Long distance between master and sub

[YoungToyMaster]

I am relatively new to the BDSM community, but I've recently become very inticed by it. I have just met a girl who seems pretty excited to be my toy, but the problem is there is quite a large distance between us. I have had fun with giving her orders and watching her complete them (via video, pictures, Skype or phone), but I've run into a problem. I don't know how to discipline her from such a distance. When she disobeys, I want to punish her, but I can't figure out how without actually being thee. Has anyone else run into this problem? Does anybody else have any ideas? Thanks!

 

[babyjane20011]

I am relatively new to the BDSM community, but I've recently become very inticed by it. I have just met a girl who seems pretty excited to be my toy, but the problem is there is quite a large distance between us. I have had fun with giving her orders and watching her complete them (via video, pictures, Skype or phone), but I've run into a problem. I don't know how to discipline her from such a distance. When she disobeys, I want to punish her, but I can't figure out how without actually being thee. Has anyone else run into this problem? Does anybody else have any ideas? Thanks!

IF she disobeys you tell her you wont use Skype with her

 

[YoungToyMaster]

IF she disobeys you tell her you wont use Skype with her

But sometimes I feel like that isn't severe enough.

 

[midwestyankee]

You will find several answers to this and just about any other question that might develop in your distance relationship in this thread: Distance-Domination Support Thread.

 

[the captians wench]

IF she disobeys you tell her you wont use Skype with her

That is a deal breaker for me.

Put me in the corner while we should be chatting, okay, but to not come online at all is something I don't tolerate.

 

[seela]

No communication is about as rough as punishments come, in my opinion, so I find it hard to imagine that not being severe enough. Of course that depends on people involved and since you gave very little to go with, it's hard to give advice suited for exactly your situation.

Just remember that punishment doesn't have to be painful and it doesn't have to be sexy. The non-sexy ones are probably more effective.

Have her write lines, or an essay about a topic of your choosing, possibly something to do with the thing that earned her the punishment. Take away something she enjoys and make her work to gain it back, like make her wash the floors on her hands and knees or organize that one pile of random crap everyone has. Make her cook and eat something she doesn't enjoy.

 

[Netzach]

That is a deal breaker for me.

Put me in the corner while we should be chatting, okay, but to not come online at all is something I don't tolerate.

Supervised corner time is actually really good, if this is your dynamic. Better with a penny between nose and wall.

 

[BabblingBrooke]

But sometimes I feel like that isn't severe enough.

Not severe enough? I'm in an LDR and would say that withdrawing communication would harm me.

 

[BabblingBrooke]

You will find several answers to this and just about any other question that might develop in your distance relationship in this thread: Distance-Domination Support Thread.

Thanks for this link! It's really filled with gems.

 

[Catyrenee]

I would agree, I consider withholding communication a pretty harsh punishment. Especially in a long distance relationship. I've had to sign off and go to bed early before when I've been displeasing and just that was hard for me. As for what is considered a harsh punishment I would say depends a lot on each individual's likes and dislikes.

 

[YoungToyMaster]

I would agree, I consider withholding communication a pretty harsh punishment. Especially in a long distance relationship. I've had to sign off and go to bed early before when I've been displeasing and just that was hard for me. As for what is considered a harsh punishment I would say depends a lot on each individual's likes and dislikes.

Thank you for your inpu, I really appreciate it

 

[Doc_Knot]

Funny, I joined this forum because I'm actually in a LDR and my girl and I were looking for a like site like this to explore our desires. I've know for a very long time that I enjoyed the bdsm life style but she discovered it a few months into the relationship. As you know already, phone sex and video chat are great tools to help you both with the sexual aspects of your relationship. When it comes to punishment over electronic communication, withdrawing comms can be an affective means. BUT be careful that it doesn't cause a problem when you're not being Dom/Sub. There may be some feelings from withdrawing communication since electronic comms are your, for the most part, your main way of being close to each other. I see my girlfriend/Sub about once a month so we do get to act out of urges in person, if I'm feeling frisky, I'll bring up something that she did a few weeks before and punish her on the spot for it.

My point is, LDR's are not easy, people will call you crazy, ignorant, hopeful and many other things that may not be meant in a bad way but that come across as such. What most don't understand though is that LDR's are some of the strongest relationships there are. Your entire relationship is based off of communication and open honesty. Anyone on a successful relationship, no matter what the distance will tell you that communication is the key to a happy relationship and we're fortunate enough to have one that exercises that every day and every moment we speak. Good luck and remember, you're only going to get what you give. Whether it be in general terms or in BDSM terms.

If you want to chat or if you need someone to vent to, feel free to private message me, I'll be glad to help out in anyway that I can. We're coming up on our one year anniversary soon and I'm counting down the days till I can make an honest woman out of my girl. Distance means nothing to bonded souls. Remember that.

Doc

 

[TangleLeg]

I'd say that punishment is not always the first place to turn. Be careful that you don't punish her in ways that limit your own enjoyment of her too. Cutting off communication for short term may be useful, but I personally would never use it. I like our communication.

Creativity is the key. You can use your communication with her to pick up subtle hints about things that she dislikes, (but are still within her limits) that you can later use for discipline and control.

For my part, a D/s repationship that is only about obedience and punishment is one dimentional at best. There is so much more to bdsm than that. Get creative. If she hates to cook, give her a cooking challenge. Is she a messy housekeeper? Don't humiliate her unless that is part of her submissive needs. Tell her you'll be waiting when she shows you a clean house before she gets to play. Tell her why so she sees the futility of her misdeeds. You'll not only introduce discipline, but she'll appreciate a clean house later on.

Those are pretty mundane ideas though. Does she dislike pink? Buy her pink lingerie and let her wear it for you. Or, one I use is the good old pink jeweled butt plug. My girl doesn't like pink. One thing she know she has to look forward to is wearing that in my sight if she transgresses my desires. I still get the pleasure of seeing her submit to my control. I don't mind pink at all. It still turns me on that this beautiful woman is willing to submit to my pleasure. But when she's good, I have a variety of much better, more fun plugs to play with her anal lusts.

And of course, if the dynamic includes physical meetings, it all just gets a thousand times more amazing.

That's my two cents anyway. To each his or her own.

Mostly, while I don't know enough to assume you don't already understand this, please try to think of D/s as much more than obedience and punishment. Those are only two sides of a multi-faceted, intricate, cultural gem.

 

[kimuk]

Just to say barring communication as punishment is a big no for me. It's one of my few hard limits. It destroys the relationship , causes me an extream feeling of abandonment and desertion ( for me) . I'd rather to whipped till I bleed than not hear from him. To me it would mean he really wanted to hurt me and it would destroy my trust and deeply effect our relationship.
But thats just me .....