Litiquette VI

[Trekka]

I had a boyfriend in high school that my mom hated with the fire of a thousand suns. As an adult, I realize that she was afraid he was going to knock me up, marry me and throw me off the college-bound track that I was on. He also drank too much, drove too fast, was in a crappy band, stayed out too late and got in trouble with the cops for throwing an epic party when his parents were gone for a weekend. And I loved him with all of my teenage heart.

But my mom was right. He wasn't the right one for me.

Lol, sounds like he was the right one for me

 

[Suz_anne]

Lol, sounds like he was the right one for me

I wouldn't wish him on you. He's had a rough go. I hear he's kind of turned it around now, but it took awhile. And he's got 5 sons. Yikes!

 

[Trekka]

My parents did their best to get along with my ex, but it never worked well, and despite their best efforts, they never could bond. He never liked them much either. It made life difficult.

My BF and my folks get along like a house on fire. They like him more than me, I think. Makes life much easier.

...He’s the only guy I’ve ever brought home that they’ve actually liked. Which is funny, because on paper, he is the *last* guy on my illustrious list that you’d think they’d want for their daughter.

Somehow it works.

But, at the end of the day, my choices are mine. It’s nice when they are happy with my decisions. When they’re not, which is often, well, they’re entitled to their feelings.

 

[Trekka]

I wouldn't wish him on you. He's had a rough go. I hear he's kind of turned it around now, but it took awhile. And he's got 5 sons. Yikes!

Yeah, but you know...? This does sound like my type.

 

[Suz_anne]

My parents did their best to get along with my ex, but it never worked well, and despite their best efforts, they never could bond. He never liked them much either. It made life difficult.

My BF and my folks get along like a house on fire. They like him more than me, I think. Makes life much easier.

...He’s the only guy I’ve ever brought home that they’ve actually liked. Which is funny, because on paper, he is the *last* guy on my illustrious list that you’d think they’d want for their daughter.

Somehow it works.

But, at the end of the day, my choices are mine. It’s nice when they are happy with my decisions. When they’re not, which is often, well, they’re entitled to their feelings.

Your mom loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooves him.

 

[Trekka]

Your mom loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooves him.

Tell me about it!!

She likes him more than I do!
She like him more than she likes me!



At least I know that in these uncertain times, if my dad and I kick buckets, my mom and BF will be happy campers together, exchanging baked goods for home improvement projects and flirting like blushing fools.

 

[tnman03]

Tell me about it!!

She likes him more than I do!
She like him more than she likes me!



At least I know that in these uncertain times, if my dad and I kick buckets, my mom and BF will be happy campers together, exchanging baked goods for home improvement projects and flirting like blushing fools.

Funny how that works out isn't it? Someone, you'd think your parents would be appalled at you choosing to be with. Then they meet and see how that person treats you and interacts with them. And bam, it's all good and don't you be up to any nonsense because they'll box your ears.


And seriously, I've never met your guy (or you for that matter) but it's really obvious that he steps up for you and is a team player when it counts. I suspect that's what your parents noticed fairly quickly.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

...... I don't discuss our marital squabbles with my family, so they think Mr. Suz is practically a saint.

Exactly!
Mr. Suz meet your sainthood brother Mr. SMNW.
Maybe those should start up a Best SIL Saint Club.

 

[Lord Pmann]

My family’s opinion is important. They care for me and look out for me. I don’t so much seek their approval as I want their support. And I believe they have good insight.

I’ve seen some families with so many issues and disagreements. I’ve been fortunate to be free of most of that.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

My family’s opinion is important. They care for me and look out for me. I don’t so much seek their approval as I want their support. And I believe they have good insight.

I’ve seen some families with so many issues and disagreements. I’ve been fortunate to be free of most of that.

So what happens when approval and support are tied in together?
Does one take the advice of a parent who knows really a small fraction of the person you’re with?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Exactly!
Mr. Suz meet your sainthood brother Mr. SMNW.
Maybe those should start up a Best SIL Saint Club.

Mr. Aussie would fit in well.

 

[Dribble]

When my first wife and I decided to call it quits...a mutual decision...her family showed up to help her move. I wasnt there out of courtesy. Her fucking dad took the toilet paper off the toilet roll. I saw their true colors that day and learned a lesson...some people are fucking insane. They are fake. They lie. They say one thing and do the exact opposite. And I dont need them in my life.

So when it comes to my family? They are no better.

 

[Trekka]

When I first said I was leaving my ex, my family went apeshit. Told me I was blowing up my life for no good reason. Told me I was on drugs and making irrational decisions. They had no earthly idea what they were talking about!

I know they always mean well, have good intentions.
But uhhh.... sometimes they show it funny.

So I don’t depend on my nuclear family for much. When the support is there, great, I appreciate it and enjoy it and am grateful - try to reciprocate. But when they’re speaking to me from Mars? Well, then, okay, time to shift into Martian-management strategies.

My family of choice is much more dependable and predictable. We love and support each other to the ends of the earth, regardless of who does what with who. And some of us have been (or are) with some doozies of mates! It just doesn’t matter. There’s no punishment for loving someone. And I’m sure as shit not one to talk about mate selection! What does my two cents matter, or theirs?

So we are all kinda like “you do you.” Someone calls crying? We pick up the phone. That’s the “family” I care about.

And that family - those bonds - exist independent of any associated partners.

 

[Lord Pmann]

So what happens when approval and support are tied in together?
Does one take the advice of a parent who knows really a small fraction of the person you’re with?

I haven’t ever experienced that. So it’s hard to say.

Sometimes parents can see things that we can’t. Experience. Age. Wisdom. Those all give them a bit of insight that someone as youthful as myself may not have. I’d have to consider what they are saying.

But, if I was sure... I’d have to ask them to support me anyway.

 

[SassySheDevil]

We talked a lot about families and all that yesterday. Families can be amazingly supportive and helpful in life’s decisions. But they can also be assholes sometimes. Especially when it comes to relationships.

How much does the opinion of your family matter when it comes to your choice of partner? Do you want their approval? Have you ever been with someone your Family was just wholeheartedly against you dating?

If You Could Only See by Tonic

https://youtu.be/Sfg6-4mBs6Y

A young and dumb me tried to find guys my Dad would always say he forbid. "If you bring home a guy who wears an earring, I'll kiss him" I wanted to test that theory so badly.
"If you ever bring home a black guy, I'll disown you" sadly, there was only 3 black kids in my school and 2 were females. He was a racist fucker. (My Dad)

But in the end, that taught me a lot about not judging people for the outside. One of my best friends in high school was a leather wearing little shit. My Dad loved him. He reminded him of himself. He was a "greaser" so he loved that friend. But he was only my friend. I never liked him for more. The day those two ran into each other in a restaurant as adults, I thought my Dad was going to kiss the poor guy. He still had a fondness for him.

I always respected my parents opinions, because I knew they were wise (other than the racist shit)
I always wanted them to like my partners, but I learned fairly early on, that no one would be good enough for Daddys little girl.
However. When I met my husband.. "Welcome to the family Mechanic!! Someone to fix our cars!!!" They did not always agree with everything my husband did, but they pretty much always loved him.

My in laws and I had a lot of issues though. That was super rough.

I guess similarly to my own daughter in law now. I love her as a person (and I love her family) but as my sons wife, I have issues. They are still young, and I hope she matures as she gets older. But I swore I'd never be the same kind of in-law that I had.

 

[Lord Pmann]

“A friend to many is a friend to none”

Someone mentioned this quote to me on here a while back and it stuck with me. It’s a really good quote and I believe it’s rather accurate. If you’re a person of many friends, how can you really be a good friend? Your time will be spread thin and you’ll not be able to be that good friend you should be.

That’s one way of thinking. The other is “I want to be friends with everyone”. The problem here is that it only gets surface deep.

So what’s your opinion? Are you a lots of friends kind of person? Or a few close friends kind of person?


It’s a Little Help From My Friends by Joe Cocker

https://youtu.be/nCrlyX6XbTU

 

[parker77]

friendly to most, friends with only a few.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

friendly to most, friends with only a few.

What Parker said. I’ve never been one for quantity. Quality wins out everytime.

 

[Dribble]

There is a huge difference between being friendly and calling someone a friend. Especially on a site where so many are here just to hook up.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

There is a huge difference between being friendly and calling someone a friend. Especially on a site where so many are here just to hook up.

It catches me off guard when someone refers to lit as a place people come to hook up. It's definitely not my experience.

I'm like Parker- friendly with most and friends with a few.

 

[SassySheDevil]

It catches me off guard when someone refers to lit as a place people come to hook up. It's definitely not my experience.

I'm like Parker- friendly with most and friends with a few.

I think physical hook ups are probably less popular/available. But I know many come here for the "release" and not to make friends/be a part of the community.

I find more people who seem bewildered about making genuine friends here. "It's a sex site"

But I like the genuine connections, though I'm not looking for them any longer. I once did. I wanted the friendships, and I've met like 12 people from here. A couple I stayed with (spent a couple weeks) and some I just met for a coffee/lunch.

I am friendly with almost everyone, friendlier with those I interact more with. But have fewer actual friends. I only have a few I interact with daily now.

 

[JerseyJade]

When it comes to friends, I think they're different levels of friendship that determine the strength of a relationship. I may have a lot of friends, but for most of them, they're just people I like to hang out and go out with. It's not like I don't care about them, I do... but the connection I have with them isn't as strong as with the people who I consider to be close or best friends with. Those people who I do have a strong connection with.. our relationships go deeper than those who are not as close. If that makes any sense.

I am very fortunate to have a very best friend who I have known since 7th grade. We have a lot in common and experienced many of the same things growing up. She is someone I can truly trust and confide in and is always there when I need her. From my experience, those kind of friends are very rare and hard to find.

 

[hotwords229_A]

For me friendship is defined as: it’s 3am during a snowstorm and help is needed, who thinks of me and who do I think of—those are friends.

I have two.

Everyone else I am friendly with, and who knows where that could lead, but right now I have two 3am friends

 

[Suz_anne]

In the world of Lit, I'm a curmudgeon. But a kind of adorable one. So I have made a friend or two.

There are lots of people here who I enjoy and like reading what's on their mind. There are lots of people here who annoy me and I don't seem to connect with in any way.

See? Curmudgeon.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

In the world of Lit, I'm a curmudgeon. But a kind of adorable one. So I have made a friend or two.

There are lots of people here who I enjoy and like reading what's on their mind. There are lots of people here who annoy me and I don't seem to connect with in any way.

See? Curmudgeon.

From a fellow curmudgeon, you’re totally adorable.