Let me have it!

[drsalt]

I have 4 stories posted now. I'm open to your comments, please. Oh, and please vote when you're finished reading.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=58815
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=58814
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=57889
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=57893

 

[ladyphoenix]

spanking stories...

I read the first story, and while I think you have good basic technique, I was really distracted by the point-by-point descriptions of what was going on; it was more documentary than erotic story. The jumps in time, and changes in verb tenses were awkward.
I don't know why you put anything in about Lena; it's just detail we don't need.
I like the basics...but I would prefer more artistic description than play-by-play. Overall, pretty good.

 

[peachykeen]

OK I read "The Strap". My honest reaction is good, a little hot, but not great. There is nothing glaringly wrong with it (except grammatically there are a few sentences fragments, not full sentences, but I do this someimtes myself if I feel it suits the situation better than "playing by the rules", so I won't quibble with that).

Here's what I think would have put it over the top from good to great:

-Feeling! we get the actions (ie, "my eyes started to water") but almost none of the protagonist's feelings about what his wife is doing. Is he enjoying it or just putting up with it because he knows it turns her on? Is he starting to really dig it or just putting up with it because he will get to fuck her after? Is he worried she may take it too far, or comfortable to let her continue to her hearts desire? For me, what is going on in the head of characters is as important as what the rest of the body is doing.

-Sound - besides listing his 'bad behavior', is she making any sounds as she does this? Is he? any other dialogue while this is happening?

So you've got a good basic core, I just don't feel like this story is 'done' yet - needs more flesh on the bones, basically.

There's my $0.02; for you, no charge

 

[drsalt]

Feedback feedback...

Thanks for the critiques! Always food for thought.