Long time reader, first time writer ...

[sato_taji_22]

Well, I suppose I should plung right in and ask for advice: my girlfriend and I have been going out for over three years now; we are engaged to be married, have a great sex-life (literally, nothing is out of bounds).

But. She never orgasms.

She does say that she doesn't need an orgasm to feel good, but ... I don't know. Is there any particular techniques you can try that are 'guaranteed' (I know nothing is guaranteed, of course, as everyone is different), but I won't feel 'happy' until I figure out some way to make her feel the ultimate pleasure.

Love,
Sato.

 

[Eilan]

Welcome to Lit.

If you haven't discovered the Try This & Report Back thread yet, you should take a look at it. It's a lengthy thread, but it's worth the read.

You sound like a caring guy, and it's great that you want to do something to rock your GF's world, but listen to her when she says that she doesn't need an orgasm to have good sex. A lot of men don't always understand this because an orgasm is almost always part of sex for them, but for women, the journey can be just as much fun as the destination, if that makes any sense.

Don't make her having an orgasm the ultimate goal of every sex session, and it may happen when you both least expect it. At least you can have a lot of fun trying!

 

[sato_taji_22]

Thanks for the welcome.

It's not like I spend every sex-session we have trying all sorts of techniques to make her orgasm, of course, but there are times when we just sit up at night and do different things to see what 'works'. It would be nice to find that right combination to send her over the edge.

And I shall read the thread; thanks for pointing it out, Eilan.

 

[eudaemonia]

Another suggestion ...

... in the quest for more orgasms:

http://www.heretical.com/miscella/g-spots.html

 

[melissa85]

orgasm

Hey,

I just wanted to shed some insight from a female who cant orgasm either. I have experiemented lots and still cant orgasm. one of the things that happens is that i start to feel really pressured to orgasm from my partner and than sometimes sex doesnt even feel good. my current boyfriend is amazing tentative and really generally cares about me and i love him so much but this problem pursits. So more than anything orgasming is a psychological thing and the barriers that exist. I have experienced a lot of bad things in the past where one partner had done things that have changed my perception of sex to something that is a service to a guy rather than a mutually expression of emotions and i know that before i can orgasm i have to deal with those issues.

but I am currently experimenting with new clit vibrators, like the hitachi magic wand etc maybe give some toys a shot.

so i hope this helps. its the combination of both psychological and physical sensation that needs to be addressed before orgasms can occur.

good luck i hope you get her there, you seem like a guy who is really concerned for her and i wish you and your partner the best of luck

mel

 

[SweetErika]

but I am currently experimenting with new clit vibrators, like the hitachi magic wand etc maybe give some toys a shot.

The Magic Wand is fantastic, especially for those of us that can have a tougher time at it. I will say I usually need an attachment (I favor the g-spot one for clitoral, too, but our homemade modeling foam ones can be great as well) because it's the focused stimulation that does it for me, no matter the toy or technique.

Once in a great while I can come without fantasizing or a story, but I need something to keep all rational thoughts and distractions at bay. If there's any concern about time or my partner, it's not going to happen no matter how good it feels.

Short breaks help, too, in my experience.

Sato, does your gf masturbate and fantasize and/or read erotica? Have you tried any toys, and if so, which ones, and what feedback did she give about them? Some women, myself included often, need more clitoral stimulation than hands and mouths can provide to get there. A portion of us have an easier time with the g-spot (though having a clitoral-O first helps me get there as well), but we're just wired for stronger and/or more focused/specific clit action.

At any rate, you're doing the right thing by learning and experimenting a ton, and I'll add another welcome to the mix!