Lit is it a good thing or bad?

[RedHairedandFriendly]

It'll be two years on April 20th that I've been a member of Lit. During this time I have discovered different parts of myself that I didn't know were there, or if they were there I had hid them not only from myself, but from others.

I've discovered I enjoy writing and I may just have some skill there. I've found out that poetry is the balm for my soul. I've discovered that I am submissive sexually and that I have a gift to make others feel better. I've come to Lit and felt happy, sad, angry. . .the same things I do here in the real world. I've also come here when I have felt all these things and shared them with others. I've found friends. . .something honestly I didn't have after I married my husband. We kept his friends, mine seemed to have faded away.

Now though. . . I look at all those things and think, if I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been happy the way my life was flowing? Would I have realized that I am more than a "quick" fuck to help my spouse sleep? If I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been better off not knowing that there is a curiosity in me to experience the sub side of BDSM, or there is a desire to find out if I would like to be with a woman, or have group sex, or even anal? Would I be in the place I am now in my marriage and so unhappy, if I had never clicked on the link a friend gave me and read a story?

I sit here now, wondering if I should have just stayed the woman I was two years ago. A woman that didn't know there were more things out there. A woman who was happy being a Stay-at-home mom to three children, and married to a man is a good provider and on rare occasions has good instincts and gave me good sex.

Am I happier than I was two years ago? Honestly I don't know anymore. Right now I am torn between the woman I want to be and the woman I have been. If I never discovered Lit, then maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. . . lost.

 

[cloudy]

You wouldn't be the same person you were two years ago, regardless. People change constantly, and what you've learned here you may also have learned elsewhere.

Learning about yourself is never a bad thing, as far as I'm concerned.

(I'm sorry, though, that you're in a bad place right now )

 

[The_Fool]

You've eaten the apple and it tastes bittersweet. Is it better to know or not? A hard lesson to learn is that knowledge can make you grow but realize how small you really are in the world. The more I study about any subject including myself, the more I realize how much more there is to learn.

You can be sad or glad, your choice. But you can never put the genie back in the bottle.

 

[rgraham666]

*HUGS* Red. I like who you're becoming. But hen I've always liked you.

I'm glad I found Lit. It's set me on a journey I never expected, and one I'm happy to take.

I've found a lot of joy and a lot of pain here. In many ways, it's far more real than the real world is. Here I'm myself. In the real world, I don't dare be.

 

[CeriseNoire]

Though I don't know you well, I'll start with a big hug.

As for everything else, growing out of one's old skin is always painful. If those things were always within you, then they were bound to come out eventually. Lit didn't create your needs, your talents, or your desires. Either way, what matters now is what you do with your newfound self.

Hoping you get comfortable in your new skin

 

[ljiowa]

I sense the same thing happening in my life, after only a few months - tension between who I've been, and who I might become. But I'm not willing to stop the journey....yet.

Maybe that's selfish; I don't know. Certainly there is risk, for me and those around me. And, unfortunately, I don't have any answers for you, either. Self-discovery is a frightening path - but for me, it's been on hold far too long. So I'll keep feeling my way.

I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

 

[kiba]

im sorry you feel lost especially you being such a sweet person who has always been kind to me. sending you hugs and good thoughts.

 

[scriptordelecto]

It'll be two years on April 20th that I've been a member of Lit. During this time I have discovered different parts of myself that I didn't know were there, or if they were there I had hid them not only from myself, but from others.

I've discovered I enjoy writing and I may just have some skill there. I've found out that poetry is the balm for my soul. I've discovered that I am submissive sexually and that I have a gift to make others feel better. I've come to Lit and felt happy, sad, angry. . .the same things I do here in the real world. I've also come here when I have felt all these things and shared them with others. I've found friends. . .something honestly I didn't have after I married my husband. We kept his friends, mine seemed to have faded away.

Now though. . . I look at all those things and think, if I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been happy the way my life was flowing? Would I have realized that I am more than a "quick" fuck to help my spouse sleep? If I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been better off not knowing that there is a curiosity in me to experience the sub side of BDSM, or there is a desire to find out if I would like to be with a woman, or have group sex, or even anal? Would I be in the place I am now in my marriage and so unhappy, if I had never clicked on the link a friend gave me and read a story?

I sit here now, wondering if I should have just stayed the woman I was two years ago. A woman that didn't know there were more things out there. A woman who was happy being a Stay-at-home mom to three children, and married to a man is a good provider and on rare occasions has good instincts and gave me good sex.

Am I happier than I was two years ago? Honestly I don't know anymore. Right now I am torn between the woman I want to be and the woman I have been. If I never discovered Lit, then maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. . . lost.

*HUGS* sweet Red. The whole process of self discovery is ongoing. Everyone else is right. You are far too intelligent a woman to be content in repeating the same routine day in and day out. I feel like people who are stuck in that cycle are just waiting to die.

You've had the courage and the heart to get past the monotony and live. To discover things about yourself that you never knew. It's a frightening path to take, because you aren't following, you're creating your own way.

I'm on a similar path myself, meeting everyone here and learning fascinating things about myself. I feel like a whole world has opened up for me and I can't wait to see what will be around the next corner.

I'm terrified and completely exhilarated. I only hope that my journey shapes me as beautifully as yours has.

I love the person that I see here. You are an amazing woman with a gift for making others feel special.

 

[Guest]

Red -

You are still on the journey. You can't stop now - there is so much to learn.

Allow your husband the chance to discover your newfound interests with you. He may surprise you.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Thanks every one. It is a journey for the better? or for the worse? I hope for the better, but sometimes I don't know if it is.

My spouse is a different story, it is like I am here. . .and he is waayyyyyy over there, or not even interested in most of what I would like to explore.

 

[EHawkins]

Red...

*Hugs*

I don't think there's anything that I can say that others haven't already, but my thoughts are with you, hon

You're a wonderful lady, and I can only imagine that you will become even more wonderful as you continue to grow

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Even though everything about me has changed over the last thirty one years, I am still the same person I always was.

And even htough the world around me has changed in every conceivable way and then some, it's still exactly the same as it always was.

A little too existential? Maybe. But it all works out in the end. Good or bad doesn't even matter sometimes. Things just are, and that's all they can ever be.

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[rachlou]

Everything has already been said. Transition and change are part of us - we all go through these stages at various times in our lives. Self discovery is a good thing - it makes us stronger people, and hopefully it allows us to find out who we are and what we need to be happy. Yes, we can stay with the same people, doing the same things, day in and day out. Would we still be happy? That's debatable. Change is good. Welcome the change. Love the person you are becoming and see yourself for the ultimately stronger woman you will be.

You don;t want to look back and say, "I wish I'd done all those things I dreamt of..."

We only get one crack at it - so explore, challenge and be happy! Your family/friends will adapt to the new you, because they love you.

Red, I have been where you are and it's scary. Several years later, i'm happier than i ever was. I am a stronger, more self-aware woman. I like myself now. Change is good!

 

[Belegon]

*HUSG*

There's a destination at the end of every road...don't be afraid.

Is my life easier than it was before I came here? Absolutely not. It's much harder. But it's also much more exciting. For me, it was more of a rediscovery...opening curtains I had closed.

Be glad you opened your eyes...would you be happier? Maybe. But do you really want to go back? I don't. I was content, yes...I was also dying inside. Lit is only a part of why I am growing again, but it is an important part.

Live fast or die slow? I wanna live...come on, Red. Let's play in the sunshine and run and laugh in the fields. Let others cower inside for fear of rain. Don't close your curtains...stay outside and play.

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

Focus on the important parts

Hi Red,

I understand where you are coming from. I posted a similar message to this one about a year and a half ago. https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=378166

The details were different, but I think the emotion is the same - Literotica sometimes inspires you to things you doubt you will ever experience.

I don't know the answer still, but I have a couple thoughts.

The first is to focus as much as you can on the important things you think are missing. Your message specifically mentions anal, bicuriosity, and group sex. It also mentions frequently being treated as a quick fuck by your spouse. I think it is the last of these which is truly important. You have as much a right as anything to demand more of your partner than that. Work on improving things between the two of you so that sex is frequently special (sex is sometimes mediocre to failing with the best of partners). This may or may not ever involve trying anal. Maybe he just will never be into that. Try to let that detail go. But do not let go of the idea that your physical relationship can be an important and powerful part of your life. I am guessing it isn't actually anal or group sex that is what is stirring your soul. It's feeling sensual, erotic, powerful, free, desired, and loved. Fight for that, but try to fight for it mutually with your partner as long as you can.

I am not recommending that you give in or go back. I think we have to commit ourselves over and over again to our life partners. If you choose to re-commit once again to him and you realize that means never trying bisexuality and the other things you are thinking of, then you might find yourself in the situation of having to remove yourself from the dreams for a while. Some of our fantasies fade over time and some do not. The latter become part of who we are.

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

Or a lot more briefly

OK, I just reread my old thread and realized that all I wrote below is really just a long-winded version of what Sweet Erika said a lot more succinctly over a year ago.

First she quoted me:

Quote:
Originally Posted by M-Y-Erotica
Hm. I promised myself when I joined literotica to stay fairly anonymous and not get personal. Let's see. It's that I want her to really want me. Not to be quiet, or to be embarassed, but to want something so much she can barely stand the wait. The various physical acts are just manifestations of this desire, and that desire is what I want.
End Quote

And then she very wisely said:
Quote:
Okay, I get that. Personally, I've found it helpful to consider people feel and express desire in different ways. Sometimes I've slipped into thinking my husband doesn't have it, but then I see all of the little things that contradict that notion and realize he just feels and shows it differently.

I think it's easy to get sucked into the idea that things should be a certain way, and that leads to the thought that something's missing, even if it's not. I've learned (especially here) to really look for and be appreciative of what I have, as opposed to comparing it to how others live or what it "should be." When I take that perspective, depression is impossible.
End Quote

I guess I would modify this a little and just say that it's important for you to fight for the love and passion in your life as hard as you can but remember that we don't get to decide by ourselves what particular form that love and passion take.

 

[S-Des]

Giant hugs Red. You are a wonderful, beautiful soul and deserve to be happy, whatever form that takes. I definitely see your perspective about changing, but I agree with those who've said you are too smart and talented to have been happy there forever. Change is scary and not always good, but I believe in you...that you can find the way to make it best for you and your family. Many people seem to come to this discovery about themselves late in life, when change is much harder and there aren't as many opportunities. No matter what you decide or where you end up, I'm glad you are thinking about it now. Make yourself happy and you'll be a better partner, friend, and mother. Remember, two years ago if someone had suggested you'd be here now, you would have thought they were insane. It's still possible to help make that change in your husband, although I know it will be difficult. I wish you all the luck and happiness (and foot rubs any time you desire one).

 

[impressive]

If I wasn't unhappy/dissatisfied/restless, I wouldn't have landed here in the first place. So, Lit just provided the fertile environment for growth.

Yeah ... Lit is manure for the soul ... or chicken soup. One or the other.

As The_Fool wisely said, the genie won't go back into the bottle. (McKenna posted something similar a few days ago about a stretched mind never regaining its original shape.)

Good luck, Red. The journey is difficult, but sooooooooo worth it.

 

[Disrupted]

There are some things which are difficult or nearly impossible to reverse. One of those things is awareness, as others have already mentioned.

I believe that the more one is conscious of things (about one's self, about others, and so on), the more he or she is susceptible to suffering from it, so to speak. It is the price of knowledge, for in not being exposed to such, there are opportunities that may remain dormant indefinitely from being undetected. Not having those avenues of experiences open up consequently does not subject a person to the joys and sorrows which arise during the journey.

If I may be so bold as to ask...would you be content if you did not take the path you are currently on, seemingly asleep with regards to your aspect of sexuality and satisfied with the relationships you have? Or, despite any unhappiness it has created, are you willing to accept that path you have ventured onto, facing it with the realization that you are more alive?

The choices are ultimately yours to make. Whatever you do, I sincerely hope you do not have any regrets and find your way to happiness.

Take care, and best of luck to you.

 

[firstkiss]

Red:

See how many people around here love you??? I know exactly where you're coming from (as do a great many of the married ladies here at Literotica, I'm sure) but let me give you a wee bit of advice an old professor of mine gave me:

If you're a writer, you're a writer; fighting or denying that does you a great disservice. It may be hard at times, it may drive you around the bend, you may feel alone and unappreciated, but there will always be someone who reads your work and says "damn, I wish I had thought of that!"

This place wouldn't be the same without you, so don't second guess the contribution you've made here for the past two years! Writing erotica is part of who you are because you do it so well.

Good luck with things on the homefront - and just do what any good writer would do - channel all that crap into some good writing!

Many hugs!

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

*hugs and kisses to you all*

About the genie. . .I don't want to put her back. I like her. I like who I am becoming, both physically and (most times) mentally. I don't think my desire to explore is the be all end all of my life here, it is just another stone that I am forced to look at as he builds a wall around my dreams.

Writing. . .everyone on my family side, including my kids, know I write, but I when I discuss it with him or the adult members of my family I am often cut off and so in time I have stopped discussing it with them. My spouse will listen, but then constantly tells me he wants me to drop the erotica and write non-erotic. Perhaps some day I will, but right now, that doesn't appeal to me. A comfort zone? Perhaps. Or maybe I simply like writing sex. *shrugs*

A Lit addict? I admit the first year I was on Lit, I was an addict. I did allow it to interfere in my life, as far as my responsibilities go. Kids were ignored, the house was a mess, we didn't go anywhere, because I needed to be on Lit, or I needed to write. The summer was spent with me at the computer as the world passed me by. One day I sat outside and I realized all I had been missing as far as family excursions and such and getting out of the house and doing things. I gained a lot of weight. Which wasn't good for my health or my self-esteem. I was large before, but much larger by the end of that first year of Lit. Life.

Now. . . I am not addicted. I still enjoy posting here, yes a lot. (see post count) *wink* but it isn't like it was. I can leave Lit now and not have it on my mind all the time. I come here often, because my friends are here. I am soon going to be making a Lit adjustment when/if I get a job, but I am ready for it. When I was addicted to Lit you wouldn't have seen me job hunting, you wouldn't have seen me doing anything but posting randomly. Insomnia infected me those first three months, both because I loved Lit and the fun I had there, but also because for the first time in my marriage I was spending many nights alone (job change = swing shift).

I don't think leaving Lit would be wise for me. Not because of romantic interests, cybering, or phone sex, (which I have had experience with) but, because Lit is where my friends are. In time I hope to meet many of the Litsters that live close to me and within the walls of the United States, even over the wall and across the pond, but right now I am venturing forth and putting faces to the posts and the AVs. I need friends. I've been without for too long. I need my online ones and I need physical in the flesh ones too.

Regrets? I only regret that first year and it isn't being on Lit. I regret, it is the loss of fun my kids were unable to experience because I was in the Lit Zone. I don't regret the friendships. I don't regret my actions. I don't regret learning to write. I just know that first year was wasted for my kids and my relationship and I won't let my kids suffer again so I do leave Lit at times and we enjoy the day together. They'll be a time where they will want nothing to do with me. *sigh*

I've tried to involve my spouse in Lit. but I am glad he isn't interested. Why? Because I couldn't be me if he was. I would be a reserved Red. A calm Red. A woman that you wouldn't recognize. I wouldn't feel comfortable. How do I know this? Because I have brought up conversations I have had here and there on the boards and the response from him have not been pleasing. I have talked about others desires, incorporating my own curiosity and the results were to make me feel embarrassed and the idea appalling to him. I don't need to have all those sexual experiences, but I don't want to feel shamed for thinking them.

Thanks everyone. I truly mean that from the bottom of my .

 

[jomar]

 

[rgraham666]

*HUGS* Red. Good for you.

 

[Guest]

It'll be two years on April 20th that I've been a member of Lit. During this time I have discovered different parts of myself that I didn't know were there, or if they were there I had hid them not only from myself, but from others.

I've discovered I enjoy writing and I may just have some skill there. I've found out that poetry is the balm for my soul. I've discovered that I am submissive sexually and that I have a gift to make others feel better. I've come to Lit and felt happy, sad, angry. . .the same things I do here in the real world. I've also come here when I have felt all these things and shared them with others. I've found friends. . .something honestly I didn't have after I married my husband. We kept his friends, mine seemed to have faded away.

Now though. . . I look at all those things and think, if I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been happy the way my life was flowing? Would I have realized that I am more than a "quick" fuck to help my spouse sleep? If I hadn't come to Lit, would I have been better off not knowing that there is a curiosity in me to experience the sub side of BDSM, or there is a desire to find out if I would like to be with a woman, or have group sex, or even anal? Would I be in the place I am now in my marriage and so unhappy, if I had never clicked on the link a friend gave me and read a story?

I sit here now, wondering if I should have just stayed the woman I was two years ago. A woman that didn't know there were more things out there. A woman who was happy being a Stay-at-home mom to three children, and married to a man is a good provider and on rare occasions has good instincts and gave me good sex.

Am I happier than I was two years ago? Honestly I don't know anymore. Right now I am torn between the woman I want to be and the woman I have been. If I never discovered Lit, then maybe I wouldn't be where I am now. . . lost.

I love you either way, Red....