Light Bulb Humor

[NoJo]

Read about a million light-bulb jokes today. These are the two I liked best:

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How many chimpanzees does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two: One to screw it in, and one to scratch its ass.

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How many Zen monks does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two: One to screw in the light bulb, and the other not to screw in the light bulb.
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I also made one up:


How many Literotica members does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Seven: One to actually screw it in, five to say how much they enjoying jerking off to it, and one to tell him that he's a sick fuck who deserves to die.

 

[Guest]

Loved the chimp one, and the Lit members one is so damn realistic, it freaked me out.

 

[Weird Harold]

How many Literotica members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two, but getting them IN the light bulb is the hard part.

 

[DrFreud]

Read about a million light-bulb jokes today. These are the two I liked best:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many chimpanzees does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two: One to screw it in, and one to scratch its ass.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many Zen monks does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two: One to screw in the light bulb, and the other not to screw in the light bulb.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also made one up:


How many Literotica members does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Seven: One to actually screw it in, five to say how much they enjoying jerking off to it, and one to tell him that he's a sick fuck who deserves to die.

*BUMP*

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

DrF

 

[Guest]

recent fave

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes eight million years.

 

[BlackShanglan]

How does Donald Trump change a lightbulb?

He holds it up and the world revolves around him.

There's a good dog version out there. At the moment I only remember Labrador retrievers ("Oooh! Me! Me! Can it be me?") and border collies ("One. And while he's up there, he'll fix any wiring that's not up to code.")

 

[CharleyH]

Read about a million light-bulb jokes today. These are the two I liked best:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many chimpanzees does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two: One to screw it in, and one to scratch its ass.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many Zen monks does it take to screw in a light bulb?



Two: One to screw in the light bulb, and the other not to screw in the light bulb.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also made one up:


How many Literotica members does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Seven: One to actually screw it in, five to say how much they enjoying jerking off to it, and one to tell him that he's a sick fuck who deserves to die.

LOL - it has come to this!? I could give you something better to do

 

[Guest]

There's a good dog version out there. At the moment I only remember Labrador retrievers ("Oooh! Me! Me! Can it be me?") and border collies ("One. And while he's up there, he'll fix any wiring that's not up to code.")

Yep, I had that list somewhere. It was passed around at my dog training club. I have a border collie, and that's so true. Smart buggers.

I remember it ended with a cat: "Do it yourself!"

 

[Guest]

 

[pop_54]

How many General Board regulars does it take to change a light bulb?

100.

One holds the bulb.

One holds the light fitting.

And 98 spin the house round.

 

[NoJo]

Yep, I had that list somewhere. It was passed around at my dog training club. I have a border collie, and that's so true. Smart buggers.

I remember it ended with a cat: "Do it yourself!"

I love border collies. And yeah, they're really smart: I told one a joke, and it just gave me a look as if to say "how pathetic."

 

[pop_54]

I love border collies. And yeah, they're really smart: I told one a joke, and it just gave me a look as if to say "how pathetic."

Yea they are clever like that Joe, we had one, I used to chuck a stick for it and shout Fetch! He just looked at me with one of those, "You fetch the fucking thing, I didn't chuck it away" looks.

 

[Guest]

Q: How many impressionist artis doe it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: The fish.


Q: How many Country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 4. One to put it in and three to long for the old one.


Q: How many Hilton girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 3. One to flip the light switch on and off and act insulted, two to yell, "DADDY!!!"

 

[NoJo]

Q: How many impressionist artis doe it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: The fish.

I think you meant Dadaist artists. Impressionist artists were the blurry ones.

 

[BlackShanglan]

I think you meant Dadaist artists. Impressionist artists were the blurry ones.

Always heard it "Surrealists" myself.

 

[NoJo]

Always heard it "Surrealists" myself.

Yes, they'd do too.

How many minimalist artists does it take?

None.

I just made that one up, but I'm probably not the first to think of it.

 

[Guest]

I just made that one up,

Make one up about me. P.

 

[Guest]

Ask, and ye shall receive, horsie!

 

[carsonshepherd]

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed anyone, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

*pant pant*

 

[Guest]

 

[R. Richard]

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

N/A Hardware function!

 

[BlackShanglan]

*pant pant*

He's back!

Good boy. *patpat*

Love the AV.

 

[cloudy]

Australian shepherd: First, I'll get all the light bulbs in a little circle...

I have this list too, but this one never fails to crack me up. I raised australian shepherds for years and years, and that is so dead on - they'll try to herd anything!!!!

(they were really handy at herding my kids and the neighbors kids, too )

 

[Guest]

Cloudy a friend got an Aussie shepherd a few months ago, still a pup and seems untrainable. They live in a big house with small yard. Any suggestions? P.

 

[Boota]

The one my drummer HATES:

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.