Letters

[Guest]

Nevermind. Might as well be writing to my third toenail from the left.

 

[honeylick]

to my idee fixe,

my greetings are full of sunshine and dandelions
when i know it is you.

yours truly,
poundcake

 

[amelia]

Dearest Amoxicillan:

I love you! I truly do. You brighten my day. No one makes me feel as good as you do.

Love,
Amelia

ps: my love affair with the nasal spray means nothing..i promise. and just forget the carmex and cough drops, they also mean nothing to me.

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Young woman who made eyes at me this morning,

Try showering and brushing your teeth before flirting with someone. It really does make a difference.

I wouldn't of touched you with the proverbial "ten foot pole".

Sincerely,
Mr. Hygiene

 

[amelia]

Dearest Young woman who made eyes at me this morning,

Try showering and brushing your teeth before flirting with someone. It really does make a difference.

I wouldn't of touched you with the proverbial "ten foot pole".

Sincerely,
Mr. Hygiene

Dear Mr. Hygiene:

did it happen to be christina agu..well..i can't spell her name..but you know who i mean? she's rich ya know. that might make it worth your time.

Sincerely,
the gold digger

 

[lobito]

Multiple letters...

Dear M,

Although you are the love of my life, there are times I just want to say, FUCK YOU! Though I probably don't really mean it, but you never know.

Lo

*****

Dear Chococake maker,

Same goes here, what ever happened between us? It's something I've wondered for a while, and assumed many things, but I may never know as I don't have the heart to ask while we're actually talking to each other.

I realy miss the "old days", but more than that I miss not laughing with each other, as we did the last time we were "together".

Always there for you,
Lo

*****

Dear Choconipples,

Sorry about last night, I don't know what came over me.

Lo

*****

Dear J,

I'm glad I make you happy when you need to feel happy. I enjoy our time together, I really do!

Yours,
Lo

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Gold Digger,

You mean Christina Agularia? ( I really can't spell her name either )

Unfortunately no, this was not her. This was a perky little brunette number...who reminded me quite a bit of Amanda Peet. (Yummmmmm! )

If it had of been Christina...I'd of picked her up, carried her home...and thrown her ass in the shower. While she was in there, I might of even called you to share in the action, but that's dependant on how long she would have showered for.

It's not nice to keep a guest waiting while you're on the phone, yanno.

Sincerely,
Ed

 

[Raina]

Dear Boss,

I'm sure you're completely aware that you are paying me $12,000 a year less than the norm for my job. Get with the program already and give me a fucking raise!

Seriously searching for another job,
Raina

 

[Vilac]

Dear Valued Employee,

Please come see me in my office. We'll discuss some time of compensation package and a bonus program that we can find mutually benificial.



<ahem>

Regards,
"Da Boss" H.M.F.I.C.

 

[Raina]

Dear Boss,

Thank you for putting that in writing. It will make the lawsuit go much more smoothly.

Calling your wife,
Raina





ps what does H.M.F.I.C mean?

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Amelia,

There's cocoa right behind you.

DOC
SDS

 

[Vilac]

Dear Boss,

Thank you for putting that in writing. It will make the lawsuit go much more smoothly.

Calling your wife,
Raina


ps what does H.M.F.I.C mean?

Dear Future V-P,

Go ahead and sue! We're a Limited Liability Corporation. I'll just have to move to somewhere warm and tropical. lol <wink>

And...btw..."H.M.F.I.C." is what I used to put on my business cards. I had it there once for almost three years under my title before anyone came out and asked what it was for.

It stands for "Head Mother Fucker In Charge". lol There were only a handful of people who I ever gave the true meaning to. lol

Sincerely,
Your Ex-Boss.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Mailman,

Is it possible that you opened my package and peeked inside? I hope you didn't get your grubby hands on it. Just in case, I'm going to sterilize it before using it. You should be fired for peeking in people's mail.

Angrily disinfecting,
Emoodie

 

[Raina]

Dear Future V-P,

Go ahead and sue! We're a Limited Liability Corporation. I'll just have to move to somewhere warm and tropical. lol <wink>

And...btw..."H.M.F.I.C." is what I used to put on my business cards. I had it there once for almost three years under my title before anyone came out and asked what it was for.

It stands for "Head Mother Fucker In Charge". lol There were only a handful of people who I ever gave the true meaning to. lol

Sincerely,
Your Ex-Boss.

Dear Head Mother Fucker In Charge,

That's very clever.
I'm re-thinking my lawsuit. Maybe a private meeting would be more....interesting. We should get together and see what we can come up with.

With anticipation,
Raina

 

[WaxNWane]

Dear Jezebel,

You have forsaken our many years together for cheap, slutty antibiotics. I may be of no use to a sore throat, but chapped lips around the world know just what a Gileadic balm I am. There will be serious making up to be done. Testify and stuff.

Distrustfully,
The wee tub of carmex that never leaves your side.

 

[amelia]

Dear Jezebel,

You have forsaken our many years together for cheap, slutty antibiotics. I may be of no use to a sore throat, but chapped lips around the world know just what a Gileadic balm I am. There will be serious making up to be done. Testify and stuff.

Distrustfully,
The wee tub of carmex that never leaves your side.

Dear Carmex:

Please forgive me. I've not forsaken you. I'm slathering you on my lips as I type this. You're a wonder.

Loving you the most,
Amelia

 

[WaxNWane]

Dear Methuselah,

Your lips will need plenty o' slathering after the coniciliatory booty kissing you'll have to do. For yea, and low, but I am a wrathful balm.

Typically, I'll treat such trollop-ness with a good, ole fashioned tying to the railroad track (He tiiiieeed me to the railroad track) , and then (train's coming), and then (train's coming), and thennnn....along came Jones. Tall, thin Jones. Slow walkin' Jones. Along came lean, lanky Jones.

(Pardon, I was apparently channeling my 7 year old self in front of Buckskin Bill on Saturday mornings...back when I was an even wee-er tub of balm.)

Biblically yours,
C to the armizzex.

 

[amelia]

Dear Mr. Armizzex:

That made me giggle uncontrollably. And since I have giant blisters in my mouth that was not nice!

Ouch,
Amelia

 

[WaxNWane]

Dearest Zosara,

You've heard that laughter is the best medicine, no doubt. That's propaganda by the anti-Carmex lobby led by lipless people and oil companies. Carmex heals all. Give yourself to the wee tub.

Oh, and there's something I like to call the Palm of Gilead that gets introduced to the backsides of truant lasses. Warm thighs are second only to me as a healing power.

(And I hope you feel better soon.)

Daddy of the balms,
Vizzle Carmizzle

 

[Vilac]

Dear Head Mother Fucker In Charge,

That's very clever.
I'm re-thinking my lawsuit. Maybe a private meeting would be more....interesting. We should get together and see what we can come up with.

With anticipation,
Raina

Dearest Raina,

I'm so happy to hear you've reconsidered proceeding with legal action. A private meeting was just what I had in mind. Something is bound to come up.

<eg>

Professionally yours,
V~

 

[amelia]

Dearest Daddy O' the Balm:

I give myself to you and your Palm Of Gilead. To feel that healing rain falling on my face and cheeks (both sets) is pure joy to me. Heal me. Heal me, I say, and claim your place in my destiny.

The Truantest of Lasses,
A to the mizzle

PS: sorry for the dramatics..i'm re reading the iliad and stuff.

 

[lobito]

My dearest V,

I had a good time licking you, wish I could do it more, but I understand from 3 hours of doing so, you kind of hurt. Perhaps another time I will get a chance to do so.

Yours forever,
The Tongue

 

[Vilac]

My dearest V,

I had a good time licking you, wish I could do it more, but I understand from 3 hours of doing so, you kind of hurt. Perhaps another time I will get a chance to do so.

Yours forever,
The Tongue

Dearest Tongue,

You know you rub me the right way, baby. Three hours was a bit much for one sitting, although I'm sure my tolerance will quickly build until you can go for hours upon hours more.

I'll make room in my busy schedule.

Yours,
Tender V(ittles)~

 

[Nora]

Dear House,

Clean yourself. What do I look like? Your fucking maid or something?

Kiss off,

-N.

 

[Vilac]

Dear Maid,

Yes...and hurry on. My corners have cobwebs and my <ahem> Drainhole could be scoured.

Get moving before I let the roof leak.

Waiting in Anticipation
House