Life after 2 divorces....

[Ezzie]

I talked to an old friend today and she's having problems with her current relationship and it got me thinking about my own situation. I married a man back in July and we recently separated and are filing for divorce. I loved him and still do, but, this is the right thing to do for both of us. My problem is that right now, I don't want to ever settle down again. I've been married twice now and both have failed. I just feel like I'm not meant to given the kind of love I want. I want someone who would go to the ends of the earth for me as I would for him, but, I doubt I'll ever find him. That's not my problem, though. I don't want my sex life to die off with my marriage so, what I am asking is, is it okay to go out and have some fun without committment? I've never really tried to find "Buddies", but, I think that's what I need to do right now.

To the ones of you who have had or currently do have "fuck buddies, friends with benefits) how do you keep from getting emotionally attached? The reason I'm asking is because I fall in love very easily and don't want it to happen again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Thanks in advance for any responses and I apologize for this post being so spotty and random. I just don't know how else to put down what I wanted to say.

 

[peachykeen]

Ez, sorry to hear about it. I remember you as a newlywed

Am I wrong in rememberingyou once say that there were some things that have happened to you in your life that might make you a bit shy of true intimacy? I may have you confused with someone else.

If so, though, please do get some personal counseling. And even if not, try it anyway. You - everyone - is worthy of love. If you feel you are not able to freely give and get the love you want, you really need to examine why that is, and please do not estimate the role that a trained and compassionate professional can play in helping you do that. Think about it like an athletic coach - someone could be intrinsically a fantastic runner, but without a good coach to push them and bring the best possible performance out of them, it could all stay locked inside. this is what a good counselor can do for you - help you unlock the love you have to give.

If you want to have 'no strigs attached' sex, good luck, but I wouldn't recommend it. Take a break for a while, you know? Won't kill you (might seem like it, but it won't).

 

[Ezzie]

Yes, Peachy, it was me with the shyness and intimacy problems. I finally overcame them, but, who's to say that they won't come back with a new partner. And, believe me, I'm taking your counselor idea to heart. In fact, I just visited with her today and she's helping me deal with the emotional strain and guilt that I'm laying on myself. She's already taught me that it's not all my fault no matter how much I want to believe it is.

Now, as for "No strings attached" sex, I'd like to do it at least once, ya know, to see how I feel afterwards, but, like I said, I'm to worried about getting emotionally attached. My last one night stand went through a pregnancy, miscarriage and a year of not really feeling happy with what I had.

Thanks for your advice, hon. I appreciate it.

 

[peachykeen]

good luck, sweetie

 

[Native Alien]

hey to the both of you,

Ezzie, there is really no such thing as sex without emotions. unless maybe it is a one-stand with a stranger and absolutely no talking to each other.

it is my thought that all sex has emotion of some type attached to it otherwise it would be worse than bad sex. the "fuck buddy" situation works well for me at the present. the reason being that i just don't have the time to emotionally invest in a relationship. nor do i want one.

if you want to know more, my email is in my profile here and the yahoo im is on the homepage. link to that is also on the profile here.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

I married a man back in July and we recently separated and are filing for divorce.
My problem is that right now, I don't want to ever settle down again. I've been married twice now and both have failed. I just feel like I'm not meant to given the kind of love I want. I want someone who would go to the ends of the earth for me as I would for him, but, I doubt I'll ever find him. That's not my problem, though. I don't want my sex life to die off with my marriage so, what I am asking is, is it okay to go out and have some fun without committment? I've never really tried to find "Buddies", but, I think that's what I need to do right now.

Ezzie dear, there is no need to apologize to anyone, least of all to us here at Lit. We all have our moments of doubt and concern. We're here to help where we can and give a loving word when needed. Remember only last week you gave me support and words to reassure me with my doubts??

But I digress;>>>sigh<<< Ezzie, I'm a couple of years older and I still haven't found what I'm searching for either. >>>hums U2 song<<< I have been married twice also, and have had what I thought were going to be life long love affairs. Guess what; I'm alone at this point in my life. Yea, I have someone I'm seeing, but its not serious. He and I enjoy one another's company, but I don't think this is going to be a relationship to last the ages. Just doesn't feel like it.
My thoughts on a "fuck buddy" are that if you think you can handle that emotionally, then by all means do it. As PeachyKeen said, there isn't anything wrong with taking some time off and getting your mind together. You ultimately have that choice, but know that you will also have to deal with the effects from such a relationship. Could be a good thing or bad, who's to say?
Be true to yourself Ezzie, you are a beautiful person who is caring and compassionate and deserve to have that returned to you.
My thoughts and hopes for a better life are with you Ezzie.

-kym- still humming my theme song from U2

 

[Spenser41]

Hon, you have a pm. I went thru a divorce recovery program and I also helped out in counseling later on. I have sent you some information to help. If you need someone to talk to, let me know.

 

[Guest]

 

[Ezzie]

I just wanted to thank you all for the kind words and the advice. I'm going to take that advice and take some time working on my relationship with my daughter whom I haven't been the best parent to lately. I was more worried about taking care of my soon to be ex husband's needs than hers and that's not the type of mother I want to be.

I'm going to use this time to better myself and get to know myself. Maybe then I'll try looking for Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now.

I'm also going to continue seeing my counselor and read a book or two that was recommended to me.

Thanks again, everyone.

P.S. Kym, you got me wanting to hear that song now. lol

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I just wanted to thank you all for the kind words and the advice. I'm going to take that advice and take some time working on my relationship with my daughter whom I haven't been the best parent to lately. I was more worried about taking care of my soon to be ex husband's needs than hers and that's not the type of mother I want to be.

I'm going to use this time to better myself and get to know myself. Maybe then I'll try looking for Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now.

I'm also going to continue seeing my counselor and read a book or two that was recommended to me.

Thanks again, everyone.

P.S. Kym, you got me wanting to hear that song now. lol

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I've been in several bad relationships over the last 5-6 years, and I didn't really feel good about any of it. What has finally helped is that I took a year off of the whole mess, and focused on myself and getting my life straight...and I can't remember being this happy since I was a kid!
Good luck to you, and I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Ezzie]

Thank you, Johnny. I think you're right about me having a good head on my shoulders, but, sometimes I just don't know how to use it correctly without a little push.