Lit Dialog

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I was just reading a LIT story that smacked me tween the eyes. Most LIT authors compose jingles-dialog. They don't write what real people speak, they write what actors speak in tv commercials.

 

[allamagione]

"You know, honey, sometimes when I get that not-so-fresh feeling..."

 

[jomar]

Not that easy to write real world dialog. If people actually recorded their speech they'd hear all kinds of jumbles and stumbles.

 

[lovecraft68]

I use those jumbles in mine. I use "I gotta get going" and "Watcha doin'" that's how people speak.

Of course it leaves my spellchecker lit up like a Christmas tree.

 

[lovecraft68]

"You know, honey, sometimes when I get that not-so-fresh feeling..."

Funny you picked that one.

My wife and I watch football and she was complaining that every other commercial is for guys who can't get it up.

I told her these were revenge commercials for all the feminine hygiene products that they used to advertise years ago.

"Mom, you ever get that......

 

[patientlee]

I use those jumbles in mine. I use "I gotta get going" and "Watcha doin'" that's how people speak.

Of course it leaves my spellchecker lit up like a Christmas tree.

Almost every word in Lost Agnes was underlined for somethin'.

 

[patientlee]

Funny you picked that one.

My wife and I watch football and she was complaining that every other commercial is for guys who can't get it up.

I told her these were revenge commercials for all the feminine hygiene products that they used to advertise years ago.

"Mom, you ever get that......

They should bring back the Where's the Beef commercials for that.

 

[ishtat]

PG Wodehouse was one of the best writers of dialogue ever, but it was hardly what real people spoke, though it 'sounded.' right for his characters.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

“Hi, Daphne!” “Hi Reginald.” “I see you’ve switched your cigarette brand to the new, better tasting Fruitie New Ports!” “Yes, the milder, healthier New Port that comes in 5 of Nature’s favorite flavors!” “Orange! Lemon! Raspberry! Grape! Help me with the last one, Daphne.” “Its Merde! Reginald! I’m smoking one, now.“ “Gee, Daphne, the aroma is so much better than my cigarette.” “Are you still smoking Old Seamen? Here! Try a Fruitie New Port, Reginald.” “But aren’t they made for modern women?” “Theyre the modern cigarette for feminists of all genders, Reginald.”

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

PG Wodehouse was one of the best writers of dialogue ever, but it was hardly what real people spoke, though it 'sounded.' right for his characters.

I'll look for him, thanks.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Funny you picked that one.

My wife and I watch football and she was complaining that every other commercial is for guys who can't get it up.

I told her these were revenge commercials for all the feminine hygiene products that they used to advertise years ago.

"Mom, you ever get that......

I thought the commercials were for limp snakes, e-reptile dysfunction, right?

 

[subdued_passion]

PG Wodehouse was one of the best writers of dialogue ever, but it was hardly what real people spoke, though it 'sounded.' right for his characters.

I love the Blandings castle series- Lord Emsworth and Empress.
I know this'll make me sound ancient but that's the kind of humour I enjoy reading.

 

[oggbashan]

I think there has to be a compromise between accurately recording how people really talk and writing dialogue to be read.

If you record and transcribe a real conversation with all the hesitations, ums and ahs, the sense can be lost or muddied by the reality. When listening to someone talking, we unconsciously edit out the inessential.

I try to write dialogue to be read, not to be read aloud or performed. I make the conversations slightly more formal and grammatical than they would actually be.

Word keeps telling me I have 'fragments'. Of course I have. People cut across each other, interrupt each other, finish each other's sentences.

I try to give the flavour of the dialogue but not the accurate transcription or a replica of a real conversation.

Only a few readers have commented that my dialogue is too formal.

 

[ILienBagby]

Mr. J,

I'll look for him, thanks.

I think you need to chose better examples. Lit has a few writers who know how to create dialogue that does what the best dialogue is capable of doing....(1) revealing character, (2) moving the plot, and (3) creating a sense of reality. Comments following almost every one of her stories on Literotica without fail praise her dialogue for the way it works to accomplish all three of those ends. Read any story by GITM (Girlinthemoon) and if you read carefully, you will learn something about not just good dialogue, but Superior dialogue!

 

[lovecraft68]

I'll give you a peeve of mine. First off I am not a "fussy" reader. Some typos, imperfect grammar a little implausibility its all good as long as the story entertains me. So I guess I read what I write.

But one thing that gets me is when everyone in a story speaks the same.

I read a piece a friend of mine sent me. He's been writing a few months and I'm trying to get him to post here, but so far he has no interest.

Anyway the story is about a former hells Angel who gets himself in trouble again and a female lawyer who's trying to get him off(and ultimately they get each other off)

But the thing that killed it for me is this.

One side- a high school drop out delinquent. Hard drinking, hard fighting, hard living wrong side of the tracks type who is finally trying to get his shit together.

Other side. Well bred, well off, well educated, professional female lawyer.

So opposite sex and as opposite types of people as you can find.

Both characters spoke the same. You take away "he said, she said," you would not know who was who.

The guy should have been butchering the English language and she should have spoken very properly and over his head. If it were me it would have been a bunch of lingo from her and him saying,

"Oh, slow down with the friggin big words."

and her

"Well perhaps you should have stayed in school instead of drinking and stealing cars."

There should have been a contrast and that killed it for me.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

I'll give you a peeve of mine. First off I am not a "fussy" reader. Some typos, imperfect grammar a little implausibility its all good as long as the story entertains me. So I guess I read what I write.

But one thing that gets me is when everyone in a story speaks the same.

I read a piece a friend of mine sent me. He's been writing a few months and I'm trying to get him to post here, but so far he has no interest.

Anyway the story is about a former hells Angel who gets himself in trouble again and a female lawyer who's trying to get him off(and ultimately they get each other off)

But the thing that killed it for me is this.

One side- a high school drop out delinquent. Hard drinking, hard fighting, hard living wrong side of the tracks type who is finally trying to get his shit together.

Other side. Well bred, well off, well educated, professional female lawyer.

So opposite sex and as opposite types of people as you can find.

Both characters spoke the same. You take away "he said, she said," you would not know who was who.

The guy should have been butchering the English language and she should have spoken very properly and over his head. If it were me it would have been a bunch of lingo from her and him saying,

"Oh, slow down with the friggin big words."

and her

"Well perhaps you should have stayed in school instead of drinking and stealing cars."

There should have been a contrast and that killed it for me.

That's the harder part about writing dialogue--making each voice unique. It's especially difficult when the differences in background aren't as stark as in your example. I don't get mad when I read that kind of dialogue; I just view it as something the author needs to work on. That's sometimes the difference between a 4 and a 5.

 

[patientlee]

I'll give you a peeve of mine. First off I am not a "fussy" reader. Some typos, imperfect grammar a little implausibility its all good as long as the story entertains me. So I guess I read what I write.

But one thing that gets me is when everyone in a story speaks the same.

I read a piece a friend of mine sent me. He's been writing a few months and I'm trying to get him to post here, but so far he has no interest.

Anyway the story is about a former hells Angel who gets himself in trouble again and a female lawyer who's trying to get him off(and ultimately they get each other off)

But the thing that killed it for me is this.

One side- a high school drop out delinquent. Hard drinking, hard fighting, hard living wrong side of the tracks type who is finally trying to get his shit together.

Other side. Well bred, well off, well educated, professional female lawyer.

So opposite sex and as opposite types of people as you can find.

Both characters spoke the same. You take away "he said, she said," you would not know who was who.

The guy should have been butchering the English language and she should have spoken very properly and over his head. If it were me it would have been a bunch of lingo from her and him saying,

"Oh, slow down with the friggin big words."

and her

"Well perhaps you should have stayed in school instead of drinking and stealing cars."

There should have been a contrast and that killed it for me.

That's why your dialogue is superior to most.

 

[patientlee]

I was just reading a LIT story that smacked me tween the eyes. Most LIT authors compose jingles-dialog. They don't write what real people speak, they write what actors speak in tv commercials.

Would you share the link to the story? Please? I think we'd all appreciate the instructional value of reading it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think you need to chose better examples. Lit has a few writers who know how to create dialogue that does what the best dialogue is capable of doing....(1) revealing character, (2) moving the plot, and (3) creating a sense of reality. Comments following almost every one of her stories on Literotica without fail praise her dialogue for the way it works to accomplish all three of those ends. Read any story by GITM (Girlinthemoon) and if you read carefully, you will learn something about not just good dialogue, but Superior dialogue!

I'll check GITM out tho I stand by my belief that LIT writers strive to mimic tv commercials and the horrible sitcoms Henry Winkler appears in these days. Back in 1970 the French usta add moaning tracks to their love songs, and I expect it in LIT stories at any time.

Elmore Leonard said George V. Higgins was the best dialog writer, ever, and Higgins said John O'Hara was the best.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9krvMqLnc5U

Here we go. LIT circa 2015.

 

[oggbashan]

I'll check GITM out tho I stand by my belief that LIT writers strive to mimic tv commercials and the horrible sitcoms Henry Winkler appears in these days. Back in 1970 the French usta add moaning tracks to their love songs, and I expect it in LIT stories at any time.

Elmore Leonard said George V. Higgins was the best dialog writer, ever, and Higgins said John O'Hara was the best.

I mimicked a TV commercial in my latest: Two Tarts In A Kitchen

But that was deliberate.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Would you share the link to the story? Please? I think we'd all appreciate the instructional value of reading it.

No, and stick the snark up your ass, por favor. Let me be clear. All you get from me is a fair appraisal of your wares, apart from my contempt for you as a human..

 

[sr71plt]

Not that easy to write real world dialog. If people actually recorded their speech they'd hear all kinds of jumbles and stumbles.

This. Also a lot or repeats, said again, and repeated a third time. And incomplete sentences, having stopped once some else has either gotten . . . or has interru . . .

In this, writing dialogue is similar to stage sets and costume design. It's designed to be understood and appreciated from remove (and to make up for the absence of visualized body language). You get right up there on the stage and the reality isn't like what is seen from a remove--or that you are meant to understand.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think you need to chose better examples. Lit has a few writers who know how to create dialogue that does what the best dialogue is capable of doing....(1) revealing character, (2) moving the plot, and (3) creating a sense of reality. Comments following almost every one of her stories on Literotica without fail praise her dialogue for the way it works to accomplish all three of those ends. Read any story by GITM (Girlinthemoon) and if you read carefully, you will learn something about not just good dialogue, but Superior dialogue!

I looked her up and sampled her dialogue as you suggested. Her descriptions are superior, and I find her dialogue dissociated, reminds me of high school drama club actors, and friends thinking what theyre gonna say rather than saying whats on their minds. Rehearsed. But she knows how to paint scenes.

 

[ILienBagby]

I looked her up and sampled her dialogue as you suggested. Her descriptions are superior, and I find her dialogue dissociated, reminds me of high school drama club actors, and friends thinking what theyre gonna say rather than saying whats on their minds. Rehearsed. But she knows how to paint scenes.

The word should be "disassociated " and your reading of GITM's dialogue is as woefully wrong as your spelling was.