Long Hospital Stay Suggestions

[Belegon]

I had some very upsetting news yesterday. An associate at work who has become a good friend was in a motorcycle accident and has broken his lower back. Needless to say, he is in for some struggles ahead, especially since the info I have says there is spinal cord seperation and he may be paralysed from waist down or so.

What I would appreciate from my friends here is a little advice. This seems to be a very diverse community and I wonder if any of us have any recent exp in the area of long hospital stays and the trials faced therein.

Any suggestions of things I can do to help Dave with things like boredom, lack of mobility, etc? He'll get plenty of family and friend support but I am specifically looking for things like good books that you might suggest, diversions, things like that. He is a very active sort and I know that this will be a challenge for him. I want to avoid being a source of pity and be one of strength. I chose this approach based on a conversation I already had with a client who was paralysed from chest down in a motocross crash.

Any thoughts would be helpful.

 

[destinie21]

What types of books does Dave like? Also movies? DOes he have a portable DVD player or laptop?

 

[Guest]

hi hon, ive worked in hospital for the last 15 years and what i see that really helps out is humor.. getting the mind off what has happened is difficult.
if you brought him books related to things that he likes, but with a humorous slant..
compassion without pity is also great. they (the injured) go through alot of different stages, much like grieving.
my thoughts go out to you and your friend.
also, when he is better, massage is essential. it helps the limbs that begin to atrophy.. they even have therapists who visit the hospital for just that sort of thing.

 

[cloudy]

If he has any hobbies that he could work on where he is, make sure he has supplies.

A portable dvd player and movies is a great idea, as is a laptop.

My youngest was in the hospital for quite a while, off and on, and the sitting there was the worst. Don't lose touch with him or he'll feel abandoned.

edited to add: that didn't come out right, sorry. My father had polio when he was young, and he said the worst part of it was his former friends growing away from him because he could no longer do the same things they did. He said that only one friend stuck by him, and he remembered that one friend for the rest of his life. Didn't mean to insult you, I promise.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Belegon,
I am so sorry to hear this, hugs to you too.
This will be a long road ahead so you need to keep his brain stimulated and his spirit strong.
I might suggest little by little making his room more like home, keeping him up on current events, I'd stick with good things, or taking pictures of what's going on around you. My mom was hospitalized for 3 months, unable to speak or look out a window. She experienced a loss of time, which we had to keep telling her about, we would tell her the time and date and what was new.
It might help to do some research online for tips. That also helped as there are other people out there willing to help with similar situations.
If I come across anything, I'll send it your way.
In the meantime be strong and keep us updated on his condition.
Good luck to you, your friend and those who love him.
All my best, A

 

[Guest]

Anything to keep his mind busy, trust me I know. Been there, done that.

Buy him magazines about his hobbies, lots of books, see if anyone has a smaller gaming console he can use (like Gameboy). Pictures from his home that could sit on his bedside table or window sill (if there is one in his room or he's closest to it.) If the room he is in has net connection, see if someone will lend him a laptop. If it's okay with his doctors, buy him some small packages of his favorite snacks or sodas. If he likes them, get him some crossword or word find puzzle books.

Most of all, keep in touch with him.

I'm sorry this happened to your friend and I hope that he has a quick and complete recovery.

 

[Liar]

If we are talking long-term or permanent immobility here, nothing is better than still being able to have plenty of human interaction.

Internet and good devices to use it, can be a real help. A friend of mine, who passed away about a year ago, had spent his last fifteen years confined in his home, with MS in an agressive stage. His only human interaction outside wife and kids, before he got properly online in the mid 90's, had been limited to whenever his relatives, friends and a nurse, set off time to come visit him. His last five years, he told me, had been the best in his life since he became too frail to move about by himself. He chatted to, spoke to and had face-to-face interaction with all kinds of people all day long, shared interrests, argued, made more good friends than he ever had before.

Oh, and he was also an Everquest demigod.

Now, this kind of thing takes some investment. Sitting in an office chair in front of a screen is all well and good for you and me, but with a disability, or even if you just have a regular bad back, that ain't gonna cut it.

Anyway, even if we're talking a shorter period of time, a month or two in hospital or so, the same thing applies. Getting to meet people, and not out of pity, but out of genuine interrest, that is the kind of thing that makes life worth living. Worst thing in a situation like that is to feel like a burden.

#L

 

[Svenskaflicka]

If I had a friend who had to stay in hospital for a longtime, I'd try to cheer him/her up by saying that this is the excellent opportunity to start a new, positive habit, like doing crosswords, or listening to one of those learn-a-language tapes, or perhaps to give up an old negative habit, like smoking or eating too much sweets.
And I'd encourage his/her interest in something new by giving him/her very heavy books, health magazines, audio tapes, painting supplies, etc.

 

[cantdog]

A lot of wheelchair folks got that way for the very reason that they were active people.

The community of people in wheelchairs, consequently, is into a lot of active things. Wheelchair basketball is just the tip of the iceberg.

Is he in an MC? His bros might be a big help to him. Even if he can't ride, he can still party!

In the hospital itself, you have already the best advice. Vella_ms is also perfectly correct about massage and PT. Don't let him neglect that. True friends and humor and involvement... much good luck to him.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

As several have already suggested, your presence is going to be the best thing you can give him at first. Even if ... (when he tells you to get lost.) He has a right to get a little crotchety.

All those things — books, electronics, hobbies are all good, if he becomes interested.

Later, when his condition is more predictable, planning some event that he can do, but not in the hospital, to keep him looking ahead, might be helpful.

The hospital will arrange his physiotherapy. When he complains about it – as no doubt he will – listen, sympathise, then urge him to continue. Notice, when any improvement is made.

Cloudy has covered the most important part that you can do for him — keep in regular contact.

 

[Belegon]

Thank You everybody

I just got back from visiting Dave for the first time and he looks very good for what happened. Based on the description he gave me (he never lost consciousness), we already have had something miraculous happen in that he survived. But they have already told him he will never walk again. He loses feeling about three inches below his chest.

The DVD player idea is perfect! He likes movies, and it is something we can buy for him with the money collected from his friends at work. His particular taste in fiction is heroic fantasy and a little scifi, but we are going to mostly go with audio books for now because of the IV's and the neck brace.

Thank you so much to all for responding. At the hospital I tried to keep it on our regular somewhat sarcastic macho style conversation level and I think I was successful. He is so matter of fact about his condition that it was kinda easy to do so. He is a brave s.o.b. At one point when it was just a couple of us guys he started talking one of his riding buddies out of selling his bike.
Says he would ride again tomorrow if he could.

He is in surgical ICU until after the surgery next Friday, after that we can work on stuff about his room.

I was able to be so casual when I was in with him, and then I call work to give an update from the waiting room and all of a sudden I am silently crying while I talk. It is just so weird.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

It never hurts to look on the sunny side, but I would not take this first visit as any indication that your friend has even begun to adjust. Your description sounds more to me as if he were doing the “stiff upper lip” thing.

For now, I would let your friend set the mood of the conversations, flippant, serious, or discouraged, whatever tone he requires as he explores and accepts his new situation.

Don’t be surprised – or disappointed – if his attitude takes a sudden nose dive. Be prepared to support him through it. Once he has spent a little time in the depths, he will be ready to begin making a more permanent adjustment to his circumstances.

Meanwhile, you will need patience, to remain his friend. Remember that it often happens that one way a strong active man might at first react to this new situation, is to become as difficult as possible, in an effort to drive away his previous friends, so they will not be around to pity him.

If, or when, he passes though that phase, be a good friend, and don’t let him succeed.

 

[champagne1982]

Who are these 'they' that said your friend, Dave, would never walk again?

I try to espouse the, "Never Say Never" motto. The possibly incorrect information given to a spinal injury chord edited to make this last more coherent: spinal chord injury patient about their future disabilities can turn them into an invalid, when in all possibility, they may not be as severely disabled as first imagined.

Face facts but please find some positive articles and books by people who have triumphed in the face of equal or worse injury.

Rick Hansen, The Man In Motion and Christopher Reeves are only two of the millions of people worldwide who have spinal chord injuries.

The advances in spinal chord regeneration therapy and injury management have been phenomenal. The very best thing you can do for your friend is to sincerely believe that he can succeed in living a full and worthwhile life and that a cure is worth working for.

There is much hope for the paralyzed and I pray that there will be successes where once there was only an artificial lung. I'm glad that you are there for him.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Food. I mean real good ole junk food, not healthy hospital crap. When Ihad kneee surgery and was stuck in the hospital for over a week, my little brother coming in with a smuggled KFC drumstick was better than anything you could imagine.

Obviously there are dieticians and such, and with his lack of mobility he may be on a very lean diet to keep from gaining weight until he begins rehab, but find out what he likes to eat and smuggle it in once in a while.

Nothing will cement a freindship like a wendy's double cheeseburger when you have been living on glop for a month.

-Colly

 

[cantdog]

Colly is right again

Food. I mean real good ole junk food, not healthy hospital crap. When Ihad kneee surgery and was stuck in the hospital for over a week, my little brother coming in with a smuggled KFC drumstick was better than anything you could imagine.

Obviously there are dieticians and such, and with his lack of mobility he may be on a very lean diet to keep from gaining weight until he begins rehab, but find out what he likes to eat and smuggle it in once in a while.

Nothing will cement a freindship like a wendy's double cheeseburger when you have been living on glop for a month.

-Colly

We have a rule around our house and in my circle of close friends about cheeseburgers. You know how once in a while a friend will be stranded someplace? Her car broke down, or whatever it is; someone has to go to the rescue.

M, a friend of mine, went up beyong North West Carry and Seboomook Lake to rescue a couple of friends who'd been fishing up there. Now Louie had to walk out to a 'phone just to notify M, and he'd called my place first and his own house before he caught M. Then he had to wait for M to drive for at least an hour and a half.

There isn't always so clear cut a reason, but a stranded person is usually tense and bored by turns.

When M got up there, they pushed him aside and looked into his car, the two of them (they DID have some whisky with 'em) and then said, "Where's the cheeseburgers?"

"Yeah, Louie said, "don't you know you're never really rescued until you get a cheeseburger and a blowjob?"


cantdog

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The most solid sessions of unmoving ass-time I ever put in was when I started playing Riven, the computer game. It's not a shoot-em up or an action game. It's just an amazingly realistic and haunting world, beautiful and poignant, where you kind of wander around and discover amazing things. Nothing jumps out at you and there aren't any horrible surprises. Its just enchanting on a very deep, emotional level.

That was about two and a half or three years ago, and I still have waves of nostalgia for it, so I go back and visit every so often. But I think the fact that I can get nostalgic for scenes in a video game says something about the almost mythic power it has.

I think something like that might be ideal for someone who's going to be laid up for a long time. It's really a virtual world.

Myst is okay too, but not as rich or sophisticated. The ones after Riven are no good.

---dr.M.

 

[shereads]

Privacy and comfort and quiet and real food. Those are the things lacking in typical hospital rooms - particularly if he has to share a room with someone. That's the most unpleasant and intrusive thing for someone who's immobilized or ill. Being interrupted by a roommate's coughing, family visits, use of the TV remote, phone calls..

So:

How about those Sony headsets that have a "white noise" setting for plane travel? They're not cheap and they use a ton of batteries, but they really work. I tried someone else's on a flight recently, and it really made the engine noise disappear. Some of them can be used as audio headsets too, for a portable DVD player or MP3.

If he's immobilized, he might need help holding a book. Amazon.com has most of its popular books on CD, and if it's difficult to sit up in bed for reading, those would be nice.

A sleep mask. Nurses coming in at night to check on him will be turning on the lights every two or three hours, and that's hard to sleep through

A comfortable pillow. Those foam things at hospitals are the worst. If it were me, I'd want my own super-soft down pillow from home.

A basket of puppies?

Cheerleaders?

I had some very upsetting news yesterday. An associate at work who has become a good friend was in a motorcycle accident and has broken his lower back. Needless to say, he is in for some struggles ahead, especially since the info I have says there is spinal cord seperation and he may be paralysed from waist down or so.

What I would appreciate from my friends here is a little advice. This seems to be a very diverse community and I wonder if any of us have any recent exp in the area of long hospital stays and the trials faced therein.

Any suggestions of things I can do to help Dave with things like boredom, lack of mobility, etc? He'll get plenty of family and friend support but I am specifically looking for things like good books that you might suggest, diversions, things like that. He is a very active sort and I know that this will be a challenge for him. I want to avoid being a source of pity and be one of strength. I chose this approach based on a conversation I already had with a client who was paralysed from chest down in a motocross crash.

Any thoughts would be helpful.

 

[shereads]

The most solid sessions of unmoving ass-time I ever put in was when I started playing Riven, the computer game. It's not a shoot-em up or an action game. It's just an amazingly realistic and haunting world, beautiful and poignant, where you kind of wander around and discover amazing things. Nothing jumps out at you and there aren't any horrible surprises. Its just enchanting on a very deep, emotional level.

That was about two and a half or three years ago, and I still have waves of nostalgia for it, so I go back and visit every so often. But I think the fact that I can get nostalgic for scenes in a video game says something about the almost mythic power it has.

I think something like that might be ideal for someone who's going to be laid up for a long time. It's really a virtual world.

Myst is okay too, but not as rich or sophisticated. The ones after Riven are no good.

---dr.M.

I remember guys at work playing Riven. It was beautiful, fascinating to watch. I never tried to play.

 

[cantdog]

sher I love the cheerleaders...



cheerleaders LOL

 

[shereads]

I used to have a game on CDROM called Monty Python's Complete Waste of Time. It was a complete waste of time. It's not made for the Mac anymore, or I'd have it now. There's a marvelous pinball game on there, with exploding cows and other silliness, and lots of sound bites and the Ministry of Silly Walks screensaver...There's a complex game to be played for those who read the rules, but I enjoyed randomly clicking on things to see what would happen. If you're lucky, you get to view a video clip from the TV series.

"Oh, intercourse the penguin!"

EDITED to add: Christopher Reeve was never expected to regain any movement at all, and he is able to make a fist, breathe without a machine, and soon may be walking with the help of prosthetics. Never say never.

 

[shereads]

This link might help you understand what your friend is facing, and when he's ready there might be some help for him here:

The Miami Project to Cure Paralysis

Facing Spinal Cord Injury
http://www.miamiproject.miami.edu/facing_sci/index.asp

 

[Belegon]

Continued thanks to all for suggestions and info.

We are going to go the audio book route for the near future. Since he does have a small fracture in his neck, the brace keeps him from being able to move his head side to side , so he would have to hold a book or video game directly above his face. He also has some good friends and a wonderful fiancee who are willing to read to him.

Thanx for the web links. I have also discovered that Christopher Reeve and his wife have a web site that is very good.

As to the "Never Say Never" kind of things, one thing that is already being focused on by D. and his family is that in the possibility of new advancements, those most likely to have successful results are those whose limbs and functions show less atrophy. The idea is to see what we can come up with to help keep his lower body in as good physical shape as possible.

Cheeseburgers. . Ever heard of In n' Out Burger? Dave used to manage one. once we get him out of ICU I'm sure a Double-Double Animal Style will magically appear.

I'm going to visit again after work tomorrow.

 

[cantdog]

Stay cool Belegon. Let us know.

cantdog

 

[Black Tulip]

Belegon,

All the sound advice has already been given.

One for you: as someone who has been in the supporting area as well, do not forget yourself. You can only be his buddy if you can unburden someplace as well. Make sure you have a place where you do not need to be tough.

Oh, and look out for the moment he is ready to show you his not so tough side. That can be the hardest, but also the best.

Take care.

 

[Belegon]

I spent a good portion of the afternoon over at the hospital today. They moved Dave into a room so that is nice at least. Before he was just in a bed in ICU. The whole time I was there his roommate was in surgery. There are just starting to be a couple of chinks in the armor. The pain is intense and he can not always hide it, though he tries.

I'm told that much of the pain he is in will diminish after surgery on Friday.

I told Dave how much of a topic he is on the sportbike forums at a couple of the sites he frequents and I passed on the well-wishes from here also. It is nice to know you are not alone.

He is as well as he could be, all things considered. We are going to put the money we have collected towards a decent laptop, which will cover multiple issues that would have been addressed with other smaller ticket items.