Lists of Top Tens...Play Along

[cookiejar]

Everyone loves Letterman's top ten...let's try it....make a top ten of anything...have fun!!



The Top Ten Dumbest Country songs....


#10...Mama Get A Hammer, (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

#9...I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

#8...Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed

#7...Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

#6...I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

#5...I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

#4...My wife ran off with my best friend,and I sure do miss him.

#3...I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

#2...Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

And the #1 song...I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine


These are REAL songs......now you try a list!




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[cookiejar]

Oh come on people!!

There are tons of lists out there! Find 'em and post!!


BEFORE AND AFTER MARRIAGE

*10...Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.

After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you?


#9...Before - Victoria's Secret.
After - Fruit of the Loom.

#8...Before - Is that all you are eating?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

*7...Before - Don't Stop.
After - Don't Start.

*6...Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.

#5...Before - The Sound of Music.
After - The Sound of Silence.

#4...Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...

#3...Before - Feathers & handcuffs.
After - Ball and chain.

#2...Before - Ricky & Lucy.
After - Fred & Ethel.

And the #1 answer...Before - Romeo and Juliet.
After - Bill and Hillary..




cookie

 

[cookiejar]

"Hi cookie,how are you?"
"Just fine,you?"
"Want to play cookies lists?"
"Ok cookie,why not?"
"Ty cookie."
"Np."

STATE SLOGANS

#10...California: By 30, our women have more plastic than your Honda

#9...Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, only the Kennedy's do not own it yet

#8...New York: You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an
attorney...

*7...Tennessee: The educashun state

*6...Wisconsin: Come cut the cheese

*5...Wyoming: Where men are men ... And the sheep are scared!

*4...Oregon: Spotted owl ... It is what's for dinner

#3...New Jersey: You want a ##$%##! Motto? I got your ##$%##! Motto right
here!

#2...Minnesota: 10,000 lakes ... And 10,000,000,000,000 mosquitoes

And the #1 answer....Nevada: Whores and poker!

 

[mbb308]

Thanks for the kind thought for the thread, Dear. It's a funny idea.

I just seem to be "fresh out" of top ten lists, tho'.

 

[cookiejar]

Thanks for the kind thought for the thread, Dear. It's a funny idea.

I just seem to be "fresh out" of top ten lists, tho'.

You do not have to make them up unless you want to...theres are tons of lists on the net....i just like to read rhem and laugh!!!



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[acitore_vuli]

.

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Re: Lists of Top Tens...Play Along

Ty ...its a crazy song title lol



cookie

 

[mbb308]

You do not have to make them up unless you want to...theres are tons of lists on the net....i just like to read rhem and laugh!!!



cookie

That would seriously cut into the time I have to be so annoying here.

 

[cookiejar]

That would seriously cut into the time I have to be so annoying here.

Yes you are a pain in the ass! lol



cookie

 

[Slick]

Ok Cookie... looks like it's just gonna be us then...

Is this what you mean??

TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR FLY IS UNZIPPED:

10) The cucumber has left the salad.
9) You've got Windows on your laptop.
8) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
7) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
6) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

and The Number One Way to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped..

1) Men are From Mars, I Can See Your Penis.


Slick.

 

[cookiejar]

Yessss!!!!

Ok Cookie... looks like it's just gonna be us then...

Is this what you mean??

TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR FLY IS UNZIPPED:

10) The cucumber has left the salad.
9) You've got Windows on your laptop.
8) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
7) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
6) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

and The Number One Way to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped..

1) Men are From Mars, I Can See Your Penis.


Slick.

I knew I could count on you slickster! Ty babe!




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[double16in]

Great thread, cookie!

OK, try this one:

The Top 10 Excuses When She Catches You Wearing Her Panties

10. I must have put them on by mistake in the dark
9. I didn't have any clean ones left
8. They make me feel closer to you
7. I grew up getting my older sister's hand me downs
6. Boxers don't come in pink
5. There must have been a crease in the name, I thought it said Hanes for Men
4. It gives me greater empathy for the plight of women
3. Men's underwear chafes my skin
2. Sorry, I thought they were your Mom's
1. Does my butt look big in these?

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Great thread, cookie!

OK, try this one:

The Top 10 Excuses When She Catches You Wearing Her Panties

10. I must have put them on by mistake in the dark
9. I didn't have any clean ones left
8. They make me feel closer to you
7. I grew up getting my older sister's hand me downs
6. Boxers don't come in pink
5. There must have been a crease in the name, I thought it said Hanes for Men
4. It gives me greater empathy for the plight of women
3. Men's underwear chafes my skin
2. Sorry, I thought they were your Mom's
1. Does my butt look big in these?

Ty double! I love these lists!

cookie

 

[mbb308]

Yes you are a pain in the ass! lol



cookie

It really does require some skill, you know. It takes practice.

 

[TAKEMEE]

Ok Cookie... looks like it's just gonna be us then...

Is this what you mean??

TOP 10 WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR FLY IS UNZIPPED:

10) The cucumber has left the salad.
9) You've got Windows on your laptop.
8) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
7) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
6) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

and The Number One Way to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped..

1) Men are From Mars, I Can See Your Penis.


Slick.

LMAO! Too funny!

Cookie,
I'll be back. LOL I have to think up 10 things

 

[cookiejar]

TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

 

[Slick]

TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Oh Cookie... silly girl... you forgot the rest of 'em:

11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.

Slick.

 

[cookiejar]

Ok I said top ten lists but some things are too funny to be ignored....the purpose of this is to laugh,so feel free to post anything comical.


The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies

Come and listen to my story about a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems that one night after gettin' with the wife,
She loped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.

Penis, that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.

Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
And she tossed him out the window as she came around a bend.

Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub.
In the shrub.

She went to the law and confessed to the attack.
And they called out the dogs just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there".
To John Wayne's Willie - a wavin' in the air.

Found that is.
By a fence.
Evidence.

Now John and his Willie couldn't stay apart long.
So a dick doctor said, "Oh yea, I can fix your dong!"
"A needle and thread is all we're gonna need,"
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny peed.

Wizzed that is.
Straight stream.
Even seam.

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court.
He had a half-assed lawyer, cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault, and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape.

Video that is.
Unexposed.
Case closed.

Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?



cookie


:catroar

 

[Slick]

Top 10 Strange Celebrity Deaths


10) Ellen DeGeneres -- Suffocates in the closet

9) Susan Lucci -- Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy

8) Farah Fawcett -- Struck by a random thought

7) Frank Sinatra -- Killed by Stranglers in the Night

6) RuPaul -- Prostate cancer

5) O.J. Simpson -- Murdered by the "real killer" in an apparent suicide

4) Madonna -- Exposure

3) Unabomber -- Mail bomb returned due to "insufficient postage"

2) Al Gore -- Dutch Elm Disease

1) Bill Gates -- Falls out of a Window


Slick.

 

[Slick]

Top 10 Bumper Stickers..

10) If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

9) 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

8) Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

7) Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!

6) Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

5) Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

4) Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

3) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

2) Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

1) Honk If You Want To See My Finger


Slick.

 

[chromefreak]

"Hi cookie,how are you?"
"Just fine,you?"
"Want to play cookies lists?"
"Ok cookie,why not?"
"Ty cookie."
"Np."

STATE SLOGANS

#10...California: By 30, our women have more plastic than your Honda

I LIKE it!

How about: Alaska, the 'Bigger Than Texas' State?





*4...Oregon: Due to the shortage of wood and paper products, wipe your ass on a spotted owl! (Bumper Sticker Actually seen on an Oregon logging truck)




And the #1 answer....Nevada: California's smoking section

And why the hell does Missouri call itself the "Show me State?" The entire time I was there not a single woman showed me a damn thing!

 

[cookiejar]

Morning!!

Top 10 Bumper Stickers..

10) If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

9) 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

8) Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

7) Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!

6) Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

5) Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

4) Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

3) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

2) Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

1) Honk If You Want To See My Finger


Slick.

Hiya slickster!! Thanx for the lists....if a person has a sense of humor they are #1 in my book!!




cookie

 

[cookiejar]

Hi chrome!! Another person with a sense of humor...post often!!



cookie

 

[cookiejar]

The Top Ten Things Guy's Shouldn't Say While In Victoria's Secret



10) "My mistress would just love this."

9) "Go ahead and ask the clerk to model it for you..she always does for me."

8) "Two to one odds it does not come in your size."

7) "The thought of you in that is making me nauseous."

6) "The Dancer at the Kittycat Lounge wore something just like this last night."

5) "Hey, can I try it on when we get home?"

4) "You can wear that all you want, you're still not getting the remote."

3) "I bet your sister would look good in that."

2) "Sure it looks nice but can you mow the yard in it?"

1) "I don't care if the damn things are edible..I still ain't eatin' down there!"

 

[cookiejar]

LIST OF ORGASMS

Situations you may find yourself in, and the orgasms you may encounter...

Sex in a boat - oar-gasms.
Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms.
Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms.
Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms.
Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms.
Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms.
Sex with a prostitute - whore-gasms.
Sex with an accountant - bore-gasms.
Sex while sleeping - snore-gasms.
Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms.
Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eyeore-gasms.
Sex while broke - poor-gasms.
Sex with a lion - roar-gasms.
Sex for hours and hours on end - sore-gasms.
Sex on a golf course - fore-gasms.
Sex with a nymphomaniac - more-gasms.
Sex in a gold mine - ore-gasms.
Sex with a dermatologist - pore-gasms.
Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms.
Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers - s'more-gasms.
Sex with a bullfighter - toreador-gasms.
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword - zorro-gasms.
Sex on the beach - shore-gasms.
Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet - smorgasbord-gasms.
Sex on a cruise ship deck - shuffleboard-gasms.
Sex in asia - Singapore-gasms.
Sex among the wonders of nature - outdoor-gasms.
Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can - odor-gasms.
Sex on the way to the train - 'All Aboard'-gasms.
Sex that wasn't very satisfying - 'There's the door'-gasms.
Sex in an adult theater - hard-core-gasms.
Sex with someone who's not paying attention - ignore-gasms.
Sex with a competitive partner - score-gasms.
Sex while flying - soar-gasms.
Sex with a beloved partner - adore-gasms.
Sex with a meat-eater - carnivore-gasms.
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo - pompadore-gasms.
Sex with someone who's got bad taste in clothes - velour-gasms.
Sex while travelling - tour-gasms.
Sex with a big dog - labrador-gasms.
Sex with Beavis and Butthead - 'GonnaScore'-gasms.
Sex on stairs at the mall - escalator-gasms.
Sex with three of your friends - four-gasms.
Sex with a norse God - Thor-gasms.
Sex when resistance is futile - Borg-gasms.




COME ON PEOPLE!! NO ONE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR? POST YOUR LISTS,JOKES.....ANYTHING FUNNY!



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