Let's talk about PM's

[AKentuckyLady]

Having been on Lit for only a few weeks and only recently started posting on the boards, I'm interested to see some opinions on PM's.

I get about 5 of them a day during the week, maybe 10 to 15 on the weekends. I find myself deleting about 95% of them for one reason or another without an answer.

The reasons vary. Some are crude and simply not worth my time; others start off polite and respectful, and then degrade quickly into either a request to send them a story I've written (and posted about in Author's Hangout) or they want to give me ideas for stories they'd like to see (thank you, I can find my own inspiration); others are so completely illiterate that I can barely understand them, much less want to respond.

Other PM's are nothing more than a person's stats and request to chat/text/phone; those I also ignore. Or I get one word - "Hi". It's like brushing past someone in a crowded store. Unimaginative, boring, and doesn't leave an impression at all.

The ones that I do tend to respond to have to somehow be unique, pique my interest, be flirty without being over-the-top. I imagine it's like being hit on at a bar - if the guy is sincere, friendly, and can speak without being cheesy and make my eyes roll, I'm intrigued.

So I'm interested to know - what makes you respond to a PM? Is it looking at the profile of the sender? Is it responding to a compliment? Do you believe every PM deserves an answer, if nothing more than to be polite?

I'd love to hear from both genders here, although I realize that most of the guys here don't get many PM's. Guys, do you send out a bunch at a time, hoping that at least one will respond? Or do you always get a response?

 

[ExiledWelshman]

Ha, I need to get a PM before I can reply to one.

They're rarer than rocking horse shit for me!

 

[writerperson]

I've been on and off Lit for years. My take is that there are far more men than women actively posting on the forums - but the vast majority of these men aren't interested in the subject matter at all, they're just here because they are currently, at the time of posting, masturbating or getting ready to. They know there are women here who talk frankly about sex and they equate that to being horny. They want a quick fix to help them get off and they figure they can find them here. The effort they put in varies but the intention is the same.

The balance between those identifying as men and those as women is actually pretty even if you discount the horde of zero-effort men. As a man, making friends with women on here is really easy (shockingly) if you treat them as human beings. There are plenty of perfectly nice men here (well, some, at least) but they tend not to send unsolicited messages to women out of the blue, since they figure they're just adding to an unwelcome flood. Unfortunately to meet these people you pretty much have to invest time in using the forums and bumping into them naturally. Annoying, really, since people generally only come here when sex is on the mind and we're all busy, yknow, so it takes ages.

I get PMs quite regularly (or did when I was more active) and it's just down to being friendly and approachable, like in real life. It's just that the dynamics are different on forums, which throws a lot of people off and creates weirdness.

Whoops, that turned into a ramble. Sorry! It's half midnight here and I'm procrastinating. Basically, men are terrible and Lit is no different, sorry.

 

[SafeTea00]

I think this is a problem far more common for women than men on here. Guys can be creeps and overly aggressive persuing women, especially on the internet.

 

[ForeverDreaming]

What makes me answer them? When someone either has something creative to say and you can tell that they thought with the head on their shoulders and not the one in their pants. I do look at profiles for some kind of info and I will often look back on posts.
I got one today just to tell me they were like me and wished they had more sex. Um. Doesn't everyone on Lit want more sex??? I try to be polite if you can tell effort went into something. But those types or the "hi" types, I don't bother with. Make yourself stand out a little. There are many more men then women, so you have to find a way to stand out.
When I see guys throwing themselves at any woman who posts, or possibly breathes, my first thought is "pathetic"
Interact a little. Be social.

 

[Starscream_UK]

I ended up having a crazy lady stalking me in here via pm's so I had to turn them off until I was sure she had gone away . However, previously they were predominantly about writing so I replied to them as I'd invited them in the first place...

 

[Sweetcurvyred]

I used to respond to everyone. I felt that if they had taken the time to write, the least I could do was give a response. Even if that response was "wow, do you realize how crude you just were?" or "it would appear we're looking for dofferent things. Best of luck."

Now I don't. If there is something written to me that I find myself wanting to respond to, then I do. Hard to put my finger on it. One of my favourite people wrote me saying "sweet curvy red: 3 of my favourite things". It was slightly cheesy, but I took it as tongue in cheek and took a chance. It was a good chance to take. Others have put real effort into their pm, and I can tell it's actually directed at me. With those I spend some time replying thoughtfully.

But in the end I'm looking for something that strikes a spark. Hard to define what that is.

 

[UhlBWett]

I think for many it is the same old thing.........

For me. It depends. I don't like to use single line PMs or responses. For me it's the written interaction that I desire. I try to be respectful, honest and creative in all my PM's but admittedly sometimes after a long day, I am not as witty or as creative as I would like to be. There are also some unwritten PM ground rules. They are:

1.) Don't be a Dick.

2.) If they don't reply they probably aren't interested and anything else you say will only make you look like a Bigger Dick. A desirable quality in some circles, but not in this context.

3.) Read a person's profile before you PM. Many clearly state "NO PM's", respect and honor their request.

This isn't rocket science. It should be approached much like a phone call with the same manners and courtesies. If a lady wants to chat she is welcome to "call" me sometime. I have many things to offer and share.

UBW

 

[TheSweetGuy]

the spark

I understand what sweetcurvyred said about a spark nothing beats having something that makes you interested from the second you see it,

I had some conspiracy theorist message me right after the attack on France some weird message but I feel that for PM's there needs to be something more than hi, or how you doing unless it's specific for something like you liked their post and just wanted them to know

I always try to reply myself

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Love all the replies - keep it going

An unintended consequence of this thread was that I have been overwhelmed with PM's, and some of them were actually worth reading. And of course, some were not.

But I like the way the conversation is going, and hopefully it will change the way we all interact with each other. I like Sweetcurvyred's idea that it's striking the spark to see if it turns into a flame. Very apt

 

[TheSweetGuy]

Love all the replies - keep it going

An unintended consequence of this thread was that I have been overwhelmed with PM's, and some of them were actually worth reading. And of course, some were not.

But I like the way the conversation is going, and hopefully it will change the way we all interact with each other. I like Sweetcurvyred's idea that it's striking the spark to see if it turns into a flame. Very apt

Well I hope you don't get too swamped XD

It is a very solid idea to feel that the first message should bring some kind of feeling for her I ccan totally understand that

 

[RiverKnight]

Great question....it depends upon if I invited them or not.... If they are articulate and are logical


Most times, my gut reaction tells me more than anything else

 

[coffeelady]

Respectful, literate with a bit of thought in it, and not asking me to help get them off. Fortunately I don't get many of that last kind though; being logged on in invisible mode weeds out most of those types.

 

[tedsbeds]

Respectful, literate with a bit of thought in it, and not asking me to help get them off. Fortunately I don't get many of that last kind though; being logged on in invisible mode weeds out most of those types.

As a guy, my mother brought me up to be polite. I answer all my pm, though as a guy they rarely fill my inbox. As a female I suppose that your box can overflow, especially if you put a seductive pic in your avatar. We have exchanged a short on briefly and try to entertain and inform for this is all supposed to be fun. Right?

 

[DarkrSide]

Having been on Lit for only a few weeks and only recently started posting on the boards, I'm interested to see some opinions on PM's.

I get about 5 of them a day during the week, maybe 10 to 15 on the weekends. I find myself deleting about 95% of them for one reason or another without an answer.

The reasons vary. Some are crude and simply not worth my time; others start off polite and respectful, and then degrade quickly into either a request to send them a story I've written (and posted about in Author's Hangout) or they want to give me ideas for stories they'd like to see (thank you, I can find my own inspiration); others are so completely illiterate that I can barely understand them, much less want to respond.

Other PM's are nothing more than a person's stats and request to chat/text/phone; those I also ignore. Or I get one word - "Hi". It's like brushing past someone in a crowded store. Unimaginative, boring, and doesn't leave an impression at all.

The ones that I do tend to respond to have to somehow be unique, pique my interest, be flirty without being over-the-top. I imagine it's like being hit on at a bar - if the guy is sincere, friendly, and can speak without being cheesy and make my eyes roll, I'm intrigued.

So I'm interested to know - what makes you respond to a PM? Is it looking at the profile of the sender? Is it responding to a compliment? Do you believe every PM deserves an answer, if nothing more than to be polite?

I'd love to hear from both genders here, although I realize that most of the guys here don't get many PM's. Guys, do you send out a bunch at a time, hoping that at least one will respond? Or do you always get a response?

I respond to every PM I receive. Just out of courtesy. Even if it's from a guy. And I'm completely straight. Very few people are like that though. Unfortunately.

 

[WillDarcy]

The hardest piece of writing a PM is putting yourself into it. A lot of people say know what you want and I can do that but I also come to lit to learn about sex. So it's also easy for me to say what do you like and go that way. Because in the end a good co writer is worth more that having a favorite fantasy repeated.

So I try to offer some of myself and ask questions to get a dialog going.

So as guy who mostly prefers private messages I respond to the ones Ivey (while excepting the ones that clearly haven't bothered to read the profile and are just hoping that Will Darcy is really Darcy will.

 

[Penuche]

Ha, I need to get a PM before I can reply to one.

They're rarer than rocking horse shit for me!

Maybe have a look at some of the threads where you can request a PM, or where it's okay to send a PM to somebody on the thread? "make my next PM [add smiley of your choice]" http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1243056 springs to mind, but there are others, like this one
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1131347&page=19http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=820063


As for the OP, I recommend two threads in (I think) the playground section:
"I was happy to answer your PM because..."
and "I didn't answer your PM because..."

One thing which seems to keep the PMs down is using invisible mode; horny-right-now-and-you're-cheaper-than-a-sexline knobheads want an immediate response and aren't likely to take a chance on a reply which might arrive by the next day.

BTW I'm not saying that every PM is unwelcome, it's just that I appreciate people who realise that time is limited, and that no litser is at the beck and call of every person who can PM them.

 

[shy_girl0119]

Hey gutsy

 

[rainbowdash30]

I love those ones that are clearly someone copying the same message and directing it toward every single vaguely-female username. Only marginally better are the ones where someone tries to shoehorn me into a pre-made scenario they've already written.

 

[Ins_spacetime87]

I love those ones that are clearly someone copying the same message and directing it toward every single vaguely-female username. Only marginally better are the ones where someone tries to shoehorn me into a pre-made scenario they've already written.

I will admit I have played the same scenario several times...but if your counterplayer is as much into it as you are, the same scenario can branch in so many directions...

it still can be fun!

Love,

-st

 

[tnman03]

I'm rather certain my overall PM sent and received numbers are on the lower end of the scale. I'll occasionally send a casual greeting or inquiry PM or comment on a picture or post. Mostly its either encouragement or if its a female lister I've grown to know a bit mild flirtation.There are a few listers I'll occasionally converse with about one another's lives without becoming to personal or inquisitive.

If I have established a bit of rapport with an individual I'll be a participative respondent if they initiate a conversation. But if someone I've never conversed with comes out of no where with personal questions or wanting role-plays I'm stand offish. Basically for me it comes down to patience, making no demands and not being pestiferous.

 

[nevergetenough]

Deleted

 

[malefica]

It is no different on sites such as Fetlife or Collarspace. Sure, you do find people who are worthwhile conversational partners, but you have to block and delete a lot of chaff before you get to the wheat. On Fetlife for example, I have a note near the top of my profile stating very specifically that I do not accept friend requests without prior conversation or meeting unless they are a photographer or trader. It is very succinct, and very clearly written. Yet I *still* have people sending me friend requests otherwise without fitting into any of those categories. It happens. Reject/block, and carry on.

 

[Sweetcurvyred]

I love those ones that are clearly someone copying the same message and directing it toward every single vaguely-female username. Only marginally better are the ones where someone tries to shoehorn me into a pre-made scenario they've already written.

Right??? And the ones who commit the former act, and try to sound oh so shocked that you could POSSIBLY think they would do such a thing! "My pm is totally original and just for you!"

I had someone send me the identical pm 3 times in 1 hour last night.

Come. On.

 

[Sweetcurvyred]

I will admit I have played the same scenario several times...but if your counterplayer is as much into it as you are, the same scenario can branch in so many directions...

it still can be fun!

Love,

-st

Same scenario is one thing. Being confronted in pm by a rape scenario that has you locked in as the victim? As you very first encounter with a person?

How is THAT fun?