Lewd vandal......

[michchick98]

Okay, take a break from all the drama and political threads....just for a minute.

Lewd vandal leaves greasy imprints on Neb. town

By NATE JENKINS, Associated Press Writer Nate Jenkins, Associated Press Writer – 6 mins ago

VALENTINE, Neb. – Boy, how people here wish their busiest vandal would find another way to make his mark. Beginning more than a year ago, some man has been skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects.

"This is the weirdest case I've ever seen," said police Chief Ben McBride.

Some residents of Valentine, a town of about 2,650 people, find some humor in the strange vandalism and have taken to calling the perpetrator the "Butt Bandit." But they also can't help but cringe when finding his marks.

"We were completely grossed out," said Kalli Kieborz, who works in a downtown building. "One day I walked into the office and an employee said, 'Oh, my God, we've been struck!'"

The police chief is far from amused.

"It's not funny," McBride said. "We're worried about the next step."

It started in spring 2007, when the window of a Methodist church was greased with an imprint. McBride figured it was a high school prank. But the church kept getting hit, even after police staked it out.

The bandit struck business after business, window after window last summer.

Then he — and maybe, McBride said, copycat vandals — stopped over the fall and winter.

"People said he was done," McBride said. "Then he started back up this summer."

During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted.

McBride said no one has reported seeing the vandal in action. The only clue is a blurry picture of him caught by a surveillance camera at the middle school last year.

The man was 6-feet-tall or slightly taller, and slender. He had a dark complexion, and McBride said the man's dark hair was styled in a "1980s, feathered look."

Valentine, in remote north-central Nebraska, promotes itself as "The Heart City." Downtown sidewalks are painted with hearts, and locals encourage people from around the country to send their Valentine's Day cards to the local post office so they can be mailed out with the word "Valentine" stamped on them.

"This is not normal behavior for Valentine," Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said. "It's not funny or something people want to be exposed to."

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/story//ap/odd_crude_dude

 

[voluptuary_manque]

http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii177/1volupturary_manque/lol.gifhttp://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii177/1volupturary_manque/lol.gifhttp://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii177/1volupturary_manque/lol.gifhttp://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii177/1volupturary_manque/lol.gif

 

[Just-Legal]

I just... yeah.

 

[Corylea]

Thanks for the laugh! "The Butt Bandit" is such a great title that I'm tempted to emulate him.

 

[Boxlicker101]

That was pretty funny. I wonder why they didn't print any pictures of the imprints.

 

[michchick98]

Thanks for the laugh! "The Butt Bandit" is such a great title that I'm tempted to emulate him.

Could make for an interesting story, huh?

But what category to put it in?

Anal ('nuff said)
Exhibitionism/Voyeurism (Look at me! Okay, well, look at my butt!)
Fetish (he likes the way the glass feels on his bum!)
Non-Human (okay, that would be a stretch)
Toys & Masturbation (well, the article did say victims had to wipe petroleum jelly off the glass)
Romance (it does take place in Valentine, Nebraska!)
Erotic Horror (it may be for some!)
Humor & Satire (well it is funny, isn't it?)
How-To ("the proper way to leave your mark on the world!")
Mind Control (You will wash your hands after using the restroom!)
Sci-Fi & Fantasy (maybe the imprints look like aliens?)
Text with Audio ("What was that noise?" "It's the butt bandit!" *SMACK* "Eww! He's got a hairy ass! RUN!")
Illustrated ("I see, ma'am. Does this look like the man you described?" *holds up sketch* "Oh no, officer, his ass was much bigger and way more hairy than that!")
Letters & Transcripts ("Dear ________, I've decided that since you've compared my looks to a dog's ass, I will leave an imprint for you all over town, for you to enjoy forever. Sincerely, your devoted Butt Bandit!)

Plenty of categories to choose from!

 

[Katyusha]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The Mad Gasser of Matoon

While not exactly related, the story reminds me of a case that has long warmed the hearts of us Mad Scientists everywhere: The Mad Gasser of Mattoon. Some unknown assailant (or perhaps mass hysteria), who was going around spraying a paralyzing gas into the bedroom windows of the citizens of Mattoon, IL in the autumn of 1944:
-------------

On September 2, 1944, as the Second World War was in progress in Europe and the Pacific, some strange happenings were reported in the small town of Mattoon, Illinois. The front page of the town's newspaper described a mysterious attack by an "Anesthetic Prowler" the previous evening. A young housewife named Aline Kearney had been laying in bed reading the newspaper when she noticed a strong, sweet odor seeping into the room. The smell made her and her three-year-old daughter feel ill, but when Aline tried to get out of bed, she found that she couldn't move her legs.

Aline's sister was staying at the house, and upon learning of the strange odor and its ill effects, she dashed to a neighbor's house to have them contact the police. When the police investigated they found nothing out of the ordinary, but when Aline's husband arrived at home at 12:30am from his job as a cab-driver, he discovered a prowler outside the bedroom window. He gave chase, yet the unknown lurker escaped. When the police were summoned back, they again found nothing. Real or imaginary, the dark figure would soon come to be known as the Mad Gasser of Mattoon, and this ambiguous individual would be blamed for dozens of such attacks in the following weeks.

Such is how the story was told in the Daily Journal-Gazette the following day, under the headline "'Anesthetic Prowler' on Loose." The subheading ominously declared, "Mrs. Kearney and Daughter First Victims." In using the term "first," it seems that either the Gazette reporters had an uncanny predictive ability, or they had a flair for the dramatic. In the days following the news report, three other citizens came forward claiming that they had been the victims of "gassings" before the event at the Kearney house. People spoke of lightheadedness, paralysis, upset stomach, and vomiting, accompanied by a sickly-sweet odor.

A few days later on September 5, Mrs. Carl Cordes reported finding a small wet cloth on her porch, and when she picked it up she was overcome by an odor. "It was a feeling of paralysis," she reported, "My husband had to help me into the house and soon my lips were swollen and the roof of my mouth and my throat burned. I began to spit blood and my husband called a physician. It was more than two hours before I began to feel normal again."

Other newspapers quickly picked up the story, and soon the entire country was reading about Mattoon's rumored mad gasser. For months, U.S. newspapers had been warning Americans that the Nazis might employ poison gas in attacks against civilians, so this sort of story sold a lot of newspapers to jittery citizens.

Reports of "gassings" continued, and increased daily. On September 8, the Gazette published an editorial criticizing police for not taking Aline Kearney's report seriously. Shortly thereafter, ten Illinois state police officers were assigned to the case, as well as two agents from the FBI.

Before long, police began to receive reports of several attacks each night. Many victims reported a tall figure dressed in black fleeing from their property immediately after the attacks, as well as blue vapors and buzzing sounds. The Gazette continued its coverage as people throughout the country read of the events unfolding in Mattoon. Soon, large groups of armed citizens were roaming the town at night, following any police cars that were speeding off to investigate another attack. Police officers were ordered to start arresting the chasers, and tensions mounted.

On September 13th, eight days and three dozen victims later, the reports of attacks abruptly halted. Investigators were at a complete loss for an explanation. Careful searches found no chemical evidence of harmful gasses, and all of the victims were completely free of any lingering symptoms.

The only suspect ever investigated in the attacks was a man named Farley Llewellyn. He was a student of chemistry, and he was bitter because he had been ostracized by the community as a suspected homosexual. He seemed a compelling suspect because he had the means and the motive, and most of the alleged attacks occurred near his home. But even after he was placed under constant surveillance, the reports of the attacks had continued.

To this day, it is unclear who was responsible for the attacks, if anyone. Some have postulated that pollutants from nearby factories and industrial plants may have been the cause, but each report was so localized as to cast that possibility into doubt. The official investigation ultimately dismissed the Mad Gasser as an artifact of mass hysteria fed by the newspapers, which is certainly not outside the realm of possibility. It wouldn't be the first nor the last time that human imagination and embellishment conjured a threat from nothing.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I'd bet on the last, too. Mass hysteria is a weird thing and in times of stress can really catch fire. Remember, we must, Orsen Welles . . .