Looking for a book...

[xox.sweet.xox]

Hey there! I need some recommendations for a basic sex how-to book, preferrably one that has information for both guys and gals.

My partner was raised in a very sexually restrictive environment...he wants to loosen up, but he feels REALLY uncomfortable talking to me. We usually get two minutes of serious conversation before he starts cracking jokes or trying to pick a fight, just to get out of talking about it.

What I'm hoping to find is a book that approaches basic techniques (please, nothing too experimental, he would have a heart attack) with humor and ease. I want to read it with him, and I'd like it to include guys and gals stuff so he doesn't feel like he has to do all the learning. I've looked, and all I've found are books that read like college texts, very experimental and advanced books, and the occasional waste of paper.

Suggestions? Please? Thank you!!!

 

[breezyblue]

You might look up "A guide to getting it on" the 6th edition by Psy.D. Paul Joannides. I haven't read the whole thing yet but i have read selected bits and find it very light hearted and informative. You can find it on amazon for like $15 and it is really quite a comprehensive book. It covers just about every topic i could think of and definitely doesn't skimp on the basics from what i can tell. It is also written in a very entertaining tone which might help your guy if he is nervous about the topic- not one of those serious lets learn something text books.

 

[SweetErika]

Has he said he's willing to read a book and/or other material about sex?

I don't have a specific book suggestion, although you might see if your library and/or used bookstores have any books on sexuality (our county library system does, in hardcopy and online through the ebook system) so you can preview them and avoid spending a lot on books he may not read or enjoy.

Also, is he willing to read stuff online? There are a ton of great sites and articles out there, and perhaps you could each commit to reading something that interests you weekly or something. He might also find it helpful to browse forums like this one, where sex is discussed openly, even if he's not comfortable participating in discussions. The Blank Manual is a wonderful resource for newbies and oldies alike, and you'll both probably find some good info and interesting ideas in threads like that.

Finally, have you tried different ways of communicating? For instance, for me, sometimes difficult subjects can be easier to approach via writing (e.g. journals, emails, IM, little notes, letters), reading something that's written down, while sitting back to back, lying or spooning in the dark, on the phone or even while playing a game. Maybe asking him and trying some less traditional methods would be worth it?

 

[xox.sweet.xox]

Thank you both for your suggestions! The library isn't an option, I'm afraid, because the majority of people where we live are opposed to such kinds of books, so the library doesn't carry any. (I know...it's just a battle I haven't been ambitious enough to fight yet )

I will definitely check out Paul Joannides book. Heh...I can run the idea of coming on lit past him...he might surprise me by saying yes. He did say he was willing to read some books, just because it would feel less uncomfortable.

I have suggested writing back and forth--sent him an email once--but he was even more uncomfortable with that idea. He laughed it off and told me it wasn't something he could do. But perhaps a game might work You've given me some fun ideas to try at least! Thanks again!

 

[ReadyOne]

Joy of Sex and More Joy of Sex are classics; one of the very first when anything published had to be pretty basic.

Several editions and updates have been made, and some modern reviews don't like the series at all. But I believe the originals gave an outstanding positive attitude along with lots of good basic information and strongly recommend them.

 

[OzArrian]

Joy of Sex and More Joy of Sex are classics; one of the very first when anything published had to be pretty basic.

Several editions and updates have been made, and some modern reviews don't like the series at all. But I believe the originals gave an outstanding positive attitude along with lots of good basic information and strongly recommend them.

I recall that when I was first sexually active back in the 80s I went and picked up Comfort's book. It was certainly a bit dated then and my guess is in its original edition would be even more faded in regards to its suggestions and advice. Plus the illustrations were very 70s.

But having said all that it was a great way to get some of the info I was looking for. Nowadays I would think that there are literally hundreds of books plus websites as well with plenty of helpful advice.

Now if only we had the web in the 70s and 80s lol

 

[cromsgirl]

Sex for Dummies is a good, light hearted, but basic book. It is by Dr. Ruth so it is informative. The website talksexwithsue.com is also a very informative site. Hope these help.

 

[xox.sweet.xox]

Actually, the Joy of Sex was the first book I brought home. It was too broad for him, I'm afraid. He was really disturbed by a lot of the information, and asked me to take it back and find a book that was less "kinky" (his words...heh). But thanks for the idea!

I do like the For Dummies series...I didn't realize they had a written a book about sex (although I should have...they have everything!) I'll check into that one too!

And an update: I suggested coming online last night, just to check out the forum. He was not open to the idea. Having other people around makes him too uncomfortable, and he said he felt like I was pressuring him. But hey, it was worth trying

 

[OzArrian]

I just wonder if what is needed is not something like a lesson or almost an exercise, but instead some simple non-verbal time together. Perhaps instead of encouraging him through the agency of other people's thoughts or writings, just do something simple like cuddling up to him after taking a bath, or spoon with him on the bed. Maybe the body will give his brain the go ahead...

Best of luck