etc. Have you told your Master that you are uncomfortable or embarrassed about saying overtly sexual things? If not, that may be the first step to working through it.

**Off to look for that thread**

 

[DVS]

another question....

shyness....what to do...?...i get really shy talking about sex...i was never much of a talker... it's almost as if the words just can't come out of my mouth....it's not that i don't have a lot of thoughts in my head... just can't seem to get them out...
i know it bothers master.....i know he needs it from me....anyone else with this problem?

A lot of people are shy. And sex is one topic where shyness seems to rule.

I used to be shy, if you can believe that. But, one day, I just decided to overcome it. It's not easy at first, but it's possible. And, your Master should help you by listening to what you have to say and not make you feel so submissive that you shy away from it. The more you open up, the less shy you are going to feel.

And, if you don't voice your opinions, how is anybody going to know what you want? You don't want to be a wall flower all your life. You have as much right to your opinion as anybody else. All you need is someone to listen to you and allow you to open up.

And, once you find your voice, nobody will be able to shut you up. At least that's what happened to me.

 

[timaea]

**raises hand...** If i can find it, i'll bump a thread i started a while ago about shyness/embarrassment. i have gotten better with it, but it has taken a very concentrated effort on my part, and patience on the part of my Dom. i also know that for me, writing it down is much easier than saying it out loud, so keeping a journal/talking on IM is helpful for me to voice my desires/fantasies..etc. Have you told your Master that you are uncomfortable or embarrassed about saying overtly sexual things? If not, that may be the first step to working through it.

**Off to look for that thread**

thank you, hm....i have no probem writing it down....we do im and email....but i still need the words to come out of my mouth....master knows i get embarrassed...we've talked about it.....i guess i need some tools....i feel like such a dork sometimes...

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I hate to ask this, but it does help in knowing what type of advice to give you so please don't take my question as a negative, I mean no disrespect.

Are you in an online relationship with your Master?

 

[timaea]

I hate to ask this, but it does help in knowing what type of advice to give you so please don't take my question as a negative, I mean no disrespect.

Are you in an online relationship with your Master?

it's quite alright...
for the time being, yes....we do know each other, though....and i've always known that my feelings for him were very different than for anyone else i've ever met....unfortunately, we are now in two different continents....

that's another thing...the only times i've ever been able to talk about sex, has been during sex.....that's not really an option right now...

 

[Daddyslilpet]

it's quite alright...
for the time being, yes....we do know each other, though....and i've always known that my feelings for him were very different than for anyone else i've ever met....unfortunately, we are now in two different continents....

that's another thing...the only times i've ever been able to talk about sex, has been during sex.....that's not really an option right now...

Thank you for understanding.

Yes I understand exactly what you mean. Being in that "heat of the moment" does make it much easier, this is true. However, what you have to do is get to the place where you trust your Master enough to open up to him about your fantasies. I don't mean to say that you don't trust him now, because obviously I don't know you or your Master. So before you start getting defensive please allow me to explain what I mean by that.

I had to get to the place in my relationship where I could trust that Daddy wouldn't use my fantasies against me in some way, or laugh at me, or stare at me like I'd grown two heads or something. It took trust in him to be able to open up about sex for me (even about what I needed from him sexually). To know he wouldn't leave me thinking I was just too out there for him.

See what I mean? Just like we have to trust our Masters in other aspects of this lifestyle, we have to be able to trust that when we do open up to them about our sexual needs or fantasies that #1... they will do their best to meet our needs, and #2... they won't judge us for our fantasies.

Beyond that it takes practice and trying on our part to accomplish the goal of opening up verbally. For those of us who are shy is it ever really easy? I seriously doubt it, but it does get easier... that I do know.

 

[timaea]

Thank you for understanding.

Yes I understand exactly what you mean. Being in that "heat of the moment" does make it much easier, this is true. However, what you have to do is get to the place where you trust your Master enough to open up to him about your fantasies. I don't mean to say that you don't trust him now, because obviously I don't know you or your Master. So before you start getting defensive please allow me to explain what I mean by that.

I had to get to the place in my relationship where I could trust that Daddy wouldn't use my fantasies against me in some way, or laugh at me, or stare at me like I'd grown two heads or something. It took trust in him to be able to open up about sex for me (even about what I needed from him sexually). To know he wouldn't leave me thinking I was just too out there for him.

See what I mean? Just like we have to trust our Masters in other aspects of this lifestyle, we have to be able to trust that when we do open up to them about our sexual needs or fantasies that #1... they will do their best to meet our needs, and #2... they won't judge us for our fantasies.

Beyond that it takes practice and trying on our part to accomplish the goal of opening up verbally. For those of us who are shy is it ever really easy? I seriously doubt it, but it does get easier... that I do know.

oh...i wasn't about to get defensive....that wouldn't really help me to learn, would it...?
yes, trust.....trust is everything....and yes, i do trust master.....but you're right...it's the confidence that he will not judge nor laugh that i'm lacking....it's my insecurity....
it's been my insecurities which have caused the, so far, small obstacles....i find it both intriguing and very, very scary having to be completely honest about all aspects of myself...