Long Necked Crane

[Softlead]

As I slowly wipe stars from
my forehead
with my left hand,
and tears from
my eyes
with my right hand,

i can see your POMES
and my POMES
and all the other wonderous POMES

all together
l y i n g
motionless in a pool of water
next to a
beautiful yellow-brilled
L
O
N
G
N
E
C
K
E
D
crane

There they are silently waiting
for a cry from one who needs
a memory, a cry from one who
needs help, from one who
needs love, a cry for freedom!!!!

There, they are patiently waiting
to be touched again.

Our POMES are nothing more
than dangling electric wires,
wanting to be touched again
and
again
and again.

Soflead

 

[Icingsugar]

Sorry, but do you mean these?

 

[champagne1982]

I like your poetry, but why don't you submit it and let everyone else share in your words besides those of us who read the poetry forum?

Take a chance and let the population see too!

Maybe you should contribute to the all of a sudden passion suddenly thread since you seem to have an aversion to proofread, edit and spellchecker?

 

[Softlead]

Sounds like you're starting to set up rules and regulations here that I have to follow in order to express myself. Maybe I should move on and write elsewhere!

Softlead

 

[Guest]

Sounds like you're starting to set up rules and regulations here that I have to follow in order to express myself. Maybe I should move on and write elsewhere!

Softlead

Please don't be so touchy. The people in here just want to help. Your writing is only getting limited exposure on this board.

The comment about spell check is valid. A poem, no matter how good, loses a great deal if there are mistakes and uncorrected typos.

If you are so thin skinned as to take umbrage at the previous posters it' a pity because you won't learn anything.

 

[Icingsugar]

Sounds like you're starting to set up rules and regulations here that I have to follow in order to express myself. Maybe I should move on and write elsewhere!

Softlead

Huh? Did either of us offend you in any way?

/Ice - confused

 

[eagleyez]

Sounds like you're starting to set up rules and regulations here that I have to follow in order to express myself. Maybe I should move on and write elsewhere!

Softlead

take your time

it aint national security

*what tess said*

 

[Angeline]

Sounds like you're starting to set up rules and regulations here that I have to follow in order to express myself. Maybe I should move on and write elsewhere!

Softlead

Hi Softlead. Please don't feel you need to leave to express yourself.

No one is "in charge" here, with the authority to tell you how to express yourself--well except Laurel and Manu, who run the site, but in the few years I've been here I have yet to see either of them come into this forum to enforce, for example, spellchecking, lol.

We all try to learn from one another--some folks are more competitive than others, but you'll find that anywhere I expect. If you can learn from anyone here, it's a good thing, yes? I'm really enjoying your poems and getting a sense (i.e., learning) of how to use a light touch to convey ease and optimism--a feeling I've got with all your poems thus far.

You have some unorthodox spellings. If I did and they were typos, I 'd want to correct them. I'm sure we all agree that poems with errors that compromise a reader's ability to understand them are less effective as poems.

On the other hand, we all here need to remember that this is considered poetry--



tr-p-o-p-h-e-s-s-a-g-r
who
a)s w(e loo)k
upnowgath
PPEGORHRASS
eringint(o-
aThe):l
eA
!p:
S a
(r
rIvInG .gRrEaPsPhOs)
to
rea(be)rran(com)gi(e)ngly
,grasshopper;oves

-ee cummings

And this--

Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.


And then there's always this (which makes me giggle alot)--

An Ode to English Spelling (Anon)

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plague and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

Spellcheck, edit, proofread, yes, but also live and learn.

 

[Softlead]

I tell ya ... I was pretty upset (ready to take my writings elsewhere) BUT then I saw Angelines' message. She calmed me down. I don't know who she is. But I want to thank her. Words can really make a difference. I had this whole negative message I was going to reply with but after reading her words I reconsidered and wrote the following called "Colors Of Angels".

Softlead

 

[Angeline]

I tell ya ... I was pretty upset (ready to take my writings elsewhere) BUT then I saw Angelines' message. She calmed me down. I don't know who she is. But I want to thank her. Words can really make a difference. I had this whole negative message I was going to reply with but after reading her words I reconsidered and wrote the following called "Colors Of Angels".

Softlead

just another person here, but thank you and glad you're going to hang around.

 

[Icingsugar]

just another person here, but thank you and glad you're going to hang around.

Me too. Softlead, you've got talent and a unique voice. It would be a shame if you went away from this board. I can assure you that any hostility you've seen in this thread is a mere misunderstanding.

Keep writing & sharing.

/Ice

 

[Softlead]

Thanks /Ice

I don't mind feedback. In fact I love feedback. It's the words. Everyone should put the words together to make them work. Words are all we got here. Who cares about spelling (POEM or POME). It's how one fits the WORDS together not the LETTERS. Don't you agree?

Softlead

 

[Rybka]

Thanks /Ice

I don't mind feedback. In fact I love feedback. It's the words. Everyone should put the words together to make them work. Words are all we got here. Who cares about spelling (POEM or POME). It's how one fits the WORDS together not the LETTERS. Don't you agree?

Softlead

As nicely and gently as I can, please allow me to point out that one must fit LETTERS together to make WORDS before we have the words to worry about making work.
Contrary to the belief of some, spelling and punctuation are important, particularly in poetry and even more so than in prose.

Regards, Rybka

 

[Softlead]

Rybka are you an English teacher?

Softlead

 

[Icingsugar]

Thanks /Ice

I don't mind feedback. In fact I love feedback. It's the words. Everyone should put the words together to make them work. Words are all we got here. Who cares about spelling (POEM or POME). It's how one fits the WORDS together not the LETTERS. Don't you agree?

Softlead

Generally, I do agree. The message is more important tham the technicalities.

In this particuar case though, my question about POEMS or POMES was kind of justified, because they are two words meaning different things (pomes being a type of fruit - apples and pears for instance are pomes), and your writing could therefore mean different things.

Did you mean pome-fruits as a metaphor for poetry? Or did you in fact mean poems? Both works quite well, but they give the piece entirely different character. I coudn't figure out which meaning that was your intention. And that confusion about what I read came directly from letters.

/Ice - who types poerty instead of poetry

 

[*Catbabe*]

... are you an English teacher?

Softlead

I think there are a few English teachers lurking around these parts. Maybe I am wrong, but you said the above like it was a horrible thing to be an English teacher.

Kind of ironic that you would like people to accept without question the unique way you write, but yet you write off an entire group of people as having nothing valid to say just because of what they do for a living. It’s never a great idea to judge or assume things about a person just because they have a certain profession.

I think you are very talented. I do, however, think you need to decide whether you write for yourself or whether you write for others. If you write for others, then give them the respect of listening to their response to your work. Doesn't mean you have to change anything. It's just common courtesy.

 

[champagne1982]

I tell ya ... I was pretty upset (ready to take my writings elsewhere) BUT then I saw Angelines' message. She calmed me down. I don't know who she is. But I want to thank her. Words can really make a difference. I had this whole negative message I was going to reply with but after reading her words I reconsidered and wrote the following called "Colors Of Angels".

Softlead

Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.. .. bye

edited to add: Okay, that's rude. Sorry. But, Softlead, did you not mention before how your poems are off the top and then you can't bear to edit them? .. If that wasn't you, pardon me. And your spelling of poem or pome wasn't in question when I mention a spell-checker run, but what in hell is a "yellow-brill"?

 

[Angeline]

okey dokey. I got a few things to say.

RANT ON

I love proper grammar and spelling. I *was* an English teacher as well as an editor. I believe everyone should--as we teachers say--check the work before handing it in.

However this forum is not exactly a classroom. We do want to learn and help, but if someone chooses to define "creativity," for example, as not checking work, that's his or her perogative. Last time I checked, nobody here was sheriff.

I fully disagree with the "I don't believe in editing" attitude and, yes, it's frustrating to see a writer with talent espouse it because it will keep his or her poetry from being taken seriously.

The same is true for using odd, alternative spellings or made up words. They're ok. (Lord knows I use them, anyway.) Poetry takes many forms and some poems look a little weird at first, but they're still allowed to be poems, right?

Language and poetic form alike evolve. Growth is good. If we didn't grow, we'd all be writing nothing but sonnets (or even Haiku), which would piss some of us here off no end. So change is good, but a writer should bear in mind that unless the reader can derive some meaning from a poem, it failed.

Not everyone who posts here is looking to be taken seriously or published. Fine. (And if you're not don't ask for feedback.) But each of us has as much right to be here and post as the next person. Furthermore (and I say this based on experience as an editor), it is both kinder and more effective to deliver constructive criticism in a friendly way. Nobody likes to be insulted. If someone doesn't like your sage advice, don't give them any more of it. It may be their loss, but as the Brooklyn branch of the Angeline family says "What's it to ya?"

RANT OFF

Softlead, I like your poems. Sorry for the hijack. We're nice here even though we're all a little crabby sometimes. Everybody else, smile and be nice. Happy New Year.

 

[Softlead]

Where do I begin? Let's just say that I'm learning who's who in this world. I've got to admit I read every word everyone wrote here. I want to thank everyone who's responded so far. There are some very intelligent people here. POEMS or POMES who cares. Well I care, but that's not the point. /Ice POMES was the correct usage. I apologize for asking Rybka if she was an English teacher. *Catbabe*, I don't think it's a horrible thing to be an English teacher, but your right, after I re-read what I wrote (Oh GAWD now you all have me re-reading what I write) it did seem a little on the ugly side. I didn't mean it to be ugly... I was trying to be friendly. As far as "letting the door hit me where the good lord split ya". There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those who know what a "yellow-brill" is and those that don't. Those who look at the details (spelling) and those who look at the big picture (meaning). Those that don't like you, those you won't ever like you. Those that love and those that hate. Those that use cars and those that ride Harleys. We need us ALL to make the rockin' world go around. VvVvVRrRrOoOoMmMm.

PS. Angeline, I promise I will start "checking my work before handing it in".

Softlead

 

[*Catbabe*]

*Catbabe*, I don't think it's a horrible thing to be an English teacher, but your right, after I re-read what I wrote (Oh GAWD now you all have me re-reading what I write) it did seem a little on the ugly side. I didn't mean it to be ugly... I was trying to be friendly.
Softlead

I appreciate your answer Softlead.


P.S. I have no idea if Rybka is or was an English teacher but I know that he isn't a she

 

[Angeline]

I appreciate your answer Softlead.


P.S. I have no idea if Rybka is or was an English teacher but I know that he isn't a she

oh look. the one person who won't mind writing sonnets.

 

[*Catbabe*]

oh look. the one person who won't mind writing sonnets.

This is true Ange. The dark ugly secret is out.

Hello my name is Cat and I have a problem...I am addicted to writing sonnets.


I actually tried some new stuff today as treatment for my sonnet addiction It isn't doing well so now I will have to ease my sorrows with more sonnets.

 

[eagleyez]

i kind of chanced in here and found the quality of scholarship and poetic nuance to my liking.

the freedom of ideas and the passion that entails is never a bad thing.

let it flow.

i take that to the bank.

 

[Angeline]

This is true Ange. The dark ugly secret is out.

Hello my name is Cat and I have a problem...I am addicted to writing sonnets.


I actually tried some new stuff today as treatment for my sonnet addiction It isn't doing well so now I will have to ease my sorrows with more sonnets.

We should have a giraffe sonnet challenge. (We'd be the only ones to do it, lol.)

 

[Angeline]

i kind of chanced in here and found the quality of scholarship and poetic nuance to my liking.

the freedom of ideas and the passion that entails is never a bad thing.

let it flow.

i take that to the bank.

come here. i need to check your work.