Lmao

[Jenny _S]

I'm been reading stories on Lit this afternoon. I am rolling on the floor laughing. There are so many stories where the author was lost for words when it came to the sex scene. A few of my favorites -

"He rammed his throbbing man meat deep into her sloppy twat."
(Man meat? Sloppy Twat? Sounds like they desreved each other.)

"She impaled herself on his huge pole and rode him like a roller coaster at Coney Island."
(Huh?)

"She came with a force unknown to her before, stars dancing before her eyes like a Christmas Tree, then she fainted."
(Christmas Tree?)

"His man juice spurted out of his cock to splatter all over here face and tits like a fire hose."
(LMAO)

Where do these come from?

 

[whispering_surrender]

Reminds me of a joke.....a butcher, a theme park operator, Santa and a fireman walked into a bar.....*drifts off*

Whisper

 

[lori Annette]

I know what you mean. That just doesn't do anything for me...."his throbbing wand"........not erotic.........

 

[raphy]

I think some people are trying far too hard with their 'alternative' descriptions... Made me laugh though.

 

[pop_54]

Hahaha

Yeppers love, it sure makes you wonder where they're coming from. I'm guilty of making it a bit lewd in my descriptions, (well it gives me a boner), but I try to avoid the likes of above.

I mean something like, "Mylon gently eased his horse like weapon into Clair's warm wet slit then pulled her on like a well worn wellington boot and rode her into the sunset" Sounds much better doesn't it

pops...........

 

[sanchopanza]

i've used "trunk of flesh" to describe a cock - only in jest though, it just sounds ridiculous. oh and "glorious testament to masculinity"

 

[Svenskaflicka]

*jots down plot bunny*

 

[Vincent E]

His pulsating, purple, pussy pounder protruded perfectly past her pink puckerhole pushing pints of popper juice into her poon-tang pouch.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Hahaha

Originally posted by pop_54 I mean something like, "Mylon gently eased his horse like weapon into Clair's warm wet slit then pulled her on like a well worn wellington boot and rode her into the sunset" Sounds much better doesn't it

Dear Pop,
You forgot to mention that Mylon had two handsful of Clair's wool at the time.
MG

 

[Guest]

Re: Hahaha

"Mylon gently eased his horse like weapon into Clair's warm wet slit then pulled her on like a well worn wellington boot and rode her into the sunset"

Gosh, I never get tired of hearing that line.

Perdita

p.s. Vincenzo: good alliterative sample, loved the poon tang.

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Hahaha

Dear Pop,
You forgot to mention that Mylon had two handsful of Clair's wool at the time.
MG

Ah wrong time of year dear, she'd been freshly shorn, or sheared of whatever they do to sheep's hairy stuff.

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Hahaha

Gosh, I never get tired of hearing that line.

Perdita

p.s. Vincenzo: good alliterative sample, loved the poon tang.

Ah but she'd never been ridden into the suset before darling

 

[Quasimodem]

His pulsating, purple, pussy pounder protruded perfectly past her pink puckerhole pushing pints of popper juice into her poon-tang pouch.

Pondering! Perhaps people present should participate in publishing portions of purple prose -- poorly portraying passionate passages of impressive prevarication -- particularly postulated for pelf.

 

[sanchopanza]

and up till just now i didn't even know "pelf" was a word. don't that just beat all

 

[Guest]

Quas, start a thread, man. I'll bring my pelf.

Perdita

 

[Octavian]

Nice alliteration Quasi and Vincent.

Getting back to the original thread, how about this genuine extract.

“Encase your majestic tree of manhood in the sublimely soft wondrous wet hallowed depths of my body,” she implored.

To which I added a spoof response.

"Oh," he replied, "you mean you wanna fuck!"

Octavian

My stories

 

[Icingsugar]

I read a story once where a certain part of the male anatomy was refered to as:

a light-saber
a totem pole
a battle ship
a space shuttle
a cruise missile
a douglas fir
a despotic dictator (no specific one though)
a leg
lava
lightning

and a handful more that I can't remember.

The woman in the story was mere mouth, pussy and ass though for some reason.

 

[CWatson]

Someone should just write a story with all these ridiculous completely off-the-wall descriptions in them. Glorious blossom of femininity or whatever. It would be scary if anyone took it seriously.

EDIT Oh wait, I just said exactly what Quasi did. Albeit absent all articulate alliteration.

 

[LorriLove]

giggle

Someone should just write a story with all these ridiculous completely off-the-wall descriptions in them. Glorious blossom of femininity or whatever. It would be scary if anyone took it seriously.

EDIT Oh wait, I just said exactly what Quasi did. Albeit absent all articulate alliteration.

check out 'durt gurl's' stuff honey

 

[Weird Harold]

“Encase your majestic tree of manhood in the sublimely soft wondrous wet hallowed depths of my body,” she implored.

"Oh," he replied, "you mean you wanna fuck!"

This sounds like a normal person sucked into an alternate reality based on Harlequin Romance novels.

That actually might make an interesting story, now that I think about it -- not that I could write it; My fingers refuse to type "tripe."

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

sanchopanza

Your lack of exposure to "pelf" is proof positive you were spared having to learn the poem, "Man Without a Country" which includes the never-to-be-forgotten line, "Despite those riches, power, and pelf, the wrech concentered all in self." (or something kinda like that)

--

What's really impressive about the alliterations of Vincent and Quasi, it they did both using words starting with "P" and didn't resort to: prick, penis, pole, piledriver or penetrate.

Ruample Foreskin

 

[Quasimodem]

. . . not that I could write it; My fingers refuse to type "tripe."

WH,

Such a deal I've got for you! Check with E*-Bay.

I'll throw in a brand new ribbon if you bid for my old, used tripewriter.

*Eeewww!

 

[Icingsugar]

“Encase your majestic tree of manhood in the sublimely soft wondrous wet hallowed depths of my body,” she implored.

To which I added a spoof response.

"Oh," he replied, "you mean you wanna fuck!"

Octavian
[/URL]

Got me thinking of Roger Zelazny's Amber books...

(read 10 years ago and recited from bad memory, but you get the point)

"I will smite thee and drink thy blood!"

"What's your bitch?"

 

[MathGirl]

Re: giggle

check out 'durt gurl's' stuff honey

Dear LL,
I think this might be the subject of an upcoming DurtGurl opus.
MG

 

[sanchopanza]

the only poetry i remember having to learn word for word was all on the theme of apples i think oh apples and boughs and woods. loads of poems about bending boughs over to rest on the floor and a poem about a bloke who sneaks into a garden with the intent of destroying it and that robert frost poem - the only -poetry i read these days is shakespeare