Lookin' for a third

[silver_inari]

*sigh* Figures.....I GOTTA work on that whole timing thing, I tell yah..

Yeah, it seems that finding a Bi/ fem/ sub, is rather difficult. If you are looking for a third, rather than a second.
If you are interested in it being more than a "one shot", it seems to become more difficult still.
Of course living in BFE probably doesn't help.

Timing is everything...just after I met my husband before we started seriously dating I was also still seeing another dom. I found out later that Ashe was interested in sharing me with another dominant friend of his. A female dominant.

Argh!! *sigh* It's something I'm quite intrigued about, but at this point I'm too concerned about the risk.


Argh!!

 

[BlueSugar]

I thought about all of you this morning on the way to work.

On a radio station I listen to, they get people to make prank calls to those they love.

The one chick says her boyfriend wanted a threesome and has been pestering her and she doesn't really want to do it.

Understandable.

So... she calls the radio station, and one of the male DJs are playing the part of some guy she met in the supermarket.

:ring: boyfriend answers phone.
Girl: hey baby, I er, its kinda weird but I found us a third
DJ: hi, i'm ___ its weird, but, I'm totally up for it.
Guy: FUCK THAT I"M NOT LETTING ANOTHER MAN IN MY BED
Girl: but baby, you wanted a threesome, so I found someone.
DJ: yeah, you can trust me, I'm up for it, your girl is good looking.
Guy: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!!! WHERE ARE YOU I"M GOING TO FUCK YOU UP!!

((ps... guy has a hispanic accent thing going on))

and this goes on an on, until they tell the guy its a joke.
The whole point was, that it was ok to have another girl in the bed but not another guy. Then the other DJs take calls asking people if they feel the same or they agree with whats the difference a third is a third.

...anywho... I thought of all of you this morning, made me warm. Glad something made me warm, it was -8 today!!

 

[Guest]

I thought about all of you this morning on the way to work.

On a radio station I listen to, they get people to make prank calls to those they love.

The one chick says her boyfriend wanted a threesome and has been pestering her and she doesn't really want to do it.

Understandable.

So... she calls the radio station, and one of the male DJs are playing the part of some guy she met in the supermarket.

:ring: boyfriend answers phone.
Girl: hey baby, I er, its kinda weird but I found us a third
DJ: hi, i'm ___ its weird, but, I'm totally up for it.
Guy: FUCK THAT I"M NOT LETTING ANOTHER MAN IN MY BED
Girl: but baby, you wanted a threesome, so I found someone.
DJ: yeah, you can trust me, I'm up for it, your girl is good looking.
Guy: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!!! WHERE ARE YOU I"M GOING TO FUCK YOU UP!!

((ps... guy has a hispanic accent thing going on))

and this goes on an on, until they tell the guy its a joke.
The whole point was, that it was ok to have another girl in the bed but not another guy. Then the other DJs take calls asking people if they feel the same or they agree with whats the difference a third is a third.

...anywho... I thought of all of you this morning, made me warm. Glad something made me warm, it was -8 today!!

*grin*
Yeah, the overwhelming majority of couples seem to be looking for a female third..Sort of makes yah wonder about all those male subs out there..Don't it???
In our particular case , we are fortunate that it is not a matter of insecurity (having done the Menage etc in both combinations), but a matter of preference..
WHich brings an interesting question..
I wonder, of the couples seeking a third, what the proportiions are; Dom/Domme, Dom(or Domme)/Switch, Dom(or Domme)/sub.
How many are looking for a sub to both, and how many are looking for a companion sub.
Of course that also brings up, how many are looking for occaisional play, and how many are looking for something with potential staying power.

 

[Guest]

Good Gods.... Ive killed the poor thing ...Imagine that..

 

[silver_inari]

Good Gods.... Ive killed the poor thing ...Imagine that..

*lol*

Well, I could respond with another point.


I wonder if seeking another partner for a threesome occurs more in women then in men. And do women or men feel more threatened by the addition of a third.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

*lol*

Well, I could respond with another point.


I wonder if seeking another partner for a threesome occurs more in women then in men. And do women or men feel more threatened by the addition of a third.

I would think that looking for a another partner may be brought up more by the woman in a relationship, if only because the guy has been conditioned by society at large that to even look at another woman is asking for a fight.

So although he may not mention it, except in very couched turns that push it far into the realm of fantasy "I'd love to fantasize about it, but you know, I'd NEVER really want that, you are all that I need baby" I believe that many men think about it quite often.

Those of us in dominant positions often are more willing to have open discussions on the topic, however many are still very carefull to emphasize that they are not trying to replace the pyl.

Because of this instilled touchiness, most serious discussions of adding a third are brought up by the female in the realtionship.

Just my 2 cents, and overcharging as usual...

 

[BlueSugar]

Those of us in dominant positions often are more willing to have open discussions on the topic, however many are still very carefull to emphasize that they are not trying to replace the pyl.

Because of this instilled touchiness, most serious discussions of adding a third are brought up by the female in the realtionship.

Just my 2 cents, and overcharging as usual...

Not only this. But I know many...MANY men, that pretend that no one has tred where they have before. They put in their minds that their girl was a virgin before them so they don't have to think about her fucking another man.
Though they want to high five a man of their choice over some strange girl's back ... ?!

So its more acceptable AND an ego boost to have another girl in the room instead of feeling not good enough in bed for his girl... he isn't only good enough... he can handle another girl!

...so i've heard

 

[silver_inari]

Not only this. But I know many...MANY men, that pretend that no one has tred where they have before. They put in their minds that their girl was a virgin before them so they don't have to think about her fucking another man.
Though they want to high five a man of their choice over some strange girl's back ... ?!

So its more acceptable AND an ego boost to have another girl in the room instead of feeling not good enough in bed for his girl... he isn't only good enough... he can handle another girl!

...so i've heard

I think it relates to the whole double standard that when men have experience in the sexual realm it is expected, but if women do they are considered sluts. It always annoys the hell out of me.


so how is the seach going?

 

[BlueSugar]

I think it relates to the whole double standard that when men have experience in the sexual realm it is expected, but if women do they are considered sluts. It always annoys the hell out of me.


so how is the seach going?

ugh, double standards... fuck'em! They way to break them is to go against them and make it a norm.

the search? well... it was mostly a fluff thread, I kinda let the third situation as a take it as it comes because M gets in and out of the mood for it all. And usually I let him decide who it is bc I'm not a jealous person (at all) and I'd rather not offend

 

[BlueSugar]

WARNING RANT

SO.

I've been visiting my parents over the holidays and M is stuck at the apartment with the pups (M took them after he came to visit me for new years).
And he was asked to help a friend of a friend ... lets call her Steph* move out of her old place and into a new apartment. Now, I helped her move into the first place and it was a mess.... she would cry every step of the way, complain, not lift a finger. I got there to help her organize and it looked like wall-mart threw up in her room... stuff EVERYWHERE... bags, boxes, random shit thrown around. It was crazy. So I helped a little and then bailed out on her - I was not going to be taken advantage of.
Throughout these past months she has displayed behavior that should be treated, has told me things that professionals should hear and has generally been a pain in the ass and made me regret being a nice person.

Fast foward

She becomes friends with M's roommate, and they get roped into helping her move. Which is a complete mess once again.

M called me and asks if he can have her one night. Just calling for permission. I told him it was his decision, that I was ok with it, but to think it through.
It happened - ok fine, no problem, we're open, we're trusting, everything happened w/in the rules and all.

Just the other day M told me she has been a pain in the ass, wanting to be our third and asking to have sex with him again and he refuses bc he just doesn't want to again, plain and simple. Then she whips out the "well, she (meaning me) doesn't have to know..." and now M and room mate are totally blowing her off.

I can't wait till she comes to me with any/all of this - she is going to get a fucking piece of my mind.

Can't tell my friends - they don't understand, nor would they give me anything to make me feel any better and I needed a place to vent before I went nuts.
I've been back and forth about posting any bit of this - but if I don't get it out to someone - it'll be bad bottled up.

 

[Guest]

Re: WARNING RANT

SO.

I've been visiting my parents over the holidays and M is stuck at the apartment with the pups (M took them after he came to visit me for new years).
And he was asked to help a friend of a friend ... lets call her Steph* move out of her old place and into a new apartment. Now, I helped her move into the first place and it was a mess.... she would cry every step of the way, complain, not lift a finger. I got there to help her organize and it looked like wall-mart threw up in her room... stuff EVERYWHERE... bags, boxes, random shit thrown around. It was crazy. So I helped a little and then bailed out on her - I was not going to be taken advantage of.
Throughout these past months she has displayed behavior that should be treated, has told me things that professionals should hear and has generally been a pain in the ass and made me regret being a nice person.

Fast foward

She becomes friends with M's roommate, and they get roped into helping her move. Which is a complete mess once again.

M called me and asks if he can have her one night. Just calling for permission. I told him it was his decision, that I was ok with it, but to think it through.
It happened - ok fine, no problem, we're open, we're trusting, everything happened w/in the rules and all.

Just the other day M told me she has been a pain in the ass, wanting to be our third and asking to have sex with him again and he refuses bc he just doesn't want to again, plain and simple. Then she whips out the "well, she (meaning me) doesn't have to know..." and now M and room mate are totally blowing her off.

I can't wait till she comes to me with any/all of this - she is going to get a fucking piece of my mind.

Can't tell my friends - they don't understand, nor would they give me anything to make me feel any better and I needed a place to vent before I went nuts.
I've been back and forth about posting any bit of this - but if I don't get it out to someone - it'll be bad bottled up.

Ekvitkars rule #2: DON'T screw the crazy people...

 

[BlueSugar]

Re: Re: WARNING RANT

Ekvitkars rule #2: DON'T screw the crazy people...

Thus me leaving it up to M.
The sad thing is, that her good days are really awesome. Its just when she needs/wants something does she turn all kinds of psycho.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: WARNING RANT

Thus me leaving it up to M.
The sad thing is, that her good days are really awesome. Its just when she needs/wants something does she turn all kinds of psycho.

Which is one of the things I love about my Pearl..Lovely woman..Drop dead gorgeous..And in her own way ..Meaner than I ever am...
Sometimes it's good to have a pet tiger to throw them to..eh?

 

[BlueSugar]

Re: Re: Re: Re: WARNING RANT

Which is one of the things I love about my Pearl..Lovely woman..Drop dead gorgeous..And in her own way ..Meaner than I ever am...
Sometimes it's good to have a pet tiger to throw them to..eh?

We complain about having someone find us ... and when we do... they're crazy.

Yeah, a nice martyre lion pit would do juuust fine right now.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: WARNING RANT

We complain about having someone find us ... and when we do... they're crazy.

Yeah, a nice martyre lion pit would do juuust fine right now.

Usually seems that way doesn't it???

Nah...A good switch is MUCH more fun than lions...

 

[Mermaid]

Wow,

I just popped in here to see if you'd found your third for the Holidays... sounds more like you found a psycho for Halloween!

People don't handle rejection well, that's a given. But this seems really excessive. Time to dump the so called friend.

 

[Guest]

Wow,

I just popped in here to see if you'd found your third for the Holidays... sounds more like you found a psycho for Halloween!

People don't handle rejection well, that's a given. But this seems really excessive. Time to dump the so called friend.

Yeah...When you go looking for a third, you pretty much get to meet all the psychobabies.

 

[BlueSugar]

Yeah...When you go looking for a third, you pretty much get to meet all the psychobabies.

::sigh:: yeah. I'm waiting for her to confront me in a few days about it ... and then it'll all be over. For a Dom, M can be a little too nice dealing with people (I think its a southern boy thing -) I'm a NYer through and through ... so its done.
And I agree with the switch comment - I forgot about that I think ... the third cannot be more submissive then I, bc I don't have a Top bone in my body .. well.. unless I'm topping from the bottom, but we're still in the communication is important faze so.. it doesn't count as bad behavior ... or thats what I'm telling myself to make me feel better, hehe.


Mermaid- Actually for Halloween we had someone quite nice, really a sweet/cute girl who liked a bit of the BDSM... but allas she found someone soon afterwards :: pout :: She would have been quite perfect.

But it has been since halloween for us, and now we've both have a twitch thing going on everytime we see someone worthy...haha.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sorry to hear you have been having such problems....hope it blows over soon. LOL, something I learned a long time ago was don't get intimate with friends, even casual ones, usually leads to crazy situations. You'll survive this one and hopefully find the third you seek to play with.

Catalina http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/crazy/114.gif

 

[BlueSugar]

Sorry to hear you have been having such problems....hope it blows over soon. LOL, something I learned a long time ago was don't get intimate with friends, even casual ones, usually leads to crazy situations. You'll survive this one and hopefully find the third you seek to play with.

Catalina http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/crazy/114.gif

well, different strokes ...

Because on the other hand, I have learned that intimacy with friends and casual's as well have worked and work well.
But that depends on the person/friend of course, there are just some that I know not to approach or even hint to because it just would not work.
It should be over within the next few days because as 'psyhco' as she is - she is a bit predictable... and I have a way with words, I just hope she catches me in a good mood because then I will say rational things ...

There still is alot of hope, M and I aren't exactly actively searching, but who knows what'll happen in the next few days when I leave where I am and be back with him. Time apart teaches us many things about ourselves and each other.

One day at a time has been a moto of mine for a bit now

 

[catalina_francisco]

True, it can, particularly if all concerned are willing to go further, or all accept it is a one off. The problems I have had are when as in your case, one wants it to be one time only and the friend wants repeat performances, or imagined even though you didn't want more and they didn't want more that you did no matter what you said or did. I hated all the emotional upheaval that went with those situations so decided to try and not go there anymore. I am particularly wary of females in this situation as despite my being able to keep it casual as you are doing, I find most females are not so cool with that despite their initial reassurances they are not looking for anything more than a fun time. Makes it all very complicated when it needn't be.

Catalinahttp://www.smilies4you.de/content/liebe/a8.gif

 

[BlueSugar]

True, it can, particularly if all concerned are willing to go further, or all accept it is a one off. The problems I have had are when as in your case, one wants it to be one time only and the friend wants repeat performances, or imagined even though you didn't want more and they didn't want more that you did no matter what you said or did. I hated all the emotional upheaval that went with those situations so decided to try and not go there anymore. I am particularly wary of females in this situation as despite my being able to keep it casual as you are doing, I find most females are not so cool with that despite their initial reassurances they are not looking for anything more than a fun time. Makes it all very complicated when it needn't be.

Catalinahttp://www.smilies4you.de/content/liebe/a8.gif

well said, and your emocon speaks the truth also. I am more then willing to share M, he is *very* good at what he does, and in a way I can't blame her or others that we've had experiences with (one of them would grab his ass when I wasn't looking, it was cute at first but not something M expected ..haha).

We are confident in our relationship to be taking this step. If there are any insecurities or emotional concerns we discuss them. Which is why we need to agree and ask each others permission before inviting anyone into our bedroom/lifestyle. M didn't think that steph* would react the way she did, and he delt with it superbly... but I know she will come to me to ask again just to make sure.
I can feel she was the child that if she couldn't get something from mom she would ask dad... which is a petpeeve. No means No.
Until now we haven't admitted to each other that a permathird or a regular addition to our lifestyle was something we were interested in - so all accurances beforehand were taken as they came, no pushing, prodding, searching ... sort of just fell into our laps, and we enjoyed the occurances.

I believe steph* got a wiff somehow of what we have been thinking about and decided to lay it on thick and try and "sell herself" almost. She went into detail on how she as someone other couple's third -which is something M and I couldn't imagine, she would be more of a pet/child with the way she deals with life and relationships as far as I have seen/heard from her. M was done with the situation, and after he saw how she presented herself he reiterated his intentions from the beginning again- she was/is just being difficult.

I understand her emotions and thoughts going through this, I'm sorry she didn't get her way and all, it will be delt with rationally and as kindly as she allows me. There are other options for us out there, and we aren't just going to "fill the position" as if it was some fry job - it is just as complicated as finding someone to date and be with long term...or even more so.

This is just the beginning, who knows what other bumps in the road we will get to, but as we have learned from past experiences, and this experience - it will be delt with when we get there to the best of our abilities.

 

[Mermaid]

we aren't just going to "fill the position" as if it was some fry job - it is just as complicated as finding someone to date and be with long term...or even more so.

Darn, and I was about to hand in my application and ask for my hat & name tag...

 

[Guest]

Darn, and I was about to hand in my application and ask for my hat & name tag...

ROFL....Maybe thats it..Perhaps we should come up with an online application and placement service////

 

[BlueSugar]

ROFL....Maybe thats it..Perhaps we should come up with an online application and placement service////

which is alot like the dating sites online now. Fill in your stats and fuckups and then you're on the market.
Granted some of them are better then that, but alot of them... not really.
I equate it to window shopping.

I think I need to get over that, because M and I laugh about it, but every now and then we think about putting an ad out there ...