Let's talk rap sheets.

[freescorfr]

Laurel's is a goodie - pretty scary at that age. But I'm cracked up with Alex's
"You should know better than to come in here and steal without any money."


I've smuggled a bit, alcohol in the old days and people who had lost their passports: innocent stuff- smoked a joint with Tony Blair once - but never been caught at anything. Had a night in a Spanish prison in Franco's time, but the British consul got me out.


Had my share of adventures all the same - another thread perhaps.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

I was sent to the principal's office once for mouthing off to a teacher. They told me it would go in my Permanent Record.

 

[SexySlut2]

The only things I have been arrested for are various assaults.

 

[bluespoke]

Sheez I've lived a sheltered life!

I've been in the back of a police squad car more times than I can remember, but then my father was a cop!

Apart from that, one solitary speeding ticket.

<yawns and adjusts holier than thou attitude>

 

[alexandraaah]

Shucks, believe what you want, but as a young kid I was involved in just about every wacko left wing protest imaginable. I got busted many a time.

Every word.

I was hoping this was the case.

I was sent to the principal's office once for mouthing off to a teacher. They told me it would go in my Permanent Record.

Oh, you disappoint me. Could you really be that pure?

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

It's all in how you TELL the story ...

You'll find this amusing. I was young, early teens dating what was my first girlfriend at the time. We lost our virginity together, the whole 9 yards. Dated forever.

Still being in school, I was working at a deli making change where I could so I could afford to take her out. Luckily I still lived at home and had no real expenses.

She was working too, a couple of blocks from my job, and on the way home to her house. I was under the impression I was her life. I saw her every day, spoke on the phone for at least an hour. She would stop in on me at the job her way home every day too.

One day she doesn't show up. I get nervous, call her house and she hasn't spoken to her folks. It's almost 2 hours after she got out of work. Now supposedly you have to wait a predetermined period of time to report a missing person. But I'm smarter than that. I called the local precient, and told them that a security guard at her job was recently fired. And that he may have kidnapped her because he blamed her for being fired. He also had a crush on her and was jealous of us. I also explained to her how "close" I was with my girlfriend, I'm on the way home etcera etcera.

It turns out that she went to dinner with her boss. I later found out that the FBI was involved in looking for her. I think they backtracked her to dinner from her job, I don't remember the very ending, just that she was pissed at me.

It's all in how you tell the story.

 

[freescorfr]

I've only ever had one speeding ticket, too bluespoke. Parallel lives?

Does this count?

In my poor student days I taught maths in a Public School – that’s a private school – and desperately wanted some money for a trip to France to see my girl friend. My normal way of funding this, which my income couldn’t cover – was to do a few paintings and flog them. However, I had no canvas and no paints.

One day I went in to a class and said, “Right, lads. I’ve brought in a couple of papers today and I want you to study the horse racing form. We’ll look at this idea of probability.”

So we did and, naturally, one of the kids suggested we try it out. “No,” I said, “That wouldn’t do – we’re just looking at the principle.”

“Oh, go on, sir”, came the chorus.

“What horses would you pick?”, I invited and after much debate the class came up with three. Celtic Pride, Summer Dancer and London Express. I still remember.

We had a collection. These were rich kids and I went off to town that afternoon with £20 in my pocket. They had each wanted to put on their own individual bets but I had explained that the really big winnings were in trebling up so that they got the jackpot when all three horses won – but only if all three won.

I was so confident that at least one of the nags would not be a winner, that I went off directly to the art shop and bought my equipment for just under the £20. Very pleased with myself, I called in at the bookies to check that the horses had not been successful and to my horror saw chalked on the winners board, 1. Celtic Pride 7/1, and for the next race 1. Summer Dancer 8/1. Shit, that would have been over £1000 going on London Express at 20/1.

I quickly went to the counter and placed a £1 win bet on London Express, which duly won and I collected my £20..

Next day the kids expected a £20,000 pay. They were all very excited.

However, I told them, when I handed them back their original stake money which I’d regained on the final race, “It would have been wholly immoral of me to place that money for you at you age. You didn’t think I’d really do it for you, do you?”

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

I've only ever had one speeding ticket, too bluespoke. Parallel lives?

Does this count?

In my poor student days I taught maths in a Public School – that’s a private school – and desperately wanted some money for a trip to France to see my girl friend. My normal way of funding this, which my income couldn’t cover – was to do a few paintings and flog them. However, I had no canvas and no paints.

One day I went in to a class and said, “Right, lads. I’ve brought in a couple of papers today and I want you to study the horse racing form. We’ll look at this idea of probability.”

So we did and, naturally, one of the kids suggested we try it out. “No,” I said, “That wouldn’t do – we’re just looking at the principle.”

“Oh, go on, sir”, came the chorus.

“What horses would you pick?”, I invited and after much debate the class came up with three. Celtic Pride, Summer Dancer and London Express. I still remember.

We had a collection. These were rich kids and I went off to town that afternoon with £20 in my pocket. They had each wanted to put on their own individual bets but I had explained that the really big winnings were in trebling up so that they got the jackpot when all three horses won – but only if all three won.

I was so confident that at least one of the nags would not be a winner, that I went off directly to the art shop and bought my equipment for just under the £20. Very pleased with myself, I called in at the bookies to check that the horses had not been successful and to my horror saw chalked on the winners board, 1. Celtic Pride 7/1, and for the next race 1. Summer Dancer 8/1. Shit, that would have been over £1000 going on London Express at 20/1.

I quickly went to the counter and placed a £1 win bet on London Express, which duly won and I collected my £20..

Next day the kids expected a £20,000 pay. They were all very excited.

However, I told them, when I handed them back their original stake money which I’d regained on the final race, “It would have been wholly immoral of me to place that money for you at you age. You didn’t think I’d really do it for you, do you?”

Just think, you could have placed the bets and told the same story to them and instead of having only the art supplies you could have had the winnings too

 

[bluespoke]

I've only ever had one speeding ticket, too bluespoke. Parallel lives?

Does this count?

In my poor student days I taught maths in a Public School – that’s a private school – and desperately wanted some money for a trip to France to see my girl friend. My normal way of funding this, which my income couldn’t cover – was to do a few paintings and flog them. However, I had no canvas and no paints.

One day I went in to a class and said, “Right, lads. I’ve brought in a couple of papers today and I want you to study the horse racing form. We’ll look at this idea of probability.”

So we did and, naturally, one of the kids suggested we try it out. “No,” I said, “That wouldn’t do – we’re just looking at the principle.”

“Oh, go on, sir”, came the chorus.

“What horses would you pick?”, I invited and after much debate the class came up with three. Celtic Pride, Summer Dancer and London Express. I still remember.

We had a collection. These were rich kids and I went off to town that afternoon with £20 in my pocket. They had each wanted to put on their own individual bets but I had explained that the really big winnings were in trebling up so that they got the jackpot when all three horses won – but only if all three won.

I was so confident that at least one of the nags would not be a winner, that I went off directly to the art shop and bought my equipment for just under the £20. Very pleased with myself, I called in at the bookies to check that the horses had not been successful and to my horror saw chalked on the winners board, 1. Celtic Pride 7/1, and for the next race 1. Summer Dancer 8/1. Shit, that would have been over £1000 going on London Express at 20/1.

I quickly went to the counter and placed a £1 win bet on London Express, which duly won and I collected my £20..

Next day the kids expected a £20,000 pay. They were all very excited.

However, I told them, when I handed them back their original stake money which I’d regained on the final race, “It would have been wholly immoral of me to place that money for you at you age. You didn’t think I’d really do it for you, do you?”

LOL! Of course no self respecting bear would have done such a low cunning thing (not!).

Brilliant!

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Oh, you disappoint me. Could you really be that pure?

You asked what we'd been busted for, dear.

I was never apprehended for the drugs, the B and E, the shoplifting, the firebombing, the possession of stolen property, or the concealed weapons.

 

[Mellon Collie]

I have a few disturbing the peace and trespassing violations but I was never arrested only detained for hours on end. Cops have always been pretty nice to me.

 

[kotori]

Clean. Even after . . . ah, nevermind.

 

[bluespoke]

Clean. Even after . . . ah, nevermind.

After the sheep?

 

[seXieleXie]

hmm... i've never been arrested, but there have been some close calls. i've done massive amounts of stupid shit. nothing that merits being retold here though

 

[Ishmael]

The "Deputy"

The next stupidest was my most recent run in. This occured a little over a year ago.

I was driving down one of the busier streets here in Cent. Fl. when I was passed on the right by a sheriff's deputy. There was a slower moving car in front of him, so he cut in sharply, causing me to stand on my brakes. He didn't have his lights or siren going.

Well, I was not having a particularly good day/week/month/year and I remembered all the times that I had seen the police violating the very traffic laws that they are hired to enforce. Like doing 40 in a 20MPH school zone while another officer has a citizen pulled over for going 22. Or running red lights and stop signs. All without the use of lights or siren. (Yep, I've heard of 'silent' responces, they're bull shit. Public safety comes BEFORE any damn burglar alarm response. Or to put it another way, the endangerment of innocent citizens is not part of their assigned duties.)

Anyway, I saw red, hit the gas, passed him on the left and just as I got past him I hit the brakes and turned the wheel to the right. He slammed on his brakes and ran up on the curb. I got out of my car and assumed the 'postion' on the trunk as he got out of his cruiser with gun in hand. The guy was actually frothing at the mouth. It was funny.

I was taken to jail and charge with Attempted Motor Vehicle Homocide, Interfering with an Officer, Resisting Arrest (God only knows where they dreamed that one up at.), and various and sundry lesser offenses.

I got an atty. and a bondsman and was arrained and bailed the next day. My attorney kept chuckling and muttering things like pleaing "temporary insanity" and the like. But he did his job none the less.

He pulled the sheriff's call log for the day in question and it turns out that the deputy had called in a 10 - (what ever the fuck the number is for I'm going off duty so I can screw my girlfriend.) I was present when that was brought to the States Attorneys attention. The look on his face was priceless.

Anyway the plea worked out to be:

I plea guilty to reckless driving, and the deputy receives a verval reprimand from the court. We were both to appear on the same day.

I got up, entered my plea and was given my fine and some time at "traffic school" along with a short lecture from the Judge about 'road rage'. The Judge then unleashed a 20 min tirade on the deputy. I don't think the judge really planned that long a speech, but the deputy reacted a little beligerently at first. You could take his pulse just by watching the veins in his neck. Took the Judge about 10 minutes before the deputy dropped his head and by then the Judge was really wound up.

Me? I dropped my head immediately and chewed on my tongue to keep from laughing. My attorney was doing the same and the States Attorney was on the verge of cracking up too. None of us could look at one another.

It was stupid, and I wouldn't do it again. But damn, it was almost worth the money it cost me.

Ishmael

 

[roxie]

ok...I was just thinking that you all would get a really big laugh out of this story and so I figured I would share it with you...


One Friday morning, my mother calls me at 8am. She proceeds to tell me that my little brother (who is all of 17) has run away to marry his 15 year old girlfriend and she needs me to come home NOW. I make a 25 minute drive in like 10 minutes, I got pulled over for running a stop sign like 3 blocks from my house, and I tell the cop that if he's going to give me a ticket that he better mail it to me because I'm not waiting for him to write it, and that I have a family emergency, blah blah blah. So he gives me an escort right to my parents house, lol and even told me to have a good day! So I go inside, where my mother is in hysterics, on the phone with the high school, finding out that indeed my brother never did show up for school that day and neither did his girlfriend. So mom's on one phone, calling the police, and I'm on the other one, calling my dad at work and such. So next we get ahold of the girlfriends father (her parents were divorced and her mom was psycho we found out later-her dad was too) so he shows up at the house with an exact duplicate of the letter that my mom found, which states something to the effect that they are running away to Maine (yes Maine, he later said he was hoping we would buy it) so we think for a moment and realize that he's trying to throw us off and that they just might be heading for Tennessee or Kentucky. So mom reports the car stolen, and we pray for the best. Now you have to know this is a 83 Ford LTD station wagon (our big ass grocery getter) so we believe that it can't be that hard to spot. In the mean time, her father starts threatening to charge my brother with kidnapping, statutory (sp?) rape among other things. The police finally tell him to go home and they will call when they hear something.
Sure enough, about noon, the sheriff's department called to let us know that my brother and his girlfriend have been found, and are being held in Lima, Ohio and we need to come and get him and the car because otherwise both will be held until Monday.
So, arrangements are made, my mother rides down there with her father (who bitched the entire time)and bails them out of jail and gets the car. So about $1300 later, they are all on their way home, my brother spills his guts to mom who he knows is the only person standing between him and death when they get home and he's gotta face dad.
Turns out, they were headed for Kentucky, to get married, and had been pulled over for speeding, the cop had just let him off with a warning when the stolen car report came back. The cop not knowing the situation tells my brother to stay where he is and calls for back up, and proceeds to walk up to the car, gun drawn. At this point my brother is shitting himself because he has never even skipped school! And so now he is busted.
In filling us in on all the details, it turns out, they both had been saving their lunch money for about a month or so, and had ransacked my parents pantry for all the peanut butter they could carry along with a few loaves of bread and some eating utensils. They took their homework so they would have something to do and wouldn't get bored and she also cleaned out her stuffed animal collection so that she would have something to sleep with. This was all about 7 or 8 years ago, and we still call him "Buck" ya know for the "Buckeye State" And by the way, he was so scared to go home and face dad, he begged mom to leave him anywhere but he didn't have to be scared because the next day, dad took him out and they spent the afternoon at the arcade.

And a week later he broke up with the girlfriend, he said she was psycho too!

 

[chewbacca71]

OMG Roxie, that was a great story. I certainly think that your brother will be more exacting when picking out a girlfriend in the future.

 

[Private Vasquez]

*I was thinkin' this thread was about rap music...silly me!*

When I was 14 thru 16, I suffered from kleptomania...I would steal from convenience stores to department stores. When I finally got caught (Damn department store security!), I stopped. Haven't stolen a thing since.

Two years ago, I got arrested for beating the living daylights out of my then roommate. Whoops! She took, and pawned something that was VERY important to me and irreplaceable so she could buy a new pair of high-fashion boots. I never did like her, she was damn rude...and she didn't press charges, so I didn't get a big owie on my record.

FREE WINONA!

 

[alexandraaah]

*I was thinkin' this thread was about rap music...silly me!*

You mean it's not? Hmmm...what to do with all these lyrics?

Nice story. Glad you don't steal anymore, isn't it lame?

Free Winona? Hmmm....even if she's innocent I could probably do without her for a while; she needs to be punished after "Girl Interrupted."

Ishmael-what other crimes you got hiding in your history folder?

 

[alexandraaah]

A badumpump bump for all the recently paroled newbies.

Post yer crime here.

Post it or I'll call your P.O.

 

[perks]

underage drinking
drag racing
lewd conduct

 

[miles]

When I was 13

....my felonious best friend and I, Three Fingers Horowitz, went on a city-wide crime spree.

First we had lunch at the Krystal (southern burger belly bombers) and ran out without paying. Then we swiped a shitload of firecrackers and cherry bombs from a convenience store and proceeded to blow up the spillway to a small lake near my house. Drained it dry. Then we almost got caught liberating a Playboy magazine from the drugstore. The cops came and everything, but we ran into the woods. To top off our day we kind of borrowed this guy's motor scooter, drove it in the rain, and almost got killed 39 times. Then T.F. revved it up, jumped off, and we watched it bounce down the side of a steep hill.

That's how I got to be the man I am today. My friend is an optometrist and has 12 offices. Bastard.

 

[Shaq]

I've never gotten in any law trouble....cops rarely even talk to me....I duck low and hit the corners when I see one....but I'm an angel anyway...just overly paranoid...

 

[alexandraaah]

Re: When I was 13

....my felonious best friend and I, Three Fingers Horowitz, went on a city-wide crime spree.

First we had lunch at the Krystal (southern burger belly bombers) and ran out without paying. Then we swiped a shitload of firecrackers and cherry bombs from a convenience store and proceeded to blow up the spillway to a small lake near my house. Drained it dry. Then we almost got caught liberating a Playboy magazine from the drugstore. The cops came and everything, but we ran into the woods. To top off our day we kind of borrowed this guy's motor scooter, drove it in the rain, and almost got killed 39 times. Then T.F. revved it up, jumped off, and we watched it bounce down the side of a steep hill.

That's how I got to be the man I am today. My friend is an optometrist and has 12 offices. Bastard.

In all your pain, you haven't lost your humor.

Fucking hilarious, miles.

 

[Olivianna]

I was arrested in Georgia for possession of marijuana (a paltry amount at that) when I was 19. It was a dumb situation in a dumb town - I was just passing through on 95 en route to FL. Anyway, the prospect of facing a night of jail was daunting, so I zapped my savings from the ATM and paid up the bail. I managed to keep all of this information from my parents, until just before my court date. I had to hire a lawyer, which entailed dishing out about $600 bucks, money I didn't have. My parents were surprisingly understanding about it, but pissed nonetheless. I had to drive 5 hours once again to that godforsaken town to deal with the court proceeding. It ended up that I ended up paying a lump sum (pleaded no contest) and voila - no record!

I was also, unfortunately, in a swat team raid in that same year. It was at a small warehouse full of kids, drugs, and loud techno music. They brought on the full forces - a team of 30-40 swat dudes - and frisked carefully every single person in the warehouse. Fortunately, I didn't have anything on me, except for lithocarving tools which warranted a raised eyebrow from my frisker, and the LSD I had ingested the hour before ended up being bunk.

Oh, also - I was once busted for snorting cocaine in a club, but I just acted like it hadn't happened and sort of just walked away. Everyone had shit going up there noses.