life altering stuff happening.. PLEASE READ

[Jade]

Hello old and new friends... hope you are all well... let me know if there are any significant updates I need alright?

I know I said I would never be back but I just don't know what else to do.

It's so hard to explain all of this but basically... I came extremely close to bankruptcy last month and finally, at the suggestion of the guy I was dating, got a job stripping. Prior to this I had never set foot in such an establishment.

It has proven to be rather lucritive for me, despite only doing it part time alongside my normal, regular job.

However, I have LONG since dumped the guy whose idea it was. (which of course is another story)

Anyway, the most recent guy is one I met locally here on our college internet club.
Honestly, I have never met anyone like him.
He was very into me and things were going so well... until it somehow was dragged out of me that I was "dancing."

He is very put off about it all and we spent over an hour today arguing about it and about how obviously according to him "money is more important to me than my values"... which of course was upsetting to me b/c I am trying to put myself through school here in order to eventually land a career which will not make NEARLY as much money as I can make as an entertainer.

I don't own ANYTHING of value. I see his point, but he's wrong. And he said that I am not proving him wrong... anyway... it was a long argument.

This really hurts me b/c I know he won't date me doing what I am doing.
And he likes me, he has admitted as much.
I like him very much ... more than any guy I have liked in a LONG LONG time... and now I feel certain I will never really get to talk to him again... I don't think he will respect me and I want to quit but I don't want to feel like I am quitting on account of him you know?

I can understand from a guy's point of view that it would be a wonderful fantasy to "date a stripper" but not to have anything serious with one... but in the end... no guy wants the girl he cares about to be doing this things with or to other men. I can empathize with that.
If we actually went out together... I would quite.

But I know I should quit for my own reasons.
I just really need this money and the cost of living here is so high and I am not doing anything illegal you know?

I just don't know what to do.

Should I write him a letter?
Should I just try to move on and forget about him?
Should I quit and just work 80 hours a week somewhere else while going to school???

ARGH
I don't know what to do.
Someone... anyone.. say something... PLEASE.

Thank you.

Oh.. and one more small dilemma (spelling?)... a guy from the club that I actually felt attracted to asked me out.... should I accept? He insists he doesn't normally attend these sorts of places, but who am I to know?

All my love

Thanks

 

[willfulbrat]

Jade, you're earning your own money and supporting yourself. What's wrong with that? If he really cares about you he'll date you anyway, and wait for you to get back on your feet and get a different job when you can, and if you want. Do you really want a man that's that judgemental?

 

[Andra_Jenny]

Put off now. Put off later. Has to explain to the parents, etc. Best be patient. The best id yet to come (whatta cliche, but true).

 

[registered "^^"]

NEVER PLAY WHERE YOU WORK

never get involved with anyone where you work. period. if you need the money fine, do it for that. the line i do not usually come to these places..LMAO...and if a guy likes you, he will like you for you......not what you do . just my opinion.

 

[White_Tigress_]

In order for a relationship to work, he has to like you for who YOU are. He may disapprove of what you do, but you have your reasons and he shouldn't put the guilt on you to make you change your life for him.

Don't make yourself more stressed out for trying to please someone else...look out for yourself first. Your number 1, and if you don't look out for YOU, no one else will...no matter what they tell you.

For the other guy, go with your gut, do you feel safe enough to go with him? Do you feel like he would actually respect you and not think differently of you when your on a date (like he expects anything)?

Be careful, but also.....you have been stressed enough, Do what you feel is right, don't let others tell you what you 'have' to do. Only you know that.

 

[Weird Harold]

It has proven to be rather lucritive for me, despite only doing it part time alongside my normal, regular job.

However, I have LONG since dumped the guy whose idea it was. (which of course is another story)

Anyway, the most recent guy is one I met locally here on our college internet club.
Honestly, I have never met anyone like him.
He was very into me and things were going so well... until it somehow was dragged out of me that I was "dancing."

He is very put off about it all and we spent over an hour today arguing about it and about how obviously according to him "money is more important to me than my values"... which of course was upsetting to me b/c I am trying to put myself through school here in order to eventually land a career which will not make NEARLY as much money as I can make as an entertainer.

...

Oh.. and one more small dilemma (spelling?)... a guy from the club that I actually felt attracted to asked me out.... should I accept? He insists he doesn't normally attend these sorts of places, but who am I to know?

Do you enjoy stripping, or is it "just a job?" If you enjoy it, or at least aren't disgusted by it, stay where the money is. If "Guy #2" can't deal with you as he found you, job and all, then he's not the person you want to be with.

"Guy #3" sounds to me like he wants to live out the "Dating a stripper fantasy" and you're just a trophy to him. The "I'm not the type of guy who hangs out a strip joints" sounds like a line to me. I very much doubt that a man who doesn't normally "attend" that type of place is going to feel comfortable enough to hit on one of the stirppers. I suppose it's possible, but it is not very likely.

 

[Dillinger]

Hi Jade... nice to have you back.

Bottom line is do what's right for you. What you want to do. Be who you are... and if he's the right guy he'll accept you for who you are...

 

[Bigdog]

Hello Jade, it's nice to see a familiar face stop by again.

Getting to the point: Do you like what you are doing (stripping), or do you have to rationalize the reasons and convince yourself to continue day after day? Like doesn't mean shouting it from the rooftops or calling mom and telling her about your day at work. It simply means you enjoy what you are doing while you are doing it, no misgivings or feelings of guilt and shame.

Every person has a different set of values. I know people who would admit to stripping for money long before they would admit to having ever worked in fast-food. Only you know what feels right in your heart. If stripping is something that you enjoy (or at least don't mind doing) and is making your quality of life better (keeps the bills paid), I say continue. But if you are wracked with guilt and self-loathing, berating yourself at every turn for what you are doing, get out now.

Whatever you decide, don't make a decision based on what a guy thinks you should do. He is criticising your current method of feeding yourself, no matter how noble he makes it sound it is also a putdown on you. What you do isn't just a job, it is a little piece of who you are. Changing on account of him won't make either of you happy.

Good luck, and be patient. There is a understanding, compassionate person somewhere in your future. You will know beyond a shadow of a doubt when it happens.

 

[teresafannin]

Hi Jade, I am sorry you have been having a hard time. I would avoid the guy from the club, I agree with some of the others, it is usually a mistake to get involved with people from work. The other guy is being terribly judgmental, IMO. I admire you for herself & her getting out there, getting a job & paying your bills. You have to do what is best for you & I can't imagine this guy not wanting to see you because of a job, does he think that dancing is the same as prostitution or something. I don't see why anyone would think you don't have values, from the emails we have exchanged, I think you are a fine person & consider you a friend. I wish there was more I could do, take care of yourself first. Hugs, Teresa

 

[pabloback]

dont date the punters
get out before it burns you out
be prepared for the flak from friends and family
keep your self esteem
your personality is more important than looks , if a guy is more interested in your body then dump him
probably best to be discreet about who you tell ,prejudice is in us all
p.s wanna date?

 

[Siren]

Hey Jade....

 

[p_p_man]

It's so hard to explain all of this but basically... I came extremely close to bankruptcy last month and finally, at the suggestion of the guy I was dating, got a job stripping. Prior to this I had never set foot in such an establishment

I know your post was about other things but this is the bit I picked up on.

Well done. When your back's against the wall you have to do what you can to get out of the shit.

No-one else is going to pay your bills. Sympathy you get in bucket loads but practical help...(purses lips whilst making excuses)

 

[pabloback]

one important point to remember
there is only one place for sympathy
in the dictionary between shit and syphylis
keep your head held high
life is not a rehearsal

 

[Mensa]

It's like old home week

First SimplySouthern, now Jade! This is great. Hi Jade, welcome back.

I don't have any advice to give, sorry, other than follow your heart. But I wouldn't mind knowing where you "dance"? GRRROWWWLLL!!!