Litiquette VI

[Booboobear84]

To dream bigger. Of course they wanted better for me than they had, but it wasn't in a "reach for the stars, kid" kind of way. My mom was very proud that my sister and I went to university - something she wanted for herself, but got sidetracked by getting married and having babies right out of high school.

But when I was encouraged by my high school counselors to apply for out-of-state, ivy league universities - I was discouraged from applying because it would be a waste of a $200 application fee. Because even if I got in, we couldn't afford to send me.

I wish I had at least applied to see if I could've made it in. And to hear "we'll figure out a way" from my mom.

As far as what I do that is annoying like my parents - I procrastinate like my dad and I make to-do lists for e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. like my mom. It's almost compulsive.

Just one note on Ivy League schools: almost anyone can afford them because they have huge endowments and are really pretty good with financial aid. Having grown up in the shadow of one, I am not fond of them, but they are financially accessible. I had to convince a coworker (escaped the killing fields) of this, because she was gong to discourage her daughter from applying. Her daughter got early action into Princeton (yeah one generation refugee to Ivy League).

 

[SMNaughtywife]

What’s something you wished your parents taught you as a kid or teen that they didn’t?


I’m not sure how to answer this question.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, there’s no handbook.
I feel my parents did the best they could given what they knew at the time. How do you fault someone for lack of knowledge or to its availability?
I have a very different style of parenting then how I was raised. It’s not perfect, but hearing praise from my parents makes me know I’m doing a damn good job. And at the end of the day, that’s what counts.

 

[85Ironman]

What’s something you wished your parents taught you as a kid or teen that they didn’t?


I’m not sure how to answer this question.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, there’s no handbook.
I feel my parents did the best they could given what they knew at the time. How do you fault someone for lack of knowledge or to its availability?
I have a very different style of parenting then how I was raised. It’s not perfect, but hearing praise from my parents makes me know I’m doing a damn good job. And at the end of the day, that’s what counts.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I’m very helpful

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, there’s no handbook.

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQM-gZS44gv1ZkQrq2LqdFyU0q_jJhTZRQBIbYQzKegUYuCIyYx

 

[Booboobear84]

What’s something you wished your parents taught you as a kid or teen that they didn’t?


I’m not sure how to answer this question.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, there’s no handbook.
I feel my parents did the best they could given what they knew at the time. How do you fault someone for lack of knowledge or to its availability?
I have a very different style of parenting then how I was raised. It’s not perfect, but hearing praise from my parents makes me know I’m doing a damn good job. And at the end of the day, that’s what counts.

It's only hard if you actually want to do a good job. And even then, it's hard to be sure of the outcome, as there are a bunch of external factors that are hard to manage.

 

[beachbaby179]

What’s something you wished your parents taught you as a kid or teen that they didn’t?

To be more independent. I'm OK now. But it would have served me better if I learned my worth and how to strike my own way years before I actually did.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQM-gZS44gv1ZkQrq2LqdFyU0q_jJhTZRQBIbYQzKegUYuCIyYx

 

[Trekka]

My mom and dad taught me a lot of good stuff. Dad- how to build a business from nothing. Strong work ethic. Mom- how to feed a family on nothing. Yep, beans and rice!

I’m the oldest. I got tasked with a lot of things while she took care of my brothers. She used to tell me - here’s the pantry. Here’s the fridge. See what we’ve got. Here are my recipe books. We’ve got $17 for groceries this week. Figure out what we can make with what we’ve got, and make a list of what we need— can’t be over budget. And I did.

She even taught me to look at the price per ounce on the price tag at the supermarket.

^had to tell that story, sorry, didn’t have a chance to last week when $ came up

But they weren’t perfect, they were human, the did dumb shit too. Like SMN said, I think they did the best they could. The one thing I wish hadn’t been pounded into my head was “you don’t go to bed angry.” That got taken to such an extreme in my house that I remember my folks would be up for days straight- no sleep- fighting it out. My mom would make me sit in a chair when I was in trouble until I (1) *meaningfully* apologized and (2) was in a good mood and smiling again.

So I learned how to fake apologize and fake a good mood real well. And for decades I thought it was absolutely the death knell of a relationship if you “slept on it.” Or took a break from a tough convo.

And one annoying thing they did that I find myself doing now? Lecturing my kids on how much everything costs. Can thank Dad for that one. He’s an accountant. And I have my mom’s whooping laugh which embarrassed the fuck outta me as a kid, and then one day I hit puberty, opened my mouth, and out it came. *facepalm*

 

[hotwords229_A]

They did everything they could. I have a lot of empathy for them because I know how hard it can be to deal with me. I’ve been stubborn since I was a sperm. I am, after all, the one who made it to the egg

My dad tried to get me to take Karate when I was about 5 and I didn’t want to. Now I wish I had. My mom tried to teach me fiscal responsibility and an understanding that money is something you need and I just didn’t absorb it for a long time.

I guess I could complain that they didn’t try hard enough, but I know that’s not true. They gave me the tools and let me make my own choices.

Trait-wise I’ve always considered myself a 50/50 split between the two of them. The problem is that they are exact opposites. So I am often pulled in two different directions on any number of topics. This has been a blessing and a curse, but ultimately you can’t argue with the results:

I’m perfect.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I had an interesting childhood. I'm the eldest of five and my parents were cops. My mom feared that if anything every happened to them, noone was going to take in a family unit of five kids, so she raised us to be able to manage a household independently. Good thing, too. When I was 14, they both were so sick that my income was the only one supporting the family and I was granted custody of my siblings when I was 16. Thankfully like trekka, my mum had taught me how to budget, shop economically and make meals out of seemingly nothing.

My parents pushed me, hard. I guess I wish I had permission to just chill out and relax. I didn't learn that from my parents and it haunts me now. I feel a lot of shame and guilt for taking time to tend to my needs.

I also wish my parents did some work regarding emotion processing with us. They started, but unfortunately circumstances stopped that work and as a result I'm not very good at dealing with anger, guilt, shame, sadness, etc.

 

[Booboobear84]

My mom and dad taught me a lot of good stuff. Dad- how to build a business from nothing. Strong work ethic. Mom- how to feed a family on nothing. Yep, beans and rice!



And one annoying thing they did that I find myself doing now? Lecturing my kids on how much everything costs. Can thank Dad for that one. He’s an accountant.

Apparently auctioneers are worse because they see what people's stuff is worth to someone else. They were the lowest income millionaires (so lower income than other millionaires but still high net worth, it was a while ago, but it was something like 90K per year) in the Millionaire Next Door research.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

Happy Friday!
https://voca.ro/6UbYf6RekKV

 

[tnman03]

My parents were imperfect but overall still good people who’d both come from less than perfect families. I think that they did the best job that they knew how to do and many years later I learned things of their childhoods that just amazed me at how much better a job they’d done in childrearing then I could have imagined. But what I’d have liked to have had instilled in me early on was discipline in studying with parental help with homework. Beyond that, no stories, far too personal and I’ll just read everyone else’s. But I can really relate to what Trekka and SMN wrote in a lot of ways.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Happy Friday!

That was lovely

 

[Lonelywife1205]

That was lovely

Thank you.
I enjoyed hearing your voice the other day on the audio thread. Who doesn’t love an Aussie accent?

 

[Peaches83]

I do pick very good music.



Thank you for your contribution

I see sarcasm and modesty are your MO.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Happy Friday!
https://voca.ro/6UbYf6RekKV

That’s how our parents did airbags back in the day.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I was pretty much perfect as a kid, so my parents didn’t have to do much punishing.

I guess my main beef was that they avoided conflict. Rather than face it, they would not talk about it. Which is odd, because my sister and I are pretty much alike in that we can both be loud mouthed assholes.

I had amazing and supportive parents though. I was blessed beyond belief.

I see sarcasm and modesty are your MO.

The most modest man you’ll ever meet.

 

[85Ironman]

my sister and I are pretty much alike in that we can both be loud mouthed assholes.

Say it isn't so!

 

[85Ironman]

I had amazing and supportive parents though. I was bless beyond belief.

Recognizing that totally redeems you, my friend.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Recognizing that totally redeems you, my friend.

Am I that bad? Did I need redemption?

... Ok I’m ready for Pmann’s sarcastic replies. .. just start humming the star spangled banner ... how to be a more active citizen in my community...

Why are people assuming the worst of lil’ ol’ pmann today? Cut me and I bleed red like the rest.

Here’s a shock, but I’m actually quite involved in my community. The judge told me I have to be for 500 hours.

 

[Lord Pmann]

SB’s comment about how she wants to wave little America flags outside of the school brings us to today’s topic.

Yesterday we all talked a lot about the things we were never taught- things like conflict management, finances, making decisions, etc. So many times we put an emphasis on the things we don’t do well or the things we want to do, but can’t or don’t.

Today I ask, what is it in life that you want to be or do that you’re not doing? It can be as “simple” as wishing you were more confident or that you volunteered more or that you managed money better. Or, it could be more problematic and life changing like wishing you had a different career.

While I don’t recommend wishing our lives away, it is good to look at the things we wish to be or the things we want to go and evaluate ourselves.

So part one- what do you wish you were/had/etc in your life that you don’t have now?

Part two- what’s keeping you from achieving that thing?


Top Of the World by Dixie Chicks

https://youtu.be/CxRiVkdO9VQ

 

[beachbaby179]

I want to live closer to the beach. Like, within a block or two would be great.

It was the first thing I said when my financial adviser asked about goals. I'll get there, but not until I retire. But it's not a dream. It's actually happening.

 

[JerseyJade]

I want to go college and get a teaching degree. I have learned from working at a day care center that I love working with children and trying to teach them things. And if it wasn't for this stupid virus, I'd be back to work now doing just that.

What's stopping me? Taking care of 2 kids and not having the money or time to go to college.

 

[Booboobear84]

I’m dreaming of retirement, which means no more day job, and just working at my tiny little accounting practice, to which I can walk. Then getting more active in my community and church.

I need to see this last start up through. If we succeed you will all thank me, and a few years from now I might tell you why. It is currently too easy to identify me if I told it now. I’m not that important there but at our size almost anyone could be found.