Letters

[Nora]

Dear Maid,

Yes...and hurry on. My corners have cobwebs and my <ahem> Drainhole could be scoured.

Get moving before I let the roof leak.

Waiting in Anticipation
House

Dear House,

Pfft. Fine. Be that way. but I'm NOT wearing the costume again!

-N.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Dear Poppy,

Where have you gone?

No one pets me anymore. I miss your loving.

What's her name just gave me your msg.

That bitch just got my food for me today!

I think She is sad. She's been muttering about finding a new gig in a new town. A new life for the two of us. I don't really care...as long as I can still get my kibble there.

I think she misses you. She stands by the window a lot these days, just looking out.

I miss you. She never pets me anymore.

Come with us, we'll find a new place to call home.

Missing your lovin,
Bella

 

[Smiley777]

Dear roomates,

You are not allowed to help me with fix-it projects ever again. All you do is slow me down, not to mention nearly causing my death.

You are great people and I do appreciate your friendship and helpfullness however, I would live to be alive a lot longer.

Thank you,

Your nearly electrocuted buddy

 

[Guest]

To the owner of that house alarm that goes off at 3 in the morning and isn't shut off. I'm going to find who you are.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Messenger Friends,

Wherefore hast thou forsaken me?

Shakespearing it,

Eumie-bard

 

[amelia]

Dear Messenger Friends,

Wherefore hast thou forsaken me?

Shakespearing it,

Eumie-bard

Dear Friend and Knower of all things Iliadic:

I have a test tomorrow. Why do the characters have so many nicknames? (yeah..i know that thing about making sure the poem flows well..blah, blah..it makes it hard for a student to remember who everyone is!)

With Love,
Didoesque

 

[Marxist]

to my idee fixe,

my greetings are full of sunshine and dandelions
when i know it is you.

yours truly,
poundcake

Re: Idee Fixe

Dear Poundcake SaffronButter,

I think you have too many nicknames. Can't I just call you mine?

Love,
Marx "not bitter at the moment" Ist

 

[honeylick]

dear marx,

just call me.

love,
me

 

[lobito]

Dear Bella,

Poppy is missing out on a good thing.

Twistingly Yours,
Jamie Oliver

 

[islandman]

Dearest Slick,

I hate arguing with you. Actually, I don't mind the arguing part if only we did it in person. It would be so much easier to just grab you, pin you down by your arms and kiss you till all the angst melted away. Promise me we'll argue like this.

And the make-up sex. We shouldn’t argue if we’re not in a position to reap its benefits. I suggest next time we meet we have make-up sex to make up for all the past arguments, and for all of those on the horizon.


P.S. - regards to Bella. I miss her very much.



Sincerely,

King Dumbass

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

King Dumbass,

I am going to remind you of this next time you are burning my pans. You should have just kissed me in the middle of the kitchen.

Come over next weekend, we'll have make-up sex in the Freaky's bathroom during their garage sale.

Bella is currently napping. Again. But I know she misses you.

Always,

Slick

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Ruffles,

I miss you entirely too much. I hope you are surviving and that your sanity is too. I'm always missing you by a few hours. Take care of yourself.

Love,
Eumenides Pants

 

[lobito]

Dear Bumpkin,

What a hell of a day, I can't imagine what yours was like, but mine sucked. NO one to talk to, to make me laugh.

Sad,
MM

 

[honeylick]

to: you
from: me

re: state of mind

anticipation has reached epic proportions. i think i have developed a slight twitch in my right eye.

 

[Smiley777]

My love,

I hope you can escape the ice and snow. Please drive carefully, but return to me as soon as you can. My heart is in pain while you are gone.

Thinking of you,
The lucky guy you chose

 

[WaxNWane]

Dearest Eumie,

Excellent av. Schwell movie, too.

Sincerely,
Snoop Vizzle Televizzle

 

[Eumenides]

Dearest Eumie,

Excellent av. Schwell movie, too.

Sincerely,
Snoop Vizzle Televizzle

Dear Mr. Televizzle,

I concur. This is the one movie in the history of moviemaking that could make me want to be a prostitute...um...courtesan.

I like yours, too. Who is that?

Schwellin' it up,
Eumie Van Doomie

 

[WaxNWane]

Mz. Doomie Brothers,

Why, thank you for asking. It's your hero & mine, former & once again lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket, Glen Phillips. The sanest man in America.

Wetting the toad sprocket,
WizzleNWaxxle

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Wizz,

Could you Waxxle my Wizzle for me? It's in dire need. Thank you.

Wubbling along,

Eumie

 

[WaxNWane]

Dear You-me,

I'm torn between whether that's a come-on or a Doctor Seuss line, or both. Would you, could you, with a goat? (eww)

Wubbling, but not falling down,
The hat in the cat

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Hat,

If Doctor Seuss is coming on to you, then you should be worried. Those whos are scary people. Lemme tell ya!

Scared for you,
You-me

 

[islandman]

Dearest Slick,

You want to get freaky at the Freaky's?


Sincerely,

King Dumbass

 

[freakygirl]

Dear Slick and King Dumbass

The bathroom floor is mopped and ready. I have installed new video cameras.. er.. I mean.. mood lighting in the there. I hope it is to your satisfaction.

Please be aware that we only have one bathroom so you will have to make it quick. You never know when someone is going to need to use it.

Sincerely,

Freakygurl


P.S. Please leave the soaps and towels. I stole those from real classy hotels and have grown fond of them.

 

[islandman]

Ms. Freaky,

Please make sure to install handrails for, uh, um, in case there's an earthquake and we need something to hold onto.

And a chocolate mint or two left just so on the toilet would be appreciated.

Finally, As you have only one bathroom, I have happy to bring a plastic jug for you and your other guests to use as Ms. Slick and I may be awhile.

Thanking you in advance,

Mr. Not-quite-the-dumbass-I-was-yesterday dumbass

 

[lobito]

Dear Slick & Dumbass,

If Freaky's bathroom is unavailable for any reason, please know that my private jet will be available for this joyous occasion, and any others you may need it for.

There are plenty of handrails, bathrooms, Queen size beds and choco mints for the two of you. Don't forget the well stocked bar, and all free of charge.


Feel free to reserve the plane at anytime.

At you service,
Lo

P.S. - I've just hired Jamie Oliver as my executive chef, and he will be on the plane when it arrives.

PUKKA!