Letting go

[Stormystarr]

How do you let someone go? Someone you have loved since the first time you spoke with them. Someone who you could turn to for anything, no matter how bad it was and they never judged you. Someone you think is your perfect mate in life.
As you may have guessed, I need to let someone go. I have been away for a while and when I came back he told me how many new friends he made. That did not bother me. The part that bothered me was that he became too close to one of them. He doesn't seem to want to admit it, but I can see it very clearly. I do wish him the best in life. He deserves happiness, but I am not willing to share him in any way with someone else. Does this make me selfish? It may and it may not. I only want the best for him, and if he has a chance at happiness with her, then I will let him go. But it will be very hard for me and yes, I will get depressed, we all do in this situation. He and I were always happy together and ached when we were apart. Who knows, maybe she just filled in for me and I cannot stand the thought of being replaced even if only for a short time, so that is why I have to do this. But I don't know what to do to get out of my 'rut'. I will gladly accept any ideas and suggestions.
I am just rambling here and have no one to talk to about this right now which I need so badly. So I hope you all don't mind being my sounding board.

 

[freescorfr]

How do you let someone go? Someone you have loved since the first time you spoke with them. Someone who you could turn to for anything, no matter how bad it was and they never judged you. Someone you think is your perfect mate in life.
As you may have guessed, I need to let someone go. I have been away for a while and when I came back he told me how many new friends he made. That did not bother me. The part that bothered me was that he became too close to one of them. He doesn't seem to want to admit it, but I can see it very clearly. I do wish him the best in life. He deserves happiness, but I am not willing to share him in any way with someone else. Does this make me selfish? It may and it may not. I only want the best for him, and if he has a chance at happiness with her, then I will let him go. But it will be very hard for me and yes, I will get depressed, we all do in this situation. He and I were always happy together and ached when we were apart. Who knows, maybe she just filled in for me and I cannot stand the thought of being replaced even if only for a short time, so that is why I have to do this. But I don't know what to do to get out of my 'rut'. I will gladly accept any ideas and suggestions.
I am just rambling here and have no one to talk to about this right now which I need so badly. So I hope you all don't mind being my sounding board.

Big probs, stormystarr, and they're all in this huge feeling of abandonment which wells up in you when you think he's with someone else. Sounds big.
That's, in my view, what you have to work on. The hurt you feel at being excluded is banging around inside you. Can you find words for that feeling ?

 

[Stormystarr]

Jealousy, plain and simple. But I am not one to show that side of myself too much because I don't like it and want so badly to get rid of it.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Get some hobbies.... cry when you need to.... limit chocolate to one bar per-day...... cry when you need too..... time is only what can heal...... many have been broken in love and come out the other end just fine...... like I said, let it all hang out when you need too. hugs

 

[Stormystarr]

I noticed you didn't say how big the chocolate bar could be

thanks

 

[Guest]

First off, do not punish yourself for feelings. Allow yourself to feel as you do.
I've found writing down these feelings helps balance needed introspection and venting. Be good to yourself. And allow yourself to grieve. Change is loss and loss hurts.

 

[shyybabe]

Screaming is good. Crying is non-stop. The pain seems to be overwhelming. Running helps exhaust you and burn off the calories from the chocolate.

Having a friend to vent with is important also. Nights are the worst. The aloneness can take ahold of you then. Read that book you've been putting off. Go out with friends. And if you write its always good to start a new story.

Good luck Stormystarr.

 

[Flower Petals]

"If you love them, let them go. If they come back, they are yours forever. if they don't, they were never yours to begin with"


The quote may not be exact, but the feelings behind it are more or less true.

I know the words don't help now, but maybe looking back some day, you will see the wisdom in them. Life doesn't always go as we want, and likely never will when we really want it to. But, there is always tomorrow. The world is full of tomorrows. Good luck, and I hope the hurting dims soon.

 

[LukkyKnight]

With all due respect to T.H.Oughts, fuck the chocolate quota concept and the horse it rode in on.

On a more serious note, stop thinking of selfish interests as negative. Greed at another's expense is unwholesome. Admitting you do not want to turn what sounds like it's been a couple into a threesome, while not the only way to run the world, is a perfectly acceptable frame of mind.

For what's left, I think most of the advice here had merit. Communicate about it, bring the chapter to an end, and see what awaits. Be willing to take care of yourself, be strong, go forward and savor life.

 

[Laurel]

I like to hit things. I have a punching bag outside that I used to practice kicks on during my short kung fu stint. Now, whenever I'm really emotionally overwrought or sad or angry, I put on gloves and shoes and beat the shit out of the bag. I don't remember any of the choy li fut forms or techniques I was supposed to have learned, but I can punch and I can do a couple different kicks and that's all I need. It's tremendously cathartic.

 

[AusTess]

Letting go simply aint enough.





Personally,i prefer to blow them away with a gun of some description.
Make that break a little more shall we say,final?

 

[tswyk]

Who knows, maybe she just filled in for me and I cannot stand the thought of being replaced even if only for a short time, so that is why I have to do this.

Maybe you don't have all the facts yet. Maybe it's too soon. Maybe your partner doesn't even know for sure what's going on.

I don't know exactly what the situation is....but do you - really?

Don't rush into anything. Don't make sudden decisions that may be hard to reverse. If your relationship was great before, it may still be. We all go through those peaks and valleys...and, unfortunately, not always together with our chosen partners. But that's what makes our lives interesting, that's what makes our relationships grow stronger - or not.

Take a deep breath. Take some time.

Give yourself a break. Lean on friends.

Either way - you'll come out on the other side - smarter, braver, and with a better sense of yourself and what's important to you.

 

[LukkyKnight]

two sides to everything

Take a deep breath. Take some time.

Give yourself a break. Lean on friends.

Well said...





Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a
great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to
the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of
life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth. But
one creature said at last, "I trust that the current knows where it is
going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I
shall die of boredom."

The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and that
current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the
rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"

But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go,
and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.
Yet, in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current
lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.

And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried,
"See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the
Messiah, come to save us all!" And the one carried in the current
said, "I am no more Messiah than you. The river delight to lift us
free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this
adventure.

But they cried the more, "Saviour!" all the while clinging to
the rocks, making legends of a Saviour.

 

[Mensa]

Close but no cigar.

"If you love them, let them go. If they come back, they are yours forever. if they don't, they were never yours to begin with"

That's not the way I heard it. It goes:

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's your's. If it doesn't come back to you, hunt it down and kill it!!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: Close but no cigar.

That's not the way I heard it. It goes:

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's your's. If it doesn't come back to you, hunt it down and kill it!!

i'm going mensa hunting

 

[Aphrodisiac]

Sstarr,

I know what you are going through, I had a special someone who meant the world to me and while we cared for one another and loved one another we were not meant to be together. It simply was not possible for us to be together.
We did say good bye and when this happen I would cry myself to sleep @ night, I wanted to be alone most of the times , and I was hurting inside. It took me some time to get over him -- but time will heal your loss.

Just take your time --- I still love him and have a special place in my heart for him. Today when I remember him -- I simply smile & recall our happy times. Even though he is gone , he came into my life for a reason.

Allow yourself to feel , there is nothing wrong with crying... etc.
But I do know time will heal... it did for me.

I wish you lots of luck'

 

[Flower Petals]

Re: Close but no cigar.

That's not the way I heard it. It goes:

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's your's. If it doesn't come back to you, hunt it down and kill it!!

Can we try that with my ex?

 

[Stormystarr]

Thank you all so much for your words of support and suggestions of things for me to do. I am feeling a little better but I know it will be a long road to follow. So I am on my way.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

With all due respect to T.H.Oughts, fuck the chocolate quota concept and the horse it rode in on.

Fair enough Lukky but you know us women.... we eat too much chocolate and put on the pounds... depressing. We eat too much chocolate and get pimples...depressing.....