Litiquette V

[dacoach44]

I sure can.....

Good morning. Spring is sprunging (a word I just invented) , or perhaps fall is on its way for the aussies, but either way change is in the air.

Having said that, and using yesterday's discussion as a jumping off place, can you enjoyably fuck someone for the pure physicality of it. With no emotional attachment, just pure physical pleasure? Sure I know having an attachment, connection makes things better but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect.

not so easy to find a dame who will....

 

[Suz_anne]

I
Seriously though, how does one play without the pre-play board-flirt? That's like sex without any foreplay.

I won't talk to lurkers who only PM and never post. First of all: Zzzz. Second of all it's indicative of a lack of cojones round here. I like sizable cojones. Makes me e-wet.

I wanna return PMs; it feels rude not to... but it usually requires brain power. And if I only have a few mins, I wanna post silly nonsense on the boards.

Anyways -- the fastest way to my e-vag is through flirting. Publicly.

I'm just quoting this because I loved it so much. And is pretty much my answer, as well.

Good morning. Spring is sprunging (a word I just invented) , or perhaps fall is on its way for the aussies, but either way change is in the air.

Having said that, and using yesterday's discussion as a jumping off place, can you enjoyably fuck someone for the pure physicality of it. With no emotional attachment, just pure physical pleasure? Sure I know having an attachment, connection makes things better but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect.

I've only had 1 one night stand with someone I'd just met. It was fun and fairly satisfying from a physical standpoint. But it didn't feel right later.

I realized that it was because there was no emotional connection of any kind and I found the experience to be... lacking. It was not a great feeling.

I've slept with a few who I knew had no long term potential. But there was at least a basic relationship/friendship established. And I slept with a few good friends only to discover that we didn't work well together sexually. That kind of sucked, but it was worth exploring.

For whatever reason, the bit of connection matters to me.

 

[dacoach44]

I spose we have...

I'm just quoting this because I loved it so much. And is pretty much my answer, as well.


I've only had 1 one night stand with someone I'd just met. It was fun and fairly satisfying from a physical standpoint. But it didn't feel right later.

I realized that it was because there was no emotional connection of any kind and I found the experience to be... lacking. It was not a great feeling.

I've slept with a few who I knew had no long term potential. But there was at least a basic relationship/friendship established. And I slept with a few good friends only to discover that we didn't work well together sexually. That kind of sucked, but it was worth exploring.

For whatever reason, the bit of connection matters to me.

I actually have to be friends with a lover before sleeping with them. You never know how long it will take to figger that.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Good morning. Spring is sprunging (a word I just invented) , or perhaps fall is on its way for the aussies, but either way change is in the air.

Having said that, and using yesterday's discussion as a jumping off place, can you enjoyably fuck someone for the pure physicality of it. With no emotional attachment, just pure physical pleasure? Sure I know having an attachment, connection makes things better but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect.

The zipless fuck? None for me, thanks.

 

[Trekka]

Good morning. Spring is sprunging (a word I just invented) , or perhaps fall is on its way for the aussies, but either way change is in the air.

Having said that, and using yesterday's discussion as a jumping off place, can you enjoyably fuck someone for the pure physicality of it. With no emotional attachment, just pure physical pleasure? Sure I know having an attachment, connection makes things better but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect.

Absolutely!

His name was Antonio...

Well, he tops the list, anyhow.

I'm an unapologetic sportfucking enthusiast. It's like the sexual equivalent of catch and release fishing. No, I'm not gonna bring the fish home and lovingly prepare it's fresh tender flesh in a perfectly seasoned cast iron pan... and ponder over what sides to serve with it... pick out my prettiest table cloth...

I'm gonna hook that sucker, reel it in, enjoy the rush, and then toss it back.

Yanno, others might wanna catch it too. Share the bounty. Etc.

But I've always been able to separate sex and love. In fact for a long time it was hard for me to intertwine the two.

The one night stand has it's place.

 

[dacoach44]

Right you are, Trekka....

Absolutely!

His name was Antonio...

Well, he tops the list, anyhow.

I'm an unapologetic sportfucking enthusiast. It's like the sexual equivalent of catch and release fishing. No, I'm not gonna bring the fish home and lovingly prepare it's fresh tender flesh in a perfectly seasoned cast iron pan... and ponder over what sides to serve with it... pick out my prettiest table cloth...

I'm gonna hook that sucker, reel it in, enjoy the rush, and then toss it back.

Yanno, others might wanna catch it too. Share the bounty. Etc.

But I've always been able to separate sex and love. In fact for a long time it was hard for me to intertwine the two.

The one night stand has it's place.

for both parties...

 

[tinglebliss]

Good morning. Spring is sprunging (a word I just invented) , or perhaps fall is on its way for the aussies, but either way change is in the air.

Having said that, and using yesterday's discussion as a jumping off place, can you enjoyably fuck someone for the pure physicality of it. With no emotional attachment, just pure physical pleasure? Sure I know having an attachment, connection makes things better but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect.

I'm not interested in a one night stand. What I love is having a connection with someone and have fun with teasing them and see how much we can be pushed without going too far.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'm in between Trekka and Tinglebliss.

I want to say I can detach but if I'm being completely honest, it's the connection that makes sex mind blowing. I can still have an enjoyable time sans connection but I want more than that. I want the chemistry. I want the subtle innuendo and cues. I want to explore a new lover with enthusiasm. That doesn't happen in the same way if you're not attracted to that person on multiple planes.

I approach sex with a lot of curiosity. I find people fascinating. If I need just the physical release, I'll use a vibrator. I want to excite all my senses during sex.

 

[tinglebliss]

I approach sex with a lot of curiosity. I find people fascinating. If I need just the physical release, I'll use a vibrator. I want to excite all my senses during sex.

I'm like a windup toy when I tease someone, knowing I have the upper hand.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Good morning. Spring is sprunging (a word I just invented) , or perhaps fall is on its way for the aussies, but either way change is in the air.

Having said that, and using yesterday's discussion as a jumping off place, can you enjoyably fuck someone for the pure physicality of it. With no emotional attachment, just pure physical pleasure? Sure I know having an attachment, connection makes things better but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect.

The honest answer for me is that I don't really know. I've never had a one night stand.

I can say, from my experience here that I think I really need the connection.
Indeed, the connection has become...all important.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I don't know that I read "one night stand" anywhere into the question. It's not that I can't have sex simply for the pleasure of it. It's that I typically choose not to. It's like any other decision I make.

For me, the difference is a matter of patience. Not only do I want the connection (emotional, intellectual, social, etc) - I want the maturity and patience that will later come to play in the bedroom.

So.. to answer the question "but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect" ..

I can fuck someone for that same effect and, without fail, reach a desired outcome. I just don't need to.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I’m like Trekka, able to seperate sex and love. I’ll add in the different levels of love.
Throw in what Aussie said that it’s the connection that makes sex mind blowing.
Yes, this is how how I operate.

 

[dacoach44]

I see....

I don't know that I read "one night stand" anywhere into the question. It's not that I can't have sex simply for the pleasure of it. It's that I typically choose not to. It's like any other decision I make.

For me, the difference is a matter of patience. Not only do I want the connection (emotional, intellectual, social, etc) - I want the maturity and patience that will later come to play in the bedroom.

So.. to answer the question "but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect" ..

I can fuck someone for that same effect and, without fail, reach a desired outcome. I just don't need to.

sounding like a grownup? It comes to that, and as we know, patience is a Virtue.

 

[ChainedUp]

From time to time someone will send me a question they would like ask. I licked this one so without further adieu...

Etiquette after a Lit-lationship ends… are there any etiquette standards? Are people allowed to ask what happened when a formerly public couple ends things? Is there an amount of time that should lapse before either party publicly begins another Lit relationship? Do you think less of the “new” person who starts up with half of the former couple? Who gets custody of the threads that the former couple PDA’d all over before their demise?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

From time to time someone will send me a question they would like ask. I licked this one so without further adieu...

Etiquette after a Lit-lationship ends… are there any etiquette standards? Are people allowed to ask what happened when a formerly public couple ends things? Is there an amount of time that should lapse before either party publicly begins another Lit relationship? Do you think less of the “new” person who starts up with half of the former couple? Who gets custody of the threads that the former couple PDA’d all over before their demise?

Yikes! Things are so much easier when you keep it on the DL.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I was part of a public thing and a public end. As for the etiquette? In my experience people ask in private. In our experience women asked him and men asked me... gee I wonder why it went down like that?! I thought less of the first plaything when she PMed me asking for advice about him. I didn’t much think of any others unless he brought it up, not my business or concern. Who got custody of the threads? I got the HT, he got this thread and a some on the GB which was likely difficult for him given the HT was his place really.

I think people naturally want to know but they aren’t really very good at remembering that the truth in any story has many more sides than the one they chose to ask for it from.

I remember watching from a distance, feeling invested even though I didn't really know either one of you, subconsciously choosing sides, watching your sig lines change and wondering if they were about him...

Would you be part of a public couple again?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Just once I was part of a public couple, briefly. The split was in private. He got his threads, and the friends he had come into the thing with, I got mine. As far as blurt threads and such, we gave each other space and posted where we wanted.

We ended up both becoming regular posters on the same thread together, but it worked because we hadn't posted there before the split, and because there was never really a time when we weren't talking to each other, the dynamic just changed.

What Rainshine said about people asking in private was our experience as well, I don't recall seeing anyone make any comments about us in public.

Yikes! Things are so much easier when you keep it on the DL.

For myself, I wouldn't do it again, and I haven't. I expect he would, he was pretty public about everything.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

My sig lines are generally the song I’m listening to at the time. Then they would have been sad songs then I am sure. Then again, most of the songs I like are sad songs.

You clearly have excellent taste. ^5

 

[parker77]

From time to time someone will send me a question they would like ask. I licked this one so without further adieu...

Etiquette after a Lit-lationship ends… are there any etiquette standards? Are people allowed to ask what happened when a formerly public couple ends things? Is there an amount of time that should lapse before either party publicly begins another Lit relationship? Do you think less of the “new” person who starts up with half of the former couple? Who gets custody of the threads that the former couple PDA’d all over before their demise?

imho, other people’s business is other people’s business and everyone should mind their own. others should have the tact and good manners to refrain from inquiring as to what happened in a relationship in which they are not involved. if someone seeks comfort or advice after a breakup, the person from whom advice is sought should keep it confidential. sadly, it seems to me that such decorum often is not observed.

 

[parker77]

Good morning. Spring is sprunging (a word I just invented) , or perhaps fall is on its way for the aussies, but either way change is in the air.

Having said that, and using yesterday's discussion as a jumping off place, can you enjoyably fuck someone for the pure physicality of it. With no emotional attachment, just pure physical pleasure? Sure I know having an attachment, connection makes things better but if you can masturbate for pleasure/release, why can't you fuck someone for the same effect.

sex without attachment? you bet i can. all you need do is hear the story of my sex life in my 20s. in the right circumstances sex without emotional attachment can be extremely hot and satisfying. but, i believe the real deal is the all in relationship. to me, the deep satisfaction of knowing everything, connecting on all levels and experincing mutual pleasure, repeatedly, is more satisfying.

 

[Endless_Night]

Yowza. What a question!

I've had one private and one public Lit-lationship. They are very different animals. The public one hasn't actually ended, per se, he just no longer posts on the board.

Hmmm. I'm going to take this in bits, to make it more manageable.

Etiquette after a Lit-lationship ends… are there any etiquette standards?

There should be. I hate to see people spreading their hurt around so publicly, when I suspect they might regret it later. Maybe someone should start a thread on general guidelines for the public Lit-lationship breakup?

Are people allowed to ask what happened when a formerly public couple ends things?

I agree with Parker's answer. I would not ask. I would expect others not to ask me. That stuff can be painful.

Is there an amount of time that should lapse before either party publicly begins another Lit relationship?

Eesh. Do people do that? Move from one public thing to another? I'm not saying they don't, I just haven't noticed such.

Yes. A lapse of time, the length and duration hopefully worked out between the original couple. If the relationship didn't end well, then hopefully the *ender* exercises a little compassion.

Personally, I don't know that I'd become involved with someone who'd been part of a high-profile public couple. Too much obvious baggage. I also rather think it might interfere with my need to feel primary.

*has to be top kitten*

Do you think less of the “new” person who starts up with half of the former couple?

I never notice this stuff, so it's hard to answer. Probably not, unless I knew the people involved and had opinions on the breakup.

Who gets custody of the threads that the former couple PDA’d all over before their demise?

The easy solution is for thread custody to revert back to how things were before the *coupling*. If there are threads that aren't easily divisible, have the grace to work it out.


* * *

I will say the public Lit-lationship comes with it's own set of issue. So fun, playing on the boards together! But there's a downside, too, particular as time wears on and the relationship becomes more emotionally intimate. Fights are harder to keep private, interference from other Listers, ex-play partners who just cannot let it go.

Errr, I mean, so I hear.

At a certain point you find yourself spending less of your together time on the board. At least, true in my case.

 

[Endless_Night]

< I thought less of the first plaything when she PMed me asking for advice about him. >

*mind blown*

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Eesh. Do people do that? Move from one public thing to another? I'm not saying they don't, I just haven't noticed such.
EN, it's good to see you back.
And yes, yes they do. I've seen it thrice in recent memory.

Personally, I don't know that I'd become involved with someone who'd been part of a high-profile public couple. Too much obvious baggage. I also rather think it might interfere with my need to feel primary.

*has to be top kitten*
Greetings, fellow member of the Top Kitten Club!

*mind blown*

Now imagine that happening in real life.

 

[justasimplegirl]

From time to time someone will send me a question they would like ask. I licked this one so without further adieu...

Etiquette after a Lit-lationship ends… are there any etiquette standards? Are people allowed to ask what happened when a formerly public couple ends things? Is there an amount of time that should lapse before either party publicly begins another Lit relationship? Do you think less of the “new” person who starts up with half of the former couple? Who gets custody of the threads that the former couple PDA’d all over before their demise?

Ok, when I first read this question I hauled ass out of here. It felt like a cowardly move, so I figure I'll give my two cents ...

1. Are people allowed to ask what happened when a formerly public couple ends things?

Some people, yes. If you are friends with one of them, close enough that they discussed the relationship with you before the split, then sure. If not, then why would you even consider asking? Just curious? Out of spite? If so, you really need to get a hobby. Learn to knit or something.

2. Is there an amount of time that should lapse before either party publicly begins another Lit relationship?

Yes. Whatever works for the couple involved. However, if you're on the outside and hoping to connect with one of the exes, take it slow. Don't rush that person into something public and don't be surprised if they refuse to ever go public.

3. Do you think less of the “new” person who starts up with half of the former couple?

No. Why would I? Well, I guess if the "new" person were somehow directly responsible for the split, I might have an opinion about that. But probably not. I tend to reside in the "none of my business" camp.

4. Who gets custody of the threads that the former couple PDA’d all over before their demise?

Eh, I say treat it as if there were a pre-nup ... leave with the same shit you came with. When in doubt, be the bigger person and back off. The goal really should be to reach a point where you can both post anywhere, even together, without issue. Do whatever will help get you to that point.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Question:

I'm one of those freaks who will offer a hug to a perfect stranger in the middle of Wal*Mart because they look like they're having a hard day. Yep, I'm that girl!

It can be difficult to watch a public couple struggle and not know how to offer a word of compassion or support without overstepping.

Any advice?