Life According To The Kids...

[Lost Cause]

Just a light thread to vent the stress, got any to add?


NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"


HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me
he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.


OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."


KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."


MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"


POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"


POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got
back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"


ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"


DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."


DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."


SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"


BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

 

[shyybabe]

HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

Now this made me chuckle. Been there before.


I like this quote from a 15 year old -

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

 

[Astro]

Thanks for the laughs

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

Now this made me chuckle. Been there before.


I like this quote from a 15 year old -

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

And to think I wasted all that money on a brand new washing machine! How stupid of me!

 

[Lost Cause]

They are so pure in their honesty...

Q: WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE?`
A: "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." (GIRL, AGE 9)

A: "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" (BOY, AGE 6)


Q: HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
A: "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." (GIRL, AGE 9)

A: "My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kind tall and handsome." (GIRL, AGE 8)


CONCERNING THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED
"Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (GIRL, AGE 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" (BOY, AGE 5)

Q: HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET?
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." (GIRL, AGE 9)
"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." (BOY, AGE 8)

Q: WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (BOY, AGE 10)
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." (BOY, AGE 9)

Q: WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (BOY, AGE 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (GIRL, AGE 9)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" (GIRL, AGE 9)
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (BOY, AGE 7)

*Good to see nothing's changed since I was a kid!

 

[LadyG]

Very good. Kids are funny as hell sometimes.

Thanks for the morning giggle, LC

 

[Lost Cause]

A couple more....

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On
returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy
kittens & 2 girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied, "I think
it's printed on the bottom."

Another three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed
the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the
wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't
kid me, Mom, I KNOW they're my feet."

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If
anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little
voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began
putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers
and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother
asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the
boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

Can people predict the future with cards?
My mother can.
Really?
Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will
happen when my father gets home.

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but
his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What
happened to the flea?"

A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was
reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said,
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail.
AMEN"

Where's the English Channel?
I don't know - our television doesn't pick it up.


Heeeeeeeee!