Liar Liar Pants On Fire

[doormouse]

What's the worst lie you've ever been told?

I'm going to dedicate this thread to my ex. He once won me a radio competition for having been told the worst lie. Bless his heart

One Saturday, we had organised to go out with friends for dinner. He had gone dirtbike riding with a couple of friends that morning.

It was around 8pm when he finally arrived home. By this time dinner plans and reservations had been cancelled.

His excuse? He'd run out of petrol on the freeway. Fair enough, you may think, but then he added, that he'd had to push the car to the nearest service station. Keep in mind that it was a panelvan, and he had a trailer on the back loaded with bikes, and he (so he said) was alone when he ran out of petrol.

Ah, got a free dinner and a movie out of that one.

Another time, he said some guys cut him off on the freeway. It had ended up in a chase, and they eventually cut him off causing him to stop.

Again he was alone, but this time, he'd pulled out a tyre iron and cocked it like a gun. The guys were so petrified, they got in their car and sped away.

He had a good imagination ;-)

Love to hear yours...

 

[Liar]

cliché alert:
"You're a great guy, but I'm lesbian."

On behalf of saving me some ego, it was a considerable thought, but it would had worked better if I hadn't tripped over her and some guy writhing in carnal passion on the bathroom floor an hour later.

#L

 

[Guest]

 

[ferociouskittycat]

I slept with him because I was lonely and missed you.

That was YOU???

 

[rgraham666]

"If you're honest and work hard, you'll succeed."

What a load of horseshit that is.

 

[Randi Grail]

Not really on topic, but here we go:

In third to fifth grade, there was a kid in my class named Douglas. A friend of his was late with a homework assignment, and told the teacher with a perfectly straight face that "Doug ate my homework." The teacher heard "dog" or course, and just told him to quit the joke, since it was so old it wasn't even half funny. Then Doug came up to the desk and spit out a chewed up paper. He sighed theatrically, "You really need to learn to trust people."

The teacher laughed his ass off, then put both on detention.

 

[wishfulthinking]

When I lie and say "I'm busy", it never works. If someone said that to me there would be an instant "he's not interested" message popping up in my brain.

 

[Guest]

I almost feel bad.. no ok

i dont

when asked..

"what are you doing up there in your room?"asks them.
"Why, I'm writing, ofcourse."says me

is this truely a fib.. sometimes i write on my stories.. but most often im found writing on the AH.

ive been very lazy and im feeling badly about not putting more effort into my stories.. so.. i think im going to have to redirect some energy...

edited to add: just after i pluck my eyebrows.. or.. after i take out the trash.. sumphin

 

[oggbashan]

I can't avoid these:

Saddam has WMDs that can be used in 45 minutes.

First World War:

Zimmermann telegram.

The War will be over by Christmas.

"Homes fit for heroes"

Second World War.

Hitler (after Sudentenland 1938) I have no further territorial demands - which led to Chamberlain's 'Peace in our time'

'Arbeiten Mach Frei' - Work makes Freedom - Sign at entrance to Nazi Concentration Camps.

'Co-prosperity sphere' - Japanese title for conquered SE Asian areas.

I could go on...

Og

 

[Liar]

I can't avoid these:

Saddam has WMDs that can be used in 45 minutes.

It's true. There's probably some old forgotten gas containrers in some basement somewhere After 45 minutes he'd have run out of them.

#L

 

[cloudy]

This was a truly terrible tangle of lies:

An assistant manager that worked for me wanted Memorial Day weekend off one year to go to some festival and I told him no. We had a tent sale scheduled (don't ask) which takes all available people to work, and needed all my managers there.

Come friday night of that weekend, he receives a phone call - I answered it. He takes the call, and then tells me his grandfather in Georgia is dying. I, of course, let him leave work.

He calls Sunday, and talks to the other asst. mgr., and tells her his grandfather's still hanging on, but getting worse, expected to die at any moment. She, being the kind considerate soul she is , asks him for a phone number because she knows that I will want to call and talk to him so that the store can send flowers, etc.

The idiot complies, and gives her a Florida phone number, which I promptly call back, and find, to no surprise, it's a hotel in the very town where the festival he wanted to go to is being held.

I didn't say a word to him until he got back to work on Tuesday.

 

[Guest]

 

[cloudy]

And...?

He was afraid....very afraid.

(busted him back down to part-time associate, and promoted someone else)

 

[Guest]

 

[cloudy]

You're such a cold bitch


Actually, you're too kind, I'd have fired his ass.

Oh, I appropriately terrified him first.

He actually was a good worker, but not a good manager.

 

[ferociouskittycat]

The worst lie I've EVER told was to someone I love the most.

I sent him a fake picture. Told him it was me. (Hell, I was new to the internet scene). It took me a year to confess.

He still loves me, even though I'm not the A cup bimbo in the pic, but a C cup twig LOL

Live and learn ;-)

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

"We're teaching you how to write" - High School English classes. Took me a shitload of effort to resist what they were trying to do to my natural creativity.

 

[ferociouskittycat]

*bump*

Whoops, sorry.

Kids are still waiting on those barbies that were posted a year ago...

Oh, you still have them?

enough said.

Oh, hi everyone

 

[vargas111]

What about, "Don't worry, I'll pull out!"

 

[ferociouskittycat]

What about, "Don't worry, I'll pull out!"

LOL!!

 

[Guest]

What's the worst lie you've ever been told?
.

Fox News
Fair and Balanced

 

[seasparks]

From any doctor, anywhere, anytime, "This won't hurt a bit."

 

[Lisa Denton]

Before I started working primarily from my home I had a small office and staff. I called a woman into the conference room with the intention of firing her, for missing work because her mother died, it was the third time her mother had died that year.
She looked at me with a straight face and said "how do you know that THIS time it didn't happen?"
I wrote her a reprimand for excessive absence's and a quality recognition award for creative thought.


(Congrats on the monthly toplist on your story doomouse)

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Before I started working primarily from my home I had a small office and staff. I called a woman into the conference room with the intention of firing her, for missing work because her mother died, it was the third time her mother had died that year.
She looked at me with a straight face and said "how do you know that THIS time it didn't happen?"
I wrote her a reprimand for excessive absence's and a quality recognition award for creative thought.


(Congrats on the monthly toplist on your story doomouse)

I'll work for you, you're a pushover and I'll be employee of the month.

 

[Lisa Denton]

I'll work for you, you're a pushover and I'll be employee of the month.

I'll promote you over me, hand you a spankin paddle and then call you a mean c**t. Will it be a lie?