Lit. Jealousy - Do You Have It??

[Leigh81]

Do you get jealous here on Lit??
I know from the past couple years different tid bits of jealousy here. I have no problems with my male friends here who flirt with me & I with them. I know they flirt with others & don’t have an issue with it. I know some ladies do though & I imagine some men as well with women.
Do you feel any of these...

- Someone you have a cyber relation with chatting with others, being sexual with others.
- Someone you feel a close friendship with chats the same way with others while you really only confide or are friends with that particular poster.
- You feel a special connection with someone but they might not reciprocate it at the same level.
- You see someone else get a lot of attention.
- When you’re having a heart to heart with someone it’s obvious they’re also having another chat(s) at the same time.
- Another reason??

Me
The having a heart to heart irks me. Personally when I’m in this situation I turn my pm’s to my buddy list & if I get a pm I’ll tell them I’m in a serious conversation at the time. Most of my conversations are just banter & we’re both posting on the boards while waiting for the other to reply.
For me for the past 15ish months I’ve been guarded, built up a wall, keeping people at arms length.
I don’t do cyber sex now & probably never will. One thing I’ve learned though is never say never, but I don’t see it happening in the foreseeable future.
Just recently though I’ve broken out of my shell thanks to a wonderful gal here. No jealous feelings with her in anyway. She’s straight & I only see her as a wonderful friend.
Since opening up I’ve also initiated a couple of pm’s with people I’ve never chatted with. I admire a lot of women here & some men too. I have a fear that they know I’m bi so if I initiate a pm they might think it’s for a sexual reason. It definitely is not.

But just over the last couple of days I’ve had jealous feelings creep in. I don’t really know why, I don’t understand it & I’m very confused about it.
I don’t want to have these feelings & I’m not sure what to do about it. I’ve developed a crush on this certain person, which is surprising. My clouded feelings with this has included a touch of jealousy with this. I’m lost & have no idea what to do. I know 95% of the people here reading this are thinking, just tell them. Well If it were a guy or a bi woman I probably would, but it’s neither.
This is so unlike me & I’m afraid I’ll lose a friend.

L

 

[Azuldrgon]

*hugs*

*deep breath*
As a guy, I sometimes am jealous over the fact that I am not as straight forward as some guys here. I don't post cock pics, I am pretty restrained compared to some people to an extent. I think that Lit feels like a sausage fest sometimes just because there are a crap load of guys and only a few beautiful women it seems like. That being said, I also know at home I have a wife and kids and they get the majority of my attention and such.

If I choose to cyber someone, I try to let them know up front about the home thing because I am not looking for a new so. Sadly in the past, I have dealt with clingy partners who want more than what I am willing to give even though I tell them ahead of time. I do have it lucky because I am permitted to play online and on the phone as long as it does not become physical in real life.

The fact is, this is a website and a social board. It's up to us to remember that there are real people with real feelings on the other end of their beautiful profile pictures and that they have lives as well. Lit can be and is very addictive.

Leigh, i'm sorry you find a bit of jealousy creeping in. It is normal. In real life, you want someone's full attention that you are being intimate with and when you don't, you do feel slighted. I just wish it was something easier to let go sometimes or easier to explain for that matter.
I probably didn't help much in this case, but *hugs* anyway.

 

[Amalgamation]

Do you get jealous here on Lit??
I know from the past couple years different tid bits of jealousy here. I have no problems with my male friends here who flirt with me & I with them. I know they flirt with others & don’t have an issue with it. I know some ladies do though & I imagine some men as well with women.
Do you feel any of these...

- Someone you have a cyber relation with chatting with others, being sexual with others.
- Someone you feel a close friendship with chats the same way with others while you really only confide or are friends with that particular poster.
- You feel a special connection with someone but they might not reciprocate it at the same level.
- You see someone else get a lot of attention.
- When you’re having a heart to heart with someone it’s obvious they’re also having another chat(s) at the same time.
- Another reason??

Me
The having a heart to heart irks me. Personally when I’m in this situation I turn my pm’s to my buddy list & if I get a pm I’ll tell them I’m in a serious conversation at the time. Most of my conversations are just banter & we’re both posting on the boards while waiting for the other to reply.
For me for the past 15ish months I’ve been guarded, built up a wall, keeping people at arms length.
I don’t do cyber sex now & probably never will. One thing I’ve learned though is never say never, but I don’t see it happening in the foreseeable future.
Just recently though I’ve broken out of my shell thanks to a wonderful gal here. No jealous feelings with her in anyway. She’s straight & I only see her as a wonderful friend.
Since opening up I’ve also initiated a couple of pm’s with people I’ve never chatted with. I admire a lot of women here & some men too. I have a fear that they know I’m bi so if I initiate a pm they might think it’s for a sexual reason. It definitely is not.

But just over the last couple of days I’ve had jealous feelings creep in. I don’t really know why, I don’t understand it & I’m very confused about it.
I don’t want to have these feelings & I’m not sure what to do about it. I’ve developed a crush on this certain person, which is surprising. My clouded feelings with this has included a touch of jealousy with this. I’m lost & have no idea what to do. I know 95% of the people here reading this are thinking, just tell them. Well If it were a guy or a bi woman I probably would, but it’s neither.
This is so unlike me & I’m afraid I’ll lose a friend.

L

I've felt jealousy at times, especially when someone that I might be crushing on instead crushes on another, but I have conditioned myself over the years to adopt a fuck it mentality. As to your situation, I think just telling this person would be beneficial. Crushes don't have to become anything serious, etc. I doubt you would lose a friend either. I'm of the opinion that you tell other how you feel while you can, because a time will come when you won't be able to do so.

Anyway, just my two cents.

 

[Amalgamation]

*hugs*

*deep breath*
As a guy, I sometimes am jealous over the fact that I am not as straight forward as some guys here. I don't post cock pics, I am pretty restrained compared to some people to an extent. I think that Lit feels like a sausage fest sometimes just because there are a crap load of guys and only a few beautiful women it seems like. That being said, I also know at home I have a wife and kids and they get the majority of my attention and such.

If I choose to cyber someone, I try to let them know up front about the home thing because I am not looking for a new so. Sadly in the past, I have dealt with clingy partners who want more than what I am willing to give even though I tell them ahead of time. I do have it lucky because I am permitted to play online and on the phone as long as it does not become physical in real life.

The fact is, this is a website and a social board. It's up to us to remember that there are real people with real feelings on the other end of their beautiful profile pictures and that they have lives as well. Lit can be and is very addictive.

Leigh, i'm sorry you find a bit of jealousy creeping in. It is normal. In real life, you want someone's full attention that you are being intimate with and when you don't, you do feel slighted. I just wish it was something easier to let go sometimes or easier to explain for that matter.
I probably didn't help much in this case, but *hugs* anyway.

And this is why you're the Doctor!

 

[ydahecnot]

I don't know if this deals with any of your multifarious inquiry, but what is typed in PM land is much more important than what's typed in board land. As long as you feel comfortable and relaxed with the person in the former, don't sweat the latter. Chances are, a person's style of posting is what attracted you in the first place, so you shouldn't want to make him or her change that. Hope this helps.

Probably not dealing with any part of your inquiry: Much of the mushiness in board land would be better off in PM land.

 

[Amalgamation]

I don't know if this deals with any of your multifarious inquiry, but what is typed in PM land is much more important than what's typed in board land. As long as you feel comfortable and relaxed with the person in the former, don't sweat the latter. Chances are, a person's style of posting is what attracted you in the first place, so you shouldn't want to make him or her change that. Hope this helps.

Probably not dealing with any part of your inquiry: Much of the mushiness in board land would be better off in PM land.

Totally agree here as well.

 

[Leigh81]

Thanks for the advice in my situation, just wondering about others & the situations they deal/dealt with.
In my real life over the past several months I've dealt with jealousy because of the unique situation we're in.
Here on Lit not getting overly involved for so long it has never been an issue. But now that I'm breaking down my barriers I'm getting more personal which means different feelings are emerging. This crazy jealous feeling is the one that's puzzling.

L

 

[pfflyerhot]

Wow. You're making me think.

...Which is always good. And, I've got something to say about everything you ask, Leigh. I think I've experienced each scenario on some level at some point, here. Unfortunately, I've got to get ready for work and won't be back til tonight. And... well, hopefully I'll still be in the mood to dredge it all up.

Here's what I know about jealousy: It's more about me and my issues than it is about anyone else.
Great thread!

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

D(.)(.)

Dollie------------ Since I am the older woman here I get jealous of the skinny young girls with big boobies that get all of the attention.

But my hubby tells me just wait until they are my age and check them out.

 

[BiGuyMN]

Do you get jealous here on Lit??
I know from the past couple years different tid bits of jealousy here. I have no problems with my male friends here who flirt with me & I with them. I know they flirt with others & don’t have an issue with it. I know some ladies do though & I imagine some men as well with women.
Do you feel any of these...

- Someone you have a cyber relation with chatting with others, being sexual with others.
- Someone you feel a close friendship with chats the same way with others while you really only confide or are friends with that particular poster.
- You feel a special connection with someone but they might not reciprocate it at the same level.
- You see someone else get a lot of attention.
- When you’re having a heart to heart with someone it’s obvious they’re also having another chat(s) at the same time.
- Another reason??

Me
The having a heart to heart irks me. Personally when I’m in this situation I turn my pm’s to my buddy list & if I get a pm I’ll tell them I’m in a serious conversation at the time. Most of my conversations are just banter & we’re both posting on the boards while waiting for the other to reply.
For me for the past 15ish months I’ve been guarded, built up a wall, keeping people at arms length.
I don’t do cyber sex now & probably never will. One thing I’ve learned though is never say never, but I don’t see it happening in the foreseeable future.
Just recently though I’ve broken out of my shell thanks to a wonderful gal here. No jealous feelings with her in anyway. She’s straight & I only see her as a wonderful friend.
Since opening up I’ve also initiated a couple of pm’s with people I’ve never chatted with. I admire a lot of women here & some men too. I have a fear that they know I’m bi so if I initiate a pm they might think it’s for a sexual reason. It definitely is not.

But just over the last couple of days I’ve had jealous feelings creep in. I don’t really know why, I don’t understand it & I’m very confused about it.
I don’t want to have these feelings & I’m not sure what to do about it. I’ve developed a crush on this certain person, which is surprising. My clouded feelings with this has included a touch of jealousy with this. I’m lost & have no idea what to do. I know 95% of the people here reading this are thinking, just tell them. Well If it were a guy or a bi woman I probably would, but it’s neither.
This is so unlike me & I’m afraid I’ll lose a friend.

L

...Which is always good. And, I've got something to say about everything you ask, Leigh. I think I've experienced each scenario on some level at some point, here. Unfortunately, I've got to get ready for work and won't be back til tonight. And... well, hopefully I'll still be in the mood to dredge it all up.

Here's what I know about jealousy: It's more about me and my issues than it is about anyone else.
Great thread!

It is a great thread. I can say: " I can see it happening", but I do not invest enough of my time here to ever experience it. That may change someday, but doubtful.

Hi beautiful ladies!

 

[DarkSimian]

just putting my two cents in, if that's ok. I've only been back a short time, and when I came back, I was an emotional wreck. So I tended to latch on, rather hard and rather quickly. Any attention, any compassion, anything sexual, and I was all over it. Then I started taking some anti-anxiety meds, and I think that made it worse. So there have been a lot of ...heated exchanges in PM with people that I had feelings for, and has lead to some hurt feelings (mostly mine). My head tells me that they are grown individuals, and that I have no claim over their attention. But it still hurts. And that's on me to figure out.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

DarkSimian we enjoy your posts and the way you write. We are fairly new here and decided to skip the insult threads and habitual trouble makers. That's not why we came here.

 

[Giggolo_Joe]

..............

 

[Leigh81]

Jealousy on here is strange to me. But everyone is different & we all have different reasons for being here. I'm not looking for a connection with someone.
I really value a few friendships, though I'm sure a few of them might not think that. Since my force field has come down, this place is a different world.

L

 

[Azuldrgon]

Jealousy on here is strange to me. But everyone is different & we all have different reasons for being here. I'm not looking for a connection with someone.
I really value a few friendships, though I'm sure a few of them might not think that. Since my force field has come down, this place is a different world.

L

I'm a bit more guarded than you sometimes.
I do not let my guard down unless I am really comfy.
I don't know.....a bit of bad memory or something.

 

[LadyJS]

Jealous? No, I can't say that I am about anyone. Yes, there are a couple of Lit users I like to check in with and exchange PMs on a regular basis. That said, I don't have or want exclusive rights to their attention. There was a time I might have, a couple of years ago maybe, but not now. So if someone is either too busy or not available to talk when I want to, that's okay. I'm not going to throw a shit fit about it. Besides, I can find a lot of better things to throw shit fits about

 

[ydahecnot]

I guess I've never understood the concept of coming here to be platonic, speaking generally and not specifically to you, Leigh. Aren't there plenty of message boards or other type of forums where sex is not a predominant subject and one can make friends without hot fun being at least a possibility?

 

[VisualExplorer]

That's a tough one. The heart wants what the heart wants, and having to hide your feelings for another person isn't emotionally healthy. In this situation, telling her when you're at the crush stage doesn't sound like a good idea. If you feel you can handle it, let the friendship grow and see how you feel along the way. Who knows - she could feel the same way about you (not something to dwell on , but life opens doors for a reason and I'm always of the mind to walk through those doors to see where the path leads).
I've always been fond of the notion that you meet people for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. There's always something to learn, and some way to grow.

I get being guarded and putting up walls. This place is not unlike a singles bar where until you get to know people, you don't know who you can and can't trust. I personally don't assume a PM is about sex unless it's blatant (which happens, like never, which I'm sure is in stark contrast to what a beautiful woman receives). As far as jealousy, just one person could make me feel that way, otherwise this is all for fun.
Anyway, my 2 cents is: breathe, go work out, blast your favorite music, get out of your head for awhile , and let things flow naturally. Really good close friends are not easy to come by.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

We came here so I could add our short stories.
But we both spend more time just clicking randomly on these threads. It's a great way to write in ways we never have and pretend we are talking like drunken Sailors.... No offense to you drunken Sailors here.
We've learned how to bake a cake, have kinky sex, that we are more normal than we thought, and there really are good members with a heart of gold among the ass hole trouble makers.

We still can't figure why anyone would join an erotica site to down grade others just to be wasting space.

So, yes, there is a bit of jeaously but this is the internet.

 

[ViciousTease]

I like to flirt on the boards, obviously. If I develop a deeper connection with someone in private, I still flirt with others and would expect that they do the same. The only time it bothers me is when that someone stops engaging with me on the boards. If I'm worthy of your private time, why ignore me in public? I'm not saying I want our private conversations tossed around the playground, but if I speak to you, respond in kind. Acting like I don't exist brings up old insecurities and I've worked too hard to overcome them. I guess it's only mild jealousy since it's not "don't flirt or talk to them" but more like "flirt and talk to me too." I generally just write off anyone that treats me that way, so the issue is short lived.

 

[AbsintheFather]

Wow - This is a good topic Leigh.

I’ve had it, and I’ve caused it. I don't like it either way.

Someone taught me years ago that if you want to function here at Lit that you cannot let jealousy get the best of you. I’m very much a pragmatist though. Lit is a cornucopia of temptations. It’s difficult to resist temptation and not right to expect others to resist it. Assumptions and unrealistic expectations can only lead to heartbreak.

I was naive at the beginning but was brought to this realization or way of thought by a woman who I was a little infatuated with and cared for deeply. We had a very good thing together, but exclusivity was not to be and I came to the realization that it was better to have some of her, than to want all of her, and end up with nothing. So I adopted this way of thinking and it was much better than allowing myself to feel jealous.

The PG is all about chatting, flirting and playful. Is it right to not want someone you care about to have playful fun too? Is it more important to want them them selfishly, or to want them as they are?

Jealousy is fundamental to the whole secrecy thing too. It’s a fine line you walk if you have more than one person you truly care about. You don’t anyone to feel jealous or hurt so you don’t want to flaunt your affections. But on the other hand you don’t want anyone to feel like your relationship with them is ok in pm’s, but not in public. (What VT says above ^) This becomes especially hard after a long time here and you've accumulated a lot of friends. It’s a really hard thing to balance. People’s feeling are important to me. This is probably the thing I struggle with the most here at Lit.

So, I just try to be honest and respectful. I don’t ‘hide’ anything or anyone and hope that others are the same way with me. I don't ask for anything I can't offer in return. It’s the only way I’ve found to function in this playground environment, and not come off as an asshole, especially over a long period of time.

 

[ydahecnot]

Good point, VT. I guess it can be overcompensation. I had to learn to be better at that. And loads of good points, AF

 

[Giggolo_Joe]

............

 

[Aquagal]

I don't understand the jealousy bit towards other women. Especially when the guy is married. This makes no sense.

 

[Azuldrgon]

This is a perfect example ... Leigh and I said pretty much the same thing (in my eyes) yet you quoted her ... am I jealous that you quoted her or am I upset you quoted her and then I think ... did you quote her over me because she is a her?

There is a lot of redundant thinking to get back to the main topic: ME.

I don't think there is jealousy on here so much as 'what about me' syndrome.

That is a strong point.
I thought she said less about ego though.